The choice to become vegan has gotten easier over the last few years. There are many more products available to consumers and most restaurants now offer vegan options.
But the choice isn’t for everyone.
Some people can’t get the nutrients they need for their particular body chemistry on a vegan diet while other people thrive on it. Humans come in a vast variety of configurations and everyone should do what’s best for them.
But what about when it comes to parents and their minor children? Who should decide if they are vegan? And at what age should the child be able to start making their own food choices?
A teen at odds with his vegan father turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Creepy-Target-2874 asked:
“AITA for eating meat at my aunt’s house when my dad wasn’t around?”
The original poster (OP) explained—without the use of capitalization:
“so I’m 15, male, and I live with my dad (45, male) and his boyfriend, Mark (40, male).”
“my mum died from cancer when I was 9, and then a year later, Dad came out as gay and started dating Mark. They’ve been together since, and I’m cool with it. I just want Dad to be happy.”
“the issue is that since Dad got with Mark, he’s become this hardcore vegan. Like, out of nowhere, we went from eating normal food to everything being plant-based.”
“At first, I thought it would just be at home, but nope. Dad decided that I’m not allowed to eat anything that’s not vegan even when I’m not at home.”
“He says it’s about ‘ethics’ and not supporting animal cruelty, which I get, but I don’t see why I can’t make my own choices when I’m away from home.”
“So here’s where I might’ve messed up. I stay with my aunt (my mum’s sister) every other weekend.”
“She’s always been really chill and doesn’t have all these crazy rules like Dad. A few weeks ago, I was at my aunt’s place, and she asked if I wanted a burger for dinner.”
“Dad wasn’t there, so I figured, why not? I haven’t had meat in forever, and I was really missing it.”
“I ate the burger. It was amazing, honestly.”
“I didn’t think it was a big deal since it wasn’t at home and Dad wasn’t around. But then, when Dad came to pick me up, my aunt mentioned it.”
“she wasn’t trying to cause drama; she casually brought it up, and Dad lost it. He flipped out on my aunt, saying she was disrespecting him and his choices and that she shouldn’t be feeding me stuff that goes against his rules.”
“Then he turned on me, calling me ungrateful and saying I’ve betrayed him and everything he’s been trying to teach me. Since then, he’s been giving me the silent treatment and hasn’t talked to me at all.”
“It’s super awkward at home now.”
“I feel like I was just making my own decision, especially since I wasn’t even at home. But now I’m wondering if I should’ve respected his rules even when I was not with him.”
“I really don’t want to hurt him, but this whole thing feels so unfair. I’m moving out as soon as I turn 16. I have money from my mum, and you’re allowed to leave without parents’ consent at 16.”
“AITA for eating meat at my aunt’s place when dad wasn’t around?”
“Should i have just stuck to his vegan rules even when i’m not at home?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I might be the a**hole because I knew my dad’s strict rules about being vegan and chose to break them when I was at my aunt’s place. even though i wasn’t at home, i was still aware that dad expects me to follow his vegan lifestyle no matter where i am.”
“By eating meat, I went against what he’s been trying to teach me and what he clearly feels strongly about. I can see why he’s upset and why he might think I disrespected him and his beliefs.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. Flipping out on you and your aunt is not okay. And giving you the silent treatment? That’s a control tactic and not healthy in any relationship.”
“You’re more than old enough to be able to make your own choices about your diet, if you’d like to be vegan or not. Him making that choice for you is what’s unethical.”
“He doesn’t have the right to force that lifestyle on you, especially when you’re not in his home. I think it’s up to you to decide if it’s best to grin and bear it until you’re 18 and hopefully able to move out on your own, or start standing firm in what you want in your own diet.”
“Either way, I think it’s worth talking it over with a counselor at school, to help you navigate this. The way he’s treating you around this subject isn’t okay.” ~ CrimsonKnight_004
“NTA. I believe that your father’s reaction and behavior is way, way, out of line. At 15, you are perfectly capable of making your own decisions about what you eat.”
“Of course, at home it’s your father’s rules, but otherwise this is just controlling and isolating—assuming you can no longer visit your aunt—and is just weird and stupid.” ~ insuranceguynyc
“NTA. You’re growing into adulthood. You need to be able to make your own decisions. In a few years, you’ll be in college and making a lot of your own choices.”
“Your father is being completely unreasonable—not uncommon for a convert. As long as you don’t bring meat into his house, it shouldn’t make any difference to him.”
“Veganism is HIS choice, not yours.” ~ FuzzyMom2005
“NTA. At 15 years old, you’re certainly capable of considering your own options, deciding which values you hold, etc…”
“Your dad clearly feels very strongly about veganism; but in the end, you’re not him. He seems to be forgetting that.” ~ PersonWithANameMaybe
“NTA. I don’t think it’s fair for your dad to be forcing his beliefs regarding food on you like that, especially outside of the home.”
“If it were me, I’d continue to eat how I want outside of the home and just be more careful to ensure he won’t find out.” ~ Stranger0nReddit
“NTA, but your father is. You are old enough to decide for yourself what you eat.”
“I understand your father not paying for meat groceries or wanting meat in his house, but outside of his house, you are entitled to exercise free choice. I say that as a vegetarian.” ~ Aw_Yeah_Nuh
The OP provided an update:
“so it’s been a couple of days since i posted and things have changed a bit. thanks to everyone who commented.”
“so after I posted, I decided I needed to seriously talk to my dad because the silent treatment was getting unbearable. I sat him down and told him how I felt about everything.”
“I get that he’s really into being vegan now, and I respect that, but I also feel like I should be able to make my own choices, especially when I’m not at home. And then I showed him the AITA post, and he was shocked how so many people didn’t agree with him.”
“at first, he was still really mad and kept saying he just wants to protect me from making bad decisions. But then Mark actually spoke up, which was surprising because he usually stays out of it.”
“He told my dad that while it’s important to teach me about ethics, it’s also important to let me figure out my own beliefs and make my own choices. They talked for a while without me, and when Dad returned, he apologized.”
“He said he realized he might have been too strict and that he shouldn’t have forced his beliefs on me so hard, especially when I’m not at home. He still hopes I’ll consider being vegan when I’m older, but he said he’ll try to respect my choices more from now on.”
“He also called my aunt and apologized for his reaction. She was really cool about it and said she just wanted what’s best for me, which I already knew.”
“so we’re all good now. Things are still a bit awkward at home, but it’s getting better.”
“dad even asked if i wanted to help him cook one of his favourite vegan meals this weekend, which i agreed to. i’m not going fully vegan or anything, but it feels like we’re in a better place now.”
“So yeah, that’s where things are. Thanks again to everyone who helped me figure out how to talk to my dad without making things worse.”
It’s good to see a happy resolution.
Hopefully OP will reconsider his decision to move out at 16.
As one Redditor put it:
“I sincerely hope you reconsider moving out at 16. Life on your own is hard, even if you have plenty of money.”
“Don’t rush to grow up. Adulthood is highly overrated.”