Not all stepfamilies are alike.
Unfortunately for one fifteen-year-old, living with hers was not ideal for a variety of reasons due to animosity towards her mother.
When things reached a boiling point after an incident in the household, she resorted to revealing a hard truth that caused drama.
She subsequently sought judgment on the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
There, Redditor Fantastic_Bowler6450 asked:
“AITA For Not Staying Out Of ‘Adult Business’ And Ruining My Dad’s Marriage?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“Throwaway Account because people in the family know my main.”
“I (15 f[female]) am in a weird situation and would like an outside perspective. I am my parents, mom (37 f[female]) and dad (42 m[ale]) only child together, and I have a stepmom ‘Eve’ (42 f[female]).”
“From what I was told, my dad and my step mom were a couple first but things didn’t work out shortly after they had my siblings, and my dad eventually met and married my mom after she discovered that she was pregnant with me.”
“My dad didn’t marry Eve and from what my aunts told me she was really bitter about that and used my siblings as a weapon to punish my dad and mom.”
“My mom tried her best but after she found out that my dad and Eve were sleeping together she filed for divorce.”
The OP continued:
“During the marriage my dad had an established business that grew and because my mom was able to prove that she had done unpaid labor for my dad’s business my mom had some leverage within the divorce and agreed to relinquish a stake in the company for alimony, the house, and a car for herself while getting child support for me.”
“For the next couple of years my mom focused on me and going back to school because my dad convinced her to stop while she was taking a break from her studies to save up more money.”
“She eventually graduated and tried looking for work but nothing really interested her. My dad and step mom (who had gotten married by then) were always angry with my mom for not getting a job so that they would be less alimony to pay and tried to get 50/50 custody of me to try and reduce child support.”
The OP revealed how she really felt about her living arrangement.
“But I never liked living with my dad full time because I was often made to babysit their younger children, my older siblings were never warmed up to me, and I didn’t like the way Eve and her family would talk about my mom.”
“Eventually, my mom got certified for a job she wanted and has been an independent contractor for years. Because of this my mom submitted the paperwork to stop alimony and she’s been living life.”
There was more to the story.
“Last week when I was with my mom Eve, my sister ‘Zoe’ (20 f[emale]), and Eve’s sisters were in the living room saying very rude things about my mom. They called her a side piece, a gold digger, and said that my older sister had to take out loans because of the increase in alimony that my mom was awarded.”
“I walked in and called Eve and Zoe liars, that my mom was never the side piece, and my mom has been working for years so there was no alimony.”
“There was a big confrontation and I ended up leaving but I later sent Eve, Zoe, and one of Eve’s sisters a link to my mom’s professional social media page that listed the companies she worked for. Turns out my dad never told his family that the alimony payments stopped and instead of putting the extra money towards them he’s been keeping it for spending it elsewhere.”
“It’s crazy over there and my dad and a few of his family members are saying that I’m wrong for meddling in ‘grown folks business.’ I just hated how they were talking and spreading lies about my mom but maybe I went about it the wrong way so AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
“NTA. Your dad was lying and throwing your mum under the bus in order to keep money from your step family and let them sit there and slag her off while you’re around.”
“All you did was defend her, and rightfully so. He deserves everything he has coming, and I wouldn’t feel bad for people who are happy to talk sh*t about your mum, either.” – Trundelwitch
“I don’t feel bad for Eve or Zoe but after my dad got back with Eve they had other children and I feel bad for them.” – OP
“That’s on your dad, not you. Eve could easily have found out from somewhere else. This is a case of your dad playing stupid games and winning letting his entire family down.”
“You are not responsible for your dad’s relationships with his other kids, or the impact that his dishonesty might have on their lives.”
“If your dad was a good, honest person he wouldn’t have so much mess to clean up.” – Trundewitch
“Yeah OP. That’s not your burden, so don’t take that on. That’s your dad’s fault. If he’s any kind of man (doesn’t sound like much of one), he’d be proud that you defended your mother with the truth. What kind of person would you be to sit back and listen to someone being bashed bc of a lie? Especially someone you love.”
“It says a lot about them that they would talk about your mom like that within your presence. If they didn’t want you involved in ‘grown folks business’ , it shouldn’t ever be where you could hear it. It says a lot about the lack of care, love and respect they have for you.”
“It was just a matter of time before he disappointed those kids anyway. He obviously has a pattern of doing so. I’m proud of you. I know your Mama is, too.” – MargoJones46932
“NTA, your father made choices. His choices had consequences. He should be happy your mother chose to stop the alimony payments. If he was honest with everyone involved and wasn’t a cheater, he would not be in the predicament he is currently in.”
“The question, though, should be where’s the extra money going? Is he spending on himself or someone else?” – AndriaRenee
“NTA. You did nothing wrong. All you did was defend your mom. And that is a good thing. I would have done the same thing. How were you supposed to know that your dad was lying to them so that’s on him.”
“Maybe if your dad had told them to knock it off when they were talking bad about your mom especially in front of you then you wouldn’t have had to defend her yourself.” – Frequent_Couple5498
“NTA, you had no way of knowing that dad was lying to his wife and her children. You were defending your mother and her accomplishments. Eve and crew should have kept their opinions to themselves while you were anywhere nearby, that was freaking rude and uncalled for.”
“Because even if your mother was still collecting alimony, that was a legal decision your dad entered into.”
“Your father and his other family are the a hs here. Dad shouldn’t be keeping secrets and his wife and children should be keeping their opinions to themselves.”
“Edit to add: You in no way ruined Eve and dad’s marriage – they did that to themselves.” – SusanfromMA
“NTA.”
“When I was a teen, I disliked when adults assumed that the average teen isn’t capable of having basic understanding of ‘adult’ topics. From then on, I’ve made it a point to hear younger folks out and acknowledge that they’re likely smart enough to understand delicate subjects when information is presented appropriately.”
“This is a topic you’re capable of understanding and people spewing lies about your mother is your business.” – paul_rudds_drag_race
“NTA. They called out you and your mom, but because of the lies it turns out your dad was the liar who was probably funneling more money to yet another side piece.”
“He played stupid games and won stupid prizes, and the only person to blame here is HIM, and maybe Eve and her family for not letting it go.” – NotCreativeAtAll16
“NTA. You are not wrong for defending your mother against lies and misinformation, especially when it directly impacts her reputation. Your stepmother and her family were spreading harmful lies about your mother.”
“By providing evidence of your mom’s professional life and the cessation of alimony, you were simply correcting the record and setting the facts straight.” – luminous_jette
“NTA. Your dad lied about the finances and used your mom as a scapegoat. You simply corrected everyone on what was really going on. Ignore your dad and his flying monkeys.” – Owenashi
Overall, Redditors praised the OP for having the fortitude and enough understanding of “grown-up” issues to spot an injustice and speak up.
They also noted that her father being inconvenienced was of his own making.