When people learn they are going to be parents, one of the first thoughts that comes to mind is what they are going to name their child.
Even though they have nine months to make their final decision.
What they might not be prepared for, however, is that just about everyone they know will also have an opinion as to what they should name their child.
Strong opinions, at that.
A recent Redditor and her husband quickly decided on what they planned on naming their first child, should their child be a daughter.
However, much to the original poster (OP)’s surprise, she learned her stepmother did not share in her excitement in what they would name their baby.
Claiming that this name “belonged” to her.
Confused by her stepmother’s announcement, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not immediately agreeing to my stepmom’s request that we not use the chosen name for our baby?”
The OP explained why her stepmother was anything but thrilled to learn what she planned to name her first child:
“My husband and I have recently discovered I am pregnant.”
“I’m about 10 weeks along.”
“We’ve been so excited to tell our families and this week I told my dad and stepmom the news that we were expecting.”
“Note, they live in a different country to us and so I told them while I was visiting the country on a solo work trip.”
“They have been together for 10 years and did not begin their relationship until after I had graduated high school.”
“They were both very happy to hear our news and the past few days we have been chatting about all sorts of plans for the future when baby arrives.”
“Tonight, the last night of my trip, my stepmom shared that a few months ago she had heard me and my husband discussing baby names, specifically the fact that if it we had a baby girl we would like to name her Lia (Olivia as a full name, but Lia for short).”
“My stepmom told me that as Lia is her middle name, she would not be comfortable with the baby having ‘her’ name and therefore requested we don’t use it.”
“I was taken aback by this request and asked her to explain a little bit more, and she just repeated that this name belonged to her, her family used it, it was a special name, and that she would not be able to call our baby by that name if we chose it.”
“I am devastated as my husband and I loved this name.”
“We of course don’t know the gender yet, but have had this name picked out for a baby girl for months along with an accompanying middle name.”
“We did not pick Lia because it was my stepmom’s middle name – we do not call her by that name and even though her parents and siblings do, we are so rarely around them due to the distance so we hardly ever hear her referred to by that name.”
“My dad also does not use it when he speaks to her. It honestly only occurred to me weeks after we had settled on the name that it was also my stepmom’s middle name, and I thought it nothing more than a coincidence.”
“I asked for some time to think but I am inclined to decline her request as I don’t feel like it is her place to dictate this personal choice for us.”
“I feel like the choice of name is ruined now for us either way – if we don’t use it to please her, I may feel resentful for making the concession and if we do use it, I’ll feel like my stepmom will take it personally.”
“AITA if I tell her that while I appreciate her being honest with me, I can’t promise that we won’t go ahead and use the name we’ve had picked out for a while?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for moving forward with her planned name for her child.
Many agreed that no one had ownership of a name and the OP could name her child whatever she wanted.
Some were confused as to how “Lia” was a nickname for “Olivia”, and some felt that it was still too early to make a final decision as to what she and her husband were going to name their child:
“NTA.”
“But why can’t stepmom just call her Olivia if she has such an issue with it?”
“As for what you call your possible daughter, that has absolutely nothing to do with her, and you don’t even live in the same country.”
“This is why parents need to keep baby names to themselves until the kid is here.”
“Everyone thinks they get a say.”- Mommabroyles
“NTA.”
“No one ‘owns’ a name.”
“Name your baby, and call them whatever it is you want.”
“Stepmom has no say in the matter.”
“Think about how many kids were named Brittany, or Jennifer, or have the middle name of Lynn.”
“She doesn’t have to call your baby by your chosen nickname if she does not want to.”- toosheeptheorist
“NTA.”
“This is your baby, and you love the name.”
“That it happens to be your stepmother’s middle name that some of her family of origin call her, but that she is not known by in your current immediate family, means she has little valid claim to keep it to herself.”
“If it were the one name she was known by, and you and your father called her, it might be different.”
“But asking you to stay clear of using her middle name makes her the AH.”
“One girl I know is Olivia, and she goes by Liv.”
“Just a thought.”
“Kids like to change up their names in their teens.”
“You can give them a great name and a nickname, and they will end up going by something else later on.”
“Use the lovely names you’ve chosen.”
“Your stepmother will adapt.”- Euphoric_Travel2541
“NTA.”
“If she’s uncomfortable using the shortened nickname version (which based on how the post was written it seems to be the case) then she can call her by the full name instead.”
“No one owns names and especially with it being her middle name and not even her first which would make more sense she has even less grounds for being so adamant about it.”- SirenGoddess030
“NTA.”
“Your dad and stepmother are in a different country, realistically how often is she going to be around to be confused about whether or not you are talking to the baby or her?”
“That’s not even taking into consideration the fact that many families deliberately hand down names through every generation, so it’s not unusual to have an adult and child with the same name.”
“There are even cases where siblings marry partners with the same or similar names, or identical twins who were separated at birth who ended up married to people with the same name.”
“It’s not uncommon, it’s also not a problem, how insecure is your stepmother that she is threatened by the possibility of your baby being called by her middle name?”- ihadone
“NTA.”
“Stepmom is acting like hers is the only family to have ever lived with Lia as their names, when it’s actually relatively common.”
“Her opinion should have NO bearing on what you decide to name your kids.”
“The only opinions that matter are yours and your husbands.”
“Name the baby what you want.”
“My sister and her husband didn’t reveal the name of their first child until she was born because they didn’t want outsider opinions.”
“By the time they heard the name, they could judge all they want, but it was already her name so tough sh*t if they didn’t like it.”
“I distinctly remember being there when the grandparents heard the name for the first time, and the in-laws were clearly not happy with the name.”
“They tried to push their opinions about it, but ultimately, it came down to ‘accept that this is her name, or choose not to have a relationship with her’.”
“Never heard a peep about her name again.”- Stranger0nReddit
It’s rather surprising that anyone would react to learning a new baby in their family was going to share their name with anything other than excitement.
This leads one to wonder why the OP’s stepmother reacted in the manner that she did.
Perhaps the name doesn’t come with happy associations.
If that’s the case, it would have been better to be honest to the OP rather than give her such a cryptic response. Regardless, neither she nor anyone else on earth owns a name.
Nor can one imagine that the OP’s daughter will be the first Lia her stepmother has ever met in her life…