There are a lot of twins in my family with some on both sides. Interestingly, they’re all fraternal male/female twins.
No identical twins, no sets of twin girls or twin boys—all fraternal sets of one boy and one girl. My paternal side has three sets in the last three generations.
But my maternal side has over a dozen. There’s not a single branch on my Mother’s family tree that doesn’t have at least one set of twins.
Perhaps it’s due to their genders, but the twins in my family aren’t any closer than any other sibling pair or in some cases even less close than I am with my Sisters.
That supposed twin bond doesn’t seem as prevalent. Is there even such a thing or is it merely a fable?
A twin who chose her future brother-in-law’s feelings over the privacy of her sister’s confided conversation turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
New_Yogurt7297 asked:
“AITA for telling my sister’s boyfriend to not propose to her?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (28, female) have a fraternal twin sister who is dating my fiancé’s (34, male) younger brother (29, male). My fiancé and I are getting married in September.”
“My sister has made several comments about how awful my new last name will be. She has also said similar things throughout her relationship.”
“She told me that she could never marry her boyfriend because she just can’t have this last name. I told her that she doesn’t have to take his last name, there are plenty of women who keep their maiden name when they get married for various reasons.”
“She disagrees and said that she doesn’t want to keep our maiden name, she wants to have a traditional marriage where she takes her husband’s last name.”
“Last weekend she went with me to buy clothes for my honeymoon. While we were out I asked her what if her boyfriend proposed to her?”
“They’ve been dating for 3 years now and my fiancé told me that his brother was looking at engagement rings. I didn’t tell her this, but simply brought it up in regular conversation since we were shopping for my honeymoon outfits.”
“She kept saying, ‘I can’t wait to try on wedding dresses one day’ and the like. She told me she would say ‘only if you change your last name’.”
“I told her that was really selfish of her to give an ultimatum like that to someone who loved her and wanted to marry her. She rolled her eyes at me.”
“So I said, ‘seriously, would you really turn him down because of his last name?’ And she firmly said, ‘yes, I just can’t have that name’.”
“So I asked why she was even with him knowing it won’t lead to marriage and she replied, ‘I don’t know’. I just dropped it.”
“Yesterday, her boyfriend came over to hang out with my fiancé and pulled up photos of rings to ask my opinion on which one my sister would like. I told him the truth.”
“She won’t marry him. That she will say no if he asks because of his last name. He asked me if she told me this and I told him yes.”
“He broke up with her today. He didn’t tell her why, but my sister knows it was because of me.”
“Now my aunt and uncle—who raised us—are upset with me and said that it’s going to be really uncomfortable at my wedding for everyone. But, wouldn’t it still have been if he asked and she said no?”
“Should I have just let it play out?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I told my sister’s boyfriend to not propose to her because she told me she would say no. He broke up with her because of this.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“Oof. Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don’t think there really a way to win in this scenario.”
“Especially if he was hoping to buy the ring and propose before your wedding. Maybe if you could have persuaded him to wait until after the wedding… but then he still may have wanted to go ahead and buy the ring.”
“I guess it’s better for him to know that she wouldn’t marry him because of his last name—damn, she’s petty… and clearly doesn’t love him that much—before he drops a pretty penny on a nice ring.”
“Whether they broke up now, or when he proposed and she said ‘no’—especially if before your wedding—your wedding festivities would always be awkward. He’s the groom’s younger brother!”
“Sorry for the drama that’s happening now, and that the taint of drama will consume the lives of her twin being married to her ex’s brother and them always being attached. Oy. NTA.” ~ fallingintopolkadots
“I seriously can’t imagine being willing to throw away an entire person over a god damn name. Like sure, some last names are goofy and it would kind of suck to be stuck with one, but that just seems so inconsequential in the grand scheme of things.”
“I would have done the same thing as him and dumped her, because it means two things: one is that you know the relationship has an expiration date, but two is that you now know how shallow she is. NTA.” ~ TheSecondEikonOfFire
“NTA. It’s not about last name. It’s about disrespect. She does not accept him as a person, but like a cartoon character judging him by his last name.”
“I don’t know, it could be also genuine childish idiotism, which is not better. I hate such statements behind a person’s back, he deserved to know.” ~ Trespassingw
“I could absolutely see myself not wanting to take someone’s last name because I didn’t like it, but she loses me when she’s not willing to just keep her own.”
“Her mindset on this is super immature and kinda trashy. NTA.” ~ dougan25
“NTA—you saved your future brother-in-law some major embarrassment. And money on the ring.” ~ XplodingFairyDust
“I think the sister lost her right to handle it herself when she let this go on for 3 whole years. When it got to the point of putting OP in the position of knowing her sister will say ‘no’ and continuing to lead him on until he actually proposes.”
“She let this escalate to the point where OPs future marriage is potentially in the balance here because the fiancé and his younger brother would be very upset to find out that OP knew this information all along and didn’t say anything—especially when they started discussing it with OP and asking opinions on rings.”
“Sister was never going to have the conversation.”
“She was going to wait until he bought a ring, hyped himself up, potentially spends a good chunk of money just for some really special fancy proposal plan to make it special for her (maybe a vacation or very nice restaurant) and allow this man to do all of this and propose to her because he believes the woman he’s been dating the last 3 years of his life, will be the woman he dedicates the rest of his life to.”
“Just to be turned down because of a last name, especially when she knew she’s always felt this way. She has wasted 3 years of this man’s life, and has now caused drama in an upcoming marriage. Yeah, OP is NTA.” ~ StaffVegetable8703
“I factor in that he’s her fiancés brother. He is going to be in her life possibly as long as her sister is. So to me, that changes things. NTA.”
“This isn’t just some guy off the street. And if her fiancé ever figured out she was keeping that secret, that would be a bad start to their marriage.”
“Though maybe she would have been better off telling her fiancé, who could then have broken the news to his brother himself. Would have taken a little of the heat off of her.” ~ poohslinger
“OP had to choose between doing her sister a solid and embarrassing her brother-in-law, or doing her brother-in-law a solid and saving him the embarrassment, possibly at the cost of her sister’s relationship.”
“Her twin sister put her in that position by dating someone who is OP’s family with no intention of pursuing a long-term commitment with him because of his last name.”
“Sister sh*t where OP eats. If she wants her sister (OP) to mind her own business, she should probably date people who aren’t related to OP’s future husband.” ~ hummingbee-
The OP provided an update of sorts.
“My sister is only upset with me because she didn’t get to turn him down when he proposed and I ruined that for her.”
“She’s not upset that the relationship ended. She’s upset that she wasn’t the one who got to end it.”
It sounds like OP helped this guy dodge a bullet and some public embarrassment.
If that upsets her twin, so be it.