Problems come in two flavors.
Simple and complex.
So what happens when you think the problem you’re dealing with is one of the easy ones, and then it becomes really complex, really fast?
That was the question facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Froggie_Five when they came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
“AITA for telling a friend she’d settle for a penis and a pulse, after she shamed my standards.”
This apparently escalates quickly…
Updating the post, because she got psychotic really fast, lol.
But first, introductions.
“I (F20) had a close friend (F22).”
“I’ve been since I was 18, and she asked about it. Upon me telling her I wasn’t interested in dating right now, she said ‘so basically, you can’t find anyone’. I brushed past it, not wanting any arguments.”
“She later asked what I’d look for in a guy.”
“As I told her, and my basic standards would be;”
“• respect goes both ways • us vs the problem, not me vs you • likes dogs (I have three, so, obvious reasons) • general good hygiene •”
“decent level of fitness (not necessarily aesthetic; I’m heavily into the gym, and fitness, so I want someone to match this, ideally) • driven, and hardworking (ie. Has a goal/drive of what they want to do with their life).”
“She told me that ‘(I’m) never going to find a guy because (I’m) asking far too much. If (I) were to lower my standards, I’d find a lovely guy.”
‘”The only standard should be compatibility. If I did, I wouldn’t be alone for the rest of my life; because that’s where (I’m) heading.’”
Her friend took matters into her own hands… or thumbs, that is.
“Later that evening, my brother messaged me; with a screenshot from Tinder with my photos, and ‘my’ profile; asking whether it was me, as I assume due to similar ages, and location, we’d matched.”
“I don’t like the idea of dating apps at all, and my family knows this.”
“It was a whole lot of back and forth; turns out the friend made a dating profile ‘’on my behalf to find a good guy for me’.”
“(Update: we found multiple, at least 20, after this). I was absolutely fuming and made it clear to her. She told me ‘she was helping me out’ and knew what was good for me as a friend.”
“I told her that ‘just because all she looks for is a penis and a pulse, it doesn’t mean that I do.”
“She’s blocked me on all platforms and won’t take the profile down.”
“FURTHER UPDATES + SECOND AITA QUESTION”
“We later found several more accounts (current count at 22), all containing the same photos and desc.”
“The latest (we know of) dating five weeks ago. The night I posted this, I stayed over at my brother’s, and neighbours informed me two separate cars pulled up in the middle of the night.”
“So, she’s been sharing my address since.”
“Someone on here advised me to get security cameras, to monitor whilst I’m not home (obviously), and in the space of 6 hours, 14 men showed up at my home.”
“It’s absolutely f*cking mental, especially as I’ve got no idea what she’s telling these men. It has the possibility of getting very, very dangerous, quickly.”
“On the police/lawyer front, she’s definitely against the law.”
“But, until we have direct evidence that she’s sending the men to my address (ie. a Message from her to one of the men), she can’t be charged with harassment.”
“Lawyer seems sure we’ll win the case, though, on the basis of harassment, identity theft, and defamation (possible), with up to 8 months jail time.”
While OP got her original answer, another question cropped up.
“Would I be the a**hole if I pressed full charges against her? I think there’s still that element of ‘what if she was trying to help?’ though, to be honest, I doubt it.”
Having explained the complexities of this situation, OP turned to Reddit for a verdict.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Commenters were shocked at the behavior mentioned.
“The only standard should be compatibility.”
“The things you listed are literally what would make you compatible with someone.”
“NTA.” ~ _Witch_Dagger_
“Just because she is willing to do something unreasonable doesn’t mean you’re being unreasonable.”
“This is a her problem, not a you problem.”
“Also, even if your standards were absolutely over the top insane to the point that no actual human being could ever have a hope of meeting them, stealing your pictures to make dating profiles without your consent would still not be an appropriate response.”
“There are literally zero scenarios where that’s acceptable behavior.” ~ synonymrolls718
The OP came back with an update.
“So, last night was nothing short of unsuccessful (for anyone who didn’t see it, a group of us were waiting at the house with a note on the door, trying to gather evidence from the messages etc).”
“It’s ended with a massively swollen jaw, and cracked one of my back teeth in half. All good this morning; just pretty sore.”
“Just to prevent this post getting too long and AITA rules, if you follow my account, I’ll be posting further updates over there, if you’re interested!”
“You guys’ have really helped keep my mind off what’s been going on, and I’m so, so thankful for your concern, and support. Thank you a million times over 🤍”
“For everyone concerned, the doggies and myself are all good, just a little frightened about it all; but we’ve just got to keep our fingers crossed, eh? Will keep the thread updated :)”
Others pointed out that this is a bigger problem now.
“With the update about multiple profiles, this has gone beyond a simple AITA question, I think.”
“This is identity theft and harassment at this point.”
“I don’t know what her problem is, but I’d contact the police if I were you.” ~ asakadeva
“With the update about multiple profiles, this has gone beyond a simple AITA question, I think”
“No doubt, this has gone way beyond AITA territory now OP has had two random strangers show up at her home.”
“Thank God she’s at her brother’s safe and sound, but OP definitely needs to call the police because this is now dangerous since it seems her so-called ‘friend’ has given OPs private address to strangers on the f*cking Internet.” ~ danigirl3694
OP took to the comments to explain further what she’d alluded to in her previous update.
“I’m okay, now!”
“I was up the hospital for a little while last night, as I was worried it was something to do with my jaw, but thankfully, they don’t think so, and my teeth have taken most of the damage.”
“So, just a little knocked up!”
“So, the sign on the door said, ‘if you’re here to see (my name), you’ve been catfished by a woman using her photos and name to harass her. I’m currently collecting evidence against her, and I’d really appreciate if you have any messages from her you could show us.'”
‘”If you’re not comfortable, please give (my brother’s number) a call.’’’
“Anyway, a car pulled up and left about 5 minutes later – no luck there.”
“But, after an hour or so (half 10, maybe?), a guy knocked at the door;”
“I just assumed he was coming to help. I kind of thanked him and began to explain what was going on, but he grabbed the side of the shoulder and pushed me towards the corner of the porch (it’s fairly small).”
“He’s still pinning me into the corner at this point, so I’m pushing off and screaming for the others in the house with me.”
“He punched smack bang over the right side of my face. I’m so thankful it wasn’t my nose.”
“But, blood was streaming out of my mouth (from the tooth), so I ran over to the kitchen whilst my brother and his mates were trying to sort it.”
“The friend that was with me called the police.”
“I don’t really remember what happened afterward; I think it was a bit of shock. But everyone else was unscathed, so I don’t think he was there too long.”
“Safe to say we won’t be doing that again :/”
This update didn’t sit well with anyone.
“This latest update had me fuming on your behalf. It went from 1 to a few to 20+ fake accounts that she created?”
“I really do hope that you can get someone to speak to you and provide evidence that she was messaging on your behalf and sending them to you.”
“Never feel like you have to justify what your ex-friend has done. She is putting your life in danger and is showing no remorse.” ~ kaddyns
Complex legal problems aren’t actually the purview of Reddit, and we hope that the OP here got the help she needed and is safe.
When it comes to anyone intentionally treading over the boundaries you set, be careful and seek assistance.