When people decide to have children, they will likely envision the kind of life they’d like to have with them, and they’ll likely do all that they can to make that happen.
But stealing should not be one of their methods, pointed out the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor kaylaharper90’s brother, sister-in-law, two nieces, and young nephew frequently visited her home for a few days at a time, and she thought that they were all one big, happy family.
But when she discovered that the family was stealing from her because of all she was able to provide for her daughter, the Original Poster (OP) didn’t think she’d ever be able to trust them again.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for demanding to check my brother’s girlfriend’s bags before they leave my house?”
The OP frequently hosted some of her family members in her home.
“I (39 Female) have a brother (32 Male), Chase, and he has been with this girl, Vivian (35 Female), \ for almost two years now.”
“About a month into their relationship, Vivian got pregnant with my nephew, who is now almost a year old. Vivian also has two daughters (5 Female and 8 Female) from a previous relationship.”
“Her daughters are very close in age to my daughter (7 Female), and up until last weekend, everyone got along fine.”
“They live in a different state from us but come to visit fairly often and stay with us because we have the extra room.”
But then the OP discovered something devastating.
“Last weekend, they came to stay again, and about an hour before they left, my daughter noticed that a few of her favorite toys were missing. The girls were playing all weekend, so I didn’t think much of it and offered to help her look for them.”
“After about 20 minutes of searching, we could not find the toys anywhere, so I asked Vivian’s girls if they remembered where they had been playing with them last. The girls said no but acted a little guilty about it.”
“I asked Chase and Vivian about it, and Chase said he saw the exact toys in the room that Vivian’s girls were sleeping in. We went to check and they were not there. He asked Vivian if she had moved them when she packed the girls’ things that morning, and she said they were not there.”
The OP then began to put the pieces together.
“We went back into the living room, and I saw Vivian’s girls huddled close together over a backpack and quickly closed it when they saw we were there.”
“Chase asked the girls again if they knew where the toys were, and this time they didn’t say anything and just looked at their mom.”
“Chase reached for the bag, and Vivian lost it. She started yelling at me about how dare I accuse her daughters of stealing, and she tried to snatch the bag away. Chase opened it, and there were the missing toys plus a few more.”
“I was absolutely furious. I told her I wanted to see what else she had and demanded she open the two suitcases. She said that was an invasion of her privacy and tried to take them and leave.”
“Chase stopped her and made her open them. She had taken several tops, a few skirts and dresses, and a brand new pair of Nikes that belonged to my daughter.”
“I took everything back and told her she and her girls were not allowed back into my home.”
The OP then got bombarded for “embarrassing” her sister-in-law.
“I have since received several texts from her and a few unknown numbers telling me I embarrassed her and upset her girls because they were promised the items.”
“She wanted me to pull her aside into a different room away from Chase and the kids to talk the situation out. She also demanded that I understand that my child has more than her three children combined.”
“Chase is upset with her, but said I was too mean to her in front of everyone and that I could have handled the situation more privately.”
“I do feel awful that her girls left crying, but am I wrong for how I handled the situation?”
“Also, I’ll be talking with my brother tonight or tomorrow to discuss things further.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that she was simply protecting items that were rightfully hers.
“NTA. You simply recovered legally owned property that was taken from you.”
“She can still get her kids those items, just not by stealing yours.”
“And they SHOULD be embarrassed! Just not because of you!” – Intelligent_Menu8004
“NTA. I may not have thought to open the suitcases, I would have thought the girls just stole the toys, but the clothes make it seem like it was Vivian’s act, especially if the girls ‘were promised’ them.”
“Who else would promise them? Your Brother, his wife, and children/stepchildren shouldn’t be invited back. Anyone saying anything to you can host them themselves or shut the f**k up.” – Sparklingwine23
“You know what’s an easy way to not be embarrassed for getting caught stealing? Not stealing in the first place.”
