It's always a strange feeling when one's parents remarry, no matter how old you are.
This new marriage could serve as a reminder that their parents' marriage did not work out, or as an assumption that this new spouse will try to replace their mother or father.
Most of the time, however, people manage to develop healthy relationships with their stepparents.
Even that doesn't stop some from endlessly striving for validation and acceptance.
The father of Redditor Beneficial_Candle_13 remarried not long ago.
While the original poster (OP) had a generally solid relationship with her stepmother, her father still maintained that their bond could be stronger.
Particularly in one certain instance where the OP absolutely refused to budge.
Wondering if she was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH not calling my dad’s wife 'mom'?"
The OP explained why her father did not feel the OP was fully accepting of her stepmother:
"My 26 F[emale] dad 55 M[ale] married his wife 60F about 4-5yrs ago."
"My siblings and I don’t call her 'mom' and this has been the dividing factor between our dad and us."
"The separation of him from our mom was hard on everyone, but it is what it is; we can’t change the past."
"Ever since my dad remarried his wife, his goal has always been for us to call her 'mom'."
"No matter the conversations we have with him, he’ll throw this topic in at some point."
"I genuinely just don’t want to."
"No disrespect to her, I am always civil with her, and whenever she needs help, I help her — daughter tasks, etc etc. This is how I show respect."
"But my dad believes we don’t fully accept her until we call her 'mom'."
"Whether we want to accept her or not, she’s here; they’re remarried."
"I call her by her name."
"So AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community overwhelmingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to call her stepmother "mom".
"NTA."
"You were a full-grown adult before they were married."
"She isn’t your mom."
"She’s your dad’s wife."
"He’s the one hurting your relationship by insisting otherwise, and I’m sorry about that OP."- Saltynut99
"NTA."
"Marrying into a family with adult children, it would be exceptionally weird being called mom."
"She did not raise you, she has only been in the family a few years."
"Politeness and possibly friendliness would be a nice to have."
"Your dad is a bit off his nut."- Odd-End-1405
"NTA."
"Your father can’t force his adult children to call his new wife anything."- sleepingnightmare
"This is such weird behavior."
"Why would you call her mom ever?"
"You’re an adult; she had zero impact on raising you."
"I would die on this hill."
"NTA."- No-Long5784
"That’s ridiculous."
"My grown kids don’t call my husband 'Dad'."
"They already have a dad."
"Does your mom have a boyfriend?"
"Would your dad like it if you started calling him 'Dad'?"
"NTA."- LavenderPearlTea
"You ever bring this up again, and I won't even be calling you Dad anymore, Henry."
"NTA."- Joker121215
"NTA."
"'Dad she didn't raise us, she will never be our mom. Please stop asking."
"And add any consequences you feel like, such as limiting contact if he refuses to listen."- Silaquix
"NTA, this is ridiculous."
"I have stepkids who call me by my first name, and I've been around since they were very little."
"They already have a mom and dad; I'm just an extra father figure who loves them."
"I know they love me like a parent, and that's what matters, not what they call me."
"You're a grown woman."
"I can't fathom why your dad would ever expect you to look at his wife as a mom."
"She's not your mom, and she wasn't a mother figure growing up; she's simply your dad's wife."
"There's nothing wrong with that, and you may even grow to love her, but that still doesn't mean she's your mom."- castafobe
"NTA."
"Tell your dad to have a session with a therapist to address this specific issue."
"I am convinced that he will drop his obsession right after that."- Jocelyn-1973
"NTA."
"Your mom's not dead, and you're an adult now."
"You get to chose how to call her based on your own comfort level as long as it's respectful."- nickctn
"NTA! "
"Dad, I love you. I'm happy you are happy with (wife's name). But she is not my mom. She never will be, because I already have a mom. Please stop asking me to call her mom, because that will never happen, and by you continually bringing it up, it's actually making me resent this dynamic further'."- Anon_please123
"NTA but Dad is. he needs to get that his second wife is not a replacement 'mom' to his grown kids, and that their mother is still living."- Odd-Worth7752
"NTA."
"You should tell your father he's actually undermining your relationship with his wife by forcing this issue."- Low-maintenancegal
"NTA."
"She is not your mother."
"She is his wife."
"He is the AH for trying to force it."- Overall-Hour-5809
"NTA."
"Silly hill for your dad to die on."- pottersquash
"Wow!"
"NTA."
"You’re 26, not 2."- Shan33lah
"But… she’s not your mom."
"In any way, shape or form."
"You were already in your 20s when they married, and you have an actual mom."
"NTA and your dad is being completely unreasonable here."- RHND2020
"NTA."
"That's a big oh hell naw."- HoneyWyne
"NTA."
"It’s not like you’re a child with another female parental figure."
"You’re an adult yourself; if you’d met this woman socially, you’d call her by her first name."
"You already have a mother, and it’s exceedingly weird that he’s insisting on this."
"Does SHE want/expect you to call her mom?"- CrazyOldBag
"NTA."
"And you can tell your dad you don’t have to call him at all if he continues to push this."- Sad-Consequence1737
"If you were 3 or 4 when they got married, I would get the ask."
"At 18 to 20, no."
"Does she call you all 'her kids'?"
"It's kind of a strange ask."
"NTA."- BuddyGleeful
"lol NTA you’re 26 and already had a mom who raised you."
"Why is your dad doing this?"
"Can someone else in the family check him."- basicbong
"Sounds like she entered your lives when you were all adults, so at what point did she ever have the opportunity to do anything to earn that title?"
"Even if she met you before 18, you have a mom, and she ain't it."
"NTA."- NotYourMommyDear
"Ask him if he would be cool with you calling your mom's new husband Dad?"
"Wait he isn't, why then should his wife be called mom?"
"NTA let dad know if he keeps pushing this that you will be going very low contact until he can respect your decision."- Life-Wealth-3399
"NTA."
"You have a mom and this woman didn’t raise you."- Turbulent_Balance_77
"NTA."
"This is bizarre as hell from your dad."
"It'd be inappropriate even if you guys were all 15 years younger, but especially since he married this woman 5 years ago when you guys were all adults already!"
"'Dad, I'm not calling Sharon 'Mom' - I HAVE a mom, and Sharon's not it'."
"'I will not talk about this again and will end the conversation if you bring it up - please respect my answer'."
"And then start enforcing it, even if it means walking straight out of the room while he's talking to you or saying 'I'm going to end this call now, because I'm not talking about this again'."
"And hanging up."- helenaflowers
"NTA."
“'You’re absolutely right. I don’t accept her as my mom because she’s not my mom. I have a mom. And if you want me to accept her as your wife, you need to stop pushing for something you’re not going to get'.”- OkeyDokey654
"Of course you are NTA."
"Your father is if he is trying to force the issue."
"You have a mother."
"He is being highly disrespectful of both you and your actual mother by trying to insist on that."
"You need to tell him that."- LdiJ46
It would be one thing if the OP's father were a widower and her stepmother adopted her.
That is not the case, however, as the OP's mother is alive and well.
Even if that were the case, the OP had every right not to feel comfortable with it, as "mom" is a very specific term of affection people are rightfully selective about.
The OP's father should consider himself lucky that the OP and his wife are on good terms, and leave it at that.
