Trigger warning: NSFW for mentions of sexuality.
We make a lot of choices every day that project who we are out into the world.
The clothes we choose to wear is one of the most fundamental of these choices.
We can tell a lot to the outside world by our wardrobe and often others judge us for those choices.
So, what happens when someone’s choice in wardrobe makes you uncomfortable?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) DomingusCulingus when they came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
“AITA for telling my sister that her boyfriend’s thong is showing through his pants? She doesn’t seem to care, but it’s making me uncomfortable and ruining our family gatherings.”
OP got right to the story at hand.
“I recently attended a family gathering with my sister and her boyfriend.”
“The whole time, I couldn’t help but notice that his thong was peeking out from the back of his pants.”
“It was so distracting and made me feel uncomfortable.”
There was a little bit of background on the boyfrirend.
“He’s very sexually open, it’s just the way he was raised, but still…”
“I decided to bring it up to my sister in private, thinking she would want to know and maybe do something about it.”
“But instead, she brushed it off and said she didn’t care what he wore.”
“I tried to explain to her that it was unprofessional and disrespectful to the rest of the family, but she just laughed it off and told me to mind my own business.”
“Now, I’m feeling frustrated and confused.”
“Was I wrong for bringing it up to my sister or was she being unreasonable for not caring about her boyfriend’s attire?”
“Her argument is that it makes him feel confident and that this is just shaming him into feeling uncomfortable.”
OP was left to wonder,
“Am I the A**hole in this situation?”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: YTA
Many wanted more details.
“Okay how much are we talking about?”
“Do he have a full on early ’00s low rise jeans whale tail going on?”
“Or is it like, you caught a peak of a string when he lifts up his arms?”
“I’m not sure how merely /wearing/ a thong under his pants relates to being ‘sexually open.'”
“Next time you could just laugh it off like ‘psst hitch up your pants’ in an extremely friendly, nonjudgmental way, if it bothers you so much.”
“edited for homophones” ~ hammocks_
“Yeah I think context is important here.”
“If it’s not intentional or barely sticking out, probably not worth saying anything. discreetly, nonjudgmentally saying something I think would be ok if it’s that noticeable” ~ leoliontheking
Others were just unimpressed by OP.
“‘attended a family gathering'”
‘”I tried to explain it was unprofessional'”
“….. unprofessional?? At a family gathering??”
“You must be such a joy to be around”
“YTA 😂 you could have averted your eyes if you had an issue with his underwear” ~ hrhprincesspeach
“I’m wondering if OP’s family gatherings are all business casual attire?”
“Because I would rather marry into a family that runs 5ks on Thanksgiving than marry into this dumpster fire of the wannabe fashion police” ~ KenDaGod4238
“YTA, let him be him. Also ‘unprofessional’… This wasn’t a professional event, it was a social gathering.” ~ AnonymousWritings
‘”Unprofessional’ says <reads name> ‘Domingus Culingus'”
“If it’s unprofessional to wear what he wants in a social setting, I assume your chosen name on Reddit is equally as bad.”
“YTA” ~ MrJ_Sar
Commenters suggested that there were deeper concerns.
“But what if it’s a nice ass and OP can’t control themselves? (which seems to be the case lol)”
“It’s like saying, This person keeps wearing shirts so low cut I can see their bra!! (then stop staring lol)” ~ OffKira
“Stared at his ass all night, was so frustrated and confused about it, it was distracting OP the whole time… maybe the bf’s thong isn’t the actual issue here…” ~North-Discipline2851
“And also wearing thong underwear is a sign of being ‘sexually open,’ apparently.”
“OP is weird for sexualizing the whole thing and focusing way too hard on someone else’s undergarments.” ~ MrsCoach
“’His thong was peeking out’”
“Ah quite possibly not how you’re picturing it?”
“I’d bet good money that it was literally that, just peeking, and OP took offence not just at the sight of the garment, but at the type of the garment.”
“They saw that it wasn’t a typical male undergarment and decided to throw a tantrum because the sister had to tell them ‘she didn’t care what he wore'”.
