Vacations can be stressful.
Many people often say they need a vacation from their vacation.
And planning vacations with multiple families and children can be nearly impossible.
That’s why traveling families like to keep it simple.
That’s also why surprise visits and unplanned drop-ins can rock the boat.
Redditor Significant_Cook_160 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for making my in-laws stay in a hotel after they surprised us on our family vacation?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (37 F[emale]) took a beach vacation with my husband (40 M[ale]) and our 3 kids (4, 2, 3 months).”
“We also invited his sister, husband, and 2 kids (4, and 3) as we had a detached bedroom from the main house and we genuinely like hanging out with them.”
“I told her we wanted to keep it small this year since we have a new baby, I’m pretty fresh postpartum and I didn’t want it to be too stressful.”
“While we were at the beach we saw my M[other]-I[n]-L[aw], F[ather]-I[n]-L[aw], S[tep]S[on] (20) and his G[irl]F[riend] pull up.”
“This is a 3-hour drive from where we live.”
“They came to surprise us at the beach since we hadn’t seen my SS in 2 months.”
“My S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw] said they’ve been planning this for weeks and she gave them the mile marker.”
“This was a cool surprise, but afterward they expected to stay with us in our 1 bedroom/1 bath rental house with no real doors (only sliding doors).”
“They had no plans for lodging or eating, so we got to work to make dinner which was fine because I had packed extra food.”
“Due to space constraints, I put the baby down for a nap in the restroom (we had 2 pack-and-plays in there).”
“When I went back to check on him a little later, my SS & his GF were in the transparent glass shower together steps away from my 3-month-old baby.”
“I went back to the kitchen and told SIL they cannot stay with us.”
“My husband told them they could because he is out of touch with what that would actually mean (6 adults, 2 toddlers sharing one R[est]R[oom] where 2 babies are sleeping).”
“I told her what I just saw with SS and GF in the shower, again reminding her it’s too many people going in and out of the RR with 2 kids asleep in there.”
“She understood and started looking up hotels.”
“My SS’s GF was already scoping out the couch and she could have slept there but after wrestling 2 babies to sleep in the RR and my 4-year-old to sleep in the actual bed, the couch was the only place I could sit, and have a glass of wine at the end of the night in peace.”
“After getting a hotel room, they stayed at the beach house until midnight playing poker on the patio and shouting.”
“My husband asked his dad to please be quiet since the kids were sleeping and FIL loudly shouted ‘shut up’ and kept playing.”
“This has since caused major conflict with my husband as he believes we should have just let 4 additional people stay since ‘they are family.'”
“We paid for half the hotel room and my SIL paid for the other half.”
“For context, we have been to the beach one other time with my SIL (last year) but have never been with my MIL and FIL.”
“My SS has been gone for 2 months but will be in town the next 3 weeks, so it’s not like we wouldn’t have seen him the next day when we returned.”
“I understand they wanted this to be a fun surprise, but no one considered how this would impact us as a family traveling with 3 small children in a relatively small beach house.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for making my I[n]-L[aws] stay in a hotel after they surprised us on our family vacation?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA – No way, this is so rude and really stressful.”
“You need to put an end to all this now.”
“My aunt, uncle, and cousins did this to my parents for years.”
“They would show up with their family of 5 for Thanksgiving as a surprise and my mom would scramble to get extra food – american for the cousins and our ethnic food for the parents.”
“It was a nightmare but they never said anything because it was awkward and it went on for 30 years.”
“Say no now or all your future vacations will be ruined.” ~ Unhappy-Prune-9914
“I don’t know about you but I would be absolutely pi**ed if the only place I could put my child to sleep in their playpen was the bathroom.”
“And then I go to check on them to find not even 3 steps away was my SS and his GF together naked in the shower doing god knows what. NTA.” ~ CarefulSignal7854
“NTA – There is no way in hell I would allow any family to surprise me.”
“If I wanted them there, I would have invited them myself.”
“That’s a hard pass and they would be leaving asap for a hotel.”
“OP – think it might be time for you to stand up for yourself since your husband won’t.”
“Your mental health and children are important.” ~ BohoFox1
“Yeah, it’s a hell no.”
“Not only did they just appear, they didn’t plan for food or pay for their own hotel.”
“That’s rude and inconsiderate and it would be something that would make me not plan another damn thing with SIL either.”
