“Mama Bear” instinct is real, y’all, and regardless of the situation, no one wants to see their child upset.
But when unwarranted actions and words by someone – especially a trusted adult – causes a child distress, Mama Bear takes on a new form altogether… and rightfully so.
A mom on Reddit was upset after her child was shamed by her teacher for writing her name on her new school supplies, so she turned to the “Am I The A**hole Here” (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor MoviegoingArtist asked:
“AITAH for Writing my little girl’s name on every single school supplies?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So I’m (31/F[emale]) an adoptive mom to an 8-year-old girl named Lilly.”
“We decided to go school supply shopping because I enrolled her in a before-school-starts program.”
“A month before school starts, they learn some extracurricular stuff.”
“Lily really wanted to join the program, so we went out and bought all the school supplies.”
“I have had problems with people stealing from Lily, so I made sure to mark everything.”
“We bought all the required supplies, including a clear backpack.”
“To prevent theft, I used E6000 glue to put her name on the clear backpack so no one could take it.”
“It’s bound to happen otherwise.”
“We got a really cute pencil pouch, and I wrote her name with a Sharpie on the inside of the pouch.”
“I also wrote her name on the box of markers and every individual marker.”
“I did the same with the scissors and the glue stick.”
“I basically wrote her name on everything to prevent theft.”
“I sent her to the program, but when Lily came home, she was upset (though not crying).”
“Apparently, we weren’t supposed to write names on the school supplies because everything was going to be mixed up and distributed to everyone.”
“I called the teacher, and they explained that they didn’t have enough money to get every single kid their own supplies, so they planned on distributing the supplies evenly.”
“The teacher shamed Lily for it.”
“Now, I don’t know what to do.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on the situation and declared OP is not the a**hole (NTA) in this situation, many stating that parents should be notified if supplies are to be shared amongst other students.
“NTA. If schools have trouble getting supplies for all students, then they should make that announcement so parents can volunteer to pitch in extra for kids who go without.”
“I will never understand shaming parents and kids for wanting to use their own supplies.” – PetrockX
“NTA if there wasn’t anything about sharing supplies on the list of required materials” – Shi*suri
“So you buy supplies and give them to the school, and everyone just uses what’s handed in?”
“I understand money shortages and things, but how can you guarantee your daughter won’t be left short when at school?” – clarabell1980
“NTA. All the supplies will get used or stolen and they will be asking you to buy more in a few months.”
“Kids should be able to keep up with their own stuff.”
“No one has the money to pick up the slack for parents who don’t or can’t buy stuff.”
“That’s what taxes should be paying for.” – Kat_kinetic
“As a teacher, I disagree with this approach of needing parents to purchase supplies for the whole class.”
“Outside of things like hand sanitizer or tissues or maybe an additional pack of pencils.”
“I don’t think it’s acceptable to ask parents to outfit the entire freaking classroom, and it’s not the teacher’s responsibility to outfit the classroom either. It should be the school/programs. That is their responsibility and I will die on that hill.” – murderino0892
“When my girls were in grade school (now starting middle and high), we had a list of individual supplies, and then a small set of classroom-shared items.”
“I never had an issue and was always willing to assist because I knew going in.”
“If, however, you didn’t, then that is BS.”
“NTA at all.” – EfficientSociety73
“‘Apparently, we weren’t supposed to write names on the school supplies because everything was going to be mixed up and distributed to everyone.'”
“Then that should have been communicated beforehand, and I’d be giving that teacher and program leaders a piece of my mind.”
“You don’t shame the kid.”
“‘I called the teacher, and they explained that they didn’t have enough money to get every single kid their own supplies, so they planned on distributing the supplies evenly.'”
“Exactly how are they supposed to do that?”
“What guarantee did you have your daughter would have the supplies needed?”
“And where did you sign the agreement for that?”
“American school systems are so f**ked for this (among the myriad of other f**keries most foul), but sorry if I’m putting the money on this, my kid absolutely better have the supplies needed, and I bought for them.”
“And if they shamed my kid for enforcing that boundary, I would be there to correct that malfeasance in a heartbeat.” – KnotYourFox
“NTA. If the teacher wants a collective pool of supplies for kids to draw from, that’s fine, but they need to make that clear to the parents.”
“One of the treats I always got my kids at the start of the year was pencils imprinted with their name.”
“They got to pick a design they liked, and they were printed with their name.”
“I was told one year that was not acceptable because the kids would be using pencils from a large pool of them since some kids couldn’t afford school supplies.”
“I have no problem with that, but the art shirt I sent my kid in with for art class was one made for him by his aunt, who had embroidered it with some designs.”
“He came home and told me he wasn’t allowed to do art the first week because he had not brought on an art shirt.”
“When I asked him what had happened to his, he said the teacher gave it to someone else, there were not enough to go around, and so he was told he didn’t get to participate.”
“I was very not ok with that.”
“I’m fine sending in extra supplies, but it’s not ok to penalize my kid who brought stuff in because someone else didn’t.”
“I went in after school with my sharpie, spoke with the teacher and then found his shirt and wrote his name in huge letters on the back.”
“His name had already been on it on the inside on a tag, but apparently when he said it was his and the other kid said it wasn’t, the teacher didn’t check to see whose name was on it.” – Sylphlin
Others expressed their outrage over the teacher shaming the child.
“Wait, they shamed the 8-year-old over the misunderstanding.???”
“I know that’s not the point of the post, but I would be losing my cool over the teacher taking it out on the literal child.” – lowbrowlassie
“NTA. That teacher is an a**hole.”
“1) kids will take care of their stuff more if they choose it, so the entire plan sucks from the get-go.”
“2) if there are kids who can’t afford school supplies, there are almost always programs for this or a supply room.”
“Counselors often have backpacks.”
“If it’s still a problem, she can ask for DONATIONS.”
“3) shaming a CHILD over something she has 0 control over is disgusting, and she shouldn’t even be allowed around children if I were you I’d try to get my child’s teacher changed now in the beginning of the year.” – grouchykitten1517
“That’s a common practice in schools across the US.”
“It uses the resources of the families who actually give a damn to help provide for the kids whose parents don’t have as much money or just don’t care.”
“In many schools, they actually collect up all the supplies and store them until absolutely needed.”
“When kids were in kindergarten, for instance, three or four students would share one organizer of supplies (one set of crayons and markers for the group of three or four), and the teacher would pull from the supply closet as supplies broke or were used up.”
“In better situations, the list actually says, ‘These supplies are shared amongst students. Please don’t label them with your child’s name.'”
“However, it was completely inappropriate of the teacher to shame your child.”
“It would have been obvious that your child didn’t put her name on the supplies, but that a parent did.”
“If there was an issue, the teacher should have brought it up with you.”
“I recommend you file a complaint with the head of the program about the way this was handled.”
“If they wanted names left off, that should have been communicated.”
“And no young child should be shamed for something done by their parent.” – teresajs
“NTA.”
“Arrange a meeting with the teacher because what she did was wrong.”
“Lilly bought and labeled nothing.”
“Teacher should have called you if she had a problem.” – MyLadyBits
It seems like, at the very least, OP needs to have a conversation with the teacher about the way her daughter was treated.
Hopefully it will raise awareness, and in the future, supply lists will communicate that items will be distributed amongst all students.