When heading to a social occasion or gathering, much as we may try to deny it, one of the first thoughts that crosses our minds is when it would be ok to go home.
This is particularly true for those who aren’t particularly excited about the gathering in question, who just make sure to make an appearance, and then swiftly sneak out.
But even those who are looking forward to the occasion might have an exit time in their head, even if their host expects them to stay till the bitter end.
Redditor Radiant_List_9993 and her husband were looking forward to going out of town to attend the wedding of one of their good friends.
Unfortunately, the wedding didn’t quite turn out to be everything the original poster (OP) expected.
As a result, the OP and her husband decided to leave the wedding a bit on the early side, bringing a group of their friends along with them.
After being scolded by the bride for “abandoning” her on her special day, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for leaving the dry wedding wedding early to go to go out?”
The OP explained why they wanted to make an early exit from her friend’s wedding:
“So 2 weeks ago I 35 F[emale] went to a wedding in our college town for a member of our college friend group.”
“My husband and I left the kids with my parents and we went.”
“We got a Vrbo with another couple I went to college with for a few days.”
“My husband and I don’t have a ton of time to ourselves away from the kids so we were excited to let loose.”
“On the invitation it said the wedding went to 11 with an after party with the bride and groom at the venue.”
“The venue was a gorgeous mansion and the bride and groom had it for the night, they were leaving for the honeymoon the next morning.”
“Cut to wedding day and it’s a dry wedding.”
“Apparently the groom is 2 years sober.”
“No one told us this and we were admittedly bummed.”
“When we found out there was no alcohol we told people we were going to some bars after and not going to the after party.”
“We left the wedding at 9:30 because we were itching to go out and the wedding was boring.”
“Pretty much the whole college crew left around that time and went out.”
“Apparently, the bride’s friend group did not stay for the party, the grooms did and the optics were very lopsided at the party.”
“We all heard from the bride about this and she called us a**holes for leaving.”
“She said that she didn’t feel supported and felt like we were spiteing her now husband for his sobriety.”
“I told her that she was reading too much into it.”
“We just wanted to go out.”
“She is especially mad at me as i’m looked at as the ringleader of this outing.”
“I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong.”
“Ceremony was at 5, Reception at 6.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for bailing on her friend’s wedding to go to a bar.
Most agreed that the OP did nothing wrong, as she and her husband had spent more than enough time at the wedding, and she and her husband were absolutely entitled to a good time away from their kids.
“NTA.”
“I’m not a big drinker.”
“Neither is my wife.”
“I’ve been to a couple of dry weddings that were so due to religious reasons.”
“We are not religious people.”
“So, except for the people that I knew, the whole atmosphere was boring.”
“So, each time we slipped out.”
“Look, there is no rule that everyone must stay at a wedding reception until its official end time.”
“I’ve never heard of such a thing.”
“Look, I would not be concerned about the bride’s rantings.”
“You’ll probably see very little of her going forward.”
“Obviously, the general consensus among her invitees was ‘ok, we’ve been here long enough and we didn’t travel here to not have a little fun time’.”- Intelligent-Bat1724
“Were you a guest or a hostage at this wedding?”
“NTA.”- Existing-Teaching-34
“NTA.”
“You DID support her.”
“You got a sitter for your kids, you made lodging arrangements and traveled out of town to be there at her wedding and SUPPORT her and the marriage.”
“She is reading too much into it.”
“What she wants and expects is for everyone to support HER not being able to drink because SHE’S supporting her sober husband.”
“Which there’s nothing wrong with her support of HER husband.”
“But it didn’t mean you ALL HAVE TO support her by not drinking.”
“You went, got a gift, spent over 3 hours at the reception and left.”
“Nowhere in wedding etiquette does it say the guests have to stay for the whole wedding.”
“Now as for her wedding party, that’s on them for bailing early.”
“I think she’s just really pissed and jealous because she chooses not to drink and is taking it out on you.”
