Tobacco is highly addictive due to the presence of nicotine. Eliminating the smoking aspect of tobacco was believed to remove all health risks, so nicotine gum, patches, vape cartridges, and pouches were developed.
While some of those products primarily appeal to people trying to wean themselves off tobacco, others are creating addicts who were never tobacco users.
But, what’s the harm? Nicotine is also used in pest control to kill insects and small animals.
According to the National Institute of Health, ingestion of 1 to 2 mg of nicotine has been associated with signs of toxicity in young children.
Nicotine pouches are sold in varying strengths:
- Ultra Light: 1.5-2 milligrams
- Light: 3-4 milligrams
- Medium: 5-7 milligrams
- Strong: 8-10 milligrams
- Extra Strong: 11-15 milligrams
Even an ultra light pouch has enough nicotine to poison a toddler.
A mother concerned about her husband’s nicotine pouches not being disposed of properly turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Thin_Ratio_1060 asked:
“AITA for being livid that I continue to find my husband’s used nicotine pouches around the house, despite finding them in our toddler’s mouth twice?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My husband used to be a heavy smoker. He gave up 10 years ago but has since taken up using oral nicotine pouches.”
“I’m not super happy about it, but I can’t control what he chooses to do with his life and health.”
“The problem is, he can’t seem to put them in the bin. I have found used ones on the bedside table, in his pockets, and twice I have removed them from our toddler’s mouth (in there for less than 10 seconds, but 10 seconds too long).”
“Both times I lost it.”
“We’ve had multiple conversations about it and he seems to understand the gravity of the situation, agreeing to dispose of them correctly, but then I find more a few weeks later.”
“Tonight, one fell out of his pocket, and I gave him an ultimatum—get rid of them and never bring them into the house again, or I will leave.”
“So AITA?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I lost it at my husband for leaving nicotine pouches around the house even after our toddler put them in his mouth. I might be the a**hole because I told him I would leave him if I find them in the house again.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“Bro, what? It’s seriously insane that this has happened twice, and he still doesn’t even seem to care. IT WAS IN YOUR BABY’S MOUTH!”
“I had to read the title of this post twice because the first time I was like, ‘I must have read that wrong, that would be so dangerous’. But nope that’s exactly what you’re saying happened.”
“Like, I’ve been a smoker for over 15 years, and I tried one of those once, and it made me feel so sick I had to leave the party early.”
“He’s putting your baby’s health at risk in such an impactful way. Don’t wait for this to happen again; leave now.”
“I just realized you’re talking about already used ones, and now I’m struggling not to vomit.”
“OP see if you can get some record of him doing this and admitting to it before you inform him you intend to leave, this will be pivotal evidence in your upcoming custody battle.”
“Don’t f*ck around with half measures, or your child will end up in an unsafe situation when at Dad’s house. The most this man should be allowed is supervised visits.”
“I personally wouldn’t even trust him to be in the house with your kid even when you’re home.” ~ AnarchoBabyGirl42069
“Those can… kill a child, I believe? This is beyond a marital dispute due to the husband’s carelessness.”
“This is like that case where the dad couldn’t be arsed to watch his toddler, and the kid ran out onto the street while he was gaming on his console. This is neglect and child endangerment.”
“OP used or not used, this is putting your child’s health in danger, and if you don’t step up, then YWBTA. This is not a question of who is the a**hole—this can be deadly for your child.” ~ Mesapholis
“NTA, that’ll be a fun trip to an emergency when the kid has nicotine poisoning.” ~ GorditaPollo
“It’ll be an even more fun visit from a social worker after the hospital reports the family for possible child neglect/abuse.” ~ DonTreadOnMeIMADuck
“Assuming they ever make it that far. Nicotine is deadly poisonous and a truly nasty way to die. It also kills surprisingly quickly, and small children are already tricky medically.”
“Kiddo could very easily die before an ambulance could arrive or they make it all the way to emergency ward.” ~ Wise_Owl5404
“Also, those pouches would be a huge choking hazard, and then if swallowed, they could become an obstruction…. Not to mention how highly addictive nicotine is.” ~ AMissKathyNewman
“I’m a grown adult who has been a nicotine consumer in some way or another for half of my life, and those things still give me an instant headache. The nicotine in them is so concentrated… I’m surprised the kid didn’t suffer any ill effects.” ~ stumpfer69
“Phrasing is important. ‘I am leaving because I find your habit disgusting, and your poor housekeeping of it unpleasant’ sounds like complete overkill. ‘I am removing our child from this home because your repeated negligence is placing them in danger’ is a pretty reasonable statement. NTA.” ~ Nrysis
“Honestly, we are getting into the realm of CPS getting called. If you continually leave poison where a child can get to it, then it’s a failure as a parent.”
