When it comes to over-the-counter (OTC) medications, parents often have differing beliefs about what they can reasonably give to their children.
But after frequent, long-term use of a medication, there might be side effects to a child’s development, cautioned the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Leading-Arugula-5923 was on the brink of being an adult and moving out, so he wanted to make sure his younger sister was receiving the care that she deserved, which he was not convinced included giving her melatonin every night.
When his parents pushed him away and called him a “child” and a “babysitter” for voicing his concerns, the Original Poster (OP) was worried for his sister.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my parents that I think my four-year-old sister does not need to take melatonin every night?”
The OP had concerns about how his younger sister was being raised.
“I (recently 17 Male) have gotten into an argument with my mother and step-father (39 and 44 respectively) regarding their insistence on supplementing my younger sister with sleeping aids (strawberry melatonin gummies).”
“For context, my younger sister, who is four, has been taking melatonin supplements for almost the entirety of her life, the exact age, I am uncertain of, but I know she was taking a liquid supplement before she could properly chew.”
“Furthermore, I have also assisted in taking care of my sister since she was born, enough for her to mistake me for ‘Daddy’ a few times, as my father works as a trucker, and isn’t home often.”
The OP tried to voice his concerns to his parents, but they did not take it well.
“A few days ago, I spoke to my mother about the melatonin, and suggested that we try putting her to bed without it for a few nights, voicing my concerns about her prolonged usage and the potential effects it could have on her sleeping habits and health.”
“In response, my mother insisted that my younger sister needs melatonin to rest throughout the entire night.”
“I reiterated that it wouldn’t hurt to try without it for a few nights, adding that it’s been a really long time since we’ve attempted to put her to bed without supplements, and that the age she was at when we did try to ween her off the melatonin is notorious for sleeping restlessly through the night.”
“At this moment, is when things began to get heated. My step-father happened to walk in during my explanation, and he and my mother began to lecture me about how they’re the parents, and that I’m a child, and that I shouldn’t be trying to parent for them.”
“I was quite upset about this, feeling as though I deserve to have my concerns and words taken seriously, considering the time, effort, and energy I’ve put into making sure my younger sister grows up healthy and happy. It felt as though I’d been delegated as an extra parent with none of the real authority behind it.”
“I voiced these opinions, albeit weakly, and was told again, that they are the parents, and that they will take care of my sister, and that I was being disrespectful and that I was overstepping.”
The OP remained concerned for his sister’s health and care.
“I didn’t believe I was being disrespectful or that I was overstepping, and I said that I wasn’t. They did not appreciate that, to put it simply.”
“Since then, things have been tense. My parents snap at the slightest suggestion or critique towards anything, not just things regarding my sister, and each have pulled me aside for two separate, private discussions reiterating my role in my sister’s life (to summarize, I’m basically just a babysitter, and they’re the parents).”
“I’m feeling conflicted, confused, and, honestly, exhausted. It is true that I’m not my sister’s father, and that I am technically a minor, so I can see how my actions could have been seen as disrespectful, but I do think that my words have genuine merit to them.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some agreed that a child shouldn’t use a sleep aid without a doctor’s advice or prescription.
“NTA. No child without a real diagnosis from a real doctor should be taking nightly sleep med.”
“From personal experience (my own, and with my kids), melatonin helps you fall asleep, but it does not help you sleep through the night. And almost anything used on a daily basis becomes ineffective. Not to mention that you can develop a dependence.”
“You are advocating for your sister, and you are correct.” – CrowRoutine9631
“Sounds like your mom has found a slightly more ‘respectable’ way to dope your sister through the night. Baby Benadryl gets frowned upon.” – Mpegirl2006
“NTA for raising a completely justified concern. No child that young should be getting melatonin unless a pediatrician prescribed it.” – clairejv
“NTA sounds like your parents are not going to be able to handle your transition to being an adult. Just be aware that given their current responses with you being so close to adulthood, they may continue to treat your opinion as not valid for the rest of your life.”
