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Guy Second-Guesses Having Kids With Wife After Learning She’ll Refuse To Vaccinate Them

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Imagine being so in love with your partner that you’ve married them and are ready to take the next step, trying to have kids with them, when you realize that you share an extreme difference of opinion.

When two people want to have children but disagree about medical care or disciplining styles, the users of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit pointed out, they might have to ask themselves if parenting together would be the best choice.

Redditor smoothkriminal007 loved his wife and was excited to start growing a family together.

But when his wife expressed her extreme dislike of early vaccinations, the Original Poster (OP) questioned if he could ever have children with her in the future.

He asked the sub:

“AITAH because I’m second guessing having kids due to our opposing views on vaccinating them?”

The OP had been excited to start trying to have children with his wife.

“My wife (32 Female) and I (35 Male) are trying to have a baby, but we have since come to opposing views on whether to vaccinate any future children.”

“I am for immunizations against things like meningitis and measles, mumps, rubella, and polio as they are recommended.”

But he had reservations after hearing how his wife felt about vaccinations. 

“My wife is not and prefers to wait at least five to seven years before administering any vaccines as she is concerned about ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) or other harmful side effects based on what she has seen on TikTok and Instagram videos.”

“I’ve since been putting having a child on hold until we can come to an agreement and my wife isn’t happy…”

“AITAH?”

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some told the OP they’d question the whole marriage, not just parenting children. 

“You want to start a family with someone who takes medical advice off TikTok? I’d be second-guessing that relationship.”

“She may try to cure your future ailments with kind thoughts and an unknown tincture off Temu and end up poisoning you.”

“Honestly, give her a medical journal outlining the benefits of vaccination over not. If she’s still against the idea, get a vasectomy or divorce papers. “ – PlanetLibrarian

“NTA, but your wife is an uneducated moron who should not be reproducing under any circumstances.” – TheLastGerudo

“NTA, but your wife’s stance is concerning. You might want to rethink the relationship before having kids.”

“Man, that would suck. Finding the love of your life and settling down with them to start a family, just to then one day have her mention not wanting to get any future kids vaccinated like it’s any old thing. Because she saw something on TikTok…”

“How can people just completely lose their minds about vaccines after all these years? It’s so stupid. I’m really sorry for what you’re going through, OP. What a blow.” – Asron87

“NTA. Do not have children with this woman.” – Lonely-World-981

“She values social media twits over the consensus of the scientific community.”

“There is absolutely no cure for terminal ignorance, which is the unwillingness to think critically and seek knowledge.”

“Someone says something on TikTok? Take 5 minutes to Google it, go to various sources like the CDC, Mayo Clinic, and Autism Speaks, and read up on it. Then, follow their links to the peer-reviewed published papers, and read those.”

“I understand reading scientific journal articles is difficult for lay people, but the sites linking them do a decent job of breaking them down for the general public.”

“I also understand there are issues with the Autism Speaks organization, just using it as one of many quickly accessible potential sources that explicitly debunks the vaccine-Autism myth.” – Marchesa_07

Others argued against assertions that vaccines cause ASD and similar disorders.

“As someone who wasn’t vaccinated in childhood and is autistic AF I can’t say I draw a parallel between the two. Definitely hereditary.”

“(Vaccinated now, though.)” – tulki123

“I’m a physician. The claims of ASD links with vaccines (specifically MMR) were widely debunked as the study was done in a very biased way.”

“Andrew Wakefield, the doctor who did the study is now a pariah and lost all credibility. PS, He was being paid by the company making the single measles vaccine for whom the MMR vaccine was the main competition.”

“The journal that published the paper had to withdraw it and publish a groveling apology. There was a huge scandal.”

“Medical decisions should be left to experts who study for decades in order to have the ability to look at the evidence and offer the correct advice. not idiot influencers with not even basic scientific knowledge.”

“For me, anyone who is a conspiracy theorist (which antivaxxers basically are) gives me a massive ick because it says a lot about their critical thinking (i.e. they have none), I absolutely would not have children with them.”

“We have unvaccinated children dying or left with awful disabilities due to measles in the UK right now. There is also a resurgence of diseases that had previously been eradicated due to vaccines, all because some people think they are smarter than everyone else.” – AdmirableCost5692

“I accidentally told my friend that it is considered that ASD is hereditary from genetics, and now his anti-vax wife is cranky because her family has more people on the spectrum or have spectrum traits, while his pro-vax family has no one in the immediate family with traits or on the spectrum, only his step-aunt and step cousins have it.”

