Sometimes people just can't help but dole out their unwanted opinions.
They just love to comment on clothes, accessories, food, behavior, and class.
Many people aren't comfortable with others just dishing out commentary about them.
And who can blame them?!
Redditor RudeVeterinarian6940 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
"AITA for refusing to let my boyfriend's sister dictate what I wear?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I (26 F[emale]) have been dating my B[oy]F[riend], Evan (28 M[ale]), for about two years."
"I'm close with his family, but his older sister Lauren (36 F) has become weirdly obsessed with what I wear."
"It started with little comments."
"If I wore a dress, she'd say I was 'really dressed up.'”
"If I wore leggings, she'd ask if I was 'actually wearing pants.'”
"If I wore shorts, she'd tell me I was 'brave.'”
"I tried ignoring it because I figured she was just being opinionated.
Eventually, I mentioned it to Evan."
"He told me Lauren was just like that and that I shouldn't take it personally."
"Then she started texting me about my clothes."
"Before a family dinner, she saw a picture of my outfit and messaged me asking if I could wear something 'more appropriate.'”
"I told her that I wasn't comfortable with someone else deciding what I could wear."
"She said she was only trying to prevent me from embarrassing myself."
"I showed Evan the messages, and he finally told her to stop."
"Unfortunately, she continued making comments in person."
"At an engagement party, I wore a fitted red dress".
"Evan privately asked if I'd consider putting on a jacket because Lauren thought the dress was 'a little much.'”
"When I asked whether he had a problem with it, he said no."
"He just didn't want drama."
"The most recent one happened at a family barbecue."
"It was extremely hot, so I wore denim shorts and a loose tank top."
"Lauren looked me up and down and said, 'Seriously?'”
"Later, she pulled me aside and told me she was tired of having to 'manage' my clothing choices."
"She said that because I was dating her brother and would be around their family often, I needed to follow certain 'standards.'”
"I told her that my clothes weren't her concern."
"She then claimed she'd talked to Evan about it several times and that he agreed I should 'tone things down.'”
"I confronted Evan, and he admitted they'd discussed it."
"He insisted he never told Lauren that he wanted to control what I wore, but said he had told her he didn't want drama."
"I told him that's exactly the problem."
"Instead of telling his sister to stop criticizing me, he was trying to avoid conflict by asking me to change."
"He said he didn't want to be caught in the middle."
"I told him there shouldn't be a middle."
"I'm not asking him to choose between his sister and me."
"I'm asking him to support me when someone repeatedly criticizes my appearance."
"I left the barbecue early."
"Since then, Lauren has told other family members that I'm disrespectful, attention-seeking, and apparently 'trying to compete with her,' which I don't even understand."
"Evan thinks I owe her an apology."
"I don't think I did anything wrong."
"I'm tired of feeling like every family gathering comes with a dress code that Lauren gets to enforce."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So, AITA for finally telling my boyfriend's sister that what I wear is none of her business?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA, but take note."
"Evan is showing that he will not stand up for you."
"He thinks it’s easier for you to change than for him to deal with an issue where you are clearly not in the wrong."
"Is that what you want in a partner?" ~ Donutsmell
"That's honestly the part that's bothering me the most now."
"At first I was focused on Lauren because she's the one making the comments, but I'm realizing Evan's response is a separate problem."
"I don't expect him to fight with his sister every time she says something, but I do expect him to be able to say, 'She's an adult, and her clothes aren't your concern.'”
"Instead, he's been trying to keep the peace by asking me to accommodate her."
"I definitely need to think about whether that's something I'm willing to put up with long-term." ~ RudeVeterinarian6940
"Do not marry him."
"Someone who won't stand up for you and allows you to be bullied in front of him is not Someone worth being around or being financially tied to."
"Drop him and move on."
"He doesn't need to choose between you and his sister."
"It was never a choice to begin with. If he's not on your side, then he is not your boyfriend."
"His choices are whether he does or doesn't want to be your boyfriend." ~ Jaded_Antelope_598
"Agreed."
"BUT before I did, I would spend a few weeks giving nightmares S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw] as good as she gave… I would match all that energy."