“I do agree, you shouldn’t put your bare ass on someone else’s furniture without their consent but, no need to throw hissyfit over a covered ass with underwear peeking.” ~ throwawaythecabbages
Some assigned the problem to who it actually belonged to.
“Your inability to stare anywhere other than at the crack of his A is a YOU problem.”
“And if your problem is that serious now, wait until you have to hire a plumber. (Spoiler alert: most of them I’d seen don’t wear things.)”
“And he doesn’t have to look “professional” for a family event unless he’s working at it. You were really grasping at straws trying to make YOUR issue into HIS issue weren’t you?”
“If you want to control a man, go find one who will allow it.” ~ myhairs0nfire2
For some, this could go either way.
“Am I going crazy here???!!!”
“If a girls thong is showing out of her pants, trust me she wants to know and wants to fix her pants…Why is a guy any different??!”
“Unless it’s like a see-through material meant to be seen and it’s a look.”
“I don’t think her post is commentary on him being a guy and wearing a thong I think it’s literally that it was showing at a family party.”
“And no it’s not the same as a bra strap whoever said that.”
“If you were just trying to help bc a thong was showing at a family party then NTA but if it’s more judgmental cause it was a guy and is therefore somehow more offensive then YTA.” ~ stoney2723
There were even some who thought OP was in the clear.
“It’s inappropriate to have your thong showing at a family gathering regardless of gender.”
“She discussed it in private instead of making a big deal about it.”
“She dealt with it appropriately. I wouldn’t want my husband’s boxers showing in front of my mom, I wouldn’t want my husband’s mom to see my underwear. NTA.” ~ Snowconetypebanana
“Listen if my thong or any of my friends thongs are even peeking out everyone I know is gunna do the pull aside and speak up.”
“I am guessing she mentions this because she wasn’t sure if it was maybe intentional or since it was a guy she wasn’t sure how to approach it and was ‘confused’ possibly on what the appropriate action is.”
“I’d probs be uncomfortable too if someone’s showing a whale tale while talking to my nana about Medicare options.”
“I do agree her wording is extremely odd and I think it does come off as her passing some judgement.”
“I took the AITA question to be if she did the right thing by pulling aside the sister which I think is, and she wanders into AH territory with her judgments and opinions on his ‘sexual freedom’ and pushing that since she is uncomfortable, then it must be fixed.” ~ stoney2723
Though, people weren’t buying this logic.
“Except she discussed it with the /wrong/ person.”
“If OP was trying to be nice by being like *whispers to the person* Your underwear is showing. Then I could see that being 100% okay, I’d want someone to tell me the same.”
“But OP brought it to the sister instead, making it a ‘control your boyfriend’s wardrobe/behavior’ issue and not an issue of concern that boyfriend might be embarrassed and doesn’t realize his undies are out.” ~ Raspbers
“OP wasn’t trying to help – they said the thing was ‘peeking’ out but distracting enough that they stared ‘the whole time'”.
“Op went on to say it was unprofessional and ruining family gatherings. But nobody else was bothered and nothing was ruined.”
“This wasn’t a ‘hey, you’re having a wardrobe malfunction FYI” bc that wouldn’t ruin anything or make someone ‘frustrated and confused”’.
“There was definite judgment.”
“Otherwise, why include the bit about him being “sexually open” because of how he was raised?” ~
Others were just confused.
“I’m sitting here reading the top comments and wondering why the fuck so many people on here apparently find it so important to show their underwear at family gatherings?”
“It doesn’t matter if it’s a thong or not, it doesn’t matter if it’s a guy or a girl, it doesn’t matter if it’s 2022 or the 1950s.”
“Pull up your godd*mn pants when you’re sitting with family or anywhere, really.” ~ Sheyae
Our clothes are a deeply personal part of our identity.
Clothing can be a way to hide what we don’t like, or express the part of ourselves that we’re proudest of.
Remember to treat this choice with all the care you’d treat any deeply personal part of the people you care for.