Food sensitivities are similar to allergies, but usually don’t create the histamines an allergic reaction does.
They can, however, create severe abdominal pain, vomiting, and gastrointestinal distress. Because of this, people should respect a person’s food sensitivities.
But then, people should also respect a person’s food preferences, even if there is no medical reason behind them.
A man whose friend decided to ignore both food preferences and sensitivities turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
AITA_BoneBroth asked:
“AITA for losing my temper over bone broth being added to a soup?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My girlfriend, A (24, female) and I (23, male) are ovo-lacto [eat eggs and dairy] vegetarian and have been for approximately six months or so because she developed a sudden involuntary negative reaction to meat and some animal products.”
“At best, she’ll spit out the offending bite and rinse her mouth out, and at worst she’ll get sick almost immediately. She’s gone to her primary care and is seeing a therapist, but we have yet to know why she reacts this way.”
“Any meat, from mammal to poultry to fish, triggers this reaction in her if she consumes it. Even sufficiently ‘meaty’ vegan products that imitate the taste and texture of meat too well can set it off in her.”
“I opted to cut meat out of my diet as well, considering I do most of the cooking and it’s easier to make us both the same meals rather than worry about cross contamination. I’ve grown to prefer some of the meatless alternatives of our normal fare, and seeing her unabashedly enjoy my food makes me feel warm and content.”
“One of the worst ingredients that triggers a reaction in her is bone broth. I used to drink and cook with it beforehand, but nowadays I use mushroom broth and I don’t notice much of a difference except when shopping as it tends to be in stock at my local grocer even when the meat alternatives aren’t.”
“Sometimes I even switch out instant ramen seasoning for mushroom bouillon base with dried veggies if I’m feeling lazy and want something quick.”
“We have a shared friend, B (24, male) who invites us and a few others, including C (23M), over occasionally for dinner and a hangout. He’s a much better cook than I am.”
“He invited us over group chat recently, even offering to send a few recipes he’d been considering making by us to make sure he could accommodate.”
“I clarified in the group chat that both myself and A were ovo-lacto vegetarian, so I assumed everyone understood bone broth would be something neither of us could have.”
“A and I looked over the recipes B sent, and a minestrone recipe caught our eye, especially because it’s been soup weather, and I hadn’t had proper minestrone in ages. We told him what we thought, and he admitted it’s what he would’ve chosen too.”
“He sent a time and date to the group chat and all seemed well.”
“The day rolls around, and we arrive a little later than everyone else. We get settled in, and we serve ourselves some soup before sitting at the table.”
“A only had a single spoonful before immediately making a beeline for the bathroom. As soon as the bathroom door slammed shut, C shrunk in his seat and admitted to adding bone broth to the minestrone while B was greeting us as he felt it needed the flavor and didn’t think A was ‘really’ vegetarian.”
“C’s also in the group chat, which is probably how he got the idea to ‘test’ A in his head.”
“This is where I may be the a**hole. I laid into C, calling him, among other things, a f*cking idiot for tampering with food someone else made and a piece of sh*t for doing it knowing full well it was supposed to be vegetarian and making my girlfriend sick.”
“I told him I never wanted to see his face again and left for home with A as soon as she got out of the bathroom and had rinsed her mouth out.”
“Now the group chat is in shambles. A says she appreciates me standing up for her, but feels bad for ‘causing a scene’.”
“AITA?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I feel like I shouldn’t have lashed out at C, despite how I felt about it, because A is rather non-confrontational and feels bad about causing a scene.”
“I also feel guilty for losing my temper and potentially ruining A’s relationship with the group. My outburst also ruined a dinner B worked hard on, regardless of C’s tampering.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. A recent article talked about an increase in meat allergies. It’s called alpha-gal syndrome (AGS), and it’s caused by a bite from the lone star tick. I think someone else mentioned it also.” ~ Ntooishun
“It’s particularly well known to occur from lone star ticks and Australian paralysis ticks, but AGS can come from other ticks too.”
