Communication is vital in every relationship.
Whether that relationship is familial, romantic, friendly or professional the only way we know what the other parties need is when there is open and honest communication.
When that communication breaks down problems are not far behind.
So, what happens when a conclusion is jumped too but not corrected right away? Does the delay mean that the fault likes with the person who didn’t do the correcting?
Or with the person who did the jumping?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) ItchyProfessor2947 when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for some outside opinions.
“AITA for thinking the ring my bf got me was an engagement ring?”
OP got right to the inciting incident.
“Throwaway because I think my bf is on here.”
“My bf(25 male) and I(25 female) went out for our sixth month anniversary this weekend and towards the end of the dinner he said he had a gift for me and handed me a box.”
“It was a gorgeous ring and I guess the title of this reveals that I confused this gift as a proposal.”
“I teared up and screamed ‘yes!’ repeatedly and other people clapped and cheered.”
“My bf looked confused and kind of awkward the rest of the night but before I found out this was a mistake I assumed he was just shocked that I said yes.”
“Fast forward to today I had him over and asked him when we should start telling friends, family and other plans and that’s when he finally said ‘yeah, about that, I’m not sure how to tell you this but I didn’t mean, to propose, my mom and I just thought that would be a perfect first gift'”.
“I just laughed it off at first and said ‘Oh, well that will make a really funny story for our wedding!’ and he corrected me that there was no wedding yet.”
“He said this was going too fast and that we shouldn’t be getting married for at least another 2 years.”
“I was really heartbroken and called him an AH, and that it was stupid of him to get me a f*cking ring if he wasn’t proposing, a necklace or something would have made more sense if he was going to give me jewelry.”
“He called me an a**hole for being ungrateful and jumping to conclusions and putting him in this position in the first place.”
“This was our first really big fight and I ended up kicking him out.”
“I called my parents about this today and my dad seems to think that he’s the AH but my mom says I was being a complete idiot because it’s not like he got on one knee or actually asked me to marry him.”
OP was left to wonder,
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: YTA
Some responses explained their reasoning.
“YTA and your mom is completely right.”
“Did he just hand it to you?”
“Was it wrapped?”
“It’s been 6 months and you’re jumping to this conclusion?”
“I’m so confused and wondering if you’d have preferred he corrected you in front of all the people in the restaurant?”
“That seems way worse.”
“He definitely coulda made you look foolish in front of a crowd and he didn’t.”
“This is literally all on you for jumping to conclusions, and then acting like he’s an AH for buying you a ring instead of a necklace?”
“Pfffffft get outta here. Do whatever you want but even from your perspective, this is a terrible look for you.” ~ rjinchico
“Here’s why YTA.”
“He’s a really good communicator.”
“According to you, he didn’t publicly humiliate you by correcting you on the spot.”
“He told you he thinks it’s too soon to get married (and he’s right! 6 months? You don’t even know each other), but that he could see it in a couple of years.”
“He sounds really mature.”
“Rather than appreciate it, you cussed him out and threw him out.”
“Because you were embarrassed. If you manage to salvage this, it could still be a funny story at your wedding.” ~ musiotunya
Other responses pointed out how premature marriage talk is in this case.
“‘…my mom and I just thought that would be a perfect first gift.”‘
“Also it was the first gift he has given her.”
“Even if he was proposing to her, she would be an idiot to say yes.” ~ IDDQD_IDKFA-com
“I think around 6 months, I was actually a little worried that my now-husband was going to propose and I would have to say no and possibly ruin a really great relationship.”
“Fortunately, he didn’t for a couple more years, but if he had then I would have said no, no matter how good our relationship was, because that would have freaked me right the f*ck out.” ~ jarroz61
“Literally I could not imagine saying yes to a ‘proposal’ where they didn’t even ask me to marry them. You can’t just hand someone a ring and call it a proposal.”
“It makes no sense that she thought him handing her a ring for their SIX MONTHS relationship was a proposal. My God lady, how badly are you trying to get married.” ~ bayleebugs
Some others felt that boyfriend’s mom should’ve warned him about the ring.
