Sometimes going on trips or outings with friends can be surprisingly challenging.
In spite of the bond of friendship you share, you may otherwise have very little in common, making decisions on what to do is something of a trial.
Then too, some people are of the “go dogs go” mindset, preferring to get things done quickly, while others like to stop and smell the roses.
A Redditor and her friends were growing increasingly frustrated on mall trips they took with one friend in particular.
Owing to the fact that this friend was overweight and needed to constantly take breaks, slowing their afternoons down.
The original poster (OP) and the rest of her friends came up with what they thought was a sensible solution to this problem, but when they passed it by their friend, she was hurt and offended.
Worried she didn’t take her friend’s feelings into account, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my friend she either uses the mobility scooter at the mall or stay home?”
The OP explained how she thought what was an effective solution to her friend slowing the group down on shopping trips was not appreciated when proposed to this friend.
“A little context, said friend weights 350 pounds.”
“The only reason I know this is because we did that bmi thing on TikTok.”
“Anyways, whenever we’ll go to the mall.”
“She’ll continuously make us stop because she’s out of breath and needs to sit.”
“It’s really annoying because it takes time we have to shop.”
“And not only does she make us sit, but whines about how tired she is while we’re walking.”
“It’s gotten to the point my group of friends and I have been debating whether or not we should even invite her at all.”
“So I was like, you know what would fix this? Why doesn’t she just use those mobility scooters.”
“First, she wouldn’t be as tired and out of breath, and second, it would fix our time issue.”
“So my friends and I face timed her and basically told her about our idea and asked if she was down with it.”
“She almost busted a t*t over this and went on to ask us if we were saying this to call her fat.”
“I said no, and that we were asking because we can’t deal with her constantly having to stop.”
“And basically how I didn’t get why she was so offended when we were just trying to help.”
“She called us awful people, and started saying how she couldn’t control it because of her weight, and we just needed to deal with it.”
“I went on to say she was being selfish and asked how was it fair to us we waste all of our time because she makes bad food choices.”
“And said it was either she used the scooter or she could stay home.”
“She went on to cuss me out and hung up.”
“All my friends think I was being nicer than they would’ve been, and they’re completely on my side.”
“My mom thinks I was a little harsh, but she said she said she’d probably would’ve also done the same thing.”
“It got me thinking if I was the actual asshole here.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for encouraging her friend to use a mobility scooter.
While everyone did sympathize with the situation of the OP’s friend, they also agreed that their suggestion for her to use the mobility scooter was perfectly reasonable, even if some felt she could have handled it a bit more delicately.
“A few years ago I had tickets to an outdoor event that would involve a lot of standing and walking.”
“I have a back issue and knew I was not going to be able to last very long at the event, so I made the decision to rent a scooter for the day.”
“I felt humiliated and cried over it.”
“But then I realized that I was not the main character in strangers’ lives, so they didn’t care.”
“I was the only one who cared.”
“I think your friend feels humiliated, and I get that.”
“But besides the resting time, the problem is her constant complaints all day long.”
‘”No one wants to spend the day with a complainer. Instead of dropping her from the shopping trips, you guys tried to propose a solution so that you could continue to hang out.”
“She accused you of fat-shaming her, which is really unfair.”
“I’m going to say NTA, but I hope you can talk to her again and work things out.”- columbospeugeot
“I generally hate shopping to the point I will often run from shop to shop.”
“If someone was slowing me down, I would either leave them behind, or they would have to find a way to catch up.”
“You are far nicer than me.”- KarlZone87
“350 pounds or 175kg is morbidly obese, and that is obvious to everyone.”
“You haven’t highlighted anything or called her anything.”
“Maybe you challenged her denial.”
“The physical condition comes with massive limitations and physical stress.”
“It’s her life and her body, and she can do what she wants with it.”
“But equally, this applies to you guys as well.”
“If you don’t want to shop like that, she has to accept that.”
“But she will probably feel left out, and you can plan another group activity with her.”
“Maybe with movement that is easier for her, like in the water.”
“Because if that’s her current cardiopulmonary fitness level, she’s going to have big problems in the future, regardless of the kilos.”- Boring_Inanna
“Go with her without the scooter, but when she needs to stop, don’t wait with her.”
“Tell her you will be back for her.”
“Do make sure she knows the plan up front Walking in the mall is good exercise for your friend.”- Physical_Ad5135
“I used to be 342 lb, and it sucked.”
“I couldn’t walk far without puffing like a bellows, my feet and lower back hurt all the time, existence was misery.”
“I had started to fall down the body positivity-to-fat acceptance pipeline.”
“I’ve since gotten my act together and am down 70 lb.”
“But at my heaviest, I definitely would’ve needed to hear this.”
“Maybe not in the exact phrasing you used, but sometimes you gotta be told when you’re wrong.”
“However, isolation is going to kill her, so you’ve got to keep getting her out of the house no matter what.”
“From personal experience, isolation only makes things much worse and will be detrimental to your friend in the long run, but OP, you shouldn’t be expected to be a full-time caregiver.”
“Thanks to the folks who pointed out the flaws in this statement.”
“Weight is unfortunately a very sensitive issue because of the stigma surrounding it.”
“Let her cool off, then maybe apologize if you’ve come off as insulting and have a heart-to-heart about her health.”
“Some of us need a little tough love.”- PenelopeDreddfull
“I get where you are coming from.”
“It does sound annoying having to wait for her and hear her constant b*tching.”
“If I were you, I might tell her instead that we won’t slow down for her.”
“How she handles that is her concern.”
“If she needs to stop and sit for a while, she will be doing that solo and will have to catch up and find us after, or get a scooter and keep up with us that way.”- buttpickles99
“She may be okay with being a burden to herself and destroying her body, but it’s not okay that she burdens you as well.”- ultimateunbannable
“You aren’t the a**hole for asking, but when she said no, you needed to probably put a boundary out there for future planning.”
“’Hey, I only have x amount of time to get my shopping done.'”
“‘I would love to have you there, but your frequent need for breaks makes it so I can’t accomplish my goal.'”
“‘Here are my suggestions:”
“‘Use the mobility scooter.'”
“‘Wait at a cafe for me to finish shopping, and I can meet you when I’m done.'”
“‘Not come on shopping trips anymore.'”
“‘I love to hang out but understand if you aren’t comfortable with the scooter.'”
“‘I care about you and value our time together.’”
“Hope this works out for you, OP.”- MissPeskyFace
It’s understandable why the OP and the rest of her friends would be frustrated on these shopping trips.
What they all perhaps didn’t take into account when making this suggestion was that it was a reminder of something this friend struggles with every day of her life.
Perhaps with a few more civil conversations, everyone will be able to come to a solution that pleases everyone.