Many people have different standards when it come to what is and is not appropriate dress or behavior. For one woman on Reddit, this type of difference in opinion resulted in drama with her very uptight neighbors.
After the neighbor scolded her for walking around in a sports bra in her own house, the Original Poster (OP), who goes by nobrasonmain on Reddit, wasn't sure about how she'd handled the situation.
So she went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
OP asked:
"AITA For walking around my house topless?"
She explained:
"So I (F[emale] 25) like to work out in the morning, I have a little home gym set up in the garage where I like to start my mornings. By the time I'm done I've typically worked up quite the sweat and so I'll throw my shirt into the laundry while on my way to the bathroom to take a shower."
"However this past weekend I've instead just thrown my shirt into the laundry, towel off and then gone to the kitchen to make myself a brunch/lunch before I shower. I'm still in my sports bra and I still have my shorts/pants on while doing this and I personally don't see anything wrong with it."
"My neighbour(M[ale] late 50s) did though. The window to my kitchen faces his back yard and so he came by today to tell me that I've been incredibly inappropriate lately towards his family. I had no idea what he was talking about as I hardly ever talk to him or his family and then he brought up the fact that for the past two days I've been in my bra by the kitchen window."
"He ended up calling me an exhabitionist and that this wasn't something that he or his family wants to see. I didn't like being called that and so I told him I'll keep what he said in mind but that I'll whatever I want while I'm in my house and it's not like I'm walking around naked by the windows."
Redditors were then asked to just who was in the wrong in this situation based on the following categories:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
And most of them couldn't see what the problem was and thought if anyone was being inappropriate it was OP's neighbor.
"NTA. People work out at the gym in just a sports bra. People jog on city streets in just a sports bra. Heck, some people fly on airplanes in nothing but a sports bra. Sports bras are not underwear (and even if it were, it's your house and you can wear whatever you want)." --Worth-Juice1188
"my cross country team in high school actually received a complaint from someone in the community because we would run in our sports bras sometimes. we actually WERE NOT ALLOWED to be dressed in only our sports bras in front of our male coach (school rule) but sometimes we would go on 6-7 mile runs, in hot weather, and our coach didn't come with us. so we would take off our shirts! and apparently somebody actually called the school to complain." --rosefern64
"Sometimes people run wearing them in the country too. I don't see a problem with it, besides she's in her own home if he can't stand it he should probably put up or raise a fence so he won't feel so tempted to look?"
"NTA" --Remarkable_Top_5402
"Umm, maybe he was doing that to make her upset, so that she would go full nude. Kind of like reverse psychology."
"Him: You're being a exhibitionist and my family and I don't like it."
"Her: I'm in my own house, and I still have my lady bits covered up."
"Him: You're making us all uncomfortable, and we'd really appreciate it if you'd stop being a slut."
"Her: Thinking- You know what, I'm gonna go full nude to embarrass him, that'll get him."
"Him: Seeing her full nude- Yes yes, my plan worked, you evil fu*king genius."
"Obviously, this is probably not likely, but still a possibility." --throwaway_4_u
"NTA - if he's so offended by a sports bra (which BTW, we see depictions of women wearing sports bras in the media, at the gym, on the beach, pretty much all the time and it's perfectly legal), then he can close his blinds or shut his curtains."
"He basically came over to say he finds you titillating, but he can't maturely and respectfully deal with his own feelings. So instead, he's going to blame you as the owner of breasts. What a misogynistic creep." --Ok-Succotash7483
"NTA. You're not topless; you're wearing a sports bra. In your own house! Tell your creepy neighbor to look somewhere else if it bothers him that much. WTF does he do when he sees a woman out running?" --epithet_grey
"Lmao NTA. it wouldn't have mattered if you were butt a** naked and twerking on your kitchen counter, you were in your own home and you can wear what you want. He and his precious little family do not have the right to look into your windows and judge what you do in your own home." --Pretty_Yellow_9601
"NTA, you should have countered with 'I don't appreciate you and your family peeping on me in my own home'. I'd have sympathy for him if you were out bouncing around in the backyard in front of his kids or something, but you're inside your own home and you can do whatever you damn well please. You've done nothing wrong and he needs to stop staring through your windows, it's creepy." --TheDreadPirateJeff
"NTA - has he been to a gym lately? Or seen people in a yoga studio? Or been to a beach? Or seen women running? It's becoming more and more normalized for women to feel comfortable exercising in what makes them feel most comfortable. It's not for his comfort or his eyes. In addition, you are in your own home. He needs to get over himself and quit being a total perv." --JenniJS79
"NTA"
"You have to wonder when someone goes out of the way to reprimand you for doing something so innocuous as having the 'audacity' to be comfortable in your own house: what are you so indignant about sir? See something you like?"
