Trying to locate the PERFECT wedding dress can be arduous.
It's meant to be fun, but it can degrade into a mess quickly.
This is especially true when loved ones start eying another person's dress to borrow for the big day.
That suggestion isn't always a popular one.
Redditor dante317 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
"AITA for refusing to give my sister the wedding dress I bought even though I'm not getting married anymore?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"So, I (29 F[emale) was supposed to get married last year, but my fiancé and I ended up breaking things off a few months before the wedding."
"It was mutual, no drama, just a realization that we weren't compatible long-term. "
"I had already bought my custom-made wedding dress, which cost me nearly $4,000."
"I know, that's a lot, but I paid for it entirely myself, and it meant a lot to me at the time."
"After the breakup, I packed it up and put it in storage."
"Haven't been ready to sell it or do anything with it yet."
"It's emotional."
"Here's where it gets messy."
"My younger sister (24 F) recently got engaged."
"We're not super close kind of different people, and she's always been a bit... entitled, honestly."
"She came over a few weeks ago, saw the dress when we were organizing my storage closet, and asked if she could have it for her wedding."
"I kind of laughed and said, 'Uh, no. That's mine.'"
"She got annoyed and said, 'But you're not even getting married. You're just going to let it rot in a box?'"
"I told her, again, no it's personal to me, and even though I'm not using it now, I'm not giving it away."
"She asked if she could buy it at a discount, and I said I wasn't ready to sell it."
"She threw a fit, called me selfish, and said I was being dramatic over 'Just a dress.'"
"Our mom is now involved and thinks I should give it to her 'as a gesture of sisterly love' and because 'it's going to waste.'"
"But I honestly feel like she's only asking because she doesn't want to pay for one herself and she's not exactly struggling financially."
"So now I have my sister and my mom acting like I'm heartless and petty for not handing it over."
"But it feels like a boundary I want to keep."
The OP was left to wonder:
"AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"Watching someone else wear the dress you picked for the happiest day of your life would be like watching them live the future you lost."
"That's what your sister is asking you to do."
"To sit there at her wedding and see her in YOUR dress, the one you stood in front of mirrors in, the one you cried happy tears in, the one that was supposed to be yours and smile."
"And pretend it's fine."
"The 'it's just a dress' thing... God."
"It's never just a dress when it's yours, is it?"
"It's every hope you had, every plan you made, every version of yourself you imagined walking down that aisle."
"Even if the breakup was right, even if you're glad it ended - that grief is still real."
"Your mom and sister acting like you're being dramatic? Nah."
"They're asking you to hand over a piece of your heart for a discount."
"Some things cost more than money."
"Keep that dress as long as you need to."
"Maybe forever. maybe until you wear it yourself someday."
"But don't let anyone tell you when you are ready to let go of something that holds that much of you."
"NTA, obviously, and yeah, hide it."
"People who don't respect your no have a way of making things disappear." ~ anshukg
"NTA... it's not an act of sisterly love to see your sister walk down the aisle in the dress you were meant to wear at your wedding."
"That sounds incredibly emotional and somewhat tortuous to me."
"Hide it away so she doesn't go behind your back and take it anyway, as entitled people tend to get their way by any means possible." ~ K1tty_Kat_13
"Make sure your dress is somewhere your sister and mother cannot access it."
"Don't be surprised if they try to take it."
"Your sister just wants a free dress."
"A dress that cost $4000 and has never been worn. Jackpot."
"Even if your sister paid you full price for your dress, you're not likely to want to see your perfect dress being worn by a bride that isn't you."
"That dress represents a mix of memories and emotions, and nobody gets to tell you what to do with it until you're ready."
"If ever." ~ Ratchet_gurl24
"NTA. Your mom's an a**hole though for weighing in on property that isn't hers."
"She can go buy your sister a four thousand dollar dress as a gesture of motherly love." ~ anhedoniandonair
"NTA - there is no reason for her to want that dress aside from hurting you."
"I don't mean to be rude but who in their right mind would want to use the bridal gown from a failed marriage for their big day?!?"
