Many people admirably like to lend a helping hand, or be there for someone whenever they can.
Unfortunately, when help, assistance or support isn’t asked for, it can sometimes be anything but helpful.
Indeed, sometimes when we think we’re doing someone a solid favor, we are in fact making their lives far more complicated.
Redditor The-Ka-the-ba-and-Ra was dismayed to see that his sister was not at her best.
Leading the original poster (OP) to reach out and show his love and support for her, in what he thought was a thoughtful gesture.
Unfortunately, the OP’s BIL was anything but touched by the OP’s gesture, at least not in the manner he handled it, eventually finding both the OP and his sister in a pool of hot water.
Wondering if he had done anything wrong, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITAH for sending my sister flowers anonymously and making her husband upset?”
The OP explained how trying to cheer his sister up ended up causing her even more trouble:
“I (37 M[ale]) have always been close to my sister (35 F[emale]).”
“We talk regularly, and during one such conversation, she told me she’s been feeling really depressed / overwhelmed lately.”
“As we were talking, I could tell she was holding back tears.”
“So I decided to do something nice for her.”
“I contacted a local florist and put in an order for some flowers.”
“I had them delivered to my sister’s place of employment with a note reading ‘Thinking of you’.”
“A few hours later, the florist called me up and told me a man has been calling them non-stop and demanding they tell him who sent his wife flowers.”
“They tried to explain that it was against their policy to reveal that information, but the man wouldn’t talk no for an answer.”
“Apparently he became so aggressive and threatening over the phone, the shop called me up and asked my permission to reveal the name of the sender to the man.”
“The man being my brother-in-law.”
“It turns out, my sister had called her husband and thanked him for the flowers.”
“He told her he hadn’t sent any flowers and accused her of having an affair.”
“He believed her affair partner had sent them to her, which is why he called the florist like a lunatic, demanding names.”
“Now my sister is more depressed than ever and she’s been fighting with my brother-in-law ever since.”
“My friends think I should’ve included my name on the card.”
“Had I done that, they say, this blow-up would’ve never happened.”
“I say it’s my brother-in-law to blame, as he was the one who can’t control his temper.”
“I gave the florist permission to tell my brother-in-law it was me.”
“So he knows, my sister knows, everyone knows at this point.”
“So Reddit, am I the a**hole?
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community had trouble sympathizing with anyone in this particular situation:
While most felt that the OP’s brother-in-law should not have jumped to such extreme conclusions, they also felt it was a major miscalculation for the OP to send the flowers anonymously.
If he wanted to cheer his sister up, he should have let her know he was the one who sent the flowers:
“ESH It’s obvious why BIL is an @ss, so I won’t even get into that.”
“As others have said, you should have known this could cause strife in your sister’s marriage, even if you didn’t know the degree to which your BIL would pop off.”
“However, I want to point out, how you set your sister up.”
“She has been depressed lately and got flowers with a sweet note, ‘Thinking of you’.”
“She was probably excited to have received such a sweet gesture from who she thought was her husband.”
“Can you imagine how gutted she must have felt when he told her they weren’t from him?”
“And now she’s gone from happy/excited to have gotten flowers to being yelled at and accused of cheating from her AH husband.”
“You probably meant well (but honestly should have known better), but you set your sister up and she’s probably more depressed now than she was before you did anything.”
“That’s also a creepy note to include anonymously.”- evildore
“ESH.”
“So, I am not sure how anyone thinks sending anonymous flowers to a married woman would end up well.”
“You are 37.”
“Old enough to know better.”
“Sister thinks husband did a nice thing for her, turns out husband did not.”
“Who did?!”
“Why did you not sign the card?!”
“Have you told them it was you?”
“Husband is an all around jerk for flying off the handle right away.”
“Why assume wife/sister is having an affair right off the bat?”
“I have a feeling sister is depressed because of him.”- Worth-Season3645
“ESH.”
“You are being willfully ignorant if you think that the assumption wouldn’t have been her partner.”
“For her, and for everyone in her office.”
“There were definitely people saying to her ‘Aww, your husband is so sweet’ etc.”
“If she knew, she could have just said ‘Yea, he is, but these are actually from my loving brother’.”
“But she’s stuck thinking ‘I have no idea who the f*ck sent these to me’.”
“Of course her husband is going to be caught off guard by it, and as random flowers are often considered romantic, upset.”
“And she is going to have no response.”
“Husband is the AH for raging at the florist.”- Usrname52
Others, however, felt the OP was the ultimate a**hole in this situation, as his decision to send his sister flowers anonymously was an unwise decision that was ultimately the catalyst for everything that went wrong:
“‘My friends think I should’ve included my name on the card. Had I done that, they say, this blow-up would’ve never happened’.”
“You set the stage, and this is the fallout.”
“If you wanted to give an emotionally uplifting bouquet..great!”
“But why didn’t you tell her it was from you?”
“‘Now my sister is more depressed than ever and she’s been fighting with my brother-in-law ever since’.”
“And when things blew up, you still kept your silence, and watched Rome burn.”
“YTA.”- 4th_chakra
“YTA.”
“So you send a married woman flowers with a card saying ‘thinking of you’ with no name, what would be your reaction if it was your wife receiving them?!”
“Just come clean and solve the mess you created! “
“How old are you 5?”
“Unless you are in love with your sister and secretly want your brother-in-law out of the picture!”
“Where are you from?”
“Alabama?”- overburnz1982
“It’s close to being E.SH, but falls into YTA territory because flowers from an unknown person saying, ‘thinking of you’,” is definitely suspicious.”
“You can easily rectify the situation, but are sitting on reddit asking for how to rectify the situation.”- StruansNobleHouse
“YTA.”
“Really YT Idiot.”
“Sending flowers to your sister was always going to have that reaction.”
“Would you be good with guys sending your wife/gf flowers anonymously?”
“This is why you include a name.”
“Otherwise it’s always questions of who is sending them and why, He will think it’s an affair, she will think it’s some creep/stalker.”
“Either way bad idea.”- Remarkable_Dust3450
“YTA.”
“What the hell is wrong with you?”
“How could you possibly think that sending flowers anonymously was a good idea?”
“Assuming this is actually true and you’re this stupid, your sister’s life isn’t some rom-com or TV show where everyone laughs at the silly misunderstanding.”
“You knew exactly what would happen and instead of being a grown-up and explaining how you ROYALLY f’d up, you’re posting online about it.”
“Grow the f*ck up and tell your sister and BIL what you did.”- benji950
There were a few, however, that didn’t think the OP did anything wrong, and felt if anyone was at fault in this situation, it was the florist:
“Hi, florist here.”
“This florists policy is incorrect and I actually will tell you they are the ones to blame here.”
“It’s extremely common in this industry for stalkers to try to send flowers and leave their names off, if anyone does not wish to sign the card with their name I tell them, no problem but if the recipient calls and asks who they are from we actually have to tell them for safety reasons. While your brother in law was not the recipient so they may have felt conflicted, your sister, the recipient, should have been able to quickly and easily clear this up, and absolute shame on the florist for letting it escalate to this point.”
“NTA.”- Princapessa
The OP’s heart seemed to be in the right place, as all he wanted to do was cheer up his sister. If that was the case, however, then there was no reason to send his sister those flowers anonymously.
Even if her husband badly overreacted, it’s hard not to think that the OP’s actions may have exacerbated the problem that was upsetting her in the first place.