When a significant other requires assistance for something they’re unable to accomplish on their own, it’s usually a no-brainer to help out.
However, in this very specific scenario, a woman struggled with a dilemma after her husband asked her for a favor she was uncomfortable with.
When her decision caused tension, she visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.
There, Redditor Practical-Equal-4085 asked:
“AITA for refusing to shave my husband’s pubic hair after an accident?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Here’s the deal… my husband (34 M[ale]) recently broke both of his wrists in a motorcycle accident. He’s fine overall, but obviously, he can’t use his hands for a while.”
“I (31F[female]) have been doing everything for him- feeding him, helping him shower, tying his shoes, wiping him… I thought I was being a pretty great partner.”
“But now he’s demanding I shave his pubes. Yeah. Your eyes are reading that right.
Apparently, it’s ‘uncomfortable’ having his pubes grow in (okay, sure), and he says it’s a hygiene thing’ because he can’t properly care for himself (sir, I’ve been wiping you for 2 weeks anyway?).”
The OP continued:
“Listen, I draw the line at hedge trimming. I told him he could wait until his wrists heal or I’ll take him to get waxed, but no that won’t do.”
“He’s been sulking and saying I’m cruel for refusing to help him. He even tried to guilt me by saying, ‘You’ve already seen everything down there, so what’s the big deal?’ “
“Just because I’ve seen it doesn’t mean I want to wield a razor near it like I’m giving a toddler a haircut!”
“He brought it up again two nights ago, saying he’s in agony because the hair is ‘trapping sweat’ (what sweat! it’s winter!) and that I’m neglecting him in his time of need. I’m not an esthetician!”
“I don’t feel like learning how to give his family jewels a low taper fade while he lies there like a starfish. Now he’s being passive-aggressive and muttering about how he’d ‘do it for me if the roles were reversed.'”
“Would he, though? Would he really? (the answer is factually NO… He wouldn’t even trim my pubes when I was pregnant and literally couldn’t see past my belly button!)”
“So, AITA for refusing to shave my husband’s junk after his accident? Should I just midnight barber it?”
“ETA: emphasis since I keep getting the same questions. Also, we bought a bidet, and it won’t hook up in our house. Also, this is not tit-for-tat…. I literally just do not want to injure him.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (AITA) here.
“I love Reddit! What a way to start my day. I will have so much fun this morning at work sharing this story.”
“NTA.”
“Especially given that you have proof he wouldn’t do it for you. How long does it take for wrists to heal anyway? Maybe make a big calendar and ‘X’ out the days so he can see how much longer he has to put up with being itchy.” – Lex-tailonis
“So he couldn’t do it for you when you were pregnant but expects it done for him now that he needs it.”
“NTA on that alone.”
“That said, I had no problem doing it for my then-boyfriend, now-husband, after he had surgery. But I also know he would do it for me in a heartbeat if I ever required it.” – sanguinepsychologist
“NTA. As a fellow man, I can say his reasons are BS. It’s not like it’s been months since he last shaved, it has only been a couple weeks. Tell him to suck it up and be more careful on his motorcycle.” – HolSmGamer
‘I don’t feel like learning how to give him a low taper fade while he lies there like a starfish.’
“Holy flying f’kerdoodle, did that make me laugh. NTA.”
“I’m sure it’s not comfortable while growing back, but he needs to work with you here. He can get it professionally done. I can empathize with not wanting a stranger down there, but you can only do so much.”
‘he’d “do it for me if the roles were reversed.” Would he, though? Would he really? (the answer is factually NO… He wouldn’t even trim my pubes when I was pregnant and literally couldn’t see past my belly button!)’
“Yeah, definitely NTA (not that it was a close call already)” – DragonCelica
“NTA. This is a big ask and it’s totally valid that u don’t wanna do it. It’s not just abt the ‘ick’ factor, its abt the risk of accidentally hurting him, especially with his injuries.”
