Any menstruating person knows the risks of wearing a white dress, or white pants during your period. But, if we choose to wear it we have to be prepared. That means bringing pads, tampons, and maybe a hoodie.
Redditor throwaway12393c encountered an issue with her friend. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to give my(19F) friend(21F) my top to cover her noticeable period stain?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Happened yesterday:”
“My friend insisted on wearing this knitted cream-colored bodycon dress, like the ones Kim Kardashian wears. Looks, structurally, like this -this matters in the story.”
‘Now, we’re planning on going to my friend’s house and he always blasts the heater. It’s actually kind of a long walk there but she says it’s too awkward for her outfit to wear a jacket over it and decides to just go in that.”
“Now, I wouldn’t have really cared but I know she’s on her period. This girl is 1. On her period 2. Not carrying a purse (or any period products) 3. Wearing a cream-colored dress she can’t take off or hide if something were to happen.”
“I tell her it’s not a good idea to wear that considering she’s on her period.”
“I tell her to at least wrap a cardigan around her waist, it looks cute, potentially warm her up, and she can use it to hide anything in the worst-case scenario.”
OP’s friend didn’t think she’d need it.
“She tells me she’s fine and she has a light flow. Okay, she’s a grown woman, I’ll leave her be. I’m wearing a random top and jeans.”
“We get there, ends up being boring, we just sit in the corner looking at our phones. We decide to bounce early, about 10 pm and we stand up and leave the house.”
“Surprise! She notices that she’s bled through her dress. It’s quite noticeable on her cream-colored dress.”
“I want to say I told you so, but okay all women have experienced this and I feel bad for her. I tell her to just ask the host if she can take his jacket.”
“She quite literally can’t change out of it anyway. She doesn’t even have to tell them why she really needs to she could say it’s cold if she’s uncomfortable, and I know the host isn’t immature and going to be grossed out by human bodily function.”
“She starts half-crying about how embarrassed she is, and how she wants to keep her dignity, especially around the host since he’s a guy she kind of likes. She asks me if I can take my top off so she can wrap it around her waist.”
OP was shocked.
“I was wearing a lacy bra, which could look like a lingerie top but like no.”
“I tell her no, I’m not taking my shirt off and walk down the street in my BRA 2/3 of my tits out in the cold. I’m not going to do that.”
“She tells me she would for me and that girls should help each other. I got pissed, told her to grow up, and ask the host for a spare jacket. She’s crying when I leave.”
“I come home and I tell my sister, thinking she’s going to agree with me. She says I had the right to do that, but it was an a**hole thing to do -as she says ‘kicking someone while they’re down.'”
“Proceeds to give me a long lesson on female unity and allyship. Now I feel like a POS, idk. If I was, I will apologize and work on myself, if not then I’ll probably stop being friends with her.”
“AITA?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“And for that, she wants you to… walk around in your bra? What about your dignity?”
“NTA.” ~ ieya404
“Yes! She’s expected to walk around half naked and cold while her friend is in layers from a problem she created.”
“NTA” ~ pawsitively_anon
“NTA… you told her beforehand to be prepared and she didn’t. You gave her advice to borrow his jacket, she didn’t. Hopefully it’s a lesson for her…. Never wear white when you’re due on.” ~ ListenHot8575
“NTA. I could almost see her point if it was an extra sweater you were carrying but no, she wanted you to walk around in your undergarments in public so that she could cover a stain that (at night) few people were likely to notice.” ~ Intelligent-Water998
“Also, why the heck did Op have to tell her to be prepared? She’s 21, she should be able to take care of herself (either it’s the jacket for outside or other period products). NTA.” ~ Logical_Practice5915
“OP isn’t the asshole for not giving up her shirt, but is nobody seeing the really easy solution of OP asking the host for the spare jacket?”
“Like, if she knows the host well enough to know he wouldn’t make a big deal out of a period, she is definitely close enough to him that she could help her friend out. ‘Hey, my friend forgot her jacket while we were rushing out of the house to come over earlier, think she can borrow one of yours?'”
“Like, I get that the friend kind of brought this on herself by not listening in the beginning, but I would still not really want to be friends with someone who would just drop me like that. Although, I am also not going to be an asshole and ask to steal my friend’s shirt so they can go parading themselves around in a bra either, so maybe my perspective is a little skewed.” ~ Frejian
It’s completely normal to get your period.
“She’s an adult who made her choice so she should’ve asked for the jacket herself. It’s not OPs fault whatsoever.” ~ Excellent-Ad-7347
“I’m not saying OP is at fault whatsoever. The option the friend gave of OP giving her shirt to her is ridiculous 100%. I’m just saying that there are more options here than for either OP to give this woman the literal shirt off her back or for OP to drop her like a sack of rotten potatoes.”
“There are middle grounds that could keep everyone happy. I mean, unless this is a frat party or something similar, don’t most people say goodbye to the hosts when they leave? How hard would it be to say goodbye and while saying goodbye add in a sentence asking for a spare jacket for her friend to borrow?” ~ Frejian
“You know what? You’re right that was the correct solution. Women are supposed to support each other. Sometimes that means one has to remember that they may feel more comfortable than the other. You’re just right.” ~ DependentSolid1160
“Omg this. Asking op for her top isn’t reasonable but she was probably panicking and not thinking clearly. Op just LEFT HER THERE?!?!?! That’s so messed up. Yeah. She made a mistake. Everyone makes bad choices sometimes. You don’t just leave her there tho. Be a friend and ask the host for a hoodie or jacket. Find the middle ground. Are you kidding? ESH.” ~ obiwantogooutside
“Also, how is the shirt going to cover something halfway down her dress and how will it save her dignity? People will still know what happened, because why else would OP be half naked and give her friend her shirt.” ~ Tiny_Dancer97
There were other options.
“Ugh. I had a friend like this who swore it would never be an issue.”
“It was always an issue. I don’t know how she didn’t end up with all of her clothes ruined, but she also expected me (and anyone else in our friend group) to keep extra clothes and product on hand to bail her out.”
“After about six months of this, we just stopped because there was zero reciprocation. NTA” ~ shopgirl2
“This. I have actually avoided buying white pants for a long time because I had a heavy flow and irregular periods and didn’t want to think about whether or not I’ll get a nasty surprise while wearing them. Wearing light color on purpose and then expecting someone else to solve your problem? Talk about being entitled.” ~ dealing_with_living
“NTA. There is only a limit to you being an ally and helping another woman. I have come across so many women like her who are extremely careless and too lazy to take precautionary measures, in case there is a leakage. And each time, I have to run around and get them pads, etc etc. It got so bad that I stopped hanging out with such women.”
“For instance, I had a friend who would NEVER carry a sanitary pad and EACH time she would get her period, she would ask me to lend her one. I had no problem helping. But even after she knew she is on her period, she would never get an extra with her in case of leakage.”
“So basically, each time she got period, I would have to lend her at least 2-3 pads EVERYTIME. She never learnt. Sorry but if you don’t care enough about yourself, I don’t see why I should. Especially on the rare occasions when my period surprised me, she could neither lend me pads nor did she try asking around to help me. I had to get help myself.”
“So much for supporting the wrong women.” ~ corgipuppy765
OP tried to help her before they left for the party.