"The next time I saw her, I would reach into my bag and take out a Diet Soda and hand it to her with the comment, ‘The sugar seems to be catching up with you, babe."
"This should help.’"
"Invite her over for a meal and heat up a Lean Cuisine for her."
"Make a Pinterest board for her and, using images of her from Social Media, create a what not to wear (her images) vs. what to wear."
"When you see her again publicly, exclaim LOUDLY, ‘If it isn’t little miss fashion police.’"
"And then hand her a catalog from an expensive store and tell her to treat herself to something really nice in a size that fits with some of the cash she must be making for criticizing everyone else’s attire."
"People treat us the way we allow them to, and sometimes the only recourse with a bully is to serve it right back. 😜😜😜."
"OP: NTA."
"And when you do decide to move on, make sure to give your BF a bag of throat lozenges and tell him that perhaps they will help him find his voice." ~ stinstin555
"The next time she pulls this, nicely draw everyone's attention, and then say you think poor dear Lauren might need help, and then, in front of everyone, ask Lauren if she is okay and if she needs medical intervention because her obsession with your clothing choices is unhealthy and might be a symptom of a deeper issue and, 'Can we help you, dear?'"
"That ought to shut her up."
"Bottom line, she is bullying you."
"Bullies do not like to be outed."
"Once you have done that, dump the jackwagon who let you be bullied." ~ ClassicCommercial581
"When I was first with my partner, I was introduced to his then friend group, who I had heard great things about."
"One of his friends commented about how surprising it was he was with me because his last girlfriend was thin."
"I mentioned to my partner how it upset me, and he immediately went and told him never to make a comment like that in the future."
"I had told him not to say anything (I was still in my people-pleasing years), but he said that their behaviour was unacceptable, and he was going to make sure it never happened again."
"He had known this friend for a few years, and we'd only been dating a couple of months at this point."
"Personally, I'd dump your partner."
"If he allows these comments now, what's in the future?"
"Her deciding your wedding dress?"
"Criticizing your body whilst pregnant and postpartum?"
"Telling you what a terrible parent you are?"
"You deserve to be treated with respect, and he's enabling disrespectful behaviour towards you and bullying." ~ Rainbow_dreaming
"NTA. By not picking sides, he's picking a side."
"And now both you and Lauren know that he will allow her to disrespect you."
"He even wants you to apologize to her?"
"Just throw out the whole man." ~ LiLyMonst3R
"That's the part I'm having the hardest time getting past."
"I could understand him not wanting to get involved in every little disagreement, but once he started asking me to change my clothes and then wanted me to apologize to her, it stopped feeling neutral."
"I don't think he realizes that 'I don't want to be in the middle' still leaves me dealing with the consequences of his sister's behavior."
"I'm definitely taking a step back and thinking seriously about whether this is the kind of dynamic I want in a long-term relationship." ~ RudeVeterinarian6940
"NTA, but you def need a more supportive boyfriend."
"His sister probably would not be so controlling if he hadn't given her the message over the years that he was willing to let her decide aspects of his life."
"As for her, her comments are just outrageous."
"If you ever get married, I see a strong argument for not inviting her to the wedding, despite the ensuing drama." ~ Easy-Point808
"NTA, but I'd honestly reconsider dating Evan."
"He's low-key giving his sister permission to insult you. "
"Also Evan's sister needs to cop on to her internalized misogyny and control issues."
"Competing with younger women at 36 is just embarrassing." ~ Low-maintenancegal
"NTA... but seriously, just dump him; he’s not going to change, and there are plenty of other men."
"You know his parents, as he wanted to be opinionated behind your back and not defend you."
"Tell his mother why you broke with him."
"She should give him a rant on being stupid."
"His sister will get told off verbally as well, most likely." ~ Swansboy
Reddit is with you, OP.
Lauren's behavior is outrageous.
She's the one who deserves a proper dressing down!
You deserve so much better.
It may be time to evaluate you and Evan.
Good Luck.
Expectant Dad Of Two Livid After Brother Questions Why He'd Bring Another Kid Into Bleak World
It's no secret that a lot of people are struggling right now, from the cost of living to job insecurity to food insecurity to poor housing. But that doesn't mean we have to stop living.
