Woman Accused Of Humiliating Boyfriend After He Proposes On The Night She Was Going To Break Up With Him

One recurring theme in relationship advice that seems to be bandied about and then ignored the most is... "Listen. Know your partner before making life altering decisions."

Too often it feels like partners get on separate wavelengths and are oblivious to where the other is when it comes to the state of their union.

And that can lead to some heavy, heavy drama.

Case in point...

Redditor peachythrowawayway wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

"AITA for publicly humiliating my ex boyfriend?"

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

"Okay, so here's a little bit of background information: I (28F[emale]) have been dating my ex (28M[ale]) for 3 years."

"He's amazing, one of the kindest people on this planet, and we've been pretty happy together(ish.)"

"I'm also a huge workaholic, and a month or two ago he approached me and explained he felt like I wasn't making time for him and was too obsessed with work."

"Okay, well fine. Two other people had told me I was too obsessed with work, and it was honestly kind of logical."

"I apologized and started making more time for him."

"Even though he's amazing, I've felt awful in the last month."

"Work is quite literally my whole life, and I have a job I've been working towards since I was 14, and I love it."

"I've always planned to sacrifice a bit of work for family because that's important to me."

"However, the more I spent with him in the last month, the more I felt he wasn't worth it if that makes any sense."

"I love him dearly, but he's not the one."

"He's not the person I'd give up this stuff for, and as more time passed, I realized it more and more, no matter how much I tried to tell myself he was great."

"Two days ago, I finally decided that this relationship was going nowhere, and decided to break up with him."

"I asked him if we could talk, I had something important to say, but the doorbell rang, and when I opened it I found my two best friends for a surprise visit??"

"I was in so much shock and was also mildly upset because I couldn't really break up with him with my best friends there."

"Anyway, long story short he asked if we could continue the conversation later, and I agreed, mentally panicking."

"The next thing I know, we're at a fair."

"We actually went on our first date at that fair, and the whole setup of the night made me panic that he was going to propose."

"What do I know, he does propose."

"Some other friends of ours and his sister and her family are there, and I'm literally panicking."

"This guy is on one knee, and I want to break up. I quickly go 'I'm sorry but no,' and awkwardly shuffle away."

"We talked about getting married once or twice, like months ago."

"Not at all recently, and even when we did talk about it, I think I said I'd be open to getting married in a year or so?"

"I don't know, but anyway."

"His friend called me up and called me an a**hole for rejecting him in front of friends and family and a bunch of other people, and told me I could have accepted there and dumped him later on."

"I told him that that idea was sh*t, and I would never do that."

"He called me an a**hole again, and my ex is refusing to talk to me."

"AITA for humiliating him?"

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

• Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole. 

It's a tricky situation.

Let's hear some thoughts...

"NTA, I think he could see you were drifting away and tried to lock you in with a public proposal in front of your friends, to pressure you into saying yes."

"Dump him asap, public proposals are manipulative AF unless you're really sure the other person wants one."

"Thank you for the awards :)"  ~ SkullBearer5

"NTA. He knew you were drifting away and did a big public proposals in hope of forcing you into a yes."

"Proposals like that are ONLY great if both of these terms are met:"

"You know the person definitely want to marry you."

"The person really love big displays of affection/attention."

"Personally even if I wanted to marry a person - if proposed to in public in a big setting with lots of people - it would end the relationship because it clearly showed that they don't know me at all."

"I hate that kind of attention."  ~ Baaastet

"Even if he didn't intentionally do this to put pressure on her, he took a BIG risk in continuing with his plan AFTER she asked him to have a conversation because she had something important to say."

"Yes, the doorbell and friends interrupted. Yes, he already had a plan."

"But at the point where your partner started to talk in 'serious conversation voice' and you decide to go ahead with your preplanned proposal without learning what the important thing was?"

"You've taken the risk that the important thing was going to affect your plans."

"It could be 'my job wants to transfer me' or 'the child I put up for adoption 13 years ago reached out to me' or 'you asked me to cut back on work, but I really want to take an offered promotion.'" 

"He took a risk continuing with the proposal while knowing she wanted a serious conversation." ~ MxMirdan

"I disagree. NAH - just humans."

"But I think people are making a leap that HE thought she was drifting away, that the public proposal was bad idea."

"Look at the facts as he had known them."

"Only a few months earlier they spoke of marriage, she agreed to cut down on work so clearly he thought she would say yes and was on the same page."

"Why I say NAH... he did what he thought was right, and her heart came to the realization that she was just not into it and panicked."

"I feel terrible for this good man, and sad for OP... he did nothing wrong and she had a strong reaction."  ~ LackVegetable

"NTA, public proposals are extremely manipulative."

"My dad (41m) proposed to my step mother(40f) a few years ago and are now happily married, my dad had asked me (17m) and my sister (11f) to be there."

"It wasn't big and it was 'perfect as described by my stepmom.'"

"My (ex) godmother was proposed to similar to OP and she said yes, she then quietly rejected him later."

"She was berated by his and her families for this."

"OP chose the alternative and both paths just make the person seem like TA."  ~ AshesArsxn

"OP is NTA, the bf is TA for doing a public proposal without being absolutely sure that OP was on board first."

"However, I 100% would have taken my best friends to the side and sorted this out before it got to the proposal stage."

"A quick comment to my besties (something along the lines of I'm getting nervous that he's about to propose and I would absolutely hate a public proposal, it would not end well for him)."

"They then take the (ex) bf to the side and let him know so he can stop it before the stage of public humiliation and embarrassment for everyone."  ~ Wynfleue

"NTA. If you propose in public without being 100% sure this is wanted and desired, you run the risk of being rejected in public."  ~ MaggieLuisa

"Yes this! Also you should ALWAYS ask a partner what they envision for a proposal (including timing and privacy/location)."

"The fact that it was discussed a couple months ago and OP said maybe in a year means they DID discuss stuff in some capacity and ex chose to ignore it, and for that alone NTA."

"I also cannot imagine ex didn't feel OP drifting away."

"Either he was so into his own excitement that she picked him over work that he ignored her reactions/unhappiness OR he felt her drifting away and tried to lock her into the relationship with a public proposal."  ~j ustauser34

"You didn't embarrass him."

"He asked you a question and you gave an appropriate response. The reason he was embarrassed was because he did it to himself."

"When you have to deal with him again tell him this. I didn't embarrass, YOU embarrassed you."

"I'm guessing he invited the friends over without telling you."

"NTA. You gave the honest answer, that was the only decent thing to do."  ~ BeatingsGalore

"NTA. That's why you don't do a public proposal unless you are 100% certain of the answer."

"He rolled the dice and lost."

"I'm sorry your relationship ended, but it's better than agreeing to something you don't want. Good luck to you."  ~ seahawk1977

"NAH- You decided you want to end the relationship and you have every right to."

"However, you guys have been together for 3 years and discussed marriage a few months ago."

"You told him you'd be open to getting married in a year or so."

"After you get engaged you gotta plan a wedding etc so it makes sense why he did it when he did."

"I think in his mind this is what you both wanted so he invited everyone to be there."

"It sucks that it played out this way but you're in no way an AH."  ~ ThePeoplesKourt

That one hurt, for everybody involved.

Love, life and forever can be tricky.

Remember, communication is key in all relationships.

Hopefully OP and her ex can get back on solid ground one day—as friends.