“I am curious about how OP’s mom was like ‘oh yeah definitely give her a ring, she won’t assume it’s an engagement ring & it’ll be fine.”‘ ~ baffled_soap
“This. Thank you for saying this. I can’t envisage any mother advising her son to gift a ring to his girlfriend.” ~ PurpleAquilegia
There were, of course, personal stories too.
“Man, you would hate my parents.”
“The date they met and the date they married were within 6 months of each other.”
“And that’s with my dad proposing (3?) times because it took him getting drunk to be brave enough to ask, but when he was drunk he couldn’t remember the answer.”
“Mum made him wait until he was sober enough to remember the answer before they started planning.”
“This was a man who when the first started dating set the ground rules of ‘I’m never getting married, and I’m never having children'”.
“Safe to say, he eventually did it, and they’ve been married for 30 years, and have 2 children!” ~ forgedsignatures
“My parents got engaged 3 weeks after they met!”
“Then got married within 6 months, and about 9 or 10 months after they met I was born.”
“They’re still together almost 20 years later, the marriage is still strong (or about as strong as it can be, my dad has dementia and he’s dying).”
“They were both in their 30s, so had enough life experience to know when they found ‘the one’ I guess! ~ lackadaisicalghost
“I got engaged after 8 months, and married just before the two year mark.”
“We have friends who compare themselves to us and beat themselves up for not comparing to our timeline – even when we both ourselves agree that our situation shouldn’t be the norm.”
“Ours was really unconventional (especially because long distance) but it was because we were both 120% positive.”
“I’ve dated people for 2 or so years and still wouldn’t have wanted to be engaged yet. I’d actively discourage most people to follow our short timeline – in most cases it’s not ideal.” ~ fennekk
Some responses took a larger, more complex view of the situation.
“N T A for getting over-excited and thinking it was an engagement ring. I mean okay you acted impulsively there.”
“But YTA for the way you treated him when you found out it WASN’T.”
“Even after he clearly stated it’s not you kept talking about marriage, then when he said he’d want to wait at least two years (which is more than reasonable) you flip out and call him an a**hole?”
“Like its one thing in the heat of the moment to think ‘omg is this a proposal’ but he had to say it’s not MULTIPLE times for you to accept it, and when you finally do you decide he’s an a*s.”
“And you were acting entitled and ungrateful.”
“Maybe a ring isn’t the best first 6-month gift idea, but it came from his heart and he did NOTHING to imply it was a proposal.”
“You jumped to conclusions. Then you acted like a spoiled brat and treated him very badly.”
“Honestly, If I were him, I’d break up with you.” ~ fallriver1221
Though some did feel that the boyfriend was in the wrong.
“OP is N T A for thinking it was an engagement ring.”
“A lot of proposals aren’t the ‘down on one knee, will you marry me?’ type.”
“And a lot of people get engaged after a short period of time (never mind my feelings on that, because I’d have been running for the hills), so it wasn’t a stretch for her to think that’s what it was.”
“And given that they’re both 25, she certainly wouldn’t be expecting it to be a Promise Ring, that would be a juvenile thing for him to do at their age.”
“Boyfriend is TA for giving her a ring and not realizing that it was going to look like an engagement ring.”
“I read this and thought oh my god, what was he thinking getting her a ring if he wasn’t wanting to get engaged???”
“He could have literally gotten her anything else and it wouldn’t have been misconstrued.”
“However, he was totally gallant for not correcting her in public, and she was T A for the way she reacted…”
“But still, ya know, he set her up for this by giving her a ring. I get that it was a well-intentioned gift, but dude, it was a really clueless thing to do.” ~ cat-lover76
Communication is a vital part of all relationships.
Particularly when the conclusion you’ve reached doesn’t seem to mesh with the other facts of a given situation.
Remember to express yourself clearly and directly whenever possible but be patient when misunderstandings still inevitably occur.