How much proof or convincing would it take for you to accuse your significant other of cheating?
Redditor throwra_advice12 held back her suspicions about her husband's faithfulness after she stumbled upon something while cleaning the bathroom.
But she became paranoid after he was dismissive towards her when she inquired about some peculiar DNA samples.
Not wanting to jump to conclusions, she turned to the Relationship Advice subReddit to see what strangers on the internet had to say about the curious case.
The original Poster (OP) wrote:
"I (29 F[emale]) keep finding long hairs in my bathroom, which is strange because my husband (32 M[ale]) is bald and I have a short pixie crop hairstyle."
"This started a few weeks ago. While cleaning the bathroom I found a number of long hair strands over my bathroom wall by the shower."
"This struck me as very odd because not only does my husband not have hair, I also wear a very cropped, short hairstyle. So it's impossible for the strands I found to belong to either me or my husband."
"Confused I washed them away but couldn't stop thinking about it. I decided not to mention it but kept looking out for them. There seems to be a pattern that there's hairs appearing when I'm either at work or out for a longer time period."
"I feel like I'm going crazy and feel like I shouldn't just immediately go to my husband cheating on me with a longer haired woman. I asked my husband about it and he just shrugged."
"Which makes me more paranoid as surely this is something that's strange so why is he so blasé about it! I'm starting to think he's playing it down to stop me from finding out the truth."
"It happened again two days ago and I asked my husband again. He dismissed it but this time admitted it's strange but told me the only explanation is that they must be my hairs. They are not and after saying so, now he'll just ignore me if I bring it up."
"I don't want to assume my husband is cheating on me and accuse him of such over something so ridiculous, but I'm driving myself into the ground trying to work out how the hairs have got there without my husband dismissing it as nothing."
"During lockdown we haven't had any visitors (that I know of) so can rule out his sister."
Redditors weighed in with their thoughts, starting with this person who asked questions to rule out the OP's suspicions.
"Do you do your laundry at a public laundromat or share washers and dryers with anyone? Or is there anyone you have been in contact with during this time that has long hair?"
"While unlikely, that may explain finding hairs once or twice. But if it's recurring, especially in the shower, I don't think you are unreasonable to be suspicious." – holyylemons
"Or if you had long hair at some point in the past year. I cut mine off in March and I'm still finding my own long hairs in clothing, and around the house up until we moved."
"I would look for color and thickness as an indicator as to if it is yours from the past or someone else's." – squobiime
"Does he sit in different places at his job like a conference room?"
"We got new office chairs last year with mesh cloth backs and noticed my long hair was absolutely caked on the back of my chair! I was horrified at myself!"
"Now i know i have to clean the fuzz off and untangle the hairballs on the back of my chair every couple of months." – DuxM_yard
"It's weird that she finds them on the wall on the shower. I have long hair and when some comes out during washing (not a lot but shampoo always causes a few hairs to get 'loose') and I put it on the wall so it's not in my hands or sticks to my body."
"I think a lot of people do that? Hair stuck together on the wall is exactly what happens if you shower and don't clean afterwards."
"If the hair appears like, in the carpet or on the sofa or in other places where it sticks if you naturally lose it then yes, could be anyone's or could be older hair prior to OP cutting her (no idea if it's recent)."
"If it exclusively appears in the shower, and consistently on the wall, but doesn't appear when OP is home a lot.... well, that tells a different story." – darthvadercake
One Redditor even insinuated the possibility that the husband could be leading a double life.
"Could it be a wig? Could your husband be into cross dressing?" – NoFaceManyHeart
"Yeah this isn't a bad idea, next time you find a hair let it dry then burn it. Human hair burns very differently to a wig hair."
"Burn a stand of your hair to see the difference. I've done this before, and it was from a wig (for the reason above)." – warholsnotdead
The OP entertained the possibility and responded:
"I will do a meticulous search of the house for any wigs and possible drag paraphernalia."
The husband's reaction still made Redditors skeptical.
"Depending on how long the strands are, they could very well be OP's hair. I have dyed brown hair that I wear short, like almost-pixie length."
"My sister kept nagging that my hair was everywhere and I thought it was impossible cause mine was so short and the scattered hair was long-ish. Except the hair was very brown and everyone else had black hair so."
"But the husband's attitude towards the whole thing does seem suspicious af, so I unfortunately think there's a third person here. OP, maybe set up babysitter cameras at home (without your SO's knowledge ofc), or even a baby monitor. Catch him redhanded." – bonkerred
"You can also Change the bedsheets. Go to work for a longer period of time/visit your aunt or whatever for 2 days."
"Come back and see if he changed the sheets again. If he did, might be a bad sign and afterwards you can still do the hiding in bushes thing." – Jujumofu
"Start collecting all the hairs until one day you have enough of them to create a persuasive wig out of it."
"Once you have the wig, wear it and sit in the living room with your back facing the front door. When your husband walks through, pretend to be the mistress and record his reaction with a hidden camera."
"If he is confused as to who is in his living room, he's not cheating. If he says 'what are you doing here,' you got a problem. Hope this helps." – jonny4256
There have been no further developments that involved making a wig or hiding out in the bushes.
As far as Redditors are concerned, this case remains an unsolved mystery.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and IÂ got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.'Â And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.