Content Warning: Poor Parenting, Non-consensual Behavior, CPS False Alarm
Every parent is going to make mistakes along the way, and some of them can feel really cringey and stupid after the fact.
But there are mistakes that there is no coming back from, side-eyed the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Electrical-PAss460 was shocked when her daughter came home from her grandparents' house, her eyelashes having been cut by her grandmother.
But when the grandmother tried to say the granddaughter was lying, and later tried to pressure her granddaughter into changing her story, the Original Poster (OP) was disgusted and did not want her in their life anymore.
She asked the sub:
"AITAH for cutting my family off after my stepmom cut my daughter's eyelashes?"
The OP's daughter was very close to her grandparents, until recently.
"I (28 Female) have a daughter (8 Female), Marie. Marie spent every other weekend with my dad (60) and my stepmother (70)."
"They became extremely close as I was a single mom who worked two jobs, and they watched her so every day, so I didn't have to pay for daycare. Four years later and married now, I don't need the help anymore, but my daughter still spends a lot of time with them, because they're so close."
"The last time she stayed over there, she came back the next day with her eyelashes cut off. I cleaned her eyes and found the whole middle of the lash cut with just the ends remaining, so it's very noticeable."
"Marie had pink eye that developed overnight, according to my stepmom, and Marie woke up with the sticky stuff on her eye, unable to open it."
"My stepmom claims she used a warm washcloth, but Marie came home with her eyelashes cut on one eye with a completely different story."
"According to Marie, my stepmom got frustrated when the washcloth wasn't working, so she cut them. Marie said she told her not to do that and that my stepmom didn't listen."
"She also told me she didn't argue with my stepmom anymore because she had scissors to her face and was scared."
The OP was shocked by her stepmother's reaction to being called out.
"I immediately called my stepmom, and she didn't answer, so I texted her to call me when she had time, thinking I would just have an adult conversation with her."
"I called my dad to see if he could shed some light on the situation. He had no idea and was furious."
"She ended up calling me back, and instead of talking to m,e she started screaming at both me and Marie. She proceeded to call my daughter a liar, a terrible person, and delusional."
"I didn't like her reaction, so I hung up the phone."
"But I did question Marie if her story was 100% true, just to be sure we were on the same page. She didn't back down or change her story, so I believed her (and still do) and stood up for her."
"During the fit my stepmom was throwing, she started sending texts about how Marie should have blamed it on someone else and how awful of a child she is for betraying her grandmother like this."
"I told her I was standing up for Marie and eventually blocked her number because she wouldn't leave me alone."
The OP's stepmother continued to escalate the situation.
"The next day, my stepmom showed up at my house unannounced, demanding that I force my daughter to talk to her alone, and I didn't think it was a good idea, but I asked Marie if she would like to speak to her."
"She said no, so I didn't force her. My stepmother started screaming about how I needed to tell her she had to talk to her, and I told her no. I told her that she had no right to show up at my house unannounced, demanding anything, and to leave."
"After she finally left, she sent me a message on Facebook (I don't get on there much, so I forgot about blocking her there), saying she was just going to tell her to change the story and say someone else did it, and she would back her up to keep her from getting in trouble. So basically that she was going to tell her to lie."
"I called my dad to tell him about this, and he ignored me. After this, I decided she was no longer welcome in or around my home or around Marie."
Then the OP found out that this might not be the first time that her stepmother acted like this.
"I thought maybe something was wrong with my stepmom and that she might need medical attention, until my sister, who lived with them before, told me she'd dealt with something similar."
"They kicked her out, and I never really got to have a good relationship with her, but we still talk, and when I asked her about this, she said our stepmom apparently has a track record of doing weird things like that and then lying about it. She's unfortunately just crazy."
"According to my sister, when she was in high school, my stepmom had punched her, and they called the police on my sister and told the cops my sister punched her, then punched herself to try to pin the blame on our stepmom, and got her arrested."
