People have all kinds of reasons for marrying their partners.
At the end of the day, though, the common characteristics are love and trust.
And for most, that is enough.
But one Redditor became upset when their data scientist wife offered a logical answer when they asked why she said "yes," so they turned to the "Am I The A**hole Here" (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
The Redditor asked:
"WIBTA for being upset at my wife's reason for marrying me?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My wife(31/F[emale]) is a very practical person and not really 'girly.'"
"I don't know how to explain it other than she sees everything as a cost benefit analysis and doesn't seem to take much of her own preferences into account if she thinks something is objectively better."
"She is a senior data scientist so maybe it's why she is good at her job."
"I love the practically it's so nice to have a debate on why we should do something because of x y and z not because of feelings."
"But I asked her a question on Sat and it's been bugging me since."
"I asked her why she married me kind of wanting to hear how much she loves me."
"She said 'because you asked.'"
"And I asked 'well what made you say yes?'"
"Then she said 'because I trust your judgement.'"
"I was kind of taken aback and asked her what she meant."
"She essentially explained that she loves me but that's not enough and she would never marry someone based on love alone."
"She said when she was younger she loved an idiot who would have ruined her life if she married him so she never dated him seriously."
"She says love and marriage are not the same things."
"She said she trusts me to make decisions that would benefit us and our goals and marriage is like trusting someone with your life and everything you have built."
"I guess I should be flattered but it only seems like she picked me because Im a logical choice."
"Shouldn't it be more than that?"
"That's what is bothering me."
"But I also know she sincerely thinks it's a huge compliment."
Redditors weighed in on the situation and declared that OP was kind of being the a**hole (AH), with many wondering what kind of response OP was looking for.
"Him: I love how she makes logical choices and doesn't argue based on feelings"
"Her: I made this decision based on logic and not purely because of my feelings"
"Him: surprised pikachu face" - Arievo
"Um… wait… is this not how other people choose a partner to marry?"
"She loves you——check."
"She trusts you—- check."
"She knows you will prioritize unit goals that benefit the marriage and your lives—— check."
"This is actually high praise..these are real answers not superficial ones."
"You love her for her practicality— she was honest and I think quite flattering."
"I think you are way over analyzing all this in some kind of a negative light and you reaaaaaallly shouldn't." - Brief-Bend-8605
"If she said that she didn't love you but she trusted you to be a good partner, I could see your point."
"She didn't say that. She said that she loves you AND trusts you."
"You're upset because your wife is too practical to marry a terrible partner if she loved him?"
"You're being ridiculous." - harlemjd
"She's a data scientist, I'm not sure why you're surprised she that she made an informed decision based on more than just romantic feelings" - CrystalQueen3000
"What better answer could she have given?"
"She said she loves you, that's what you wanted to hear, right?"
"But no, you wanted her loving you to be the only reason she married you?"
"I think your wife is the wise one and you'd better wisen up and not let unfair emotions cloud your judgement."
"You married a great woman that thinks with her brain as well as her heart, now let's hope she didn't misjudge you." - Agreeable_Store997
"Someone telling me they trust my judgement and me with their life would melt my heart."
"Why are you tripping ??" - Hour-Courage-8462
"Yes. You're being absolutely ridiculous and f**king up a good thing." - darth_chewbacca
"Great woman this one-she's right."
"Love isn't enough."
"She's telling you that she knew you were a great man."
"Hold on to her and get this out of your head."
"I am just like your wife."
"28 years in, I'm so thankful that logic played the bigger role."
"My husband is the best person I have literally ever met." - day-gardener
"What she's describing is how the majority of women actually describe real love."
"Trust, respect, appreciation, valuing, feeling secure, confidence in someone etc.."
"I don't know how you define love, or if she's ND or on the aromantic spectrum and doesn't associate those things with 'love,' but it seems to me that your problem is that she doesn't think about, communicate or feel about love the SAME way that you do."
"There is absolutely no lack of deep, profound and real love here."
"It's just that the average person just considers those things a part of love" - wwydinthismess
"I'm sorry, but I think your judgement is clouded purely by YOUR emotions."
"She never said she didn't love you, she told you that she loves you but that that's not the only reason she married you."
"She's literally saying that not only does she love you, but trusts that you would make good choices for YOUR future TOGETHER!"
"She has basically said to you,'I didn't marry you out of just love, I married you because you also had other things to offer and that I trust you fully with our future, you offer more than just love.'"
"This is a major compliment and not the 'jab' you're taking it as."
"I sure hope my husband or wife one day says something of this value to me because I'd feel so honoured to know how much I am trusted and that they know what I have to offer and appreciate it!!!" - ThatGhost_
"Yea you're being dramatic as hell lol"
"You married a data analyst"
"She basically gave you high praise in her terms and 'it's not what you wanted to hear'"
"Some people really just don't 'love' like that.'"
