Sometimes people just can't help but dole out their unwanted opinions.
They just love to comment on clothes, accessories, food, behavior, and class.
Many people aren't comfortable with others just dishing out commentary about them.
And who can blame them?!
Redditor RudeVeterinarian6940 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
"AITA for refusing to let my boyfriend's sister dictate what I wear?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I (26 F[emale]) have been dating my B[oy]F[riend], Evan (28 M[ale]), for about two years."
"I'm close with his family, but his older sister Lauren (36 F) has become weirdly obsessed with what I wear."
"It started with little comments."
"If I wore a dress, she'd say I was 'really dressed up.'”
"If I wore leggings, she'd ask if I was 'actually wearing pants.'”
"If I wore shorts, she'd tell me I was 'brave.'”
"I tried ignoring it because I figured she was just being opinionated.
Eventually, I mentioned it to Evan."
"He told me Lauren was just like that and that I shouldn't take it personally."
"Then she started texting me about my clothes."
"Before a family dinner, she saw a picture of my outfit and messaged me asking if I could wear something 'more appropriate.'”
"I told her that I wasn't comfortable with someone else deciding what I could wear."
"She said she was only trying to prevent me from embarrassing myself."
"I showed Evan the messages, and he finally told her to stop."
"Unfortunately, she continued making comments in person."
"At an engagement party, I wore a fitted red dress".
"Evan privately asked if I'd consider putting on a jacket because Lauren thought the dress was 'a little much.'”
"When I asked whether he had a problem with it, he said no."
"He just didn't want drama."
"The most recent one happened at a family barbecue."
"It was extremely hot, so I wore denim shorts and a loose tank top."
"Lauren looked me up and down and said, 'Seriously?'”
"Later, she pulled me aside and told me she was tired of having to 'manage' my clothing choices."
"She said that because I was dating her brother and would be around their family often, I needed to follow certain 'standards.'”
"I told her that my clothes weren't her concern."
"She then claimed she'd talked to Evan about it several times and that he agreed I should 'tone things down.'”
"I confronted Evan, and he admitted they'd discussed it."
"He insisted he never told Lauren that he wanted to control what I wore, but said he had told her he didn't want drama."
"I told him that's exactly the problem."
"Instead of telling his sister to stop criticizing me, he was trying to avoid conflict by asking me to change."
"He said he didn't want to be caught in the middle."
"I told him there shouldn't be a middle."
"I'm not asking him to choose between his sister and me."
"I'm asking him to support me when someone repeatedly criticizes my appearance."
"I left the barbecue early."
"Since then, Lauren has told other family members that I'm disrespectful, attention-seeking, and apparently 'trying to compete with her,' which I don't even understand."
"Evan thinks I owe her an apology."
"I don't think I did anything wrong."
"I'm tired of feeling like every family gathering comes with a dress code that Lauren gets to enforce."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So, AITA for finally telling my boyfriend's sister that what I wear is none of her business?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA, but take note."
"Evan is showing that he will not stand up for you."
"He thinks it’s easier for you to change than for him to deal with an issue where you are clearly not in the wrong."
"Is that what you want in a partner?" ~ Donutsmell
"That's honestly the part that's bothering me the most now."
"At first I was focused on Lauren because she's the one making the comments, but I'm realizing Evan's response is a separate problem."
"I don't expect him to fight with his sister every time she says something, but I do expect him to be able to say, 'She's an adult, and her clothes aren't your concern.'”
"Instead, he's been trying to keep the peace by asking me to accommodate her."
"I definitely need to think about whether that's something I'm willing to put up with long-term." ~ RudeVeterinarian6940
"Do not marry him."
"Someone who won't stand up for you and allows you to be bullied in front of him is not Someone worth being around or being financially tied to."
"Drop him and move on."
"He doesn't need to choose between you and his sister."
"It was never a choice to begin with. If he's not on your side, then he is not your boyfriend."
"His choices are whether he does or doesn't want to be your boyfriend." ~ Jaded_Antelope_598
"Agreed."