"It's just sad that he's a 50 year old man being that immature. I would be surprised if he had to come say something because his wife caught him peeking in on you…"
"Do you. Ignore the misogynistic BS" --PeacefulSnowDay
"NTA. I've walked around in my birthday suit in my own home. It's your house, do what you like. The neighbor is being a creep by noticing exactly where you were in your home (in your bra by the kitchen window). Tell him to stop peeping and get himself some curtains!"
"(Alternatively, you could put a sign in your window saying 'STOP PEEPING!' Lol) You keep doing you! I wish I worked out every morning, put the clothes straight in the wash, and had a good breakfast/lunch! 💪🏼" --MurphysLawAllDay
"NTA - you are in your own home. And you are not even naked. Report him as a peeping Tom. Get this on record that you are being harassed in your home and he is peeping. Gross. Why is he looking? Take a turn stand against such harassment." --bearfoggy
"NTA. You could walk around inside swinging your tiddies in circles and he still wouldn't have the right to come say to you what he said. He needs to learn to mind his business and keep his eyes out of your windows." --Scared_Weather1672
"NTA, I have a neighbour who goes around totally naked, as in not a stitchvof clothing on him. Our kitchen windows look directly at each other and are not that far appart."
"I do the respectful thing and just lower my eyes when I have my window open, otherwise I have these sheer curtains that block most of the view. I would never have the audacity or the nerve to try and control what a person does in their own home." --Wordly-Ad9756
"NTA."
"When I was younger I had a neighbour who was very much a free spirit. She used to dance in her living room naked. The windows facing the street had the blinds closed but sometimes she'd forget to close the blinds to the window facing our house."
"Not a big deal, most of that was was solid but we had some windows near the ceiling. One day my mom was coming down the stairs and her head was level with the window and she could see into my neighbour's window. She was dancing! NAKED!"
"Rather than go and talk to the neighbour lady, my parents replaced that window with frosted glass. Because my neighbour had every right to enjoy her home however she wanted and my parents understood that." --angeluscado
Hopefully OP can avoid any further conflicts about this with her nosy neighbors.
Humiliated Redditor Ditches Friend's Birthday After She Publicly Mocks Them In Front Of Everyone
Fake people tend to show their true colors during pivotal moments, like weddings and major celebrations.
But when they want an audience to hurt someone else, it takes total sense that they would be called out in front of everyone, as agreed by members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit.
Redditor HollyyGinger went to their close friend's birthday party, expecting to have a good time and celebrate their loved one's special day.
But when their close friend made several mocking comments about them, and the party laughed along with them, the Original Poster (OP) took that as an indication of the state of their friendship and left the birthday party early.
They asked the sub:
The OP was excited to celebrate their close friend's birthday.
"One of my close friends had a birthday dinner last weekend, and I was genuinely excited to go."
"I helped her organize a few things beforehand, bought her a gift, and even rearranged some plans because I wanted to be there for her."
But the birthday dinner did not go at all how the OP expected.
"During dinner, though, she started making little jokes about me in front of everyone."
"At first, I laughed along because I didn't want to make things awkward on her birthday."
"But she kept going. She joked about dating life, brought up an embarrassing story I had told her privately, and made another comment about how I'm ''way too sensitive' sometimes."
"People were laughing, and I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but honestly, I felt pretty humiliated."
The OP tried to ask their friend to change the direction of the rest of the party.
"I quietly asked her when we were alone if she could stop making me the joke of the evening."
"She rolled her eyes and said I was taking everything too seriously and that everyone knew she was joking."
"I went back to the table for a while because I really didn't want to ruin her birthday."
"But then she made another joke about me, so I decided I'd had enough. I congratulated her again, said goodbye to everyone, and went home without making a scene."
The OP's friend tried to blame them for how the evening turned out.
"The next morning, she texted me, saying she was hurt that I left early and that several people noticed."
"She said that I made her feel like she had done something horrible when she was 'just having fun.' But her having fun was more of a public embarrassment to me."
"Now I feel guilty, because it was her birthday, and maybe I could have just ignored it for another hour or two."
"I wasn't trying to punish her or make the night about me. I just didn't want to sit there smiling while someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I had specifically asked her to stop."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she didn't have to stay at a party where she didn't feel welcome.
"She was having fun. You were not having fun."