“He’s being super selfish rn. The fact that he brung up the ‘I’d do it for u’ thing after not even trimming ur pubes when u were pregnant? That’s just low. Like, he’s just trying to manipulate u. Dont give in.” – Amberlacee
“NTA. I tried shaving down there once and couldn’t believe how itchy the hair growing back was. That’s probably the real reason he is whining. You offered him a wax, which is a reasonable solution. I wouldn’t shave him either. Also the help you are giving him is positively HEROIC, and he should be grateful for it!” – FauveSxMcW
“NTA. Personally, I wouldn’t say it’s a weird or inappropriate request. But it is kinda sexual, and if you don’t consent, he really shouldn’t push the matter.”
“You do get hair removal cream for that. Which, if you’re washing him already and it’s the razor that’s the issue you could look into that if you’re more comfortable doing that. But I agree with others that his reasons seem exaggerated at best.” – originalusername8704
“Nta-there are easy-to-install bidets. Helped me tremendously when I screwed my back (at time could not reach my butt to save my life). And your hubby should be appreciative that you’re doing what you are, and just put up with pubes until which time he can tend it himself.” – togocann49
“NTA. What’s his hang up about going to a professional? You said you wouldn’t mind booking him a wax. They know what they are doing and would be more comfortable working with all the hanging jiggly bits that comes with male parts. They could even do his backside to make you wiping him easier.” – Only-Entertainment16
“NTA.”
“Fellow ‘I’ve had to wipe my partner’s butt when they couldn’t’ caregiver’s club member, here.”
“It’s a weird boundary. Not one I think I would draw. But it’s also not a boundary with a high cost. He’s maybe a little itchy? Seems to me partner needs to man up and be grateful.”
“Speculation: is he looking to explore alternative ways to enjoy some sexy time with you while he’s at less than his usual levels of health? Have you discussed that?” – Zahrad70
“NTA – I’d explain to him that it’s a simple case of tit for tat. He didn’t shave yours, and with you literally doing everything else for him, it is more than fair to say no to this. It feels weird that he would even ask, considering how helpless he is right now. It seems like he’d want to try and protect any dignity he could and shaving the bits is definitely undignified.” – invisibleconstructs
“Nurse here – nobody should be shaving their pubes down to the skin, the hair’s there for a reason and helps protect you. Not being shaved isn’t any less hygienic if you’re cleaning yourself properly and it’s not painful or uncomfortable other than maybe a bit itchy when the hair’s growing out. Shaving with a razor (especially if you don’t really know what you’re doing) stresses the skin and causes tiny cuts and infection risk, not a huge deal in general but also not an extra stress you wanna put on your body when it’s already healing from an injury.”
“Science aside – the a**-wiper should decide what they’re comfortable doing; this is an aesthetic preference at best and not something he NEEDS or something he deserves since he wouldn’t do the same for you – NTA.”
“While we’re at it, this whole thing is kinda sus tbh – I’ve broken both wrists, and I could wipe my own self just fine. I could also cook, eat, write, do basically all my usual non-strenuous tasks. I think he might be taking advantage 👀”
“This post was hilarious to read, though so thanks for that 😂” – DumpsterWitch739
“NTA. I get it, having uncut pubes is annoying, and he’s surely frustrated by yet another thing he can’t do for himself right now. Fine for him to ask you to trim them. Fine for you to draw a line and say no. It’s his reaction that makes him an a**hole here. He’s acting entitled and disrespectful to you. Not ok. “
“Also…invest in a bidet. Even if you have to be the one to turn it on and off. That way at least you’re wiping off a mostly clean butt. It’s clear that all the basic care you have to do for him right now is driving you nuts and the pubes thing is one way in which you’re showing you’re burning out. So make things a bit easier on yourself with a bidet. You can buy an attachment that fits the existing toilet.” – cascadia1979
Overall, Redditors thought the husband’s demand was a big ask, especially after she had gone out of her way to already clean up after him.
They also thought his irritability stemmed from the hairs growing back, and his projecting that onto her was unfair and mean. The bottom line, so to speak, is that there are limits regarding favors among couples, and her refusal was perfectly warranted.