“It also could stem from the pork-cat syndrome, where a person has cross-reactivity from a cat allergy to pork. It’s pretty rare but does result in an immediate reaction whereas alpha-gal syndrome is usually a delayed reaction.”
“Other people have mentioned the nocebo effect, which is likely, especially if she had a series of really violent reactions while trying to figure out the boundaries. But she also could have a really rare allergy to a protein only in animal cells.”
“It’s probably not worth the risk to figure it out. Y’all have a system that keeps her safe, no point in poking the bear.”
“Either way, NTA. Your friend is 100% the a**hole, and purposely lacing food with an allergen is poisoning and is a crime.”
“Not sure I would want to hang out with someone who would risk the safety of others because they couldn’t take someone’s word at face value.” ~ MathiasKejseren
“NTA, and you’re a good boyfriend for not only sticking up for her, but also changing your eating habits to help support her.”
“Did she have COVID prior to this meat aversion? Asking because my aunt had it four years ago, and even the smell of pork makes her nauseated now (and this is a woman who’d buy extra hams at Xmas & Easter so she’d never run out).”
“My best friend can no longer eat anything with peanut butter, which is sadly her favorite food. All the other side effects have worn off, but the specific food aversions remain.” ~ pgf314
“A 12-year-old kid adding peanuts to a sandwich to ‘disprove’ a peanut allergy in another classmate is one thing, but a grown man doing it to a supposed friend? That is just a whole other level of wrong.”
“He has no excuse. I mean seriously, this is behaviour you would expect from a child. Appalling behaviour from C.”
“I wouldnt be inviting him to any more dinners until he proves himself trustworthy around food, which he probably never will be able to unfortunately. Just a sad, perplexing and frustrating situation all around.”
“And I can’t imagine how B feels. He went to (I’m assuming) extra lengths to accommodate A’s allergy/food aversion/sickness, to make her feel safe at a friend’s dinner, only to have some f*ckwit contaminate the whole thing and basically spit on his hard work.”
“OP is NTA, A is NTA, B is NTA, but C is DEFINITELY the a**hole.” ~ ninetyninewyverns
“NTA. A is not really a vegetarian by choice—she is allergic to meat protein. So much worse to tamper with.” ~ Dry_Pickle_Juice_T
“NTA. This was nothing to do with flavour and 100% about C wanting to play ‘got cha’. If it was flavor, he’d have added it to his own or served yours & hers up first, then added it.”
“He knew exactly what he was doing and jumped to flavor as an excuse to cover himself. 100% right response. Food tampering and allergy testing are idiotic and dangerous.” ~ Lollipopwalrus
“NTA. I don’t see anything you did wrong. C, on the other hand, is a huge a-hole. Make sure A knows this isn’t their fault. This is all on C.” ~ CSurvivor9
“The idea that an invited guest would deliberately tamper with a meal they didn’t make, at someone else’s house, just to prove a suspicion, is absolutely insane. What the f*ck? Obviously NTA.” ~ Silvanus350
“NTA. He basically just admitted to poisoning your girlfriend. He didn’t think she was ‘really a vegetarian’? That’s ridiculous.”
“I would say that you could be more clear with your dietary restrictions in the future to prevent anyone from not taking it seriously again, but it seems like he knew what he was doing and just didn’t know how serious it was (it’s still a major crossing of boundaries).” ~ Specialist-Spring452
“Or C is just one of those a**holes that dislike vegetarianism and have to f*ck with vegetarians whenever they can. My grandma is one of those people.”
“She snuck meat in my food more than once when I became a vegetarian at 12 and yelled at me after eating it that meat wasn’t so bad and I should just eat like a normal person.”
“I am 38 now, vegetarian since age 12, and vegan for over 15 years now. She still hates my eating habits.” ~ MxLydecker
“Testing” someone’s food sensitivities is not just disrespectful, it’s dangerous.
Just don’t do it.