Unless you’re in a walkable location, driving will likely be a fundamental skill to attain, probably sooner rather than later, to be successful both socially and professionally.
But some people never seem to really latch onto these skills, cringed the folks in the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor AxqatGyada worked hard to save up money for a new car and was immediately concerned when his girlfriend wanted to drive the car due to her history of totaling past cars.
When his girlfriend accused him of embarrassing and belittling her, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he was being too harsh somehow.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for refusing to let my girlfriend drive my car because she’s totaled two cars before?”
The OP felt accomplished after purchasing a fairly new car.
“I (24 Male) recently bought my first ‘nice’ car, a 2019 Mazda 3.”
“It’s not a luxury car or anything, but I worked my a**off for it. I saved for years and drove beaters while I worked two jobs, and when I finally got this car, it felt like a reward for all my effort.”
“I take care of it, too. I wash it every weekend, never let it get below half a tank, and park away from everyone else in parking lots like a total dork.”
Unfortunately, his girlfriend was not as mindful as he was about vehicles.
“Here’s the issue: my girlfriend, Emily (24 Female), wants to drive it. I love Emily, but she is the single worst driver I’ve ever met.”
“And I’m not exaggerating: 1. She’s totaled two cars in the past two years. The first was because she ‘misjudged’ the distance while merging on the highway. The second? She reversed into a light pole in an empty parking lot.”
“2. She tailgates like crazy. I’ve had to tell her multiple times to back off from the car in front of her when I’m in the passenger seat because it feels like we’re going to die.”
“3. She’s admitted she ‘doesn’t like paying attention’ while driving because ‘it’s boring.’ I wish I were kidding.”
“I’ve let her drive my old car once before (a 15-year-old Civic I wasn’t super attached to), and she managed to scrape it pulling into a gas station. After that, I said I’d never let her drive my car again, and we both kind of laughed it off.”
The OP was not comfortable with Emily driving his new Mazda.
“Well, now I have this car, and she keeps asking me to drive it. At first, it was playful with stuff like, ‘Let me take it for a spin!’ and I just said no with a laugh.”
“But recently, she’s been getting more annoyed about it. She says stuff like, ‘You act like I’m going to crash it or something,’ and, well… yeah.”
“The other day, we were driving to dinner (me driving, obviously), and she brought it up again.”
“She said it was ‘weird’ that I won’t let my own girlfriend drive my car and that it makes her feel like I don’t trust her.”
“I told her straight up, ‘It’s not that I don’t trust you. It’s that I’ve seen you drive, and I can’t afford to have this car wrecked.'”
“She got quiet and didn’t say much for the rest of the night.”
“Later, she told me I embarrassed her and made her feel like she was incompetent.”
“I said I wasn’t trying to embarrass her, but she has totaled two cars. She said I should ‘get over it’ because accidents happen and that I’m being controlling.”
“Now she doesn’t even let me use her computer because I ‘may break it’ when there has never been such an issue before. I think it’s just childish.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some cringed in solidarity, knowing there are people out there who never “get” driving.
“My sister had been in seven car collisions, and according to her, none of them were her fault, not even when she destroyed our mom’s garage. It ‘jumped out’ at her.”
“Some people really don’t understand driving.”
“Like your girlfriend, some people will contrive any reason not to be to blame. Consider whether she does this in other aspects of her life, like is she ever at fault for anything that goes wrong? Is she capable of admitting responsibility in any context?”
“And if this is a driving-only issue of denial, would you be comfortable say, sending her out with children in the car (your own or nieces, nephews, whatever)?”
“And of course, NTA.” – Entarotupac
“I find driving to be a horrible combo of boring and stressful. It’s sitting still, staring at nothing for long swaths of time, but if you stop paying complete attention, you die. I get really nervous, and it shows in my driving. I am not a good driver.”
“My solution to this is to not f**king drive. She has that option too it sounds like… It’s insane of her not to take it!” – PM_Me_Thine_Cats
“So my question is why does she even want to drive? She doesn’t seem to particularly like it, she said flat out she finds it boring, so why is she pushing to get to do something she doesn’t even really like to do?”
“NTA, and do not let this impetuous tween cosplaying as an adult drive your car. She’s a hazard and shouldn’t even have a license (I’m assuming she does, but I don’t know how she got it). It’s just sheer good luck she hasn’t ended up killing anyone yet.”
“Maybe this is a weird fluke, and she’d be perfectly lovely in every other aspect, but I find that pretty hard to believe. She is unwilling to take responsibility for her actions, and she wants to throw a fit and play passive-aggressive games.”
