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Woman Called ‘Uptight B*tch’ For Refusing To Let Date Use Her Bathroom After He Walks Her Home

Vladimir Kudinov on Unsplash

Redditor BackgroundReporter35 is a 22-year-old woman who initially had a positive dating experience with a 25-year-old guy she met on Tinder.

After the date, he offered to walk her back to her apartment, which she graciously accepted.

But things went south when he had a request.

After the green flags she initially saw quickly turned red that night, she visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:

“AITA for not letting my date use my bathroom?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained what happened:

“I recently went out on a date with a guy that I met on Tinder. We never met before our date, but we texted for about a week prior, and I thought he was a really nice guy.”

“Our date went well; he was a little pompous, and a little overly-flirty, but a nice guy nonetheless. We live in a college town, and the restaurant we went to was walking distance to my apartment, so he offered to walk me home after.”

“I thought this was such a green flag, and really appreciated his offer as it was late and getting dark outside. I accept his offer, he walks me home, and I tell him how much I appreciate it—I even try to set up another date on the spot.”

“He then offers to come inside and show me a few local bars he knows of (I thought this was weird because he knows I’m a local) so I tell him we could get together in the morning for coffee so he can show me, my treat.”

“He tries pretty hard to convince me that it’s still early and we can plan it really quickly, but I tell him I want to work on a few homework assignments. He accepts this, but then asks to come in and use my bathroom, which kind of made my heart sink.”

“I tell him he can use my leasing office restroom which is right inside the lobby of my apartment, and he became noticeably irritated.”

“I can’t remember exactly what he said, but it was something along the lines of ‘I didn’t realize you were such an uptight b****. I’ll use the 7/11 bathroom.’ And he walked away! I felt horrible, am I wrong?”

“A pretty important detail-I had a bad experience with bringing a guy I didn’t know that well over to my apartment last year, and I make it a point not to do it anymore. This is something that, unfortunately, is no longer in my comfort zone as a woman living alone.”

Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:

  • NTA – Not the A**hole
  • YTA – You’re the A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everybody Sucks Here

Many Redditors felt the OP did nothing wrong and her reaction to his request was warranted.

“NTA. About 30ish years ago, my auntie had a date with a seemingly nice person and he asked to use her bathroom. She let him.”

“I won’t repeat what happened but I will say she is lucky that she’s alive today. And it’s why no women in the family EVER let a date use their bathroom.”

“Always trust your gut.” – SkysEevee

“NTA. You’d just left a place with a bathroom and you gave him an alternative. He was trying way too hard to get into your apartment to have good intentions.” – planted-autic

“I have an unusual first and last name. Many years ago, when I was still single, I met a guy at a club. We introduced ourselves, giving first names. He asked for my last name. I joked that I didn’t have one. I’m like Madonna and Cher. He persisted.”

“I said I wasn’t comfortable giving out my full name to people I just met, since I didn’t have an unlisted number (this was the days of landlines). I mean, this was literally sixty seconds into knowing him.”

“He kept asking. Then said, ‘What do you think, I’m some kind of creep?; I walked away when he called me a b*tch.”

“I didn’t think he was a creep, at first… until he kept pushing. If he’d acted like a normal human being who respected boundaries and talked to me for like five minutes, he’d have had my phone number.”

“NTA. Any man who doesn’t understand that women have to take safety precautions isn’t worth knowing.” – lorinabaninabanana

“This. I opened this post expecting something like the guy needing to go with no alternative nearby but being too nervous to let a stranger in.”

“But this is so clear cut, I don’t even know why it’s posted here. The guy was a creep beforehand and clearly using the toilet as a pretext. An alternative was available and he proved to be even more of a creep after.” – scatterbrain2015

“Isn’t it funny how you’re the ‘dramatic’ one even though he’s the one that lost his temper and cursed you out for politely declining to let him inside your apartment the first time you’d ever met him.” – unrepentantbanshee

“Bad guys count on girls/women wanting to please people. Don’t let ANYONE make you feel wrong for being right. You are doing everything you should be doing not to become a statistic/victim. NTA” – g578

“Yeah, he was trying to find excuse after excuse to get into her apartment, which imo would of scared the sh*t out of me so its a good think OP stood her ground.”

