in , , ,

Woman Balks After Her Family Asks Her To Dogsit Their Five Dogs While They Vacation Without Her

A man working at his computer with a pug sitting on his lap.
Евгения Матвеец/Getty Images

When our family asks us to do them a favor, it’s usually in our second nature to say yes.

When they expect a favor from us, however, things become a little more complicated.

Naturally, should a very serious situation arise, we will likely drop everything we’re doing and get right to helping.

But when they call us, or show up at our door, telling us we need to do something, remaining cordial might be a bit more of a challenge.

Redditor Dazzling-P didn’t much mind when her parents tasked her with planning a vacation for them as well as her brother and sister-in-law (SIL).

Something the original poster (OP) was less thrilled with, however, was another duty which her family believed came in-tandem with planning their vacation.

When the OP refused the additional duties, their family felt they were left with only one solution.

A solution most of them felt the OP was responsible for.

Wondering if they were, in fact, to blame, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:

“AITA for making my family cancel their vacation because I wont watch their dogs?”

The OP explained why her family blamed her somewhat for their needing to cancel their vacation:

“My parents (82 M[ale], 75 F[emale]) asked if I would help them book a much needed vacation.”

“They also asked me to do the same for my brother (43) and SIL (33), because they wanted to take a family vacation in September.”

“My husband (46) and I (41 F) can’t afford to go because i am currently out of a job.”

“Even though this would be the first family vacation I will have ever missed and it made me really sad, I said I would of course help.”

“My mom even mentioned to me that in a way it’s good because I’d be able to watch my brother’s pugs and my parents’ chihuahua.”

“Here’s the thing about watching the dogs.”

“It’s a 24/7 job that requires me to stay at my brother’s house.”

“The dogs are wonderful, but very high maintenance.”

“Because of this, I have been telling my brother for nearly 10 years that he needed to hire a dogsitter (money isn’t an issue for him).”

“I’ve dog-sat for them 3 times this past year varying from 1 to 5 nights.”

“They paid me well. But I do not feel comfortable staying at their house and I find the round the clock care exhausting. My husband and I have 5 cats, and we are no stranger to feeling like our pets are our kids, but we don’t have dogs for a reason. Now, I’m supposed to be booking this trip for my brother, but he hasn’t even asked me about watching the dogs.

Sunday at family dinner, everyone is there except my SIL who was ill.”

“My brother was sitting across from me so I reach out to hold his hand and say that I love him, I love the pugs, but I can’t watch them when they go on vacation and that he needs to get a dog-sitter.”

“I said it was just too much to ask me to be trapped at their house for 7 nights, and that I have been asking him to hire a dog-sitter for nearly a decade.”

“I even offer suggestions and said I’ll help find someone.”

“He starts to get reactive and says that they won’t watch my cats anymore.”

“I said that’s fine, we have a cat sitter, but I point out that I ask them if they can help.”

“They, on the other hand, didn’t ask me.”

“My brother finally concedes that it is a lot to ask 7 nights and 5 dogs.”

“Excuse me?”

“Yes, 5 dogs, because his MIL apparently was planning to go too.”

“So now added to the mix are 2 Italian greyhounds.”

“I stay calm and gently point out that I felt this way before knowing there were 5 dogs.”

“Can he imagine how I felt?”

“He seemed to understand.”

“By the time I left dinner, there were hugs and kisses and all was well.”

“I knew my brother was upset, but he seemed to understand and I was really proud of putting up boundaries.”

“The next evening, I call my parents to see if they have heard from my brother.”

“Apparently he called them after he got home from family dinner and was ‘blindsided’ by me.”

“My SIL was just as upset as him too.”

“They think I’m throwing a tantrum because I can’t go on the vacation.”

“While yes, that sucks, I told him my real issue is being trapped at their house for 7 nights.”

“Now they are canceling the vacation bc I wont watch the dogs.”

“AITA for telling them I wont do it?”

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to watch her brother’s dogs while they were on vacation.