"You’re not overreacting. You told her it was hurting you, and she kept doing it because hurting you was entertaining for her. She is not a good friend." - Dunquinn-
"I remember when I was really little, a bunch of adults were laughing at me as I cried."
"I cried to my mom, 'Stop laughing at me,' to which she replied, 'We aren’t laughing at you; we're laughing with you,' while giggling."
"My response was something I stand by to this day: 'Then why am I the only one crying?!'"
"It’s only funny if the person who’s being teased is laughing too. You weren’t laughing. It wasn’t funny; it was cruel. NOR." - XSmartypants
"She’s a bully. It wasn’t 'more like 'it was publicly embarrassing. It WAS publicly embarrassing."
"Then she tells you that SHE is embarrassed because YOU left early. That's bulls**t."
"NOR. Drop her." - WTH_JFG
"NOR. They make jokes about someone's privacy to humiliate that person. Anyone who would use info that was shared in confidence to get a laugh is an abuser. You don't do that, especially to a close friend, without the intent to hurt that person." - BungenessKrabb
"Would it have been fun if you did the same? Start telling her darkest secrets?"
"She made you into a punchline for other people’s entertainment."
"You told her to stop, and she didn’t; now she’s the victim?"
"NOR."
"But also, some people need to feel it to believe it. I hope you go to the next gathering with a few stories of your own and don’t let her rewrite the narrative." - beached_not_broken
"I’ve had it happen by my 'best friend' at the time, only it was in a professional setting event. Very personal details only she knew, all spilled for her amusement, embarrassing me in front of colleagues."
"NOR, OP. As you did, I left the gathering earlier than expected. My 'friend' called the next day asking why I left so early. I told her what she had said and done and how humiliated I felt."
"Her 'apology' was that flippant version that shows no remorse, like, 'Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.'"
"Over the subsequent years, she managed to alienate and burn bridges with most of those same people we were gathered with."
"I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Anyone who thinks you were 'too sensitive' has no empathy and 'friends' like that don’t deserve your time." - Hungry_Tank9182
"NOR. She was being a jerk to you, and she was expecting you to just take it and not say anything or defend yourself."
"Because they think it's sooo funny to mock others, but I bet if the roles were reversed, she would be offended and upset."
"Honestly, you deserve better friends. I'm sorry you had to deal with this."
"I would've left and blocked her." - Cryslove
Others urged the OP to stop thinking about the event and let that friendship go.
"That was the point of her fun! Humiliating you with an audience!"
"Sharing something deeply personal, told in confidence? Immediate dealbreaker."
"She is not (and likely never was) your friend. Friends do not treat friends with such disrespect. Block her, and go no contact. She brings nothing good to your life, and she’s not worthy of your energy and time."
"NOR." - MizPeachyKeen
"It’s called bullying. She is not your friend. Friends don’t humiliate their true friends, or tell them 'they are too sensitive.'"
"That is what bullies do. She keeps you around to put you down and make herself look or feel better."
"Her actions, attitude, and behavior are those of an immature high schooler. She could actually be jealous of you and not want one or all of the following: you to succeed, have more friends, feel better about yourself, look better, etc."
"Please slowly distance yourself, find new hobbies and activities with more mature, well-rounded, healthy people." - Freeling_Fab_U_lous
"How DARE you spoil her fun; didn't you know that part of your gift was letting her make you the butt of her jokes? (sarcastic comment)"
"What an awful person. No one should need to put others down to raise themselves up. She doesn't deserve the title of friend, to be honest. You showed much more grace than I would have managed." - tphatmcgee
"She was using you as her punching bag to make the others attending laugh. Probably thinking you’d just take it. That’s not a good friend. NOR." - Additional-Start9455
"'Someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I asked them to stop.' NOR."
"First, you shouldn't have had to ask her to stop because a friend wouldn't have started in the first place. One of her 'jokes' was about you being sensitive, so she knew you didn't like it and did it anyway."
"Second, you asked her privately to stop, because you didn't want to embarrass her. Think about that. You didn't want to embarrass her. But she couldn't show you the same consideration, even after being asked to stop."
"That's not how I treat my friends, and I suspect that's not how you treat your friends, either." - calminthedark
"I would have answered her text that she's a s**tty friend and to f**k off. You have class."
"I probably would have made a comment at dinner that I asked her to stop with the insults."
"NOR. You did everything right." - Particular-King218
The subReddit was disappointed on the OP's behalf that a friendship they were so committed to, they were excited to celebrate their friend's birthday and even helped plan the event, came apart at their expense, and on very public terms.
If the friend didn't want to be "embarrassed," maybe she should have thought about how she was embarrassing others first.