Trying to locate the PERFECT wedding dress can be arduous.
It’s meant to be fun, but it can degrade into a mess quickly.
This is especially true when loved ones start eying another person’s dress to borrow for the big day.
That suggestion isn’t always a popular one.
Redditor dante317 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to give my sister the wedding dress I bought even though I’m not getting married anymore?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So, I (29 F[emale) was supposed to get married last year, but my fiancé and I ended up breaking things off a few months before the wedding.”
“It was mutual, no drama, just a realization that we weren’t compatible long-term. “
“I had already bought my custom-made wedding dress, which cost me nearly $4,000.”
“I know, that’s a lot, but I paid for it entirely myself, and it meant a lot to me at the time.”
“After the breakup, I packed it up and put it in storage.”
“Haven’t been ready to sell it or do anything with it yet.”
“It’s emotional.”
“Here’s where it gets messy.”
“My younger sister (24 F) recently got engaged.”
“We’re not super close kind of different people, and she’s always been a bit… entitled, honestly.”
“She came over a few weeks ago, saw the dress when we were organizing my storage closet, and asked if she could have it for her wedding.”
“I kind of laughed and said, ‘Uh, no. That’s mine.'”
“She got annoyed and said, ‘But you’re not even getting married. You’re just going to let it rot in a box?'”
“I told her, again, no it’s personal to me, and even though I’m not using it now, I’m not giving it away.”
“She asked if she could buy it at a discount, and I said I wasn’t ready to sell it.”
“She threw a fit, called me selfish, and said I was being dramatic over ‘Just a dress.'”
“Our mom is now involved and thinks I should give it to her ‘as a gesture of sisterly love’ and because ‘it’s going to waste.’”
“But I honestly feel like she’s only asking because she doesn’t want to pay for one herself and she’s not exactly struggling financially.”
“So now I have my sister and my mom acting like I’m heartless and petty for not handing it over.”
“But it feels like a boundary I want to keep.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Watching someone else wear the dress you picked for the happiest day of your life would be like watching them live the future you lost.”
“That’s what your sister is asking you to do.”
“To sit there at her wedding and see her in YOUR dress, the one you stood in front of mirrors in, the one you cried happy tears in, the one that was supposed to be yours and smile.”
“And pretend it’s fine.”
“The ‘it’s just a dress’ thing… God.”
“It’s never just a dress when it’s yours, is it?”
“It’s every hope you had, every plan you made, every version of yourself you imagined walking down that aisle.”
“Even if the breakup was right, even if you’re glad it ended – that grief is still real.”
“Your mom and sister acting like you’re being dramatic? Nah.”
“They’re asking you to hand over a piece of your heart for a discount.”
“Some things cost more than money.”
“Keep that dress as long as you need to.”
“Maybe forever. maybe until you wear it yourself someday.”
“But don’t let anyone tell you when you are ready to let go of something that holds that much of you.”
“NTA, obviously, and yeah, hide it.”
“People who don’t respect your no have a way of making things disappear.” ~ anshukg
“NTA… it’s not an act of sisterly love to see your sister walk down the aisle in the dress you were meant to wear at your wedding.”
“That sounds incredibly emotional and somewhat tortuous to me.”
“Hide it away so she doesn’t go behind your back and take it anyway, as entitled people tend to get their way by any means possible.” ~ K1tty_Kat_13
“Make sure your dress is somewhere your sister and mother cannot access it.”
“Don’t be surprised if they try to take it.”
“Your sister just wants a free dress.”
“A dress that cost $4000 and has never been worn. Jackpot.”
“Even if your sister paid you full price for your dress, you’re not likely to want to see your perfect dress being worn by a bride that isn’t you.”
“That dress represents a mix of memories and emotions, and nobody gets to tell you what to do with it until you’re ready.”
“If ever.” ~ Ratchet_gurl24
“NTA. Your mom’s an a**hole though for weighing in on property that isn’t hers.”
“She can go buy your sister a four thousand dollar dress as a gesture of motherly love.” ~ anhedoniandonair
“NTA – there is no reason for her to want that dress aside from hurting you.”
“I don’t mean to be rude but who in their right mind would want to use the bridal gown from a failed marriage for their big day?!?”
