Dealing with half-siblings isn’t always easy.
And blending families doesn’t always go well.
Not everybody wants a relationship with a blood relative, so that can cause a lot of hurt feelings.
This can be especially trying for kids and teens.
And if the adults involved aren’t getting along, the drama can be endless.
Redditor Careful_Will_7767 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally he came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for requesting that my teacher not partner me with my deadbeat father’s daughter?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My father walked out on my mom when she was pregnant with me (16 M[ale]).”
“They were married for like 5 years at that point, but he was cheating a lot.”
“Mom trying to divorce him went through hell because he’d picked up and moved.”
“He never met me.”
“He didn’t show up at court for their divorce, or for custody, or for child support.”
“He went to jail three times for failure to pay child support and for trying to avoid child support by quitting his jobs and not declaring his new place of employment.”
“I still haven’t even met him.”
“But around a year ago he moved back with his family (the affair partner and their kids).”
“He has a daughter 5 months younger than me a son about a year and a half younger and some other kids who are younger again but I don’t know their ages.”
“I only know the older two ages because of school and sharing some classes with his daughter.”
“She has tried to connect with me but I told her I wasn’t interested, we’re not family, I don’t want to know the affair family.”
“Even though she was upset and cried a little in front of me, she didn’t give up.”
“And when we returned to our classes in August, she was suddenly in four of mine instead of one like last year.”
“So I went to our teacher who assigned a lot of group stuff and asked her never to pair me with her.”
“I explained the reason why, and she was surprised but agreed that it would be for the best to avoid hostility during the project especially if others were working with us.”
“Twice she has tried to claim me as a partner or make me a part of her group.”
“The first time as her solo partner and the second time in a bigger group.”
“Both times, our teacher refused.”
“This made her realize what I’d done.”
“She told her parents, they went to the principal and demanded a meeting with me and my mom.”
“Mom went but left me out of it. She explained why to the principal and told him she didn’t think the first time I met my ‘father’ should be when he wanted to berate me for not working with his daughter.”
“They tried to say I was bullying their daughter, and I should be facing suspension OR be forced to make it up to her through some kind of buddy program.”
“The principal didn’t take it seriously.”
“But his daughter and son now stare at me a lot more in school the last couple of weeks since the meeting, and a couple of her friends said I was such a d**k for embarrassing her like that and not getting to know her.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Be polite (like extremely polite, no ma’am, I do not wish to engage in conversation with you. Have a wonderful day, excuse me, walk away politely) when they talk to you so you don’t get accused of bullying, but don’t need to be friends.”
“If your father wants you to have a relationship with his family, then he needs to have a relationship with you first.”
“As far as their staring and her friends telling you that you were a d*ck that is bullying.”
“Tell a trusted teacher about the incidents and say you just want to let them know it is happening. There is no need to interfere. It might blow over, but if they escalate, then you have already noted to a teacher you were uncomfortable with them beforehand.” ~ Mysterious_Agent7737
“You’re 16.”
“As a very old bloke, I can tell you that learning to accept that we can only control ourselves and not others will make life a lot better for us.”
“Why do we care about the opinions of people that don’t matter?”
“Are her friends your friends? No?”
“Then sod them.”
“If they are then they were never your friends to begin with.”
“Accept yourself and ignore the opinions of irrelevant people.” ~ szu
“Please make sure to really thank this teacher for helping to protect you!”
“Teachers don’t get paid enough to take such measures and oftentimes burn out, so make sure you also let this teacher know you appreciate their help and understanding!” ~ Davinaaa28
“Legitimately, the case is stronger for her bullying you than the opposite.”
“She’s trying to bully you into being friends.”
“You are allowed to choose your friends, even at school.”
“Be polite but firm is absolutely the best advice.” ~ believehype1616
“NTA. I would, in front of the teacher who knows what’s going on, tell this girl, I don’t want to know you or your siblings. We will never have a relationship. You need to stop and tell your friends to stop.”
“This is the last time I wish to speak to you as well.” ~ Pepsilover12
“Don’t know where you are from, but does your school not have a policy of separating siblings into different classes?”
“My brother failed grade one, so we were always in the same grade.”
“People thought we were twins.”
“We were never put in the same class.”
“That way, there was no fighting.”
“Now that they know of your situation, maybe they will do this next year.” ~ Historical-Goal-3786
“NTA – the girl’s parents handled this horribly.”
“It was her dad’s job to explain why there is animosity and take the blame for the root issue.” ~ BarracudaUpstairs
“Look her in the face and tell her that you’d be better off as unrelated strangers because the blood you share is exactly what you hate.”
“She’s not responsible, no, but she’s not your sister, and the more she presses, the more you’ll hate her directly instead of your sperm donor.” ~ boxesofboxes
“You don’t have to do anything.”
“We’re all related to each other somehow. That doesn’t mean every stranger you meet as you walk down the street has to be your friend.”
“Quite honestly, their desire to force themselves on you is… weird.”
“A concerning sort of weird.”