“I don’t like these kinds of surprises. NTA.” ~ Mandiezie1
“NTA. Rude of them and rude of the SIL to have planned it/okayed it without thinking through the logistics.”
“I wouldn’t be planning any more combined holidays with SIL.”
“It was rude of the husband to think it was no big deal.”
“Suggests that you’re the primary kid-wrangler and this didn’t really affect him as much, which makes it worse.”
“Correct me if I’m wrong and I’ll update.” ~ embopbopbopdoowop
“I asked my wife W[hat] W[ould] Y[ou] D[o] in this situation?”
“She said she would tell the husband’s family to go to a hotel or she would be driving home with the children leaving him with the ILs.”
“They ruined your vacation, your husband owes you big time. NTA.” ~ GirlDad2023_
“NTA. It’s incredibly rude to show up with such a large noisy crowd and without any of their own food and lodging arrangements.” ~ Trespassingw
“NTA- that is not a nice surprise, it’s an ambush.”
“It sounds like your husband’s family has no boundaries and your husband has no spine.”
“Your SS also needs to learn some manners.”
“Why were he and GF using the bathroom where the kids were napping?”
“They should have used the one in SIL’s room.”
“Honestly, I’d have seriously contemplated packing up the kids and either getting myself a hotel room or going home and telling hubby to have a nice time with his family cuz he clearly only cares about himself and their feelings.”
“Not to mention it’s a fire and safety hazard to put that many adults in such a small room.”
“I can’t believe any hotel or vacation rental would allow it.” ~ Ornery-Process
“NTA- But also, info?”
“Can you please clarify what part of you as a mother didn’t flip s**t when 2 adults chose to ignorantly undress and shower in the same room as your sleeping baby?”
“I would have been grabbing hair and dragging them out naked.”
“Predators are most often those we think we can trust.”
“That aside, any sane adult wouldn’t just do that without alerting a parent or requesting the baby be moved.”
“If they surprised you in a one-bedroom space, why in the world would they jump straight in the shower for a couples cleanse?”
“It sounds like possibly they don’t have any social etiquette, and won’t learn to have any because you and hubby didn’t set any boundaries.” ~ nobody_knows27
“As soon as hubby had contradicted me in front of his parents, I would have taken the baby and gone to a hotel.”
“Leave the husband to figure out how to handle the two oldest children and the unexpected guests.”
“He is only able to make ‘they’re just family’ excuse because he knows you will step up and take care of the logistics.”
“Let him stew in the mess he is happy to make.” ~ CrankyWife
“NTA… but you have a husband problem.”
“No more vacations with ANY in-laws and you should have told the stepson and his GF to leave immediately.”
“They are so damn disrespectful!”
“So after your husband was told to ‘shut up’ In his own accommodation by a freeloading AH, he thinks you all should have let them stay? No.”
“They would be banned from the rest of the vacation and I would have been having some words with your husband.” ~ No-Abies-1232
“NTA. I would’ve been pissed. It’s not a surprise to invite additional people on a vacation.”
“It’s a disrespectful, selfish, nuisance.”
“I wouldn’t have paid for any part of their stay either.” ~ RandomReddit9791
“NTA. You had every right to want the space you rented to be peaceful.”
“Remember this and plan no combined vacation with any in-law in the future.”
“Tell your husband you don’t mind him seeing his family but you need to come first.” ~ Forward_Nothing5979
“Okay but… Why wasn’t your stepson already invited?”
“He’s only in town for three weeks and you’re on vacation without him?”
“And why would you get a place so small it can’t even fit the people you planned to go with—kids shouldn’t be sleeping in the bathroom.” ~ peachymoonfairy
OP responded…
“Stepson and GF have come with us every other year, but planned to be gone this summer.”
“This vacation was originally planned for July due to work schedules but had to be moved because of a hurricane.”
“The only time we could reschedule with the rental overlapped him coming home by 1 day.”
“If there was any advance communication that he wanted to come we would have made it happen, but communication from a 20-year-old isn’t that spectacular.”
“The babies slept in the bathroom area with sinks, shower, and garden tub.”
“There was an additional door for the toilet so no weird fecal matter after flushing happening.”
“I had them there as it was the back of the house and the quietest, the TV and kitchen were in the front and loudest.”
Reddit has your back OP.
You did what you thought was best for your family.
Your ILs, SS, and GF should have made plans for lodging, food, etc.
You wanted everyone to be comfortable.
Hopefully, this will all be settled calmly.
Good luck.