Many teachers have strict rules about phone use. But when those rules are broken, how far is too far when it comes to disciplining the student?
A young person on Reddit found themself in the midst of this conflict when their phone was confiscated by their teacher, who then read all of their texts.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by OccultPriest on the site, felt like their privacy had been violated. But they weren't quite sure about how they responded.
So they went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
OP asked:
"AITA? My teacher took my phone because I was on it in class, she made me open it and let her read through very personal text messages with my mom."
They explained:
"It's exam week at my school and I was in my English class. 90% of teachers at our school let you go on your phone after your finished with your exam, so after I competed everything I needed to do for English I started reading. I then opened my phone to text my mom a question about some money stuff going on with me."
"The teacher told me to put it away, and I finished up my text message and then put it way. She then told me to put it up on her desk for the rest of the hour. So I placed it on her desk and went back to reading."
"About five minutes before the bell rang I went up to her desk to get my phone and before I could say anything she just said 'I'll talk to you at the end of the hour.' Okay, weird, this has never happened to me before."
"The bell rings and I go up to her desk to retrieve my phone and get scolded. She picks up my phone and gives me the lecture about being on my phone and not putting it away immediately after being told to. She then hands me my phone and asks to unlock it, so I do."
"She asks me to show her my text messages, I hold up the phone so that she can see that I was texting my mom, but not close enough to see the conversation. She then tells me to hand the phone so she can read my messages, I start to kind of argue against it, but she's insistent and takes the phone from me."
"She scrolled around for a bit and read my personal text messages to my mom. She gave me the 'was this really important enough to be doing during my class?' And I said no, even though it actually was very important to me."
"She did this all in front of my classmates who were watching. I realize that I probably shouldn't assume that all the teachers have the same rules, but was she really justified to read my text messages?"
Redditors were then asked to judge who was in the wrong in this situation based on the following categories:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
And they were pretty firmly on OP's side on this one.
"NTA - I would take this issue to the principal. Teachers aren't allowed to do that."
"Edit: Go to the principal with your parents. This is probably important." --Chappo-1205
"I've worked as a relief teacher after I finished my masters and when I took a phone of a student I NEVER physically touched it."
"They had to get up from their seat, place it on my desk and if it was to be confiscated. I walked them to the office, they were handed an envelope write their name on it and then close it."
"This was all due to liability. So taking it and additionally going through your phone is a huge no-no and as a relief, that would've been my last day working for that school and probably for the entire district."
"Onto the ruling: You should've confirmed her rules first, so this wasn't the best move. But her actually looking through your phone trumps anything, so NTA." --Icy_Appeal4472
"Texting during class is small potatoes compared to the trouble this teacher could and should get into for reading through your personal messages like that. If I was your parent, I'd be raising hell. If for some reason your parents don't accompany you, I would still go to the principal, because it's very likely that you're not the only student she has done this to or will do this to in the future, and it's not okay."
"Editing to add that you should make sure you mention her judgey comment after she read those messages. She had no right to be looking through them in the first place, and she ESPECIALLY had no right to be commenting on your personal circumstances or taking it upon herself to deem whether they seem 'important' enough to her or not."
"If she was that upset about you texting, she could have given you an appropriate consequence, like detention (or just having you put the phone on her desk, like she did). There was no excuse for this invasion of privacy." --athymeforclues
"NTA. Please tell your parents."
"As a parent, I can say with complete honesty, I would have gone into that school riding a pale horse holding the reins in my teeth so I could put on my spike toed boots. HELL NO. You want to know what is on my kid's phone then you call ME."
"Then, if I am not busy, I will come down, talk to my kid ALONE. My kid and I will decide if it is okay to tell you what is on it. At no time will anyone touch my kid's phone, or my kid. This make me very angry." --LastCall4Coffee
"NTA and big hell no she wasn't justified. This teacher has a power trip. Tell your mom or your principals and apologize for being on your phone but that it's unacceptable to invade a student's privacy in that manner. I've had teachers do this before to other students when I was a kid and there should be consequences." --grandgrimes
Hopefully OP can work this out with their teacher.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.