“I didn’t have any experience like what OP had but I’ve heard stories and meeting a stranger from online for the first time, espeically when women, can be 50/50 on safe or dangerous.”

“Impulsivity is something that is very common around OPs age (Im around her age too so Im not bashing that age group) and processing/analyzing the risk versus rewards is not something that our age range is great at as our brains are still developing and adapting to adulthood and the freedoms/responsibilities that come with it.”

“Espeically when the reward is something we REALLY WANT despite there being a LOT of risk in it so impulsivity can take over and logic/reasoning can be pushed to the side (espeically if booze involved).”

“This isn’t the same for everyone, but a general generalization.” – TheoryAddict

“NTA, girl, not dramatic at all. You don’t need to be letting some strange guy that you just met for the first time into your home. I don’t even let people that I know and like into my home; the only reason that my husband gets in the door is because I’m legally required to let him in because his name is on the mortgage.”

“This guy was trying way too hard and his attitude flipped way too quickly. TBH, I wouldn’t give him a second chance, even if he apologizes.” – StainedGlassMagpie

“The title shouldn’t be ‘not letting a guy use my bathroom,’ it should be ‘not letting a guy in my apartment who repeatedly ignored me telling him I didn’t want him to stay the night.'”

“Because that was what was happening here. If this guy had accepted her clearly stated no #1-6, he never would have gotten to asking about the toilet. Guy didn’t have to pee. And refusing to let a guy pee isn’t what happened.”

“OP should have faith in herself to explain this differently, because hopefully her friends who criticized her didn’t understand what was actually happening!” – OrindaSarnia

“People down play our fears alot girl call us crazy, dramatic ect. Don’t listen to them. It’s not ok for them to make you feel ‘hysterical’. Look up the origins for that word if you don’t know where it came from. It’s an eye opener.”

“I survived a really bad ordeal, only to be told later I had to have made it up because he was such a nice guy and a ‘good friend’. I was the problem all the way up till his incarceration for doing the same thing to another young girl.”

“Even our friends can make us feel like we are in the wrong. No one wants to admit that this stuff happens to us.”

“This guy has bad intentions. Your not in the wrong for not feeling comfortable with him in your apt even if he was prince freaking charming of ever after land. Your allowed to have boundaries. Your feelings matter. You matter.”

“Don’t let them make you second guess yourself. I wouldn’t see him again personally, he sounds like a BTK in the making. Your amazing and beautiful, and have a right to respect.” – Athena190

“NTA. OP, I had a guy do this. Technically, two. My friend and I shared a cab with them, said goodbye, and went inside.”

“A few minutes later, the cab pulled away and they were knocking at the door. We didn’t answer. One asked to use the bathroom at one point. We finally started to pretend to be aggressive dogs barking at the door.”

“Guys can pee anywhere, if necessary. Only creepers are this demanding about getting in a woman’s house. This guy had issues, and his reaction tells you you dodged a bullet.” – crystallz2000

Overall, Redditors were glad she listened to her instincts and dodged a bullet with a guy who showed his true colors after their date.

The OP updated the thread expressing gratitude for all the support expressed in the thread.

“EDIT: thank you all so much for your kind and reassuring comments, and to those of you who shared your own similar stories. I wish I could respond to everyone and say thank you, I’m glad you’re safe!”

“His number is blocked, and he hasn’t tried to reach out on any other platforms since.”

Written by Koh Mochizuki

Koh Mochizuki is a Los Angeles based actor whose work has been spotted anywhere from Broadway stages to Saturday Night Live.
He received his B.A. in English literature and is fluent in Japanese.
In addition to being a neophyte photographer, he is a huge Disney aficionado and is determined to conquer all Disney parks in the world to publish a photographic chronicle one day. Mickey goals.
Instagram: kohster Twitter: @kohster1 Flickr: nyckmo