Unplanned pregnancies happen. They just do; it’s a fact of life.
Many times, but certainly not always, the future mother wants the child’s father to “step up” to the plate and help raise the child.
And either the father obliges or he doesn’t.
But what happens if his long-time crush is the one carrying the child?
Oh, and it isn’t his…
A teenager on Reddit is stunned that his crush got pregnant by someone else and she and her parents are expecting him to step in as the father, so he turned to the “Am I The A**hole Here” (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor BassPsychological293 posed:
“This girl (18/f[emale]) got pregnant and she and her parents want me (19/m[ale]) to step up and help her raise her baby (I am not the dad) but I want to go into the Corps.”
“I told her no. I feel bad though.”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Basically, this girl I always had a crush on got knocked up by some random loser and now while she is pregnant she has been wanting to date me.”
“Her parents want me to step up and ‘be a man’… so they don’t have to help her take care of the baby for like the next 18 years and have her stay with them (she is not a piece of cake btw)…
“but the thing is I am not the dad.”
“She said she wants me to be her boyfriend and for me to get a job and a place for her and me to live to help raise ‘our’ kid.”
“My dad told me to tell her to go f herself and not to put my dreams to the side and that I am so young and just a kid myself and to NEVER ever in my entire life get involved with her.”
“He said HER baby is NOT my responsibility and he will be heartbroken if I voluntarily take on this burden.”
“He fully supports me going into the Corps.”
“I told her I do not want to get involved with her.”
“Her dad told me I am not a real man.”
Redditors weighed in on the situation and overwhelmingly agreed that OP is not the a**hole (NTA) and that the mother-to-be is only trying to take advantage of him.
“NTA – It isn’t even an question.”
“Do not let them do this to you.”
“I wouldn’t even trust that she really likes you, I’d assume she simply went to you because she knew you liked her and thought you’d be easy to trap so she wouldn’t be a single mother.” – black-stone-reader
“NTA- she knows you’re going into the service, gonna try to get her and the baby on benefits, you’ll be away, baby daddy still around.”
“Tale as old as time. Or at least as old as the Corps.” – Sad_Construction_668
“NTA. Don’t ruin your life for her.”
“You absolutely shouldn’t be responsible for her and her child.”
“She only wants to date you now because she knows you had a crush on her, so she wants to take advantage of you.”
“Get as far away from her as possible.” – Tall-Negotiation6623
“NTA Run, dont walk.”
“This is wrong and, umm, just WRONG” – Crockodile_Tears
“Sounds like she only wants you now because she is pregnant and scared of raising a child alone.”
“Don’t do it.”
“Don’t let yourself get manipulated and follow your dreams.” – Judaicyrus
“NTA. She had the choice between the sensible option and the irresponsible one.”
“now she’s let Mr.Irresponsible knock her up & run and wants Mr.Sensible – who was always going to have a good career and be able to pay his way – to take the cost”
“You should not accept being second choice.”
“Wait until you find a girl who wants you for your ability to be yourself, not your ability to sort out her mistakes”
“Good luck in the Corps.” – CarpeCyprinidae
“NTA”
“That is an insane request. What the hell?” – 2Whom_it_May_Concern
“NTA…. By the way…. I think the girl has somehow implied to her parents that you are the father or in some way responsible for her being pregnant.”
“Go live your life.” – Itabliss
“NTA. Her parents are pathetic though, trying to pawn her off to you because they don’t want to take care of their daughter.”
“Corps aside, raising someone else’s child is no joke.”
“You need to be 100% willing or you’ll grow resentful because you will be forced to make sacrifices for this child.”
“All parents need to sacrifice a bit for their children, but they chose to have them.”
“Would you be willing and fine with making your life revolve around this baby?”
“On top of that, you have a crush on her, but having a crush doesn’t mean you are actually compatible.”
“A crush is just a crush.”
“To understand if you’re compatible, you need to actually date so that you can then decide if she’s someone you want to have a relationship with or not.”
“Based on how her parents and her are behaving, even if you accept to date, they will not accept a break up if you decide you don’t want any of it.”
“You also say she’s a handful.”
“If she has the same mindset as her parents, you’ll be trapped in a toxic relationship where you are just an ATM.”
“Stick to your guns.”
“Keep saying no or even better stop every interaction with them.”
“Their opinion means nothing: you are not the one who got her pregnant, you have no obligation towards her.”
“They are being manipulative and irrational.”
“If they need a walking ATM, they should drag the bio dad to court to pay child support.” – Daughter_of_Dusk
“Your goal of joining the Marine Corps is an important decision that can define your future.”
“It’s crucial to focus on what’s best for you in the long run.”
“Don’t feel obligated to take on responsibilities that aren’t yours, especially when your future is at stake.”
“Stay firm in your dreams and goals” – xoxosummerjames
And really, they feel the same goes for the child’s future grandparents.
“Her dad says you’re not a real man for not wanting to raise another guy’s child when he himself doesn’t want to raise his grandchild.”
“NTA, obviously. Just leave that trash behind” – shapookya
“Why is her dad even looking your way?”
“Did she tell him that YOU are the dad so she does not have to admit who the random dude who IS the dad is????”
“Red flags galore, run as fast as you can!” – Nordic_Ant
“NTA.”
“Her family are incredibly selfish. And they’re leeches.”
“That being said… please make sure everyone knows this isn’t your child.”
“I don’t trust people like this.” – TopAd7154
“They are mental to even be playing this game with you.”
“This is YOUR life they are messing with just like she messed with HERS.”
“Do not do that.”
“If you have to ask a forum, there’s your answer: say ‘NO!’ and run away from that family fast.”
“Her Dad is not a man if he doesn’t wanna help his daughter or find the actual sperm donor and take him to court.”
“Get out while you can!!!!”
“Good luck in the Corps.”
“You’ll have resentment forever if you don’t follow YOUR dream!!” – Sham624
Several did commend OP’s father, though, for providing sage advice.
“Your dad for the win.”
“He is giving you sound advice.”
“And she does not want you to be her boyfriend. She wants you to be her victim.”
“It is highly manipulative of her and not surprising by her family’s response.”
“This is why having a dad(parent) that looks out for you is so important.”
“Hug that man.” – youmustb3jokn
“NTA, your dad is right, this is not a YOU problem” – Turbulent_Ebb5669
“NTA and listen to your dad.”
“Her dad would have a point if you were the father of this girls’ child, but you literally have nothing to do with her.”
“You should give up your dreams, why?”
“Because a girl you kinda liked, but weren’t even in a relationship, did a stupid thing?”
“Are you this insecure about your masculinity that you think some random dude can take your ‘mancard’ away?”
“Listen to the man that actually has YOUR best interest at heart.” – Jazzisa
“Lol easy NTA, your dad is the man.” – VZV_CZ
“Your dad’s right.”
“F her and her parents.”
“If you do decide to simp for her you’ll be doing yourself and every man a disservice.” – Maleficent_Meeting62
OP once again took to the platform and informed his fellow Redditors of action he’s taken since reading their comments.
“Update: I have been able to successfully block this girl (and her parents) on all social media platforms and their phone numbers (and home phone) as well from my cell phone.”
“I have also gotten a temporary restraining order (there is a legal process you have to go through for a real permanent one, but I am working on it) against her and her parents.”
“None of them are allowed to contact me by any means (including phone, email, mail, in person, or by someone else).”
“If they do, the sheriff will have his deputies go to their house and bring them to the local jail.”
It sounds like he’s made his decision!