“I still am recovering from her death stares at the NYE party.” – OriginalDogeStar

“I used to be a librarian, and I did the storytime classes for kids and families.”

“After class one week, I overheard some of the moms talking, and one of them said that they needed to find a new pediatrician because her son’s doctor suggested that he might be Autistic. She said that wasn’t possible because he hadn’t been vaccinated, so clearly the doctor was wrong, and they needed to find a new one.”

“Given my years of experience working with kids, I agree that he was probably Autistic, but there was nothing I could do to convince her.”

“I still think about that poor kiddo a lot, growing up with no support in a family that wouldn’t acknowledge him for who he is. I desperately hope that he’s okay now.” – readthethings13579

Some said they wouldn’t want children to experience what they did while growing up.

“Those of us who are old enough to remember knew children who wore braces on their legs, had permanent limps, vision loss, and a whole host of disabilities as a result of these ‘harmless childhood diseases.'”

“We also remember children losing their lives to things children now get vaccinated against. We also knew many children with ADHD and ASD before these vaccines were available. They may or may not have been diagnosed but they were clearly neurodiverse (my family included).”

“They are too dim to understand that the study that linked ASD to vaccinations was deeply flawed and the people who ran the study have admitted they didn’t not find a link. These people are too dim to understand how dim they are and how foolish people think they are. It wouldn’t be an issue if they weren’t putting people’s lives and wellbeing at risk.” – PrincessAnnesFeather

“People also forget that not every country has a high vaccination rate (due to poverty and accessibility) and how devastating those diseases are to communities. People forget that they’re incredibly privileged.”

“I remember being seven and having to stay home for a week because my friend’s twin sister died from measles. I’m only 32! I’m sure her parents would’ve given life and limb to be able to have access to vaccinations back then. I can’t imagine losing my twin sister that young.” – lolliberryx

“My father worked the night shift, and I remember one summer waking up every morning to hear him come home and tell my mom, who had now come down with polio.”

“Some of them were our friends who went on to have permanent disabilities.”

“We had to stay close to home that summer, no swimming in the neighborhood pond allowed.”

“Soon after we were in long lines to get the vaccine on sugar cubes.”

“When I had children, I followed their vaccination schedule exactly with no negative results.” – Crnken

“On a minor scale, I’m from a generation that didn’t have the chicken pox vaccine. My mom sent me to a pox party in middle school, and I got a mild case of chicken pox. About four years ago (at age 34), I came down with shingles and was the most miserable I have ever been in my life.”

“It was all over my face, in my mouth, and all in my ears. I was in pain for three months and required narcotic pain management, as well as time off work and for someone to keep my daughter for me during the worst of it as I was unable to care for either of us.”

“I permanently lost some hearing in my right ear, and because of the location and severity, it is very likely that I will have another shingles flare-up.”

“‘Luckily,’ I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease a couple of years ago and put on immunosuppressants so I was finally allowed to get the shingles vaccine. This will hopefully prevent future flares.”

“My daughter asked me about chicken pox because a kid at school wasn’t vaccinated and got them, so I explained it to her and how it led to my shingles outbreak a few years ago. She was mortified that ‘their mom wasn’t smart enough to protect them from painful germs’ and said that it was awful that parents could make those choices for their kids.”

“She asked if she got the chicken pox vaccine and I assured her that she had, but at her next doctor appointment, she casually asked her pediatrician to check her vaccine records and if there were any others she should get.”

“She actually listened and asked for the HPV vaccine when her Ped said that was one she recommends and why, so we went ahead and started that series for her. Because she’s under age 15, she only has to get two shots instead of three, so being proactive is smart.”

“It’s so important to educate ourselves about these things, to do better than our parents could with the information we have, and of course, to listen to our children. OP, I’m sorry, but I don’t think your wife will do any of that.” – jinxlover13

The subReddit understood that this must have been a shocking discovery for the OP to make, but as much as he loved his wife, he had an important decision to make.

Not only would staying married to her and trying to have children with her impact the lives of the OP’s future children’s health, but it might impact his health, as well, if his wife ever disagreed with him about possible treatments.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan has been a part of the George Takei family since 2019 when she wrote some of her favorite early pieces: Sesame Street introducing its first character who lived in foster care and Bruce Willis delivering a not-so-Die-Hard opening pitch at a Phillies game. She's gone on to write nearly 3,000 viral and trending stories for George Takei, Comic Sands, Percolately, and ÃœberFacts. With an unstoppable love for the written word, she's also an avid reader, poet, and indie novelist.