People have all kinds of reasons for marrying their partners.
At the end of the day, though, the common characteristics are love and trust.
And for most, that is enough.
But one Redditor became upset when their data scientist wife offered a logical answer when they asked why she said “yes,” so they turned to the “Am I The A**hole Here” (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
The Redditor asked:
“WIBTA for being upset at my wife’s reason for marrying me?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My wife(31/F[emale]) is a very practical person and not really ‘girly.'”
“I don’t know how to explain it other than she sees everything as a cost benefit analysis and doesn’t seem to take much of her own preferences into account if she thinks something is objectively better.”
“She is a senior data scientist so maybe it’s why she is good at her job.”
“I love the practically it’s so nice to have a debate on why we should do something because of x y and z not because of feelings.”
“But I asked her a question on Sat and it’s been bugging me since.”
“I asked her why she married me kind of wanting to hear how much she loves me.”
“She said ‘because you asked.'”
“And I asked ‘well what made you say yes?'”
“Then she said ‘because I trust your judgement.'”
“I was kind of taken aback and asked her what she meant.”
“She essentially explained that she loves me but that’s not enough and she would never marry someone based on love alone.”
“She said when she was younger she loved an idiot who would have ruined her life if she married him so she never dated him seriously.”
“She says love and marriage are not the same things.”
“She said she trusts me to make decisions that would benefit us and our goals and marriage is like trusting someone with your life and everything you have built.”
“I guess I should be flattered but it only seems like she picked me because Im a logical choice.”
“Shouldn’t it be more than that?”
“That’s what is bothering me.”
“But I also know she sincerely thinks it’s a huge compliment.”
Redditors weighed in on the situation and declared that OP was kind of being the a**hole (AH), with many wondering what kind of response OP was looking for.
“Him: I love how she makes logical choices and doesn’t argue based on feelings”
“Her: I made this decision based on logic and not purely because of my feelings”
“Him: surprised pikachu face” – Arievo
“Um… wait… is this not how other people choose a partner to marry?”
“She loves you——check.”
“She trusts you—- check.”
“She knows you will prioritize unit goals that benefit the marriage and your lives—— check.”
“This is actually high praise..these are real answers not superficial ones.”
“You love her for her practicality— she was honest and I think quite flattering.”
“I think you are way over analyzing all this in some kind of a negative light and you reaaaaaallly shouldn’t.” – Brief-Bend-8605
“If she said that she didn’t love you but she trusted you to be a good partner, I could see your point.”
“She didn’t say that. She said that she loves you AND trusts you.”
“You’re upset because your wife is too practical to marry a terrible partner if she loved him?”
“You’re being ridiculous.” – harlemjd
“She’s a data scientist, I’m not sure why you’re surprised she that she made an informed decision based on more than just romantic feelings” – CrystalQueen3000
“What better answer could she have given?”
“She said she loves you, that’s what you wanted to hear, right?”
“But no, you wanted her loving you to be the only reason she married you?”
“I think your wife is the wise one and you’d better wisen up and not let unfair emotions cloud your judgement.”
“You married a great woman that thinks with her brain as well as her heart, now let’s hope she didn’t misjudge you.” – Agreeable_Store997
“Someone telling me they trust my judgement and me with their life would melt my heart.”
“Why are you tripping ??” – Hour-Courage-8462
“Yes. You’re being absolutely ridiculous and f**king up a good thing.” – darth_chewbacca
“Great woman this one-she’s right.”
“Love isn’t enough.”
“She’s telling you that she knew you were a great man.”
“Hold on to her and get this out of your head.”
“I am just like your wife.”
“28 years in, I’m so thankful that logic played the bigger role.”
“My husband is the best person I have literally ever met.” – day-gardener
“What she’s describing is how the majority of women actually describe real love.”
“Trust, respect, appreciation, valuing, feeling secure, confidence in someone etc..”
“I don’t know how you define love, or if she’s ND or on the aromantic spectrum and doesn’t associate those things with ‘love,’ but it seems to me that your problem is that she doesn’t think about, communicate or feel about love the SAME way that you do.”
“There is absolutely no lack of deep, profound and real love here.”
“It’s just that the average person just considers those things a part of love” – wwydinthismess
“I’m sorry, but I think your judgement is clouded purely by YOUR emotions.”
“She never said she didn’t love you, she told you that she loves you but that that’s not the only reason she married you.”
“She’s literally saying that not only does she love you, but trusts that you would make good choices for YOUR future TOGETHER!”
“She has basically said to you,’I didn’t marry you out of just love, I married you because you also had other things to offer and that I trust you fully with our future, you offer more than just love.'”
“This is a major compliment and not the ‘jab’ you’re taking it as.”
“I sure hope my husband or wife one day says something of this value to me because I’d feel so honoured to know how much I am trusted and that they know what I have to offer and appreciate it!!!” – ThatGhost_
“Yea you’re being dramatic as hell lol”
“You married a data analyst”
“She basically gave you high praise in her terms and ‘it’s not what you wanted to hear'”
“Some people really just don’t ‘love’ like that.'”
“Their brains really take over.”
“She jumps with her brain instead of her emotions.”
“She must be brilliant. Good for her.”
“YTA”
“Stop being a diva” – herejusttoargue909
“I’ll put it this way: I just had to leave someone I really loved over his aversions to continuous sobriety (he’s an alcoholic) and full-time employment.”
“Love only lasts if the rest of the relationship makes sense.”
“I couldn’t trust him to make decisions to benefit both of us and our future goals.”
“I had to be the one shouldering all of the responsibility, all the time.”
“YWBTA, and you should instead be deeply flattered by her answer.” – catsandcoffeealways
“I’m the type of dude that is nowhere near your wife’s spectrum.”
“In fact, I often allow my emotions get the best of me, and I’m old enough to just be ok with it.”
“So, as far as my emo @ss is concerned, what she said to you was one of the most beautiful, thought-out forms of ‘I love you’ you’ll ever hear.”
“I envision a woman who is maybe a bit emotionally stunted, but in the best way, like Spock.”
“Someone who’ll never fake her feelings for you.”
“Someone who’s unlikely to betray you, or mock you behind your back to her girlfriends.”
“She sounds like a rare find. Don’t screw it up.” – akillerofjoy
“Bro, I would remarry a woman if she told me that.”
“She loves you. She tells you that she loves you.”
“She tells you that love is NOT enough for marriage…which is accurate as f**k…”
“She tells you she trusts you with her life. She trusts you to guide her and make the right decisions.”
“AND she loves you.”
“Your wife literally told you, ‘I married you because I wanted to be married for life, and YOU ARE IT.'”
“And you’re upset because she didn’t give you some BS cutesy reason?”
“YTA especially when you talk about how your wife is practical and basically does a cost-benefits analysis and how much you love it only to get upset when she literally behaves like the woman you claim to love” – Redditor
“YTA. She used logic in addition to love, not instead.”
“You should be extra happy, not upset.”
“My ex came out as bi.”
“My reaction once I had a moment to think was that she chose me Vs twice as many options. (Yes, ex, but not because of that)” – BobbieMcFee
“She gave you one of the most sincere and deep thought answers she could, this was more than you being a logical choice.”
“She genuinely trusts you not to f**k up her life, and that speaks volumes more than her telling you she married you because she’s deeply in love or some other bs hallmark movie line you’ve seen!” – Recent-Necessary-362
According to fellow Redditors, OP may need to reevaluate the sentiment and cherish the logic offered by their wife.
Hopefully OP can come to understand that her response was sincerely high praise.