"Had I known that before, I probably would've never left my kid with her. She was probably in her 50s around that time."
Then the OP realized that her dad wasn't on her side, either.
"I ended up having another conversation with my dad to tell him all of this, and I guess he believes my stepmom, even after I sent him screenshots with proof of everything."
"I told him he could still come see Marie but that my stepmom wasn't welcome in my home anymore."
"He said no and said he won't see Marie if my stepmom can't, but now he's running around to everyone, saying I won't let him see Marie."
"Then he started another fight with me over that, which resulted in me having to block him, too."
"Now that they can't reach me, they are both reaching out to the rest of the family and my in-laws to say I'm overreacting and to pressure me because I won't let them see Marie."
Then the OP's parents went two steps past "too far."
"They've even called CPS on me. They claimed all three of my children had no clothes, no food, and that my house was trashed."
"The CPS people took one look at my home and my kids playing together and asked why they were even there. When CPS realized it was a false report, they started an investigation against my stepmom and dad instead."
"The worst part, honestly, is that it wasn't even pink eye. My daughter's doctor confirmed she had allergies, and for the next two days, the same thing happened with her eyes. They never got stuck, not once, and calmed down with allergy medication. So the whole thing was unnecessary to begin with."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were shocked by the stepmother's behavior.
"Things on your body, like eyelashes and nose hairs, are literally there for a health reason. Got to thank Evolution for parts like that. So I would totally classify stepmom as assaulting the daughter." - Pizzaisbae13
"CUTTING HER EYELASHES WITHOUT HER 100% CONSENT IS ENOUGH TO CUT ANYONE OUT OF YOUR LIFE FOREVER!"
"The rest of it is absolutely terrible on its own, and to invite a GOVERNMENT agency into your orbit with NO CAUSE, merely as a revenge tactic, is deplorable. ANYONE who condones or supports this in any form, verbally, on social media, whispers, or gossip should be cut off immediately! No engagement, no response, no allowing them to plead their case…" - naynay55
"Scissors near my child's face? NO. You think my child has a contagious illness and don't contact me to make sure the treatment course is safe? NO!!"
"You then try to bully my child for telling the truth, then show up to my house to harass them?"
"She's lucky that a doorbell camera didn't catch this because I would have posted and sent it EVERYWHERE like the millennial I am. NTA." - Long-Oil-5608
"She assaulted your daughter and then tried to force her to lie about it. Call the police and report this to your child protective services department. The incident itself is bad enough, but the reaction and follow-ups are pure harassment."
"Get a lawyer. NTA. Holy eff, mamma, I'd be in jail by now." - sun4moon
"My question is, what exactly was the stepmom's endgame when she admitted why she wanted to talk to the daughter?"
"'You need to let me talk to her so I can tell her to change her story that someone else did it.' Like, did she expect OP to say, 'Of course, if you go in and talk with her privately and browbeat her into saying something completely different, this will all just be water under the bridge'?" - StrategicCarry
Others could not believe that the OP's parents went so far as to call CPS.
"Do you know how messed up and extreme it is to bring CPS into your life when she KNOWS she did what she did?! Sick."
"NTA, and you made the best decision by protecting your daughter. Make sure her school knows to take them off of the emergency cards, too, if they're on them!" - Mandiezie1
"I mean, cutting the eyelashes would probably be enough for me to refuse to let them be with my child unattended. It's pretty weird, dangerous, and I'd assume it's a sign of some form of dementia."
"But calling CPS? That would result in blocking everywhere and never letting them in the same building as any child of mine again." - chrestomancy
"While it's not good that she called CPS, it's good that they saw that your house and your kids are well looked after."
"But she certainly has some nerve to do that after what she did to your child. It is good that they're looking into her. I hope she gets charged with something or that at the very least, they grant you with a restraining order against her."