“Which is a shame, because instead of nurturing your development, they could cause confidence issues in you. Just remember, your point of view is valid, and it’s more about them not having the parental maturity to deal with it. Continue to believe in yourself, and in time you’ll move out and be able to make your own decisions.” – brotherwho2
“This is useful info for adults but in relation to OP (who is right to be advocating for his sister), children should not be taking supplements without consultation from a doctor.”
“Many adults happen to have deficiencies, but many more take supplements and end up with more of something than they need. Sometimes it’s harmless and you don’t even notice, sometimes is harmless and you do notice (like Vitamin C), and sometimes it’s not harmless at all, and filtering out the additional substance can cause, for example, kidney damage.”
“Children are tiny! And provided they are eating a balanced diet, are even more likely than adults to be meeting their dietary requirements, and are more likely to be negatively affected by overdosing.”
“Not to mention that this child likely doesn’t have any problems with their sleep cycle, if she’s been medicated like this since before she could chew, they’ve been medicating her since she was a little baby, the age when humans don’t sleep through the night because they have needs that need to be met during the night. This is so concerning, and given the implications it could have on her health, it at least borders on abuse.” – bouquineuse644
Others simply appreciated the OP advocating for his sister and her health.
“NTA. You are a thoughtful child and older brother; I hope your parents appreciate you and the fact that you care about your sister and that you have chosen to be a part of her life.”
“You are also brave to voice your concerns to elders in a curious and respectful way. Keep that advocacy up.”
“Research melatonin, sleep aids and their necessity and effects on children. With respect and deference to your parents present said research. Ask for open dialogue as you are a child that has been put, by them into a primary care giver role for your sister.”
“Also, for your own well-being start making money, i.e., independence. When you start working set up a Roth IRA with your bank (it should be a free service) and look into a 529 account for your sister; even $10/month will make a difference and provide options in the future for you both.”
“You sound like a kind person. I’m rooting for you and please keep choosing to advocate for those that can’t for themselves.” – SparkleDomiMilf
“NTA. They are parentifying you to the point she mistook you for Daddy but you can’t voice a concern about the health of a family member?”
“You should completely stop helping them take care of her (keep playing and spending time with her): no changing diapers, no watching her when they need it, etc. If they complain, say you’re not her parent, it’s not your place to do it.”
“You’re a good older brother and she’s lucky to have you in her life. If this were a normal family dynamics, I’d get parents being a bit bothered by a sibling wanting to make a decision for their sibling, but this is not it, and also, you are right in suggesting an alternative plan of action than giving a baby and then a toddler a hormone supplement for her entire life.”
“Just because they’re gummies and over-the-counter, doesn’t mean they don’t have a side-effect or the potential to cause harm. Your parents are being irresponsible with your sister and entilted towards you.” – Dry_Response4914
“NTA. Some people cannot handle criticism. It’s hard when you’re young to get that parents are also people with flaws who make mistakes and bad decisions. Now you know your parents are not interested in your opinions on their parenting choices. It sucks, but it is what it is.” – ExperimentNo344
“NTA. I wish your parents had been more open to hearing your concerns and talking things through, but the fact is, they are the parents and (absent abuse) the final decision makers.”
“The flip side of that is you shouldn’t be given responsibility for your sister beyond that of any average babysitter, and you should push back if they try to push more on you.” – 1Kflowers
“Melatonin, I believe, is a controlled substance outside of the us and within the us it’s poorly regulated, meaning the dosages aren’t consistent. You are a good brother and a good person. NAH and I hope your parents reflect awhile and see past the perceived criticism.” – Penguinofmyspirit
The subReddit empathized with the OP and were grateful that he was willing to speak up on his sister’s behalf and try to advocate for her safety.
Hopefully, his parents would take his thoughts to heart and possibly consider trying something new.