When couples stay over other people’s houses, the sex thing is always an awkward convo.
Do you tell adults no hanky panky?
And why?
Is the answer “because I said so?!”
That can ruffle some feathers.
But people are set in their ways about their property.
Case in point…
Redditor Throwawayacc_0983 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my sister to stop taking showers with her husband in my house?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My F[emale] 32, sister F 28, and her husband M[ale] 32 moved in with us 2 days ago after they lost their apartment to medical debts for their child (my nephew).”
“My husband and I are more than happy to have them stay for few weeks until they get this resolved.”
“However, Yesterday at 7pm, I was in the kitchen when my husband rushed in and said that he saw both my sister and her husband walk out of the bathroom.”
“They’d most likely taken a shower together.”
“My husband said that it irked him and I agreed that what they did was somewhat inappropriate.”
“He asked me to speak to my sister on the matter and I did.”
“She got defensive asking how this is affecting me or my husband in any way.”
“I told her that it made my husband feel uncomfortable and would rather that they just take their showers separately.”
“She started ranting about being overwhelmed by their son’s health problems and not having some alone time together as a married couple and found this activity as a bonding time to spend together.”
“I apologized for how she felt but requested that she just do as asked.”
“She got mad at me and said that I was being inconsiderate and she didn’t understand my husband’s hangup on what she and her husband do.”
“We started arguing and she stormed off to the guest room where my nephew and B[rother] I[n] L[aw] are.”
“She’s not speaking to me but my husband said I did the right thing by speaking to her and setting this boundary.”
“AITA? Am I (and my husband) overreacted to this?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“You husband came ‘rushing in’ to tell you that your sister and her HUSBAND took a shower together?”
“This is so dumb YTA. Get a life bruh.”
“Leave them alone they’re stressed enough as it is.”
“More importantly – I was a bit flippant in my original comment, so I want to use my newfound fame and glory (lol) to say something to everyone saying ‘your house your rules’ or ‘they need to get a hotel.'”
“That’s all fine and good, we’re here to give our opinions on the situation, but can we remember…”
“This couple just lost their home.”
“They are in serious medical debt.”
“They have a very sick child.”
“The likelihood of their marriage surviving the immense stress and hardship they are experiencing is statistically low.”
“Can we get some compassion for these people?”
“Can you leave your personal hangups behind and give them some support?”
“Can you find happiness that they are making time and effort to spend together?”
“What’s really more important here?” ~ squararocks
“Such an easy YTA. That’s so embarrassing.”
“If my spouse rushed in just to tell me that, I would be like ew don’t tell me that lol.” ~ RawMeHanzo
“This sounds like one of those situations where the husband has some kind of weird sexual hangup, and the wife (OP) doesn’t necessarily have that same hangup but immediately jumps to be on his side because he’s her husband.”
“That sucks. You (OP) don’t have to automatically agree with your husband.”
“Have a conversation with him. He either has some kind of issue about others being close/intimate, or he just really doesn’t want your sister and your brother-in-law in the house anymore.”
“You should dig in a little more and find out what’s bothering him.”
“In any case, the sister and brother-and-law aren’t doing anything wrong here, unless they walked around the house naked or something.”~ Scottyknuckle
“YTA and so is your husband.”
“Why is he so pressed about what a married couple does?”
“What makes them taking a shower together inappropriate?”
“Did they walk out the bathroom naked?”
“Why is your husband even making assumptions about what another couple does in the shower?”
“What exactly is it that irks him about your sister and HER HUSBAND being together in the shower?”
“Your husband is either jealous or is seriously projecting.”
“If that isn’t the case, he’s being very creepy and invasive.” ~ Senseis_Bun
“Wait… Let me see if I’ve got this straight.”
“Their child is so ill they’ve lost their home to cover his treatment…”
“And you freak out because they walked out of the bathroom together?????”