"Maybe I'm too superstitious but I would never!" ~ Crazymom771316
"I fully agree with you - sister wants the dress not because of the dress but because she wants to see OP's face as she walks down the aisle in a dress representing OP's hopes and feelings, to step on that in high-heeled shoes and maybe give it an extra grind with some snarky remarks."
"If that same dress would have been on discount elsewhere she still would have wanted OP's."
"Jealousy? Whatever's yours is mine."
"I don't know."
"But that remark 'You're not even getting married' set me thinking."
"If OP had been getting married, sis would still have wanted the dress, just to take over her happy memories?"
"OP, hide that dress!"
"Even after sis is married, that dress is not safe around her or mom." ~ SpiritedLettuce6900
"It doesn't matter why you bought it."
"It is yours to do with as you please."
"Even if you bought it just to wear as a freaking nightgown, that's your business. NTA." ~ OurBlueDuchess1
"NTA. I bought a wedding dress, my fiancé dumped me out of the blue, and I saved the dress because I loved it."
"I got married in it 7 years later and am still married 29 years later."
"That dress is yours." ~ Cautious_Pollution10
"Maybe you need to point out to your sister that it wouldn't feel very good for you to see her walking down the aisle in the dress that you custom-made for YOUR own wedding that didn't happen."
"Even though your breakup was amicable, that is still a painful thing, and you don't need to be reminded of it by watching someone else walk down the aisle in your own dress. NTA."
"She needs to think about how you might feel, not just how she feels." ~ chicken_noodle_salad
"No is a complete sentence.'
"What part of that statement do your mom and sister not understand?"
"YOU bought it."
"YOU stored it away."
"And only YOU can decide if it will ever be worn by a bride."
"Be it you, your sister, or a total stranger. "
"That dress is a part of your past, do with it as you may."
You are NTA." ~ Inside-Property-4579
"NTA and put it somewhere safe and locked so they can't just come and take it."
"It's just a dress, so she gets over it and can buy one by herself." ~ Significant_Taro_690
"It always blows my mind that people can say to you, why do you care about it?"
"It's just a dress."
"And then in the next breath, they're getting deeply pissed off about it because they want that dress, and they don't see the contradiction."
"Yes, it's just a dress, but it's worth having the screaming argument for because it's worth so good?"
"And then Mom pipes up. Yeah, it's just a dress."
"Give it to her."
"Listen whether it's a car or a sandwich or a wedding gown, if you paid for it, it's yours to do whatever you want with." ~ BeeStingerBoy
"NTA. You aren't required to give away any of your possessions to anyone at any time. 🤷♀️"
"She is not someone you owe, nor is she your child."
"She was rude and demanding, acted like she was entitled to something that was yours, and pitched a fit when you said a very reasonable no."
"I hope you tell her and Mom to kick rocks, honestly." ~ Forsaken_Dig1277
"NTA. That's your dress, you saved up and paid for it yourself, and now you can do whatever you want with it."
"Even if that means keeping it in a storage box for however long you'd like."
"Do not give in to your mom and sister, keep that boundary!" ~ Justhere-toavoidwork
"Please make sure you lock the dress away from sabotage!!!"
"Ideally, between 2/3 sets of locks."
"And put it somewhere she can not steal it."
"If you have given her a key, take it back and also from your mum."
"She is going to enable the golden child by giving your dress to her."
"Based on her description, your dress is going to end up missing or damaged if you don't take action now."
"And, this also counts for your enabling family members."
"Might not be worth having them over as they might disappear upstairs to get it from your storage."
"Might be worth setting up cameras to make sure."
"Sorry, but your dress is not safe now that she's got her greedy eyes on it. NTA." ~ Upper-File462
"NTA. By their logic, if you weren't using your car because you worked from home, you should give it to your younger sister so it wouldn't just "rot" in your garage." ~ Runneymeade
Reddit understands your frustration, OP.
This is your dress.
You do what YOU wish with it.
Your sister and Mom are out of line.
Stand your ground.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.