“Maybe I’m too superstitious but I would never!” ~ Crazymom771316
“I fully agree with you – sister wants the dress not because of the dress but because she wants to see OP’s face as she walks down the aisle in a dress representing OP’s hopes and feelings, to step on that in high-heeled shoes and maybe give it an extra grind with some snarky remarks.”
“If that same dress would have been on discount elsewhere she still would have wanted OP’s.”
“Jealousy? Whatever’s yours is mine.”
“I don’t know.”
“But that remark ‘You’re not even getting married’ set me thinking.”
“If OP had been getting married, sis would still have wanted the dress, just to take over her happy memories?”
“OP, hide that dress!”
“Even after sis is married, that dress is not safe around her or mom.” ~ SpiritedLettuce6900
“It doesn’t matter why you bought it.”
“It is yours to do with as you please.”
“Even if you bought it just to wear as a freaking nightgown, that’s your business. NTA.” ~ OurBlueDuchess1
“NTA. I bought a wedding dress, my fiancé dumped me out of the blue, and I saved the dress because I loved it.”
“I got married in it 7 years later and am still married 29 years later.”
“That dress is yours.” ~ Cautious_Pollution10
“Maybe you need to point out to your sister that it wouldn’t feel very good for you to see her walking down the aisle in the dress that you custom-made for YOUR own wedding that didn’t happen.”
“Even though your breakup was amicable, that is still a painful thing, and you don’t need to be reminded of it by watching someone else walk down the aisle in your own dress. NTA.”
“She needs to think about how you might feel, not just how she feels.” ~ chicken_noodle_salad
“No is a complete sentence.’
“What part of that statement do your mom and sister not understand?”
“YOU bought it.”
“YOU stored it away.”
“And only YOU can decide if it will ever be worn by a bride.”
“Be it you, your sister, or a total stranger. “
“That dress is a part of your past, do with it as you may.”
You are NTA.” ~ Inside-Property-4579
“NTA and put it somewhere safe and locked so they can’t just come and take it.”
“It’s just a dress, so she gets over it and can buy one by herself.” ~ Significant_Taro_690
“It always blows my mind that people can say to you, why do you care about it?”
“It’s just a dress.”
“And then in the next breath, they’re getting deeply pissed off about it because they want that dress, and they don’t see the contradiction.”
“Yes, it’s just a dress, but it’s worth having the screaming argument for because it’s worth so good?”
“And then Mom pipes up. Yeah, it’s just a dress.”
“Give it to her.”
“Listen whether it’s a car or a sandwich or a wedding gown, if you paid for it, it’s yours to do whatever you want with.” ~ BeeStingerBoy
“NTA. You aren’t required to give away any of your possessions to anyone at any time. 🤷♀️”
“She is not someone you owe, nor is she your child.”
“She was rude and demanding, acted like she was entitled to something that was yours, and pitched a fit when you said a very reasonable no.”
“I hope you tell her and Mom to kick rocks, honestly.” ~ Forsaken_Dig1277
“NTA. That’s your dress, you saved up and paid for it yourself, and now you can do whatever you want with it.”
“Even if that means keeping it in a storage box for however long you’d like.”
“Do not give in to your mom and sister, keep that boundary!” ~ Justhere-toavoidwork
“Please make sure you lock the dress away from sabotage!!!”
“Ideally, between 2/3 sets of locks.”
“And put it somewhere she can not steal it.”
“If you have given her a key, take it back and also from your mum.”
“She is going to enable the golden child by giving your dress to her.”
“Based on her description, your dress is going to end up missing or damaged if you don’t take action now.”
“And, this also counts for your enabling family members.”
“Might not be worth having them over as they might disappear upstairs to get it from your storage.”
“Might be worth setting up cameras to make sure.”
“Sorry, but your dress is not safe now that she’s got her greedy eyes on it. NTA.” ~ Upper-File462
“NTA. By their logic, if you weren’t using your car because you worked from home, you should give it to your younger sister so it wouldn’t just “rot” in your garage.” ~ Runneymeade
Reddit understands your frustration, OP.
This is your dress.
You do what YOU wish with it.
Your sister and Mom are out of line.
Stand your ground.