There is such a fine line in friendships.
We all like to believe it’s not there, but it is.
That line between keeping and losing a friend.
The reason it’s fine is because there is always one or two unforeseen issues that have yet to be tested.
Often one of those issues has to deal with a friend’s love interest.
Case in point…
Redditor Only-Marionberry-303 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my best friend her husband made a pass at me?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m a 31 year old woman and have been best friends with my friend who is 34 since I was 15.”
“She has been married to her husband for five years.”
“I’ve never been his biggest fan, something about him always seemed ‘off’ to me.”
“But I never once brought it up or told her my feelings on the matter as I had no reason to suspect he wasn’t above board.”
“Sometimes you just don’t like people it doesn’t make them a bad person and I figured it was just that.”
“Due to our connection through her we do sometimes talk on social media, not often but he is on my friend list.”
“Three nights ago he made a pass at me sending some rather flirty messages and commenting about a picture i’d put up a few hours earlier of myself at the beach with a friend.”
“I was naturally disgusted with this and asked him what the f**k he was doing and told him I was his wife’s best friend, then asked if he was drunk.”
“He quickly tried to backtrack and cover his a** but it was very clear he’d been making a pass from what he’d written.”
“He then begged me not to tell her at which point I ignored him.”
“I then screenshot all the messages saving them, and the next day, first thing in the morning I called up my friend and asked her to come see me where I laid it all out for her.”
“I had wanted to tell her in person as it’d be easier to soften the blow rather than immediately sending all screenshots to her with no easing into it.”
I expected her to be upset but I was surprised when she got upset with me.”
“She told me I must have led him on in some way to make him think that kind of message was ok, that he’d never do something like this without being tempted first.”
“I told her i’d never do that to anyone least of all my best friend and pointed out how clearly disgusted I was by what he’d written.”
“I then told her I was worried because if he’d do this to her best friend what was he doing with women who didn’t know her?”
“She left angry with me and hasn’t spoken to me since we met up that day.”
“I’ve sent her a few messages since then but haven’t gotten a reply.”
“I hope it’s just misplaced anger and she needs time to come to terms with this.”
“I don’t know what else I was supposed to do, surely sitting on this and not telling her would have been worse?”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. You did the right thing, she is just in denial at the moment.” ~ fredo3469
“Yep, absolutely did the right thing, give her space, and be supportive.”
“People tend to lash out at the abused party in cases like this, but it’s a defense mechanism, it’s upsetting, but not about you in this movement. NTA.” ~ buck_godot
“NTA. You’re a good friend. Leave her alone and wait for her to come around. She has to have an inkling her husband is a creep.” ~ ResponsibleMai
“This OP!”
“In french we have a saying, when we come with bad news : ‘sorry to be the bird of bad omen’ would be a rough translation.”
“We begin with sorry, because when receiving bad, life shattering/belief shattering news like this one, most people tend to attack the messenger.”
“That’s a normal, although upsetting reaction on her part.”
“You are absolutely NTA, and a good friend for letting her know ASAP.” ~ Little_Pokitten675
“It can be a lose-lose proposition too. I’ve seen friends get mad at other friends for not telling the person what their partner had said or done.”
“OP is most definitely NTA.”
“She was more concerned for her best friend’s well-being than worrying about their friendship and so she risked it all just to look out for her best friend.”
“I hope some day that friend will realize that it was both a risky and a selfless act and that OP had nothing to gain and a lot to lose.” ~ FleeshaLoo
“And OP knows that now she is free and clear.”
“OP, I know you love her but let her go. She made a choice. “
“You did the right thing. Just put her on snooze for a while and go on with your life.”
“She is in denial.”
“Hopefully he won’t actually cheat on her.”
“But when she comes crying to you if he does, you can welcome her with open arms or say I told you so and shut the door in her face.”
“Neither choice would make you an a**hole.” ~ Ursula2071
“Agreed. But, this is why I am very hesitant to share info about someone’s SO cheating or attempting to do so.”
“In this situation, the only thing that OP could do was tell the friend since it was directed at her and this guy was so bold.”
“That said, the reality is that some people just don’t want to be confronted with the reality that their spouse is cheating.”
“They don’t want their life to change.”
“They don’t want to break up.”
“They don’t want to change their financial circumstances.”
“They don’t want others to expect them to leave their cheating partner, and they want to be left blissfully ignorant.”
“That’s just a reality of life.”
“I never share information with someone about a cheating spouse until I have definitive proof.”
“I am super close with the person and I know that they would want me to share said info.”
“I also pass on the info and remove myself from their decision making.”
“OP did the right thing, but this friendship is probably done.”
“Sis doesn’t want to end her marriage so she rather pick a fight with the other party.”
“Sucks to be her, but that is her choice.” ~ Electrical-Date-3951
“Unfortunately this is a common reaction in most situations like this.”
“Humans, especially in certain regions of America, have an easier time doing what is socially convenient rather than what is right.”
“It’s like when a friend of min was getting divorced.”
“It turns out that he had been physically and emotionally abusing her.”
“However, virtually all of their mutual friends sided with him because he was more plugged into their social lives.”
“They know the truth. He even admitted it, but it is more convenient to stay friends with him than her.”
“Personally, I did the opposite.”
“I am basically the only person from before the divorce that even talks with her.”
“And he was my best friend for over 20 years.’
“It makes me sad that people seem to make choices based on convenience rather than morality.” ~ blackdragon8577
“You’re sooooo NTA.”
“Your friend is, and it’s likely not the first time he’s down this (to other women and her knowing about it).”
“He’s prob always made excuses about it and gaslit her.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised.”
“I’m really sorry you have to deal with this cause you honestly did nothing wrong.”
“I would 100% want to know if it were my husband.”
“I really hope she comes to her senses and doesn’t end up losing you as a friend cause she’ll regret it.” ~ Regina_Phalange31
“Something similar happened to me in 2012, she started screaming at me and I walked away (I was in my boyfriends house).”
“They ended up demanding he dump me so they could keep him as a friend and I had to go.”
“They told me they were cutting me out and it would be cool if I just gracefully walked away from my relationship.”
“She married him and then divorced him after a few years, probably cause he was cheating on her again (she caught him at least three times and his sister warned her).”
“Some people just don’t listen and have low self worth.”
“Its not your fault and honestly, I feel for her.”
“It’s easier to be angry and blame someone else when you’re that close. NTA.” ~ thesuspiciousstapler
“Oh honey I’m sorry. You are absolutely NTA.”
“Give your friend a little time.”
“Hopefully this was a kneejerk reaction and when she has had time to think about it she’ll come around.”
“However there is every possibility she will cling harder to her husband and blame you.”
“All you can do is hope she comes to her senses sooner rather than later.” ~ pfashby
Well Reddit seems pretty unison in thought.
OP sounds like you shouldn’t worry about your choices.
People are going to love who they love.
God help them.