in , , ,

Stepdad Asks If He’s Wrong To Not Tell Wife He Had To Pick Up Her Drunk Teen Daughter From A Party


Being a parent is not for everybody.

The job never ends and you’ll come across issues you never thought would happen.

Being a stepparent can be even more stressful.

There will be decisions you may need to hide.

Case in point…

Redditor friendlyneighborhere wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for not telling my wife that I picked her daughter up drunk from a house party?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I’m going to try to keep this short and simple.”

“I always tell my daughter and my stepdaughter if they’re ever in a situation that they need to get out of, just call me and I’ll drop whatever I’m doing and I will pick them up no questions asked no judgments made.”

“I let them know that I used to be a teenager once before, I told them everyone is entitled to make bad decisions every now and then.”

“We’re only human and it’s a part of life.”

“Last weekend I got a call from my stepdaughter (17), she told me she snuck out of the house and went to a party and had too much to drink.”

“She was scared of passing out at the party because there was people there she didn’t know.”

“I got there just in time, she was so drunk she couldn’t even walk.”

“I had to pick her up and carry her to the car.”

“I told her I was disappointed that she snuck out, but I also told her I was glad she made the right choice, the safe choice to have me pick her up.”

“I haven’t told my wife about it, because I don’t want to violate the deal I made with her.”

“I want her to know that she can trust me. I just hope I’m making the right choice.”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“I don’t think any teenager who has been grounded has been put off from doing it again because of that.

“He had told her ‘no questions asked.'”

“He has to honor that to establish trust.”

“If she does go out and drink again (she is 17, she is going to do it again whether she is punished or not) her safety is paramount.”

“She will now know that she will be safe to call him rather than dangerously stay at a party or get a lift with a stranger just so she doesn’t get into trouble.”

“He should, however, educate her fully about the dangers of putting herself in that position.”

“Hell, there are a shit load of horror stories on youtube about it.”

“Tell her about Brock Turner. OP. NAH.”   ~ eyeball-beesting

“Agreed, this is a tough situation.”

“On one hand, you don’t want the teenagers free roam to do whatever they please, and on the other, you need to give them some trust.”

” But, I dunno…sure, the first time is one thing.”

“But, I think it’s also equally important to let them know that that kind of behavior isn’t very ‘adultlike.'”

“There’s a reason drinking age is what it is.”

“And that tends to be because teenagers are not completely responsible for their actions, or smart enough to avoid the actions of others.”

“The experience is just not there yet.”

“I’ve wrestled this as my children quickly approach teenage party years.”

“I was there. I did stupid things.”

“It’s important to remind them to be responsible.”

“Getting drunk every weekend=problem with substances.”

“If it were me, and I’ve told my kids this before, you get a free pass, kiddo.”

“Try try try to be smart about what you are doing, and who you are doing it with.”

“And, if you find yourself in a bad situation, I’m there to help you get out.”

“But, maybe take this as a learning opportunity.”

“Sit down with the teen and say, ‘Okay, what went wrong here? And what can we do to make sure it doesn’t happen again?'”

“It’s okay to make mistakes.”

“Everyone makes mistakes.”

“But, if you continue to make the same mistake over and over again, then we have a problem.”

“Maybe take it as, Getting drunk at a party, and calling me for a ride home isn’t a punishable offense.”

“Sneaking out in the middle of the night, on the other hand… well, that’s the line.”

“If you want to go to a party, just ask.”

“If there will be drinking and drugs there, tell me before hand.”

“If I can trust you to be responsible, and not call me all sloppy drunk all the time, then I can trust that you can go and have a good time.”

“If I tell you you can’t go to the party, I will give you a good reason why you can’t.”  ~ b-monster666

“I think that if his wife does find out, she hopefully won’t be annoyed as she will recognise the importance of her daughter trusting OP.”

“My son is only 7 so he isn’t out getting drunk, but he will share things that have gone wrong with his stepdad that he won’t with me.”

“I appreciate that aspect of their bond and am grateful that he has someone supportive to turn to.”

“He’s told me about some, but to my dying day I will not call my son out on them.”

“It’s sorted, we move on.”

“OP can point out that if he had told her it might put her daughter off calling him in future.” ~ Bethlizardbreath

“I think the best bet is to let daughter know that just like she trusted him, his wife trusts him also, and that he doesn’t want to keep the secret from his wife, but it’s not his secret to tell.”

“He could encourage her to tell her mother what happened in the interest of trust and transparency.”

“And he will do what he can to mitigate any punishment.”

“But that it’s not worth either one of them damaging his wife’s trust by withholding it from her.”

“Leaving it in the daughters court shows he trusts her to make the right choice and puts the responsibility for transparency in her corner.”  ~ REDDIT

“I agree with this, NAH.”

“I can’t even trust my own parents enough to call them if I miss the BUS home from school because they always blow up and yell at me, telling me how irresponsible I am, how I’m 10 years they won’t be doing this anymore, etc.”

“Further, I learned I couldn’t tell my mom anything important because once I finally started getting better at handling my depression and told her I used to self harm.”

“And she went to my stepfather and told him.”

“The next day I forgot to take the trash out after cooking dinner and he yelled at me until I started crying and he got in my face and asked ‘Why the f-ck are you crying little girl? Awww, is the little b*tch gonna go cut her thighs for attention again?'”

“And after that I never told her anything that was wrong with me, not even when I started battling suicidal thoughts.”

“Having a parent you can count on is a big deal, especially when it comes to knowing that they won’t go running to the other parent with the information you trusted them with.”

“NAH OP, just let your daughter know that it’s dangerous to drink that much and that it’s better to be buzzed and safe then drunk and unable to handle yourself.”  ~ REDDIT

“NTA But you have to follow up with some conversations about responsible drinking and the laws and risks etc…”

“She put herself in a very vulnerable position and you want to use this as a point of education (not shame).”

“Otherwise you run the risk of enabling this and it becoming a real issue.”

“Tell her you are thankful that she called you but you also can’t hide her behavior from her mom and won’t in the future.”  ~ coswoofster

“NAH, but this is a tough one.”

“The best course of action would have been too make your wife aware of the deal beforehand, and maybe even convince her to agree to it as well.”

“Then, you wouldn’t have to keep secrets in your marriage.”

“As it stands, though, you can’t really tell your wife without violating the deal you made, and it’s important that your daughters are about to trust you.’

“Edit: changed Not the A**hole to No A**holes Here.”

“Normally I wouldn’t, but there’s no conceivable way either other party is an asshole here.”  ~ Alchemyst19

“NTA. You keeping your promise shows her that she can trust you in future situations.”

“If you break that promise she may not trust you, and may not call again.”  ~ happy-lil-hippie

“NAH. I would recommend ensuring your wife is both aware of the agreement and onboard with it.”

“She should know you are available to keep her daughter safe and be ok with not knowing about it to ensure her daughter continues to use you as a safety valve without fear of getting in trouble.”

“You’re a hero, and your wife can be too by supporting you.” ~ Trueslyforaniceguy

Well OP, Reddit agrees, you’re a good dad.

No matter what you chose to do, it feels like it’ll all work out.

Good luck.