For many people, that means still starting and growing their families, while planning how to navigate the world we're currently in, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor DesignerOwn1141 and his wife knew that the world around them wasn't at its best right now, but they were eager to grow their family and were excited to bring a third child into the world.
When they announced their pregnancy, his brother's first reaction was to send him articles about how the world was doomed and shame him for bringing a child into it; the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he needed to block his own brother.
He asked the sub:
The OP and his wife were excited to welcome a third child into their family.
"I am 33 and male. My wife is 29."
"We have two sons, a six-year-old boy and a three-year-old boy. Both are happy, healthy, and well taken care of."
"We love being parents to them, and I work very hard to provide a good life for my family."
"My wife is four months pregnant with our third."
The OP's brother's life was very different from his.
"My younger brother has been something of a failure-to-launch case."
"Despite having every advantage, he never got good grades in school, was addicted to 'League of Legends' so severely that he barely scraped by, and spends his days streaming games to nearly no viewers on Twitch."
"I've watched his stream a few times, but he just rages constantly."
"My wife is too classy to ever say so, but I can tell he makes her uncomfortable."
"He's my brother, so I've long wanted to believe he's just bad at communicating with people, but to be frank, he's sort of just an a**hole. He's unapologetic whenever he says something hurtful and more likely to just double down and say, 'No cap.'"
"But if anyone so much as challenges his views, he throws a huge fit."
The OP tried to share his happy news with his brother, but his brother immediately squandered it.
"Recently, we announced she was pregnant with our third child. It's a joyous occasion for us because we wanted three children, and our other two sons are excited about having another brother or sister."
"When I texted my brother the news, he immediately said he couldn't imagine having children with the world the way it was."
"I asked what he meant, and he started sending me these articles about global warming, the plague in Russia, wars around the world, and so on."
"He seems convinced that the world is going to end in ten years tops, and that I'm only bringing up another child to die in the 'water wars.'"
"I was honestly disgusted with him. To tell someone that their unborn child is going to die, that their other children are going to die, is absolutely abhorrent behavior."
"But since he's always been a sensitive s**thead, I just said, 'Whatever, man,' and stopped reading his texts."
"He wouldn't stop. He kept sending me every doomer article. He said that when the clouds evaporate, the earth is going to get 15 degrees hotter. He said that AI is going to hack every government database. He said that China is going to invade Taiwan, and then it'll be war with the US and allies against Russia, China, North Korea, and Iran."
The OP had had enough of his brother's negative feedback.
"Finally, I just told him I was blocking him and thought little of the decision."
"He went and cried to our parents (again, he's the most sensitive s**tbag in the world), and they told me what I did was over the top."
"I know that if I unblock him, he's just going to doomspam me again."
"Am I wrong for just straight-up saying I never want him in my life again?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that they understood why he felt the need to distance himself from his brother.
"NOR. He sounds insufferable."
"He sounds like one of those people who doesn't like his life and so wants everyone else to be miserable too, or makes excuses for why he didn't do more with his life by blaming his problems on some external crisis." - savingrain
"NOR. He's allowed to protect his peace, especially if his brother keeps ignoring boundaries and turning every conversation into another end-of-the-world prediction, and having kids is hardly a reason to apologize for trying to build a good life despite everything going on." - Upper-Cloud9097
"NOR. But your brother is on his way to a full mental breakdown. Send him back cute dog and cat videos. Cute horse videos. Ozzy animal voiceovers."
"Eventually his phone will start thinking he's like me and his feed will calm down." - Present_Original_797
"I mean, my beliefs and thoughts about the future are along the same lines as him, and that’s why I’m an anti-natalist, but there’s something called tact. And personal choice/autonomy."
"If someone chooses to have kids, that’s their choice, and I’d keep my opinions to myself and be supportive, especially if they’re a family member. Spreading doomer content is extremely insensitive and rude. NOR." - EngineerGold4242
"NOR: I wonder whether your brother is displaying sibling jealousy towards you and your family; he recognizes his own shortcomings and can see where he is in life compared to you, and that is his major issue."