Everyone agreed that the OP was already doing her family a huge favor by planning a vacation that she couldn’t even attend, and she should not have to watch her brother’s dogs on top of that, and as her brother could afford a dog-sitter, she was in no way to blame for their canceling the vacation.

“NTA.”

“They are grown people who had plenty of time to find arrangements for their dogs.”

“Didn’t they have somebody else to watch the dogs when you all traveled together?”

“Is this a weird ploy to punish you by making you feel guilty or something?”

“Seems reactive.”- Having-hope3594

“So if I understand you – first, they ask your help in planning a vacation knowing that you can’t go along.”

“Then, your mom voluntells you that you’re watching your brother’s dogs.”

“Your brother – who hasn’t even asked you yet – is blindsided that you won’t watch the dogs for them – without even letting you know that there would be two additional dogs involved?”

“Blindsided is you telling them this the day before they leave on vacation.”

“You’re telling them two months in advance AND offering to help them locate a dog-sitter.”

“Absolutely NTA.”- Own_Lack_4526

“NTA.”

“They can hire a pet-sitter.”

“It’s not your household to take responsibility for.”- ParsimoniousSalad

“NTA.”

“And I’m sorry that your family has been taking advantage of you so much this far.”

“If it’s not too big a deal for you to watch their five (5!) dogs for a week, then it’s not too big a deal for them to pay someone else to do it – plain and simple.”

“Even if they thought you were throwing a tantrum, they didn’t need to cancel their vacation over it, and it’s not your problem if they do – they can do whatever they would have done if you had planned to attend this vacation with the family in the first place.”

“The fact that their first action was to pin this on you instead of finding another solution (that might not even exist or might cost way more than they would pay you, because honestly, 5 dogs!?) speaks volumes about how much labor you’re actually putting in, and how little they value you.”- sixoo6

“You didn’t make anyone cancel anything.”

“Incredibly, maybe deliberately, inconsiderate of your family to expect you to act as their unpaid travel agent.”

“Seven Five dogs?”

“That’s not dog-sitting; that’s running a kennel.”

“I assume that they’d save a ton of money by guilting you into caring for the dogs, and they don’t want to, or can’t afford to, pay what it’s really worth.”

“Enjoy their self-inflicted tears.”

“NTA.”- ParagonOfAdequacy

“Good.”

“If they can’t afford a pet sitter then they can’t afford the vacay.”

“This is not your problem.”

“NTA.”- VeronicaSawyer8

“NTA.”

“As a couple with 5 dogs we understand that we simply aren’t going on vacation unless they go with us.”

“I would never just expect that someone will give up their life for a week to deal with them.”

“BTW…..we have two Italian Greyhounds and they alone are like dealing with six ‘normal’ dogs so adding them to the mix should be an absolute deal breaker.”- ShekkieJohansen

“Your family thinks it’s OK to demand that you plan a vacation you can’t go on AND expect, despite your previously stated objections, that you’ll take on a full-time volunteer job helping them have their vacation?”

“And you think you might be TA for not going along with it?”

“Frankly, if money really is no issue for your brother, he should’ve offered to cover the costs for you to join them on the vacation.”

“And if he wasn’t going to do that, they shouldn’t have asked you to plan a whole vacation you wouldn’t be included in.”

“That’s rubbing your nose in your financial troubles.”

“NTA.”- philautos

The fact that the OP’s parents not only asked her to plan a vacation that she wasn’t going on, and then expected her to watch her brother’s dogs does make one wonder if they have even the slightest bit of concern for her feelings.

Since money doesn’t seem to be an object for either the OP’s parents or BIL, it’s equally surprising neither of them had the idea to chip in so the OP and her husband could join.

Then again, perhaps that decision isn’t so surprising, seeing as they would rather cancel a whole vacation than pay for a dog-sitter…

Written by John Curtis

A novelist, picture book writer and native New Yorker, John is a graduate of Syracuse University and the children's media graduate program at Centennial College. When not staring at his computer monitor, you'll most likely find John sipping tea watching British comedies, or in the kitchen, taking a stab at the technical challenge on the most recent episode of 'The Great British Baking Show'.