“Obviously NTA, but there needs to be a larger ultimatum—like why is your husband not throwing out spent pouches‽‽” ~ bmiller201
“OP, NTA but you will be the a**hole if you don’t protect your baby from this drug.”
“And this is so easy to prevent; he just has to carry two tins instead of one, and put the used ones in the empty tin.”
“It happening once is a terrible, thoughtless accident. It should have put the fear of god in him.”
“That he let it happen again means….I think you should ask him to leave—what other dangers will he leave around? God forbid you fall asleep, and he has to care for your child.” ~ kimba-the-tabby-lion
“NTA – nicotine toxicity can be fatal.” ~ ButtonsOnYachts
“NTA. Normally I think Reddit goes a little overboard on the leave your man thing, but I genuinely think you should consider it.”
“If you’ve been looking for a reason, a sign, an agreement, this is it; if he can’t take putting your baby in danger seriously, and it’s happened more than once, then I very much doubt his negligence stops there.”
“You shouldn’t have to give him an ultimatum to not potentially kill your child.”
“Ultimatums don’t change anyone’s mind, they only breed resentment and force someone to change a behavior against their will. He doesn’t want to change.” ~ CorrysCorner
“OMG, this hits close to home. Just asked my boyfriend to remove them from the bedside table, because baby is often in our bed and could potentially reach them…”
“They are gone now, and luckily enough, they are never to be found anywhere else, so I am hoping for the end of it because it puts unnecessary stress on us and puts baby in major danger.”
“I would be livid, too. I suppose you could have approached it differently, but the boundary is necessary and fair. NTA.”
“I suppose I’d just want to work it out in a different manner if the person was a good parent or partner otherwise. But, I think I take it back, an ultimatum in this case might be more than fair after several instances.” ~ RabbitKid16
“NTA. I used to use nicotine gum when I nannied. Haven’t used them in ages, but I would keep them locked up in a babyproof container in my purse that I kept up on the fridge.”
“It’s not hard to keep that stuff away from kids, it’s about putting multiple layers of babyproofing so that the likelihood is practically zero.”
“Honestly, I would pack your bags and leave. The fact this has happened multiple times goes to show how little he cares about keeping your child safe.”
“If he could let a toddler get ahold of nicotine pouches, then something worse could also happen. A toddler getting ahold of a nicotine pouch is already terrible, so something worse could be fatal.” ~ Old_Kiwi_9400
“Why should OP be inconvenienced? Husband is so selfish and addicted, he doesn’t care if baby gets sick. He leaves.” ~ Bobloblaw878
The OP provided an update.
“Thank you all for your responses. I will absolutely be following through with the ultimatum if I ever find a pouch or tin in the house again.”
“I’m feeling incredibly guilty that I didn’t give it to him sooner. He isn’t a deadbeat dad or husband—he’s a very active father, shares the housework and mental load, and works hard on self-improvement constantly.”
“He does have ADHD (as someone suggested), but this doesn’t excuse the behavior. I’ve just seen him battle SO hard to do simple things that neurotypicals consider easy, and life has been a pretty big uphill battle for him until his diagnosis.”
“All this to say I won’t be leaving him immediately, but I’ve shared your responses, and he’s currently crying outside as he’s so ashamed and guilt-ridden.”
“He’s a really good human being, and I witness every day how much he has to work to make positive changes… this is just one of those situations where I can’t be patient with him anymore—it’s too big a risk.”
“Hence the ultimatum. I will help him to put measures in place so that it doesn’t happen again. I love him, and I want him to succeed here.”
Hopefully this is the push the OP’s husband needs to motivate him to change his habits.
ADHD can lead to missed or forgotten tasks, but when an activity is something dangerous and ADHD is interfering with other people’s safety, the only option is to eliminate the activity.
If the OP’s husband repeatedly left loaded guns lying around, it wouldn’t be dismissed as, “Oops! ADHD.” This shouldn’t be either.
If he cannot safely participate in a hobby or habit without endangering others, he needs to stop that activity completely.