Women’s bodies receiving unnecessary, unwanted attention is nothing new.
But that doesn’t mean it isn’t still wildly annoying, and in some cases unsafe.
One woman recently found it to be particularly awkward, according to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor bigthiqskull was asked to cover herself up, even in her own home, to avoid unwanted attention.
When things got awkward later, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was somehow in the wrong.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for refusing to cover up in my own apartment?”
The OP recently met one of her roommate’s girlfriends.
“So I ([female] 20) live in an apartment with three guys; my boyfriend ([male] 21), and our two mutual friends, both of whom we have known for years and are quite close to.”
“One of these friends (call him X) has a new girlfriend. They’ve been dating for two or three months now.”
“I’m not close with her or anything, but I talk to her whenever she’s over, and while she’s a little awkward, she’s always seemed nice and I’ve had no problem with her coming over or spending the night.”
The OP was asked not to dress her usual way.
“When I’m around the house, I pretty much just wear exercise clothes or my pajamas unless I’m going out.”
“This primarily consists of sports bras with bike shorts, tank tops with running shorts, yoga pants, etc. (I pretty much never wear a bra under my shirts even when I’m going out because I’m not… blessed on top to begin with, so there’s not much to be seen.)”
“So X approached me the other day and asked me if I could cover up when his girlfriend is over, because it makes her uncomfortable that I’m ‘wearing so little,’ and she thinks it’s inappropriate and disrespectful to their relationship.”
The OP didn’t appreciate the request.
“This really p**sed me off. I told him that if the guys can wear tank tops and boxers, I can be comfy too.”
“And if she’s insecure, that’s something they have to work out together, and it doesn’t involve me.”
“He apologized and didn’t bring it up to me again.”
“Our other roommate agrees with me, but my boyfriend thinks I overreacted and should cover up while she’s over to keep the peace and apologize to my friend for mouthing off and suggesting his girlfriend is insecure.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some wondered if the OP’s boyfriend agreed with the new girlfriend.
“Her boyfriend doesn’t have her back because he‘s also insecure about his girl being braless around other dudes. What a couple of insecure and immature babies, those two.”
“NTA. Don’t apologize, OP. You, and only you, get a say in what you wear in your own home.”
“Nobody else gets any input whatsoever. And unless you’re wearing a Halloween costume to a formal fancy wedding, there is no way for you to disrespect anybody’s relationship with your clothes. What a bunch of crap. The nerve here, eh?” – DecentPear2496
“But I take issue with the ‘dressed like that’. Like what? She’s wearing clothes FFS (for f**k’s sake)!”
“Why is it OP’s problem that she’s being sexualized for just being dressed?”
“I mean, I could see an issue if she was going around in panties and a bra all of the time, but she’s not. This should be a non-issue entirely and friend’s girlfriend and OP’s boyfriend both seem to have issues here.”
“NTA, OP, for SURE.” – genxeratl
“Honestly, the friend had more respect towards OP than her actual boyfriend. He apologized and hasn’t brought it up again.”
“Sounds to me like his girlfriend was pestering him about it and he just went with it to shut her up. Probably knew the answer and just went with it to be like, ‘See? Told you.'”
“OP’s boyfriend had a problem with it but to him, this seemed like a great opportunity to bring it up so he isn’t in the minority. ‘To keep the peace’ is some dumb a** s**t, but “bad mouthing” is some beta s**t, as well.” – MagicSlay
“NTA – and you should really think about what the future looks like with a man who calls you standing up for yourself ‘mouthing off.'” – MsDReid
Others thought the new girlfriend might have some insecurities to work through.
“I’m insecure enough that I’d prefer my partner just not have a roommate of the gender they’re attracted to. (My husband would be more into a woman in footie PJs than in lingerie, he’s into the ‘comfy’ look…)”
“I just also know that’s a me problem and something I have to deal with.”
“If she doesn’t trust him around you in a sports bra, then there’s no logical reason to trust him when you’re more dressed up unless she thinks the sight of skin automatically sends him into a frenzy or something.” – TimelessMeow
“This is insecurity that the GF needs to work through. My SO (significant other) had a female roommate when we started dating who was very attractive. She was a personal trainer and lived in revealing gym clothes.”
“Was I jealous of her amazing figure, absolutely. Did I ever consider telling my SO to tell her to cover up in her own home, never. NTA.” – La_Peste
“NTA. I’ll be honest, if I was dating a guy with a hot roommate, I’d prefer she wear footed pajamas and a closed robe. However, that’s a me issue, not a she issue and I’d be a huge AH to ask.”
“I get that you know the guy better, but I find it strange that he asked instead of her. I wonder if she mentioned being jealous and he took upon himself to ‘help.'”
“You’re not an AH and I’m thinking that him having not said anything else means he agrees.” – Anita-Knapp
The OP might have needed validation for wanting to continue to wear comfortable clothes in her home, and the subReddit was ready to deliver.
They also pointed out that the OP might have more to deal with than a friend’s insecure girlfriend, since the OP’s own boyfriend may have been using the situation as an opportunity to speak up.