“I feel terrible for the children involved, and I hope they learn a good lesson from this situation, but considering their mother is a thief, I doubt they will learn the right lesson.” – drawkward101
“Definitely NTA. Sounds like Vivian was trying to get a head start on her holiday shopping at your expense. Maybe she can teach her girls about the real meaning of Christmas next year.” – outrageousconfetti
“Absolutely NTA.”
“You don’t need to accommodate the feelings of thieves. She should feel embarrassed.”
“Her girls are crying because their mother is a filthy thief and a liar. Not your problem.” – BulbasaurRanch
“NTA. She’s a thief, and she’s teaching her kids to be thieves. She embarrassed herself. Being a thief is bad enough, but stealing from family and children is some low-bottom crap.”
“Your brother knew something was up. I wonder who else she’s stolen from. She promised her kids stolen items?”
“So what? You did nothing wrong. She’s embarrassed instead of being ashamed. Forget her.” – Vandreeson
“I don’t understand how OP could think she’s the a-hole here. This piece of s**t stole after they were nice enough to let them in their house. And I’m guessing this isn’t the first time. I’d be willing to bet she’s done it quite a few times and just hasn’t been caught.”
“The fact that she’s teaching her kids that this behavior is okay is even more shameful.”
“Also, who cares if she is embarrassed??!?? She stole and got caught. She should be both embarrassed and ashamed. I would’ve dumped their stuff out and went through all of it.”
“I don’t care if that hurts her feelings. You lose the right to privacy once you start stealing from me after I let you into my house. I’d never let her back into my home again.”
“Anyway, NTA.” – YoureNotSpeshul
Others agreed and urged the OP to set the record straight with the rest of the family.
“NTA, OP! She SHOULD be embarrassed!”
“I’d text the whole family telling them what happened. Make them aware so they can keep her and her gremlins from stealing at their houses.”
“OP didn’t deny the girls anything. The girls and that mom conspired to steal from the daughter. It’s evil, and the mom is passing it on. They’ve probably done this at least one other time if the girls knew to keep quiet about it.”
“OP’s brother should lock his credit down and do a credit report to make sure she’s not bankrupting him with loans and credit cards. It’s a thing this kind of people do!” – oldtimehawkey
“NTA. I do hope your brother reconsiders his relationship with Vivian, though, YIKES.”
“Next thing, bro will find out is that the cops are detaining them because all this stuff from the store happened to be in their bags as they walked out.” – SoftwareMaintenance
“The text messages from other numbers are either direct harassment from her crazy a** or harassment by proxy from people she enlisted to bother you.”
“That’s evidence. I’d make sure your brother knows about it. She couldn’t have been ‘so embarrassed’ if she’s running around telling people… she’s playing the victim.”
“Save the text messages from the unknown numbers and forward them to your brother. Either he can use them to show state of mind for custody, or at least recognize she has other numbers for her schemes.” – Myay-4111
“I’m sorry, OP, but she’s definitely stolen from you before. And that’s not your problem (in regards to her kids not having as much stuff). Nobody told her to have three kids, she clearly can’t comfortably afford. That’s on her, and it doesn’t mean she gets to steal from you.”
“I hope you never let her back in your home because she’ll do this again. Same with the two girls. Their mother probably already told them you’re the reason they didn’t get those things, and we already know she’s teaching them to steal. At this point, she and her two daughters shouldn’t ever be allowed in your house.” – fishebakee
“NTA. But I would like to add that the timing of her quick pregnancy is suspect, with her behavior of stealing your daughter’s things and acting entitled to taking them, it feels like she hooked up with your brother for financial reasons.”
“Your brother may consider requesting a paternity test if/when he decides to end the relationship.”
“I’m wondering how casual she was with her birth control and probably sought to trap your brother on purpose.”
“Also, NTA, had that been me, I would have already gone scorched earth with the entire family over this.” – Far-Dare-6458
The subReddit was sure that this was an embarrassing moment for the OP’s sister-in-law, but they ensured that it should be embarrassing for her and that she should learn something from this.
It was unfortunate what her daughters likely had learned from the situation, though, as they would likely believe their mother that the OP was cruel rather than that their mother was a thief.