Having a baby is the most physically and emotionally exhausting experiences a person can go through. And, right after you are left with a crying baby who needs constant attention.
This is why new moms need help!
Redditor Depressed-Side3077 encountered this very issue with her husband. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
AITA for breaking my promise to my husband and letting others meet our newborn before him?
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (F25) moved away from my town and to my husband’s (M32) hometown after we got married. The main reason is because he suffers from a medical chronic condition and needs to be near his family.”
“I was pregnant with our first baby and was nearing my due date when my husband had to travel out of town for work for 2 weeks. Because of this he couldn’t be with me in the delivery room which wasn’t expected.”
“I wanted to ask mom to come be with me but he assured me that his family are there to help and I shouldn’t be worried. He then made me promise that I don’t let anyone see our son for the first time in person before him besides his stepmom who was supposed to be there for me and I agreed.”
“His stepmom was with me when I went into labor but she stayed away since she is the type that doesn’t get too involved and keeps her distance. She’s also the ‘I don’t do diapers’ type meaning she doesn’t offer help with the baby and I shouldn’t be expecting it.”
“She dropped me and my son off at home and asked that I only call if there’s an emergency.”
OP had no one to turn to.
“I felt helpless I asked my neighbor for few favors but needed real help with the baby so I called my mom (she new I’d just given birth) and asked if she could come help me and she drove 4 hours to come stay with me.”
“She helped out tremendously and I’m so so grateful for that.”
“My husband stayed away for few more days then came home. Once he saw my mom he got so upset repeatedly saying I broke the promise that I made him by not letting others meet our son before him and I explained that I needed help and he brought up his stepmom but I replied that she dropped me off and left that’s it.”
“Besides, he and mom are on good terms I didn’t get why he was mad she met her grandbaby which was inevitable.”
“He said it wasn’t about mom since it could’ve been anybody else but it was about me disrespecting his wishes and breaking the promise I made. He reminded me that he’s also the parent and he gets a say too.”
“At this point I said he was overreacting but he replied that I forever tainted the memory of his son’s birth and broke his trust and proved to him that my word ‘is worth shit’ now.”
OP’s mom tried to help.
“Mom tried to give us space but I said she did nothing wrong she came to help after his stepmom left so I can’t be blamed for asking for help.”
“He told me to stop giving him excuses and admit I wronged him with what I did and then started avoiding me and just kept focusing his attention on our son.”
“He keeps acting cold towards me calling me a selfish promise breaker and expecting me to make it up to him. He wanted an apology but I haven’t given him that yet.”
“ETA We did talk to each other on the phone several times and he already knew that his stepmom refused to stay with me and told me to just call if something happens but I didn’t tell him about calling me mom knowing how he’d react and decided to wait til he got home so we could talk about it.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. He prevented you from organising help for yourself. He didn’t come home after the brith. My SO would be single and I mean that.”
“Edit: thank you all for the awards.” ~ CakeEatingRabbit
“Yeah, I would OP need to get rid of the ultimate AHole, OP just had her baby and he is out of town his step-mother left her alone and can someone guess how hard is it for her? She have every right to call her mother and i think her husband is so selfish too, NTA OP.” ~ BOSSBABY33
“I honestly think everybody calling her the ahole for breaking her promise doesn’t have kids, not even to think birthed one. Besides an extreme lack of empathy, there is no explanation for me.” ~ CakeEatingRabbit
“Seriously. He was making it all about him. She was the one pushing a human being out of her body – she needed support and help, and instead of doing everything he could to make sure she was supported when he couldn’t be there, he cut her off from all support and dictated what she could and couldn’t do.”
“It doesn’t even sound like she’s close to his stepmom – how cruel is it to leave his laboring wife with someone you choose for her and not who she wants? His selfishness is way next level.” ~ Music_withRocks_In
“His selfishness is borderline if not actually abusive. She just went thru a major medical event and had no support and he dictated everything and got mad at her for calling for help? Oh hell no.”
“Edit to add: NTA” ~ anxiouskitten9031
“Oh, this is def abuse. I’ve hardly ever been as angry to read a post here. I do not have children nor do I plan on having them, but if it was me in the stepmoms place, I would’ve gotten over all of my prissiness and helped her with everything she needed, because she is as vulnerable as a person can get, and just dumping her and telling her not to call unless something really bad happens is simply cruel. How could his stepmom sleep at night?”
“And the husband, holy crap. entirely ditched her, is letting his stepmom ditching her slide, and demanded that he sees his new toy first. Why can’t it be her mom? Because her mom actually helped, which makes it less convenient to put his wife in horrible situation so she gets accustomed to his violence, effectively slowing the reeducation process.”
“OP you are going to be a single mother of two children if you don’t up and LEAVE. Your mom will help you much more than he does, and money will be less of an issue since this type tends to be financially abusive too.”
“This man WILL NOT take care of his son, will grow a resent towards him once he starts having opinions, and then not only will you be raising two children, you’re also going to have to deal with incessant bickering and impulsive behaviors on your husband’s side.”
“Please, leave. He cares more about seeing the kid first than making sure you’re both safe and taken care of. He sucks. You’re an angel. Send him packing.”
“NTA.” ~ DitaVonPita
Took the words right out of my mouth.