“NTA, but I’m thinking there are far bigger issues at play here. Good luck, OP.” – acegirl1985
“20+ years ago my college girlfriend and I visited her best friend.”
“Her best friend had been in 12 accidents, but she insisted none of them were her fault.”
“She picked us up from the airport in her parents’ SUV. I’m in the back seat and she and my girlfriend were looking at the map and trying to figure out where they were when I saw the light turn red.”
“I try to say, ‘Lookout, the light is red,’ but instead, I say, ‘Blaaaaaghhhhh!'”
“We tee-boned a green van. Luckily, no one is hurt. We all pulled over into a parking lot.”
“A middle-aged woman got out of the green van. They exchanged insurance, and the woman said, ‘I understand, I was a teenager once too, you probably had music going (true), and were talking and distracted (true), these things happen. Please be more careful. We are lucky no one was hurt.'”
“The lady drove off, and the friend said to my girlfriend, ‘Can you believe what a b***h she was being, it was impossible to see that light.'”
“(I saw it from the back seat, it was easy to see). Then she sarcastically quoted the woman saying, ‘I understand, I was a teenager once too, you probably had music going (true), and were talking and distracted (true), these things happen. Please be more careful,’ before calling her a b***h again.”
“Some people cannot take responsibility.” – Ok-Map4381
“She doesn’t want to pay attention because it is boring?! If she ever does injure (heaven forbid) or kill someone, I hope the prosecution sees this and uses it as evidence for a much greater sentence. NTA, OP. Please run (and by run, I mean safely speed away in your car).” – Itchy-Association239
Others would never trust the girlfriend to drive a car, let alone give other people a ride.
“I would never entrust ANYONE I cared about to be driven by this person.”
“I also find it hard to believe that someone who has SAID they find paying attention while driving ‘boring’ isn’t awful in other ways, but, you do you, OP… I guess…” – EnvironmentOk5610
“If the OP continues with this relationship, she could be driving her and OP’s future kids around someday.”
“I really hate this ‘It’s boring’ line. She thinks the purpose of everything in the world is for her amusement? Why does she brush her teeth, then, because that’s pretty boring.” – dog_cow
“Not even their own kids. What about kids playing outside?”
“Just today, I stopped a random kid from running across the street to pet a dog and she didn’t stop to see if there was a car coming. I couldn’t even see if there was a car coming because a parked car blocked view.”
“It was during pick up after school, so no one drove faster than 15 kilometers per hour, but that’s still a lot of speed to crush a child’s head.” – EatThisShirt
“A driver not paying attention killed my husband, so I hate her. Someone being this callous and casual about distracted driving is terrifying and should not be trusted, let alone dated.” – Serephim85
“Even if he doesn’t want kids, every single time he’s ever in a car with her or on a road trip he’ll have to be the driver, for his own safety. That sucks.”
“Plus, there’s the financial risk when she keeps totaling cars, and injures or kills somebody, including herself.” – Meghanshadow
Some even found this to be a relationship deal breaker.
“Forget about the car, this would be breakup-worthy for me.”
“OP (if you want kids), is this really the future mother of your children? Someone you can’t trust to do pickups after school?”
“You’re young, you can find better. NTA.” – lightCycleRider
“Honestly, that level of potentially homicidal negligence would be enough for me to cut them out of my life. It shows significant irresponsibility, apathy, and disregard for the people around them.” – Radix2309
“What happens if you were to marry her? I can’t imagine what would happen if you had children. Are you going to hire her a driver? I would rethink this relationship before it gets too serious. She obviously shouldn’t be behind the wheel!” – Striking_Physics1894
“Offer to pay for driving instructor lessons, primarily for her own well-being, but still don’t let her drive your car, she needs to buy her own car, so she knows how it feels to save up and may be a bit more careful and she needs to maintain her own insurance, but it’s on her. I hope you don’t have her on your insurance!”
“Also look into, if planning marriage, owning a home, how big a liability she is to losing everything, so in addition to regular home insurance, you’ll definitely need an additional umbrella liability policy to cover anyone or anything she damages or kills, because she doesn’t seem to understand the seriousness or potential consequences of her poor driving ability!” – Opinionated6319
The subReddit was alarmed by the OP’s post and could not imagine dating someone like this, let alone entertaining a conversation with them about potentially driving someone else’s car.
Unless she was willing to take responsibility for her driving skills and past driving history, it was clear she didn’t need to get behind the wheel of a new vehicle. Still, the OP should probably evaluate whether or not this was an aspect of a viable relationship, too.