Everyone deserves the right to privacy.
With that in mind, some people don’t mind being open about even the most intimate details of their personal lives, both with their closest friends and family, as well as those they barely know.
Others however like to keep their personal lives personal, and are understandably offended when people begin to pry into matters which do not concern them.
Redditor Outrageous-River3744 found themselves taken by surprise by one of their classmates after they asked them a very personal question.
One which made the original poster (OP) incredibly uncomfortable.
Questioning how to handle the delicate situation they found themselves in, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“WIBTA if I reported a classmate for asking me a personal question?”
The OP shared how a classmate asking for help with an assignment quickly turned into a very uncomfortable situation.
“I was sitting in algebra 2 class doing IXL and I was zoned out on doing the assignment so I didn’t hear the guy next to me trying to ask me for my help on something.”
“He eventually got my attention and this conversation happened:”
“Me: Hey, what’s up?”
“Him: Can you help me get to the assignment?”
“Me: Sure, no problem.”
“Let me see your computer real quick.”
“Him:(hands me the computer) Are you still a virgin?”
“Me:(looks at him wide eyed) What did you just say?”
“Him:(grinning) Nothing.”
“At this point, I was shaking, my heart was pounding, and I started breathing shakily.”
“I almost dropped the computer from how bad I was shaking and he was sitting there just staring at me.”
“I was so uncomfortable that I hurried and helped him get to where he needed to go to get the assignment done.”
“After that, I was shaking and my heart was pounding so much that I couldn’t focus on my assignment.”
“I don’t know if I should tell my algebra 2 what happened or if I should wait a few days to see what else he does just in case.”
“WIBTA if I tell my teacher what happened?”
“I reacted so extreme to that question because I’ve been hurt in the past that way and it triggered something.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP would not be the a**hole for reporting the inappropriate behavior of her classmate.
Everyone agreed that the conduct of the OP’s classmate needed to be reported to someone, as behavior like that shouldn’t be tolerated.
“NTA.”
“Sorry that happened OP.”
“I would report to your guidance counselor and escalate up the chain if necessary.”
“If that happens again, close his laptop, hand it back, and tell him to eff right off.”
“’That was wildly inappropriate’.”
“‘Go find someone else to help with your assignment’.”- lizzylou365
“NTA.”
“I wouldn’t think you’d be the AH if you told administration.”
“Of course you realize he asked that not out of sincere interest but to get a reaction out of you.”
“Personally, I’d answer a stupid question with a stupid answer.”
“Him: Are you a virgin?”
“Me: (straight face) why is your mom interested?”
“It might get you in trouble, so use with discretion.”- sofia1687
“YWNBTA.”
“Dude, I hate these douchy ass guys.”
“They suck so bad.”
“Please do report, hopefully he gets in trouble.”- Logan18880
“YWNBTA.”
“I’m sorry you had to experience that.’
“That’s incredibly inappropriate and uncomfortable.”
“Report him if you feel safe and ready to do so, and if you receive push back or it gets blown off.’
“Please don’t hesitate to bring this to your parents or other trusted adults who will take your side.’
“All to often, schools brush off any concerns that students bring to them simply because they aren’t adults.”
“Try to be strong and professional in your wording, and tell them you will be involving more people if they do not respond appropriately to the matter.”- Flashy_Front_5801
“NTA.”
“Let them know, if this is a recurring behavior it will always be better that there’s a record.”
“Other than that they may move you or just keep an eye on him more than they were.”
“There’s nothing bad that would come from it and you may help future students as well.”- Drewstosay
“NTA.”
“Boys think that sh*t is okay and it’s NOT.”
“Report him.”- Nuttonbutton
“NTA.”
“This was deliberate on his part.”- thirdtryisthecharm
“NTA.”
“I honestly doubt reporting it would do anything, you should, anyway, because in my experience, schools don’t give a sh*t.”
“But next time, and there will be a next time either with him or several other men, I would make him as uncomfortable as possible in that very moment.”
“‘Why would you ask me if I’m still a virgin?'”
“‘Do you have a deficiency?'”
“And do not help him, do not nervously laugh, do not ignore it.”
“I know it’s scary and you don’t want to be drama or bring attention to yourself but these dudes learn the hard way and people need to be made aware of a creep.”
“Especially since some of them might escalate and try to actually hurt you.”- PopK0rnAndMMs
“NTA.”
“Please report him.”
“This is harassment.”- magicgreens
“NTA.”
“But I think you might derive a more long-term feeling of empowerment by handling this yourself.”
“It requires role-playing with someone you trust, until you are comfortable using a tone of voice that’s assertive, calm but firm.”
“You don’t want to appear upset.”
“You want to be able to look him in the eye and tell him you don’t appreciate his sense of humor and if he ever wants your help in class again, he can skip the obnoxious questions.”
“Tell him he knows better than to behave like a brat.”
“Then walk away.”
“I recommend this because you simply can’t always count on teachers or administrators to get the message across, but you can count on yourself.”
“If he persists, then you can escalate, saying ‘he’s been warned’.”
“But chances are that he will realize you’re not afraid of him, or impressed by him, and are not someone he should try to mess with.”
“You will feel stronger than you would just quaking in your boots and hoping to be rescued.”
“Just my opinion and I’m ready for the down-votes.”- PandoraClove
“That’s no one’s business but yours.’
“NTA.”
“Say something to someone in charge.”- samattos
“Hi op you would be NTA, please tell your teacher or any other adult you feel comfortable with.”
“You wouldn’t be overreacting, he needs to learn that it’s not appropriate to say those kinds of things.”
“I am so sorry you went through this.”- rilatooma444
“Looks like he got the reaction he wanted.”
“Tell him to mind his own damn business and go about your day.”- Empress_Clementine
“NTA.”
“DO escalate this.”
“His question was completely inappropriate.”
“Please do not ever let people treat you like this; it is wrong and deserves your disdain.”-Huge_Industry_1259
“NTA.”
“However, I’m confused on what exactly telling your teacher is going to do.”
“‘He made an inappropriate comment to me’.’
“I don’t think anything is really going to come of that.”
“If he starts sexually harassing you after you’ve said no then absolutely report him.”
“You also need to maybe see a counselor for the reaction, an inappropriate question in a classroom full of students shouldn’t be bringing you close to a panic attack.”- DismalDally
“OP that’s sexual harassment.”
“Report it.”
“NTA.”- ThxItsadisorder
“What he asked you was none of his business! “
“You didn’t respond which is good!”
“My question is why did you get so upset?”
“I think you need to think about your reaction!”
“Lots of people may over your life time will ask you questions that are none of their business.”
“I would either not answer or tell them it’s non of your business.”- Amazing_Rise9640
“Man you gotta grow some tougher skin.”
“Like all he did is ask you an inappropriate question.”
“Next time just literally tell him to fuck off and that you aren’t helping him.”
“These people are going to exist your entire life and you can’t let someone get to you so easily or life is going to be really rough.”- Squish_the_android
“NTA.”
“Yes you should.”
“Because this type of sh*t from teenage boys needs to stop!”
“I had stuff like that happen to me when I was 15-17 in high school and I was NOT prepared on how to deal with that.”
“It felt very uncomfortable and it felt demeaning.”
“It’s harassment.”- SpecialistAfter511
It doesn’t even matter what the intentions of the OP’s classmate were.
The answer to their question was nobody’s business except the OP, who was under no obligation to answer.
Here’s hoping that after receiving a talking to by the applicable school authority, the OP’s classmate will think a bit more carefully about how they talk to their classmates going forward.