“YTA doesn’t even come close. Jesus Christ.” ~ TiltedNotVertical
“Your husband is upset because your grown, married sister might have been what?”
“Showering together or showering together?”
“Either way that’s kinda weird.”
“Especially if he felt the need to go tattle to you about it.”
“Does he expect them to not sleep together, too?”
“Because he might be shocked by the things that happen in a bed!”
“They’re going through a rough time, they need a bit of time without you guys or the kid around (and unless there’s enough rooms that they don’t have to bunk with the kid, that’s not happening).”
“Soft YTA for you, your husband is A H for making a big deal out of this.” ~ cookies_squeaky
“YTA. They’re adults.”
“They took a shower together.”
“Me and my husband shower together every single day.”
“Now I may not personally do it at someone else’s house, but I really don’t see how it’s some scandalous thing either way.”
“Unless you can hear them banging or something, there’s literally no reason you should be concerned with it.”
“To be honest you and your husband are weird for even caring in my opinion.” ~ ghOstlyNyte
“I don’t shower every day with my fiancée, and when I need to shave legs and ‘bits,’ I prefer to not have a witness.”
“Not to mention our walk in shower doesn’t have space for the contortions needed for my shaving and him at the same time.”
“But most the time when we shower together there isn’t even anything super sexual.”
It’s just 10-15 minutes of time alone, as a couple, where we take time to interact closely with each other and relax.”
“Telling a married, highly stressed out couple that they can’t take 10-15 minutes to themselves to destress and reconnect as a couple before facing the day is crap.”
“Also, ‘save water, shower with a friend.'”
“If it’s the only bathroom, they’re saving you big on water bills and morning routines, so tell your husband to suck it up for a couple weeks till they’re back on their feet. YTA.” ~ TheBearWillBeFine
“YTA. You and your husband both.”
“Neither of you would have been aware of them ‘showering’ together until hubby saw them come out of the bathroom together.”
“You didn’t hear them doing anything, didn’t feel banging on the walls, just saw them come out of the bathroom together. What’s next?”
“They sleep in separate rooms because you might see them go in the room together and imagine them laying down in the bed together?”
“GASP…. the horror and sinfulness of it all.”
“How dare they!” ~ KittKatt7179
“Your husband rushed in to tattle about watching two grown, married adults come out of the bathroom together?”
“And you think they are the a**holes? Ick, I am embarrassed for him.”
“And now your edit?!”
“He’s timing them in the shower?!”
“That’s very creepy.”
“Not to mention odd that you think 10 minutes in the shower is a long time.”
“My husband and I pretty much always shower together.”
“It’s not even often a sexual thing.”
“It’s just one of the few places we have together with no distractions. It’s sweet.”
“And you know what?”
“If we do get sexual guess what… it’s a freaking shower.”
“Anything you’d have to worry about gets washed away.”
“You and your husband are both YTA.”
“And gross. And judgey. And overbearing. And childish.”
“And probably jealous.” ~ UniSquirrel13
“YTA- what’s the deal?”
“Are they not supposed to get naked together at all in your home?”
“Are they sharing a room with their son, which would make alone time hard?”
“A shower cleans way easier than the bed.”
“I don’t understand being so tight that you can’t let a stressed out, adult couple a small window of time to relax together.” ~ Lazyoat
OP more info…
“My husband did not mention hearing anything, just that he saw them get out of the bathroom.”
“And yes they were clothed.”
“It’s the only bathroom in the house.”
“They spent approximately 10+ in the shower according to my husband.”
“I’m gonna bring my husband to look at the responses and help answer some questions down here, okay?”
“Just give me a few minutes.”
“I’m sorry I can’t respond to every single comment but my husband says he’s uncomfortable and doesn’t want to expand on the situation.”
Well OP, Reddit has some clear issues with you and the husband’s decision.
It is your house and your rules.
But maybe you could all have a calm chat about this where everyone ends up happy.
Good luck.