Sunday dinners are a tradition in some families.
As kids age and establish their own households, the tradition can continue in the original family home or move between houses so everyone gets a turn hosting.
One such Redditor turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Training-Baby2 asked:
“AITA for refusing to take my turn hosting family dinners after everyone always bails on mine?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (24, female) come from a family that values big Sunday dinners, and we’ve always rotated between whose house we gather at. The idea is that everyone contributes by hosting one of these dinners, but recently, it feels like I’m the only one actually holding up my end of the bargain.”
“Every time it’s my turn to host, my siblings and even my parents seem to come up with last-minute excuses to skip. The last time I prepared a full meal, my sister canceled an hour before because she ‘wasn’t feeling well’ and my brother had ‘work stuff’.”
“I spent hours prepping and even made special dishes that everyone usually loves. This has happened several times now, and I’m starting to feel like my effort isn’t being appreciated.”
“Last week, it was my mom’s turn to host, and everyone showed up—no excuses, no last-minute cancellations. Now, my turn is coming up again, and I don’t feel like going through all the effort when no one ever shows up.
“When I told my family that I was thinking of skipping my turn and letting someone else host, they got upset. My dad said I was being dramatic and that it’s just how family is sometimes, but I can’t help but feel like I’m always the one getting the short end of the stick.”
“It’s really frustrating when I feel like I’m the only one putting in the effort and everyone just bails on me. If they keep canceling on me, it’s only fair that I take a break from hosting until everyone starts respecting the commitment.”
“Every time it’s my turn, they all come up with some excuse to bail, and I’m just left wondering why I bother. I’ve put in so much effort, but at this point, I’m thinking enough is enough.”
“This has happened multiple times now. I’ve spent hours preparing special dishes and making sure everything was perfect, only for everyone to cancel at the last minute.”
“It’s incredibly frustrating and feels so disrespectful. If family means showing up for each other, they should stick to their word when they say they’ll be there.”
“AITA for refusing to host family dinners when no one ever shows up to mine?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I refused to take my turn hosting family dinners after everyone kept bailing on mine without a good reason.”
“Some people might say I’m being petty by not hosting my turn and that I should just let it go because family is family. They might think I’m overreacting to a few missed dinners and not contributing equally anymore.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“If you decide to host anyway, make a big pot of Chili that you can freeze if they don’t come. Or something else you can freeze. If they complain, just mention the last time, and say you would not waste food again.”
“Do the dinner one or two times again. Two, because after you mentioned it to them, they will try to be on better behavior. NTA.” ~ charstella
“And make the food you want to eat. NTA. No more catering to guests that don’t show. Make something you want leftovers of so that it’s no loss to you.” ~ Motor_Dark6406
“I’d just make up your favorite foods that freeze well, and when they don’t show up, you have a stack of meal prep done. I’d also keep track of what’s happening so you can discuss it further with them to show it’s a pattern of disrespect not a random occurrence.”
“That is if you want to stay in contact with them, that is. NTA, and also point out that the notice given to you was unacceptable. If things like sickness or work obligations happen, they surely have more than an hour’s notice and should prioritize letting you know.” ~ wrathofworlds
“I’d literally get a paper calendar and mark all the weeks that you were supposed to host and all the weeks no one showed. Then they can physically see why you are so upset and how often they are actually ditching you.”
“It’ll make it harder for them to brush off the pattern when it’s visually in front of them.”
“If you really want to drive it home, price out how much it costs you to make these meals so you can also show them how much money they are making you throw away when they skip out on you.”
“I also like the idea to make freezable stuff. But honestly, I’d give them another chance or two before just quitting altogether. It’s just not fair to you, but they might not realize how often it happens. NTA.” ~ Illustrious_Bobcat
“Don’t refuse to host, but switch your meal planning to something VERY easy to scale up/down, or save for later in the freezer. I’d be doing spaghetti with store bought sauce, or a batch of soup that can go in the freezer if they cancel.” ~ ria1024
“NTA, especially if this is happening often.”
“I’d invite them again, and when everyone arrives, have a few appetizers and order pizza, once you know how many people are there. Then you aren’t putting out much effort or cost up front.”
“And if anyone complains, remind them that you’ve on multiple occasions made a whole big dinner and none or few show up.” ~ Jerseygirl2468
“There’s a dynamic at play. OP and sibs wouldn’t dream of disrespecting Mum and Dad by ducking out last minute. They probably think they’ll get ‘what for’ if they do. Whereas OP’s not as important, in their eyes.”
“I’d love to know where she falls on the scale of Oldest to Youngest.”
“But Dad telling her to suck it up etc and that’s how family is is just because OP is shining a light on the disrespect—i.e. rocking the boat. He can’t have that, in case this skipping-dinner palaver is just the tip of the iceberg of the disrespect.”
“Or, he just doesn’t like boat-rocking because he wants peace and harmony. ‘Why can’t you all just get along‽‽’.” ~ Mummysews
“NTA. If they really want you to host, wait for them to arrive and order pizza. Why put effort into making special dishes?”
“If they complain, tell them you weren’t sure how many of them would actually bother to show up, so you decided to make it easy on yourself.” ~ Jazzlike-Bird-3192
The OP provided an update with some thoughts about what to do in the future.
“I’m definitely going to have a conversation with them to see if we can figure out a way that feels more fair for everyone. A rotation system where anyone who cancels has to skip the next dinner would definitely help with accountability.”
“Or agreeing to host, but setting a clear boundary—if they bail last minute, I won’t attend future dinners. It might help them understand how frustrating it is when people don’t show up.”
“I’ve definitely noticed a pattern of last minute cancellations, so it’s probably time I brought this up more directly with them. The short notice they’ve been giving me is just unfair especially when I’ve been putting in so much effort.”
“I like your suggestion of hosting, but with low-effort dishes that won’t go to waste if people cancel. I think simplifying things might help me feel less stressed about hosting, and if they miss out on their favorite dishes, that’s on them!”
“Why put in the effort when there’s no guarantee they’ll even show up?”
“Waiting until they actually arrive and then ordering pizza or maybe just some appetizers sounds like a perfect way to avoid wasting time and energy. If they don’t like it, they can’t really complain since I’ve been left hanging so many times already.”
“I also love the thought of just serving something easy like frozen pizza or sandwiches, something that doesn’t go to waste if no one shows up. If they don’t like it, well, at least I didn’t spend hours cooking for nothing. Definitely something to consider for next time!”
“Pasta and garlic bread also sounds perfect! Simple, delicious, and easy to make without a ton of stress. If no one shows up, at least it’s not a huge time investment, and I’ll have leftovers for myself.”
“I think I’ll try to make food that can freeze next time, just in case.”
“I just want things to feel more equal instead of resorting to games. I’ll definitely have to think about how to handle it from here.”
Communicating clearly with their family sounds like a good idea. Maybe there’s a reason behind the cancellations.
And keeping meals simple should reduce the stress involved for OP.