Deciding to transition can come with backlash from our communities. It is heartbreaking to realize people you love might not accept you fully.
But, the community we find in other members of the LGBTQ+ community is rich and can turn into a family.
Redditor Relevant_Ad_3449 encountered this very issue with her sister. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
She asked:
“WIBTA (Would I Be The A**hole) for refusing to wear a hijab at my sister’s wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (26 F) Came out as a trans woman 6 years ago and ended up being left out of everything to do with my family, until around 2 years ago.”
“During the time we were NC I converted out of Islam due to the amount of transphobia and when I looked into the religion in my own eyes I couldn’t believe in it and I no longer had the pressure to be a part of a religion I had never felt right in.”
“So I left I lost all my friends from the religion but it felt very freeing to no longer be in a place where I didn’t feel I belonged.”
“Everything was going great other than the constant misgendering and transphobia a lot of the time my family was fine, but around a month ago my sister (31F) started to say stuff I would never have thought she would say. She was one of the few people in my family who respected me, but she has recently been saying things like ‘I am not a real woman if I don’t wear a hijab.'”
“Witch hurt, She knew I was no longer in the religion but she would continue to pressure me about it.”
OP’s sister is getting married.
“Well 3 days ago she announced she was getting married. I didn’t think much of it and she sent me all the information, The booklet she sent me stated.”
“‘All People born female will be seated together and all people born male will be seated together.'”
“‘Women must all cover their hair and must dress modestly along with the men also all dressing modestly.'”
“I sent her a message asking about my situation.”
“‘Hi (sisters name) Your wedding booklet thing just got to me and I want to know exactly where I will be seated and if hair coverings are required for me as I am trans?'”
“She didn’t respond until a few hours ago with a response that makes me unsure of what to do.”
“‘Sorry I didn’t text I was busy, I expect you to sit with the men and wear a hair covering, you want to be a woman wear a hijab or any form of covering, but you were born a male and therefore must sit with the men.'”
OP was hurt by her sister.
“The response made me cringe I didn’t know how to respond and so I haven’t but I am tempted to tell her that I will happily sit with the men but I am not going to cover my hair as it is not my religion and I am trying to distance myself as far away from it as possible.”
“I have nothing against my family or people in Islam, but I don’t believe in it anymore and I don’t want to wear a hijab to my sister’s wedding.”
“I can see where she is coming from she has been religious her whole life and her has never known any different, so WIBTA?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA – Huge trigger warning, I’m going to address the physical danger this plan may have.”
“She can’t have it both ways, if she expects you to sit with the men, you get to wear whatever you want. But I also am going to say, she is setting you up HARD.”
“So you go to the wedding, full of traditional transphobic muslims, and she wants you to sit in the men’s section wearing full women’s clothing? Doesn’t she get that she will totally be the intro act of the three ring circus this will cause? What is she planning to do to help when a guest tries to helpfully redirect you to the women’s area.”
“What is someone then decides you can’t sit with the women? This is a s*it show she has definitely not thought out.”
“Or if she has, she was sure you’d say no and be a no show. You need to discuss this with her, because trust me, in this situation no one is even going to remember who was getting married.”
“Maybe you can say you are concerned about distracting everyone from the bride on her big day. But this is a recipe for disaster if you know these people can’t be trusted with your safety.” ~ Mysterious-Wish8398
“NTA, those are ludicrous expectations. It’s humiliating to sit with the men just because you’re trans.”
“And you don’t need to pretend to be a male as you suggested. Because you’re a woman and you deserve equal treatment.”
“As for the Hijab, it’s your right to refuse to adhere to religious traditions you don’t believe in. Your sister didn’t defend you when you were attacked and excluded after coming out, then you went NC with her and she was fine with it.”
“And now she wants to force you to do those obnoxious things.”
“You won’t be TA. You don’t need to endure such a transphobic treatment. You have dignity. And if you do not feel comfortable doing that, don’t feel compelled to comply.” ~ Compensate1995
OP added some edits.
“Here are a few things.”
“1- I would probably wear a hijab if seated with the women but wearing it around men makes me look trans.”
“2- I don’t mind sitting with the men, I have short hair and I can wear a sports bra and suit I would be fine to do that for a day for the sake of my sisters marriage.”
“3- Islamic people mostly go of AGAB meaning born male they will always see you as male yes this is transphobic but it is the belief system.”
“4- it is common to split men and women at social events in Islam.”
“5- I was in the religion for 21 years I don’t need others to explain the cultural importance of things.”
OP deserves to be treated with respect.