"Days filled with unfulfilling computer games and doomspamming others, he has a lot of maturing to do. Block him until or unless he decides to join the adult world and be the uncle he is supposed to be." - iron_redditman
"NOR. I have all those fears and as such actively avoid news about them. I skipped whole paragraphs here for that reason too, lol."
"I’d definitely block my sibling or anybody else who did that to me. I already know all these things; I don’t need constant reminders. All I can do is work on improving my little corner of the world and trudge forward."
"Anyway, protect your peace." - hahagato
"You are not obligated to bond with someone just because you share blood. It’s your peace and your family that you need to protect now. If you decide to go zero contact, it’s perfectly okay!"
"Especially because you and your wife are in charge of two, almost three, little guys, and your mental peace affect directly to them."
"PS. Historically, the world has always been on the edge, but nothing stops us to be what we are, humans trying to get over all the s**t! So don’t let those bad things put you down. We can build a better world by raising kind, lovely people, and it seems you and your wife are doing it. Good luck!" - Camigatoespinace92
Others advised the OP to involve his parents in case they could help his brother.
"Unblock him and then send everything he texts you to both mom and dad. No comments, just forward it."
"They'll think you're sending it, and when they complain, you can tell them that you thought they'd be interested in your brother's articles as well."
"NOR." - No_Address687
"NOR. Your parents don't know the half of it. Forward everything and let them read it for themselves." - Available_Agent3305
"NOR. I’d keep him blocked; your parents are wrong. If you want to be petty, start sending your parents article after article of stuff you know they won’t like. They will get the hint soon enough." - OldieButNotMoldy
"I would also go low contact with the OP's parents. OP is clearly NOT the favorite son. Any boundaries he put up with his brother will be considered wrong. NOR." - Interesting_Novel997
"NOR, but also my first reaction is that your brother isn't a 'sensitive s**tbag,' he is struggling with anxiety/depression and maybe undiagnosed neurodivergence and is drowning in his own ruminations. None of that makes this an appropriate response to a pregnancy announcement; it's clearly not. But he sounds like someone who is clearly struggling here."
"If it were me, I'd be sending your parents anything he previously sent you. If they share your concern after reading a few articles, maybe they'll take steps to help him." - 2kidsnomoney---
"NOR. I'm sorry to say this, OP, but your brother has not been socialized normally. He is a chronically online loser who thinks he can do and say whatever he wants and does not understand there are no consequences because there are often no consequences when he does it in a league match or online."
"It frankly sounds like your concern for him and his future is budding into resentment and contempt, and I feel like, as most brothers would, those are not the feelings you want to hold towards him."
"I have a brother like this. He was diagnosed as an adult with Asperger’s and now just a spectrum autism diagnosis, but he’s a real a**."
"You may have to unblock him to communicate fairly. It may be worth doing this in person because it’s easier for the chronically online to 'craft' their retort rather than be a part of a conversation."
"Before you can do that, though, you need to sit down with your parents. You need to explain and be able to articulate that:"
"1. His reaction to the wonderful news of you having another child crossed the line and was inappropriate."
"2. There need to be reasonable consequences or boundaries because you are no longer willing to put up with that."
"3. It is his call at this point whether or not he wants to be in your life and your children’s lives."
"You have to have their buy-in; otherwise they are just going to continue to coddle and enable this behavior."
"Then you need to sit down with him and your parents, intervention style. You need to present the same argument you did to your parents, and in all honestly, I would question him in return: what was he hoping would have been the outcome of that conversation?"
"Did he want you to say he’s so right, so smart? Did he want you to go to your wife and tell her to abort? Does he feel like he is in a place in his life where he can be your family planner and manager? When he crosses a line, what does he feel should happen?"
"Only when he is directly confronted, and you have the right supports in place, can he be presented with how his behavior affected you and what that could possibly mean for his relationship with you and your growing family." - allison_mossie
The subreddit understood feeling burdened by so much negative information during what should be a happy time of planning and anticipating a new addition to the family, but the OP needed time to think about what he wanted his larger family dynamic to look like.
That might mean removing his brother, so that the OP could protect his own, and by extension, his wife's and children's, mental health, but it might mean minimizing contact with other people, too, if they weren't willing to respect the OP's boundaries he had for his family's life.