How do you react to someone using something of yours without permission? Would your opinion change if it's something you never use?
Redditor Roadway-Livid4930 is blind, which means they don't have a vehicle. This has led to a dispute with the original poster (OP)'s neighbor.
OP isn't sure if they overreacted and needed an outside opinion. To that end, they asked the "Am I the A**hole" (AITA) subReddit about what went down.
They're curious if this was wrong:
"AITA for having my neighbour's vehicles towed?"
Why is OP in this situation?
"In my neighbourhood the homes have a garage which has room for one vehicle, and a driveway with room for a second. I'm visually impaired (no sight) so I don't have a vehicle."
"A friend stopped by and thought I already had company because there was a vehicle in my driveway. Luckily she had been jogging otherwise she wouldn't have had anywhere to park since that vehicle was in my driveway and was blocking the garage."
"It was still there when she left. She wrote a note saying this is private property and to please move and not park there."
"The vehicle was parking there. Another friend put up a no parking sign. My next door neighbour saw the sign said the vehicle belonged to Jane (neighbour from across the street)."
"I went over and asked Jane to not park there. Jane said her fiancée just moved in and because Jane already had two vehicles because one is hers for her work (she is apparently self-employed) they needed somewhere for the third vehicle and I'm not using my driveway so they are using it."
"I'll note here Jane/her fiancée never asked if they could use my driveway. They just went ahead. If I could see I obviously would have noticed right away but I had no idea."
"My next door neighbours on either side of me thought I was doing them a favour since Jane's been parking there for months. I also found out from them Jane's fiancée parked in my driveway before she moved in when she visited."
"My job just recently went fully remote and my company has given up our office space completely. Before they sold our office space this summer I still had to go into work. Jane's fiancée works a different shift so I didn't know."
"I told Jane she didn't have permission and I sent her a registered letter too."
"She still parked there so I got a tow truck to come. Jane got angry at me and she said she will take me to court to get the fees back. A week after Jane's vehicle was towed I fell going to my mailbox because there was a car in the driveway and I bumped into it."
"It was Jane's fiancée's personal car. She parked in my driveway because Jane didn't want her work vehicle to be towed again. Jane is saying she'll take me to court for the fees for this tow too."
"She also said it's my fault I fell because I didn't have my white my cane. I never use it on my own property and I'm overreacting because no one is using my driveway so they should be able to."
"The police came when I fell because an ambulance came and they told Jane and her fiancée to stop parking here."
"Apparently they can't afford the fees so the towing company still has Jane's fiancée's car. Jane and her fiancée say I'm a horrible neighbour/prick ETC. not letting them use the driveway and causing them these headaches."
"I don't feel like the a**hole in this situation. But I can't drive and I don't really understand the importance of having a vehicle. A few of my acquaintances have agreed with Jane and say I'm a massive prick for calling the tow trucks."
"I'd like honest opinions from people with no stake in this."
As OP points out, they don't understand the importance of having a vehicle, but Jane and her fiancée are also doing this without permission. Was calling tow trucks a step too far?
To find out, Reddit commenters judge OP by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You're the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The commenters agreed that it doesn't matter that OP doesn't drive, it's their property and they didn't give Jane permission to park there.
Additionally, they didn't just call a tow truck immediately, they took reasonable escalation by leaving a note for Jane not to park there, putting up no parking signs, asked Jane directly, and even sent a registered letter.
OP was NTA for calling the tow trucks, especially after all that.
"NTA by a long shot. Jane and her fiance are entitled jerks who think that other people's private property is theirs to do as they see fit with."
"Call the police every single time this happens, until it never happens again. Your neighbours are bullies." – eternalgard
"NTA. Just because you're not using your driveway doesn't make it up for grabs to anyone that wants a parking spot."
"You gave her many chances to correct her misbehavior and she refused. You're 100% in the right to have an uninvited vehicle removed from YOUR property." - -bbbbbbbbbb-
"You are NTA here, obviously. It's your driveway, they have no right to park there without your permission, and they were intentionally taking advantage of your blindness -- they probably figured you'd never notice."
"Jane is TA, her fiance is TA, and so are your acquaintances who agree with her." – PingPongProfessor
"Yep. This one. I'll bet anything they even had a conversation about it. 'They're blind, it's not like they'll see it!'"
"These people are horrible and they're trying to take advantage of your disability. They're disgusting, and I hope they paid/will pay for your medical bills after your fall." – PenguinsReallyDoFly
"NTA. It's your property and you have the right to tell people they can or can't park there. Not your problem if she can't afford the fees to get the car back."
"Keep towing them. If she sues for the towing fees, she has no standing in court." - nolagirl110977
OP's friends who are saying that they're the a**hole should be scrutinized. OP has been more than fair to Jane to get her to stop.
If Jane wants to not get her vehicles towed, she should just stop parking in OP's driveway. Easy solution.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.