"If they don't suggest it, I would actually go try to get one myself. I would take it out against your father, too, seeing that he's taken her side." - Shankyho1
"I wonder if she had called CPS by the point when she wanted to talk to the daughter and, because of the false report, they were on her a**, so she tried to cover it up by getting the kid to lie about it." - LEPetiteSirene
"NTA. I think there's a particular place for people to go who try to jeopardize a parent's relationship with their children, and compromise the children's quality of life, by calling CPS out of SPITE."
"I had CPS show up because my pregnant downstairs neighbor was p**sed that I had kids with legs. She called because they ran down the hall with shoes on ONCE (I always made my kids leave their shoes at the door, but they were quicker than me that day, LOL)."
"She told CPS my kids had no food, dirty clothes, and that I beat them and locked them in their rooms all day. My front door opened into my kitchen. My fully stocked kitchen. My laundry room was next to the kitchen, with a load running when they showed up."
"My kids came out without a mark on them and said a polite hello. And the 'locking them in their rooms all day'? Door knobs are funny in the fact that they lock FROM THE INSIDE! And they never knew how the lock worked, but we had a plan for if they figured it out (picking interior door locks is a particular skill I have)."
"They stayed long enough to make sure the locks were indeed on the inside, apologized for wasting my time, joked with my kids about their favorite snacks, and left." - HeyPrettyLadyMaaam
Some were also saddened to see how the OP's father was enabling her stepmother.
"So your dad KNOWS his wife is a liar and decided to join her instead of sticking up for his daughter and granddaughter!" - madgeystardust
"So your father was willing to have your children legally removed from you and their home in support of his wife. He is as bad as she is."
"I would tell all and any family contacting you that if they support your dad's and step mum's abuse and lies, they can f**k off and never contact you again." - scooth
"Your stepmom is a narcissist, and your dad is an enabler."
"My mom is the same, and she keeps cutting my nephew's hair without my sister's consent. My sister never let them babysit again after it happened twice."
"And then my mom had the audacity to blatantly lie and blame it on my dad, who took all the false blame even without putting up a fight."
"I went no contact with them years and years ago because my mom kept abusing me in the house. And now, she starts to pick on my sister via her kids. My sister still sees my parents with her kids, but would never leave them alone with my parents anymore."
"Narcs do weird s**t that doesn't make sense and then act violently (like yours did) or play victim cards, but can never take accountability or apologize genuinely (they can fake one and then repeat the same stuff or do different weird things to you). Stay safe out there and protect your daughter from that monster of a stepmom!" - Jazz_kitty
"I would take a photo of Marie's eye and draft a message with Marie's version of events. Your version of how stepmom has spoken to you. The fact that she charged around, demanding to speak alone, and then the Facebook message saying that she pretty much admitted she wanted Marie to lie about her version of events... because it is the truth."
"How you banned MIL from seeing your daughter after her assault, frightening her. The aggression and the forced attempt to bully your daughter into lying. Say Dad has never been banned from seeing Marie, but stepmom has."
"But then dad started to get aggressive with you and confrontational so you blocked for peace of mind. Again, he is not banned from seeing Marie, but unless it is civi,l you will not keep pathways to abuse open."
"Copy and paste. I'd also report stepmom for assault. NTA." - Exotic-Rooster4427
"NTA. I can't stress how many red flags have been set off here."
"Trying to have a child lie for you is troubling. Has she asked the child to lie for her before?"
"Your father, I am assuming, is acting the way he is because of the idea of 'Happy Wife, Happy Life,' but he is wrong in his thinking. The fact that he is siding with his wife as opposed to his granddaughter tells you where his loyalties lie."
"I would just move forward and try to just not have these people in your lives. Make them into 'Holiday Family,' family members you only see on major holidays, if even then."
"Also, keep all evidence as a possible nuclear option." - Kooky-Situation3059
The subReddit was shocked by what the OP's daughter went through at her grandmother's hand, and they were grateful that the OP was protecting her and preventing anything like that from ever happening again.
The fact that the stepmom went so far as to call CPS was diabolical, but at least now, the person who deserved to be investigated actually was.