"Their brains really take over."
"She jumps with her brain instead of her emotions."
"She must be brilliant. Good for her."
"YTA"
"Stop being a diva" - herejusttoargue909
"I'll put it this way: I just had to leave someone I really loved over his aversions to continuous sobriety (he's an alcoholic) and full-time employment."
"Love only lasts if the rest of the relationship makes sense."
"I couldn't trust him to make decisions to benefit both of us and our future goals."
"I had to be the one shouldering all of the responsibility, all the time."
"YWBTA, and you should instead be deeply flattered by her answer." - catsandcoffeealways
"I'm the type of dude that is nowhere near your wife's spectrum."
"In fact, I often allow my emotions get the best of me, and I'm old enough to just be ok with it."
"So, as far as my emo @ss is concerned, what she said to you was one of the most beautiful, thought-out forms of 'I love you' you'll ever hear."
"I envision a woman who is maybe a bit emotionally stunted, but in the best way, like Spock."
"Someone who'll never fake her feelings for you."
"Someone who's unlikely to betray you, or mock you behind your back to her girlfriends."
"She sounds like a rare find. Don't screw it up." - akillerofjoy
"Bro, I would remarry a woman if she told me that."
"She loves you. She tells you that she loves you."
"She tells you that love is NOT enough for marriage…which is accurate as f**k…"
"She tells you she trusts you with her life. She trusts you to guide her and make the right decisions."
"AND she loves you."
"Your wife literally told you, 'I married you because I wanted to be married for life, and YOU ARE IT.'"
"And you're upset because she didn't give you some BS cutesy reason?"
"YTA especially when you talk about how your wife is practical and basically does a cost-benefits analysis and how much you love it only to get upset when she literally behaves like the woman you claim to love" - Redditor
"YTA. She used logic in addition to love, not instead."
"You should be extra happy, not upset."
"My ex came out as bi."
"My reaction once I had a moment to think was that she chose me Vs twice as many options. (Yes, ex, but not because of that)" - BobbieMcFee
"She gave you one of the most sincere and deep thought answers she could, this was more than you being a logical choice."
"She genuinely trusts you not to f**k up her life, and that speaks volumes more than her telling you she married you because she's deeply in love or some other bs hallmark movie line you've seen!" - Recent-Necessary-362
According to fellow Redditors, OP may need to reevaluate the sentiment and cherish the logic offered by their wife.
Hopefully OP can come to understand that her response was sincerely high praise.
Humiliated Redditor Ditches Friend's Birthday After She Publicly Mocks Them In Front Of Everyone
Fake people tend to show their true colors during pivotal moments, like weddings and major celebrations.
But when they want an audience to hurt someone else, it takes total sense that they would be called out in front of everyone, as agreed by members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit.
Redditor HollyyGinger went to their close friend's birthday party, expecting to have a good time and celebrate their loved one's special day.
But when their close friend made several mocking comments about them, and the party laughed along with them, the Original Poster (OP) took that as an indication of the state of their friendship and left the birthday party early.
They asked the sub:
The OP was excited to celebrate their close friend's birthday.
"One of my close friends had a birthday dinner last weekend, and I was genuinely excited to go."
"I helped her organize a few things beforehand, bought her a gift, and even rearranged some plans because I wanted to be there for her."
But the birthday dinner did not go at all how the OP expected.
"During dinner, though, she started making little jokes about me in front of everyone."
"At first, I laughed along because I didn't want to make things awkward on her birthday."
"But she kept going. She joked about dating life, brought up an embarrassing story I had told her privately, and made another comment about how I'm ''way too sensitive' sometimes."
"People were laughing, and I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but honestly, I felt pretty humiliated."
The OP tried to ask their friend to change the direction of the rest of the party.
"I quietly asked her when we were alone if she could stop making me the joke of the evening."
"She rolled her eyes and said I was taking everything too seriously and that everyone knew she was joking."
"I went back to the table for a while because I really didn't want to ruin her birthday."
"But then she made another joke about me, so I decided I'd had enough. I congratulated her again, said goodbye to everyone, and went home without making a scene."
The OP's friend tried to blame them for how the evening turned out.
"The next morning, she texted me, saying she was hurt that I left early and that several people noticed."
"She said that I made her feel like she had done something horrible when she was 'just having fun.' But her having fun was more of a public embarrassment to me."
"Now I feel guilty, because it was her birthday, and maybe I could have just ignored it for another hour or two."
"I wasn't trying to punish her or make the night about me. I just didn't want to sit there smiling while someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I had specifically asked her to stop."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she didn't have to stay at a party where she didn't feel welcome.
