There are three types of people: those who aren’t worried about how they look and dress, those who are deeply involved in fashion trends, and those who live somewhere in the middle.
Those in the middle, who are trying to make a fashion statement without breaking the bank, tend to be extremely respectful of their clothes, so they last longer, reasoned the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Plonkers635 was frustrated when her younger sister repeatedly tried to borrow clothes, even though they wore noticeably different sizes.
But when she was called sizeist for her concerns, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was in the wrong.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for not letting my sister wear my clothes whenever she wants and ‘calling her fat’?”
The OP had specific living arrangements in her family’s home.
“I (21 female) have a 14-year-old sister, Emma. Just before I begin, I’m going clarify that I work full-time, I pay rent to my mum, and I pay for all of my own expenses, including paying for my own clothes since I was 16 and had my first part-time job.”
” I don’t spend a lot of money on most things, and I’m saving for my own place, but I do like to treat myself to some nice clothes – not expensive but not cheap crap either.”
Her sister welcomed herself to the OP’s things.
“The problem is, Emma likes my clothes too.”
“A few months ago, she borrowed my brand new (£40, or $52) jacket without asking, and wore it out with her friends.”
“This was despite the fact that I’d bought her a nice jacket she’d been wanting for Christmas.”
“She broke the zipper on my jacket trying to do it up, and I can’t fix it.”
“I told my mum and she defended Emma, saying it was just an accident and I should share.”
“I said that it wasn’t an accident; she stupidly tried to do up the zip on a jacket that was obviously way too small for her.”
“Emma was like, ‘So I’m fat now, am I?!'”
The OP didn’t agree with the accusation.
“I’ve never called her fat, but she does wear a size 20 while I wear a size 12.”
“After that, I kept catching her rifling through my clothes, so I put one of those bike chains through the handles on my wardrobe to stop her.”
“My mum’s got the rest of the family calling me sizeist, just because I don’t want my clothes ruined.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out there was a difference between telling the truth and being sizeist.
“NTA – you’re not sizeist just because you happen to wear a smaller size. It’s not fair that she’s ruined the clothing that you paid for because she tries to force it on.”
“You pay for it and you pay rent, so your mom doesn’t really have a say in it. If you don’t want her to borrow your clothes, then that’s the end of it.” – TankIndependent4956
“Regardless, the size of clothing they wear is a fact, not opinion. There’s a reason most clothes aren’t one size fits all. Because one size does not fit all.” – Tangelo-Broad
“There is quite a difference between size 12 and size 20. One size difference, maybe – but 4 sizes difference? NONE of OP’s clothes will fit her sister.” – One_Ad_704
“Jesus, telling someone who is bigger than you that they can’t wear your clothes because they’re bigger than you isn’t ‘sizeist’ or fat-shaming or even the slightest bit mean. It’s protecting your stuff.”
“(Not to mention, you have zero obligation to share it anyway.)” – awgeezwhatnow
“NTA – It’s not sizeist, it’s reality, and I say that as someone from a large family with wildly different body types.”
“You didn’t actually call her fat (you would be the AH for that). The issue here is no one respects your boundaries. Start borrowing your mum’s stuff without asking to and see if she catches on.” – tinnedpotatoes
“NTA.”
“I’m a rather large girl, though I’m not certain my size. I know it’s not 20 or 12.”
“But really your sister should not just use your stuff without permission. That’s just not right. She should really ask.”
“And honestly, your sister knows your clothes are not going to fit her but she still thinks she should be able to wear your clothes.”
“So no, I do not think you are a sizeist or even calling her fat. You are stating an obvious fact that she is larger than you body-wise and that your clothes just will not fit her.”
“I’ve had smaller friends offer me their clothes and I just tell them I cannot fit them due to my size. They get a bit annoyed saying I need to stop calling myself fat! And You’re not fat so stop it!”
“I’m like, I’m not calling myself fat. I’m saying my body type is just bigger and therefore cannot fit the clothes you offer.”
“Which is what you were doing. You were telling your mom that your sister’s body type was bigger than yours and therefore she cannot properly fit into your clothes without them being completely ruined/destroyed.”
