A mother of two children who separated from her ex is co-parenting, which seems to be working out well for the couple as the breakup was amicable.
But the harmonious situation changed when the ex’s new wife entered the picture.
After a series of dramatic events, including a legal dispute, the woman had a confrontation with the wife that made her feel conflicted.
Having nowhere else to turn, she visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.
There, Redditor InternationalTaro233 asked:
“AITA for rolling my eyes at my ex’s wife when she asked me for compassion?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (33 f[female]) broke up with the father of my two children (11 m[ale] and 9 m[ale]) 7 years ago. We weren’t married or anything but our breakup was amicable and we co-parented on good terms for a couple of years.”
“Then he met his wife and once I met her things changed. It was clear she didn’t like me or the fact that ex and I could get along.”
“When we met she called me the kids ‘other mom’ implying she was the mom and she glared daggers in my direction when I told her I was the other mom but just the mom.”
“She would call them her boys and she said she was a boy mom whenever she was speaking to me. She tried to push my ex back and ordered all communication about them go through her instead of him and when I refused she told me I didn’t have the right.”
The OP continued:
“Once that fight happened she started sending me photo updates whenever ex and her had a day out with the boys or if they did anything with them for a significant amount of time. She’d text me anywhere from three to five photos and say she had a great day with her husband and her children. I saved all of that because I didn’t like her attitude toward me.”
“When I tried talking to my ex about it he told me she was trying really hard to be good to the boys and I needed to accept it and help her take on an active second mom role because they had trouble getting the boys bonded to her. I told him how she spoke to me wasn’t acceptable and he said it came from insecurity and he felt like I was a big enough person to know that.”
The OP continued hearing from the woman.
“While we were talking she texted me saying I had no right to discuss her children with her husband. I showed ex and he told me it was just her being insecure. But this was the breakdown in our co-parenting relationship because I didn’t appreciate the fact I was supposed to let his wife walk all over me and push me out eventually because it was clear she wanted that.”
“She’d get into a snit anytime she wasn’t given full parental access. Which means when she wasn’t able to add her family and friends to the school pickup list and she wasn’t able to change which pediatrician they went to see. Ex never fought me too hard on that stuff but she sure as hell tried to. She also hated that she couldn’t take them out of state to visit her relatives whenever she wanted.”
Things continued to escalate.
“She introduced herself as the kids mom every single time we went to a PT conference or she showed up at a medical appointment for our youngest who has some health issues.”
“We actually returned to court twice over this. Ex and her were told by the judge that she was not the mother of the children and she did not have the right to impersonate me when it came to school or medical settings. The judge also warned that the court would not take kindly to any alienation of the children.”
“Ex’s wife tried to claim I was engaging in it and that the proof was in the kids not calling her mom even though they were very young when she became their mom. The judge asked for proof and claimed that wasn’t proof.”
“The second time there was a documented incident of her saying she was the kids real mom in front of them and the judge restricted certain things she can do. She can’t do drop offs of the kids and she can’t show up to appointments or school meetings that require both parents.”
“That decision pissed her off immensely but the good thing is she contacts me far less now and that works for me. I try to make something like co-parenting work with my ex and I focus on the kids. But apparently ex and her have been through some stuff.”
“She found out she can’t have biological children and they were rejected for adoption. The boys have expressed that they don’t like her, which I knew a little about because ex requested permission for family therapy for them which I consented to because we already had the boys in individual therapy. But therapy is not helping to foster a closer relationship.”
“She came to me when they had the boys and info dumped all of this onto me at the front door to my house. I almost closed the door on her which she noticed but kept talking about her issues and then told me to have some compassion for her and at least hear her out and try to help since we’re both the mothers of the boys.”
“I rolled my eyes when she asked me for compassion. I didn’t even try to hide it. And I had no sympathy for her. None. I can’t say I’m upset that my kids don’t like her seeing as I think it would open up the avenue for her to try harder to push me out and would possibly open them up to being alienated against me.”
“She got into another snit at the door and I told her to leave. She was insulting me but I moved away from the door so I couldn’t hear her. She followed up with 10 texts that night and then my ex told me I owed his wife an apology for rolling my eyes at her.”
“Now maybe I was wrong to roll my eyes at her like that. Maybe I could have been more mature.”
“So I’ll ask AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
“NTA. Your husbands new wife is a few fruit loops short of a full bowl of cereal. She is NOT playing with a full deck of cards. Her mental elevator stalls at the 4th floor.”
“How was she so rude and nasty towards you then basically begs you to get your kids to ‘like her’ (whatever that means idk i assume she wanted to be placated meaning you tell them to be nice and treat her the same way they do you) which is insane in itself.” – RegularOk9432
“You may have to go back to court again. She sounds absolutely bananas. Six and a half beers short of a 6 pack, kind of nuts. And if she is being this obnoxious and demanding to you, just imagine the crap she is saying and doing to your boys.”
“This can’t be healthy for them. I’m sure they love their father, but it doesn’t mean they have to spend time with her. At this point, an argument could be made that your ex is neglecting your children’s well-being by forcing Looney Linda’s Literal Lunacy upon them.”
“And next time she asks for compassion, ask her where her compassion for YOUR sons has been all these years, that if she cares about them like she lies and claims she does, then she would heed their wishes and back off.” – Butterfly_Chasers
“B*tch was hoping your kids would reject you and accept only her as their mother. And she wanted YOU to be on board with that. People who are that insanely focused on being a parent should not be a parent at all. Imagine how she’d screw up her own kid or an adoptee.” – StructureKey2739
“NTA.”
“Three questions – have you tried a co parenting app? Not sure it would work here because he’d probably just give her access but wanted to ask.”
“Have you considered a cease and desist at this point to stop her harassment?”
“Have you tried third party drop offs/pickups, so you can cease all contact?”
“Just curious what you’ve tried at this point because she needs mental health help, and you need safety for you and your kids.” – ragesadnessallinone
The OP responded.
“I’ll be honest that a cease and desist had never crossed my mind. But it’s something I will look at now.”
“We didn’t do a co-parenting app but we do use email for any formal requests, etc. It was to have a paper trail for the judge.”
“No third party exchanges. But she isn’t allowed to be at them anymore. It can only be ex and myself. She can’t even be with him during exchanges of the kids because of her behavior.”
Overall, Redditors continued being slack-jawed over the bonkers scenario and extended concerns for the kids’ well being.
Thy also continued encouraging the OP to seek legal advice in the matter as the problem won’t just go away on its own.