"BUT before I did, I would spend a few weeks giving nightmares S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw] as good as she gave… I would match all that energy."
"The next time I saw her, I would reach into my bag and take out a Diet Soda and hand it to her with the comment, ‘The sugar seems to be catching up with you, babe."
"This should help.’"
"Invite her over for a meal and heat up a Lean Cuisine for her."
"Make a Pinterest board for her and, using images of her from Social Media, create a what not to wear (her images) vs. what to wear."
"When you see her again publicly, exclaim LOUDLY, ‘If it isn’t little miss fashion police.’"
"And then hand her a catalog from an expensive store and tell her to treat herself to something really nice in a size that fits with some of the cash she must be making for criticizing everyone else’s attire."
"People treat us the way we allow them to, and sometimes the only recourse with a bully is to serve it right back. 😜😜😜."
"OP: NTA."
"And when you do decide to move on, make sure to give your BF a bag of throat lozenges and tell him that perhaps they will help him find his voice." ~ stinstin555
"The next time she pulls this, nicely draw everyone's attention, and then say you think poor dear Lauren might need help, and then, in front of everyone, ask Lauren if she is okay and if she needs medical intervention because her obsession with your clothing choices is unhealthy and might be a symptom of a deeper issue and, 'Can we help you, dear?'"
"That ought to shut her up."
"Bottom line, she is bullying you."
"Bullies do not like to be outed."
"Once you have done that, dump the jackwagon who let you be bullied." ~ ClassicCommercial581
"When I was first with my partner, I was introduced to his then friend group, who I had heard great things about."
"One of his friends commented about how surprising it was he was with me because his last girlfriend was thin."
"I mentioned to my partner how it upset me, and he immediately went and told him never to make a comment like that in the future."
"I had told him not to say anything (I was still in my people-pleasing years), but he said that their behaviour was unacceptable, and he was going to make sure it never happened again."
"He had known this friend for a few years, and we'd only been dating a couple of months at this point."
"Personally, I'd dump your partner."
"If he allows these comments now, what's in the future?"
"Her deciding your wedding dress?"
"Criticizing your body whilst pregnant and postpartum?"
"Telling you what a terrible parent you are?"
"You deserve to be treated with respect, and he's enabling disrespectful behaviour towards you and bullying." ~ Rainbow_dreaming
"NTA. By not picking sides, he's picking a side."
"And now both you and Lauren know that he will allow her to disrespect you."
"He even wants you to apologize to her?"
"Just throw out the whole man." ~ LiLyMonst3R
"That's the part I'm having the hardest time getting past."
"I could understand him not wanting to get involved in every little disagreement, but once he started asking me to change my clothes and then wanted me to apologize to her, it stopped feeling neutral."
"I don't think he realizes that 'I don't want to be in the middle' still leaves me dealing with the consequences of his sister's behavior."
"I'm definitely taking a step back and thinking seriously about whether this is the kind of dynamic I want in a long-term relationship." ~ RudeVeterinarian6940
"NTA, but you def need a more supportive boyfriend."
"His sister probably would not be so controlling if he hadn't given her the message over the years that he was willing to let her decide aspects of his life."
"As for her, her comments are just outrageous."
"If you ever get married, I see a strong argument for not inviting her to the wedding, despite the ensuing drama." ~ Easy-Point808
"NTA, but I'd honestly reconsider dating Evan."
"He's low-key giving his sister permission to insult you. "
"Also Evan's sister needs to cop on to her internalized misogyny and control issues."
"Competing with younger women at 36 is just embarrassing." ~ Low-maintenancegal
"NTA... but seriously, just dump him; he’s not going to change, and there are plenty of other men."
"You know his parents, as he wanted to be opinionated behind your back and not defend you."
"Tell his mother why you broke with him."
"She should give him a rant on being stupid."
"His sister will get told off verbally as well, most likely." ~ Swansboy
Reddit is with you, OP.
Lauren's behavior is outrageous.
She's the one who deserves a proper dressing down!
You deserve so much better.
It may be time to evaluate you and Evan.
Good Luck.