“I should know because of my friends always trying to get me to try on some of their stuff even though they are admittedly smaller than I am.” – Psycuteowl
Others agreed and said the sister was trying to redirect the blame.
“NTA.”
“Your sister knows what she is doing. She manipulated the situation so instead of it being a conversation about her breaking your things, it’s a conversation about you having called her fat (despite those words never leaving your mouth).”
“The best solution is obvious, move out.”
“Since that isn’t possible, get a key lock for your door, or keep the bike lock there.”
“As for your family, tell them, ‘I did not call her fat, I called her destructive. She told people otherwise because she can’t defend her behavior and wants to make me out to be the bad guy instead.'” – TogarSucks
“Everyone wears different sizes and styles. When something doesn’t fit YOU, you’re supposed to find a size that does FIT!”
“The fact you had to put a chain around your wardrobe means this has happened multiple times. The least your mother could do is make your sister pay for the tailoring or for a replacement.”
“NTA.” – aquavenatus
“This is not even about size! It’s about thievery and destruction of property. Which, hey? Isn’t that a crime?” – somesortofpunname
“NTA.”
“Stand your ground. It’s not sizeist to not want your clothes ruined. Whatever the reason could have been for the broken zip, she chose to not replace the thing she broke. That’s a lack of respect for other people’s belongings and you shouldn’t have to put up with it.”
“Stick with the locks.”
“Start looking into finding another place to live.” – JemimaAslana
“Besides the lock, make sure your sister doesn’t purposely damage your clothes since she doesn’t have access. She shouldn’t be in your room anyway.”
“You, as a paying tenant, have right to privacy.” – Careless-Image-885
“NTA, it’s yours, you paid for it. Your sister is 14, tell her to wait 2 years like you did, and then she’ll be able to buy all the clothes she wants.”
“She sounds like a spoiled kid, and your mum taking her side is just plain stupidity.”
“Use one of your mum’s jackets, break something off it or whatever, and try and have the same argument, just so she can see how dumb her point is.” – Expensive-TuneMan
Some had suggestions about dealing with the OP’s mother, too.
“NTA. Your sister can use your mom’s clothes then or your mom can buy her more clothes. That’s not your problem.”
“And let your mom know that you’ll stop helping her pay the bills and put that money to replacing the clothes your sister ruins instead. See how fast she shuts up.” – crystallz2000
“However much her rent is for the month, she should make this payment short by 40 bucks to replace the jacket.”
“Also, OP, if you are actually paying a substantial rent versus like a 200 dollar ‘rent,’ then you should look for a roommate and move out.” – Corduroycat1
“Mom is favoring the youngest. I’m sure the baby is quite spoiled and entitled and possibly eats with a silver spoon.”
“NTA. Your property. You paid for it. Not wanting your hard-earned things ruined is perfectly normal.” – nsfwns
“NTA.”
“The fact that it’s your clothes being aside for a second…”
“My mother is a UK8-10 and I’m a UK6-8 (80085) and whenever I loan her my clothes, she’ll be extra careful because she doesn’t want to stretch them, cause a rip, etc. and we are only one size apart.”
“Anyway, I am South African and the sizes are the same but we also use letters. XS (UK 6) to about XXL (UK 16) is what you’d get in the standard sizes (ie clothes that are not in the petite range or the plus-size range).”
“Basically, a size 20 (XXXL) here would not be available in most of the shops outside of the plus-size ranges.”
“She’s an XXXL so, unless she’s got some health issues or is a world champ bodybuilder, she’s fat. You didn’t call her fat and it would’ve been inappropriate if you did, but your mum is TA for letting her believe she can fit into your clothes and not helping her out with managing her obesity.” – jenna_grows
“NTA. If she wants nice clothes, mom has to subsidize them. This is not a matter of size, it doesn’t fit and you do not want ruined clothes. Simple as that.”
“Mom probably thinks it’s cheaper to make you the scapegoat for not sharing than buying your sister her own.” – ILikeSealsALot
The subReddit was just as frustrated as the OP about her ruined clothes and the fact that her younger sister was not respecting boundaries or being told to do so by their mother.
To remedy the situation, the best solution the subReddit came up with was to find the OP her own place, so she wouldn’t have to worry and keep her items locked up anymore.