The relationship between stepparents and stepchildren is always a delicate one.
Sometimes, children cannot and will not warm to their stepparents,
In even sadder cases, some stepparents also might never give their stepchildren the love and attention they deserve, particularly if they have children of their own, who will always be a priority.
Redditor LiveRepair2040 had a good relationship with her stepson, who thankfully also had a good relationship with her own son from a previous marriage.
So much so that the original poster (OP) and her husband wanted to commemorate one year of being a family by going on a vacation together.
Unfortunately, the OP’s son didn’t want to join in on the vacation, leaving the OP to feel there was only one solution, which did not please her stepson one bit.
Wondering if she was being unfair, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for uninviting my stepson from our anniversary trip to DisneyWorld?”
The OP explained what she thought was the only fair solution to her son not wanting to partake in a family vacation.
“My (42 F[emale]) husband (45 M[ale]) had a surprise gift to celebrate our first wedding anniversary, a trip to Disneyworld for the whole family this summer.”
“Our kids are close in age but have very different personalities.”
“My son (16 M) is an extrovert, has a very active social life, and does a lot of activities.”
“My stepson (17 M) is an introvert that prefers to stay home and does not have much going on in his life outside of school.”
“They still have a good relationship, even playing video games together sometimes.”
“My son was not on board with the DisneyWorld idea at all.”
“He had no interest in doing this kind of trip with his family and was especially upset because it would make him miss his current girlfriend’s birthday.”
“He was really angry about the situation, yelling at me multiple times, demanding to stay at home instead of going on the trip, and accusing us of ruining his life.”
“On the other hand, my stepson was really excited about the trip.”
“My husband is used to having a kid with no friends when doing plans like this, so he didn’t expect my son’s reaction.”
“I felt that going just with my stepson would be anticlimactic and wouldn’t fulfill the original idea of it being a trip for the whole family.”
“I also didn’t want to leave my son fully alone with all the house to himself.”
“We decided to leave them both so my stepson can keep an eye on my son’s behavior while I and my husband have a romantic trip just for the two of us.”
“My stepson is sad because he wanted to go on the trip, but my son is happy about the new plan.”
“My stepson was more intense about his disappointment at first, crying and whining a lot, but he has mostly calmed down by now.”
“I asked my son to try to include his stepbrother a little in his social life while we are out so he wouldn’t be so lonely, and he said he would try to.”
“My husband feels bad for his son being sad, but I am convinced this is the best solution for everyone.”
“Am I the A**hole?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community did not support the OP’s solution one bit, agreeing she was definitely the a**hole for uninviting her stepson on the vacation.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s stepson shouldn’t suffer just because her own son didn’t want to go on the vacation, finding her solution to be unfair, even cruel.
“YTA.”
“What in the evil stepmother vibes is this?”
“You’re punishing your stepson because of your son’s behavior?”
“Will he need to sweep the fireplace too while he’s home.”- jrm1102
“YTA, and your husband is TA.”
“So to make one child happy, the other has to sacrifice his happiness to play babysitter?”
“How is this the ‘best solution?'”
“If you’re worried about your son’s behavior while you’re gone, hire a babysitter (even though he is too old for that and should be responsible to be home alone) instead of forcing that role onto your step-son or consider that his behavior is due to your parenting OP.”
“Instead of letting your son’s behavior slide and punishing your step-son because of his behavior, you should properly discipline your child and not enable his horrible behavior.”
“Your husband is also an AH for letting you do this to his son.”
“Why should his son get punished for your son’s bad behavior?”- DJ_Too_Supreme
“YTA.”
“My son had a tantrum so we’re going to give him what he wants because nothing matters more than my son’s happiness.”
“You suck.”- thatrandomuncle
“YTA.”
“Wow.”
“You basically punished your stepson because your son didn’t want to do something.”
“Huge AH.”- lihzee
“YTA.”
“Introvert ≠no social life.”
“Your husband bought tickets for the whole family; your son had the issue.”
“You should have found proper accommodations for your son if you didn’t want him alone.”
“Having your stepson stay home is not the best solution.”- Dependent-Report-184
“YTA.”
“You’re not just depriving the 17yo of a trip he really wanted to go on, but you’re making him responsible for monitoring your 16yo while you and your husband get to have a romantic getaway?”
“Your stepson did nothing wrong and doesn’t deserve to have the trip taken away from him.”
“He was enthusiastic and looking forward to the trip.”
“Your son’s behavior, on the other hand, was entitled and immature, but he gets to stay home like he wanted to.”
“You’re being horribly unfair to your stepson.”
“Don’t punish him for your son’s behavior.”- miyuki_m
“You honestly sound a bit disdainful of your stepson.”
“Also, kids scatter in the summer.”
“Families go on holidays, kids go to camp (or work at camp), they get jobs, etc.”
“You could easily have explained to your son that being away for a week or two is not the end of the world and that his girlfriend would still be there when he gets back.”
“YTA.”- jmbbl
“Holy f*ck YTA.”
“So, because your son is an AH, you think it’s okay to punish your SS?”- idontcare8587
“YTA.”
“Your son manipulated you into leaving him home, so to make it easier on yourself, you’re punishing your stepson by dis-inviting him?”
“So your stepson bears the brunt of your bad parenting choices?”
“And you know that your son won’t listen to anything your stepson says if you’re not there.”
“So you are also putting him in a terrible position.”
“How are you NOT being an AH to your stepson?”
“And it’s time for his dad to step up and advocate for him.”- NorthwestPassenger
“YTA.”
“He doesn’t get to go on a trip that he was really looking forward to because your son doesn’t want to go, and without him, it’s pointless?”
“You don’t see how you’re TAH when typing this out?”- Tricky-Sport-139
“Your husband and stepson should go on the trip together, and you should stay behind with your spoiled brat of a son.”
“That is what would be fair.”
“YTA.”- MzzMolly
“YTA.”
“Was it important you get to Disney even without the kids because you were trying out for evilest Step Mother?”- marxam0d
“YTA.”
“Your son is a teen, not a toddler screaming n throwing tantrums.”
“Terrible parenting punishing the stepson to please your son shame all around.”-TrustComprehensive92
“YTA and so is your husband for letting you do this to his son.”- IPreferDiamonds
“YTA.”
“Nice of you to put yours and your son’s desires first.”
“Why don’t you force your son to come to Disney so you can have your family trip?”
“Why force your stepson only?”
“I hope the father realizes you don’t have his son’s best interest at heart and takes him on that trip.”- Pettypris
“YTA.”
“You left your stepson home because your bio son wanted to stay home.”
“That’s giving ‘OMG MY REAL CHILDREN ARE SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT’ and on top of that, making him watch your son?”
“That’s really messed up.”
“Your son threw a tantrum, but I guarantee he would’ve been fine once he got there.”
“Also, how is Disney even remotely romantic?”
“It’s a theme park.”- ChelseaRodro
How the OP felt it was a logical solution to exclude her stepson from a family vacation because her own son didn’t want to go is confounding, to say the least.
As it’s hard to figure out how her son getting exactly what he wants and her stepson not getting what he wants is a fair solution.
One also can’t quite understand why the OP’s husband didn’t stand up for his son, who so clearly wanted to join in on the vacation.
Hopefully, he will before it’s too late.