“Sorry OP.”
“But most definitely not TAH.”- Silent-Ad-5926
“NTA.”
“I’ve not heard of a dry reception going into overtime with an after hours.”
“So it was expected to go past 11pm after starting at 6?”
“Maybe I’m wrong but it’s unrealistic to expect adults to linger, sans cocktails, making the brides’ wedding planning unrealistic.”
“Adults enjoy cocktails at special events and can go a bit to support sober individuals but let’s be real.”- Positivelythinking
“NTA.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever once stayed until the very end of a wedding.”
“Frankly they are boring AF even with alcohol.”- Comntnmama
“NTA.”
“I’m going against the grain here but I think leaving a wedding a little early is no big deal.”
“It’s not like you left immediately after the ceremony.”
“The groom’s friends probably stayed for the after party because they were prepared to support the groom on his sobriety journey, which you were not, you didn’t even know.”
“It’s not super clear how well you know the groom, but I’m guessing that bc you had to travel to the wedding of an old friend – not too well.”
“Weddings are a celebration of the couple, yes, but when you have a big wedding you do have to realistically take into consideration that there is a reunion element to weddings as well.”-MiddleAthlete7377
“NTA.”
“She should have been very clear and managing expectations (disappointment) about it being a dry wedding.”
“If it’s not the norm and people will be disappointed, then make it very clear my husband can’t be around booze.”
“Don’t make a big deal about it and manage your expectations.”
“That’s fine if there is no booze but know your friends if everyone drinks and it’s a dry wedding don’t surprise them.”
“My friends had the giant banquet hall weddings with 200 to 350 people with antipasto bar and midnight buffet after the huge dinner meal.”
“My wedding smaller at 120 people, nicer venue (not a banquet hall so I can’t invite as many people) but no antipasto bar, yes open bar and midnight buffet after the served steak meal service.”
“Tell your friends what to expect.”- ThatTone1426
“NTA 9:30.”
“is a perfectly reasonable time to leave an event.”
‘At my wedding, we had people leaving earlier than that for various reasons, and it’s perfectly ok.”
“If you’re planning something that’s lasting until late at night, it’s your job as a host to entertain your guests.”
“If they aren’t entertained and leaving on mass before it’s over, then it’s on you.”- M1eXcel
“NTA.”
“You can do what you want to.”
“You went to the party and reception.”
“You are entitled to enjoy your time as you wish and are not obligated to stay at any party for any amount of time.”- No_University5296
“NTA.”
“For everybody who says she was talking sh*t has never actually experienced someone actually talked sh*t about something like she was there for a good while.”- Reasonable-Fix-1818
There were a few, however, who felt that it was wrong for the OP to so openly complain about the wedding, and the bride was right to feel hurt that the OP and her husband seemed to round people up to join them at the bar.
“I’d like to call you, NTA.”
“Had you just left quietly and not talked about it with groups of ppl you would have gotten that judgment.”
“Unfortunately YTA.”
“You told all the friends that this sucked and you were leaving to go get drunk, and became a ringleader for the group of friends to follow.”
“I get it weddings can be boring and drag on.”
“I went to a wedding (marriage didn’t last longer than the wedding) the wedding started at 4pm, very little food provided at the intermission before the reception.”
“Only cucumber wedges with cream cheese idk why.”
“By 10:30 the dinner hadn’t started we ran to a diner and found other wedding guests.”
“A complete surprise but we all laughed it off.”- Alternative-Gur-6208
Had the OP chosen to skip her friend’s wedding entirely upon the discovery there was no alcohol involved, it would have been much harder to sympathize with her.
However, the OP put in four-and-a-half hours at the wedding, which is longer than many weddings last.
Perhaps the OP could have made a bit of a more gracious exit, however, it’s also rather strange that the Bride would even think about people leaving early on the happiest day of her life.
After all, would any newlywed really be that upset at their honeymoon getting off to an early start?