“NTA, obviously, but keep doing things to keep yourself safe.” ~ yankdevil
“NTA. If you wanted to have a relationship with her, you likely would be reaching out.”
“Do you know why she’s trying so hard to have one with you?”
“I would do as someone else suggested and make it clear to her (in front of a trusted adult) that you will not have a relationship with her at all and to stop all of this nonsense.” ~ Specialist_Cattle455
“As a teenager – like you are – she might not be mature enough to grasp the pain that’s associated with her existence.”
“It certainly isn’t her fault, and I think you understand that.”
“But not blaming her for being conceived doesn’t mean that you have to embrace her as a long-lost sister.”
“As long as you aren’t spreading rumors and gossiping about her, tripping her in the halls, trying to get everyone else at school to hate her, or something like that, you aren’t doing anything wrong.”
“You have every right to distance yourself from a person who is damaging to your mental health.”
“It sounds like she’s lonely and desperate for connection.”
“Her life might not be as nice as she tries to make it look to the world.”
“But you’re a teenager too, it’s not your job to sacrifice yourself for her.”
“Be polite, but firm in your continued avoidance of her.”
“Don’t engage if you can’t help it, and continue to keep your trusted teacher in the loop.”
“If things get more intense, it may be worth asking an adult you trust to help you look into options for separating the two of you.”
“If you’re seeing your learning slip because of the distraction, talk to your teacher before you let it hurt your education. NTA.” ~ LacyKnits
“NTA …you’ve never even met her dad, but now she wants to be all buddy-buddy with you because of your supposed ‘connection’ through him? No way.”
“She’s young but she needs to learn boundaries and how to respect when people say no.”
“Sidenote: Not Gonna Lie I think I’d have loved to see the principal’s face when your mum said ‘I don’t think the first time my 16-year-old son meets his bio-dad is because bio-dad has called him to the principal’s office over a conflict with his other teen kid.'” 😂 ~ perpetuallyxhausted
“NTA, but if you know where the loser is now, why isn’t your mother pursuing the money she is owed?” ~ Brother-Cane
“It’s absurd to claim you’re bullying someone when you’ve gone out of your way to make arrangements so you have no contact with her.”
“Ignoring her is the complete opposite of bullying, and if anything, she’s harassing you, by constantly pushing the issue.”
“You’re definitely NTA.”
“I feel you did the mature and appropriate thing by addressing this privately with your teacher, rather than making a scene in front of her or the whole class.”
“Her inability to accept ‘NO’ as an answer is her problem and you are under no obligation to get to know her or accept her.” ~ MeMyselfAndI8480
“NTA – It is entirely your choice who you allow into your life, especially when the past history is what it is.”
“Of course, it could be great to have a relationship with half-siblings, but given the circumstances, I completely understand your disposition.”
“Good to hear your school is understanding of where you are coming from, and good on you for standing up for and advocating for your right to choose.” ~ Only_Caterpillar6412
“NTA… and I would actually consider it harassment.”
“You don’t owe her anything.”
“Speak with your mom, the principal, and the teachers about her attitude and what she’s doing because you might look like the villain to everyone around you just because she’s not getting her way.”
“Blood isn’t everything if you don’t want a relationship with any of them then don’t have one.”
“Maybe do talk to her directly and tell her you want nothing to do with her, and if she and your dad want to have a relationship with you, they need to back off.”
“But I feel that bridge is burned as she basically went to the Principal just because she didn’t get her way, either way, she sounds spoiled and terrible like your father.”
“Please consider going to therapy and I wish you the best.” ~ Mrs_Totaro13
“NTA. You told everyone in this situation NO repetitively!”
“The only people who listened were your mom, teacher, and principal.”
“Your sperm donor is trying to push his daughter onto you and that’s weird.”
“If they don’t stop, I would ask to switch around classes or see about possibly being able to leave class 2-3 minutes earlier to avoid seeing them, etc.”
“Your mom is a freaking rockstar and so are you! “
“You’re keeping calm and rational when most people wouldn’t!”
“This is not your circus and it’s not your monkeys.” ~ Recent-Necessary-362
“NTA. Please ask your mother for help (school admin tends to listen more seriously to parents) to demand/ask that you are not assigned to classes with sperm donor’s children.”
“Otherwise they will attempt to finagle into more of your classes.”
“Getting into 4 of your classes was not an accident.”
“Bottom line, you don’t have to get to know, be a buddy, forced into friendship with anyone that makes you uncomfortable.” ~ PleaseCoffeeMe
“NTA, happy your mom stuck up for you.”
“Your dad and his new family can go kick rocks with open-toed sandals. If they do this, you owe them your time and care.” ~ Secret_Double_9239
“NTA. It’s easy for the child with the ‘perfect’ family to want to be the one to connect.”
“I’m sorry you are going through this.” ~ procrastinating_b
Reddit understands your feelings loud and clearly, OP.
This is a situation your Dad should be fixing.
It is unfair that you have to shoulder this burden.
Maybe you could talk to the school counselor and see if they can explain it to your siblings.
Stay strong, and good luck.