"She was having fun. You were not having fun."
"You’re not overreacting. You told her it was hurting you, and she kept doing it because hurting you was entertaining for her. She is not a good friend." - Dunquinn-
"I remember when I was really little, a bunch of adults were laughing at me as I cried."
"I cried to my mom, 'Stop laughing at me,' to which she replied, 'We aren’t laughing at you; we're laughing with you,' while giggling."
"My response was something I stand by to this day: 'Then why am I the only one crying?!'"
"It’s only funny if the person who’s being teased is laughing too. You weren’t laughing. It wasn’t funny; it was cruel. NOR." - XSmartypants
"She’s a bully. It wasn’t 'more like 'it was publicly embarrassing. It WAS publicly embarrassing."
"Then she tells you that SHE is embarrassed because YOU left early. That's bulls**t."
"NOR. Drop her." - WTH_JFG
"NOR. They make jokes about someone's privacy to humiliate that person. Anyone who would use info that was shared in confidence to get a laugh is an abuser. You don't do that, especially to a close friend, without the intent to hurt that person." - BungenessKrabb
"Would it have been fun if you did the same? Start telling her darkest secrets?"
"She made you into a punchline for other people’s entertainment."
"You told her to stop, and she didn’t; now she’s the victim?"
"NOR."
"But also, some people need to feel it to believe it. I hope you go to the next gathering with a few stories of your own and don’t let her rewrite the narrative." - beached_not_broken
"I’ve had it happen by my 'best friend' at the time, only it was in a professional setting event. Very personal details only she knew, all spilled for her amusement, embarrassing me in front of colleagues."
"NOR, OP. As you did, I left the gathering earlier than expected. My 'friend' called the next day asking why I left so early. I told her what she had said and done and how humiliated I felt."
"Her 'apology' was that flippant version that shows no remorse, like, 'Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.'"
"Over the subsequent years, she managed to alienate and burn bridges with most of those same people we were gathered with."
"I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Anyone who thinks you were 'too sensitive' has no empathy and 'friends' like that don’t deserve your time." - Hungry_Tank9182
"NOR. She was being a jerk to you, and she was expecting you to just take it and not say anything or defend yourself."
"Because they think it's sooo funny to mock others, but I bet if the roles were reversed, she would be offended and upset."
"Honestly, you deserve better friends. I'm sorry you had to deal with this."
"I would've left and blocked her." - Cryslove
Others urged the OP to stop thinking about the event and let that friendship go.
"That was the point of her fun! Humiliating you with an audience!"
"Sharing something deeply personal, told in confidence? Immediate dealbreaker."
"She is not (and likely never was) your friend. Friends do not treat friends with such disrespect. Block her, and go no contact. She brings nothing good to your life, and she’s not worthy of your energy and time."
"NOR." - MizPeachyKeen
"It’s called bullying. She is not your friend. Friends don’t humiliate their true friends, or tell them 'they are too sensitive.'"
"That is what bullies do. She keeps you around to put you down and make herself look or feel better."
"Her actions, attitude, and behavior are those of an immature high schooler. She could actually be jealous of you and not want one or all of the following: you to succeed, have more friends, feel better about yourself, look better, etc."
"Please slowly distance yourself, find new hobbies and activities with more mature, well-rounded, healthy people." - Freeling_Fab_U_lous
"How DARE you spoil her fun; didn't you know that part of your gift was letting her make you the butt of her jokes? (sarcastic comment)"
"What an awful person. No one should need to put others down to raise themselves up. She doesn't deserve the title of friend, to be honest. You showed much more grace than I would have managed." - tphatmcgee
"She was using you as her punching bag to make the others attending laugh. Probably thinking you’d just take it. That’s not a good friend. NOR." - Additional-Start9455
"'Someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I asked them to stop.' NOR."
"First, you shouldn't have had to ask her to stop because a friend wouldn't have started in the first place. One of her 'jokes' was about you being sensitive, so she knew you didn't like it and did it anyway."
"Second, you asked her privately to stop, because you didn't want to embarrass her. Think about that. You didn't want to embarrass her. But she couldn't show you the same consideration, even after being asked to stop."
"That's not how I treat my friends, and I suspect that's not how you treat your friends, either." - calminthedark
"I would have answered her text that she's a s**tty friend and to f**k off. You have class."
"I probably would have made a comment at dinner that I asked her to stop with the insults."
"NOR. You did everything right." - Particular-King218
The subReddit was disappointed on the OP's behalf that a friendship they were so committed to, they were excited to celebrate their friend's birthday and even helped plan the event, came apart at their expense, and on very public terms.
If the friend didn't want to be "embarrassed," maybe she should have thought about how she was embarrassing others first.