Reddit's "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit is a popular place to determine whether you're the one in the wrong in any given situation.
Redditor AliVonClick decided to seek the wisdom of the AITA hive mind about an incident with her boyfriend and pose a hypothetical situation for moral judgment asking "Would I Be The A**hole" (WIBTA).
The Original Poster (OP), asked her fellow internet denizens:
"[WIBTA] if I tell my boyfriend not to refer to and introduce me as his 'wife'?"
She began with the relevant backstory.
"My (30F[emale]) boyfriend (33M[ale]) have been together for over 5 years & have a 1-year-old son together. We've been homeless together, lost a baby together and slowly built our lives back up. He never liked the idea of marriage, saying, 'I don't see why the gov't has to be involved & why we should have to prove our love to anyone'."
"I get it, but marriage/a proposal are very important to me. He said he'd marry me because he plans on being with me indefinitely anyway & because he thinks it'd be good for our son. During my pregnancy he mentioned several times that he wanted to get married before our son was born. I waited but never got a proposal or anything."
"Last month was our 5 year anniversary & I thought it'd be great to get married that day. I was heartbroken he still never proposed, especially because he proposed to his last gf before me with a ring & everything."
She soon decided it was time to take matters into her own hands, and he seemed fine with it.
"I let the idea of a romantic proposal go & reminded myself that marrying him was the most important part. He said if we could pull it off he was fine with it. He wanted nothing to do with setting it up, which was okay with me."
"Even for our baby shower he said he didn't want to hear about it, so a family friend & I took care of it ourselves."
"I changed my schedule at work, picked a location, time, 2 witnesses & someone ordained to officiate (it was meant to be a small ceremony just to sign the license to make it legal). I ran some of the details by him throughout planning & he kept agreeing they were fine."
Things took a rapid turn for the worse right before the wedding, though.
"2 days before the wedding, the day I planned to go get the license, he said he felt 'forced & pushed into getting married' & didn't like the idea of doing it now."
"So I had to cancel everything & explain to everyone at work when they asked how the wedding went. It was so pathetic & humiliating."
OP was understandably rattled by this turn of events.
"I went into a major depressive episode & didn't even think we would be together much longer. He said he'd definitely marry me eventually but not now. I told him after what happened I would NEVER bring up marriage to him again."
"His response was, 'Okay, great! That's awesome!' (not sarcastic at all, just completely relieved & happy). But I also told him that I wouldn't just be his gf forever. He didn't seem bothered by that, he was just happy I'd shut the f**k up about getting married to him."
"He recently introduced me to someone as, 'This is my wife, Alicia'. It felt like a slap in the f**king face."
This was just too much for OP.
"He'd referred to me as his wife occasionally throughout the years before the wedding fiasco, but the fact that he still today calls me his wife really upsets me, because he f**ked off that chance when he had it."
Finally, she asked Redditors if it would be wrong to tell him how she feels.
"Would I be the a**hole if I told him I don't appreciate being called his wife after everything that happened & to not refer to me as such?"
"I wanna make sure I'm not in the wrong before I bring it up & potentially cause an argument over it."
Anonymous strangers on the internet weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
Redditors unanimously agreed that OP would definitely not be an a**hole for telling her boyfriend not to call her his wife.
"'What? When did we get married? Did I miss it?' NTA. Call him out on it. You're not overreacting or in the wrong. He wants all the benefits of being married without actually putting in any effort. If he's going to call you his wife then he actually needs to make it official. If you want to be extra petty, call him out in front of whoever he's introduced you to. 'Dude, I'm not your wife until you put a ring on it!'" ~Dammit_Janet5
"NTA. He has no desire to get married and needs to stop calling you his wife. Also you should make sure you have your finances set up so you would be okay if this relationship doesn't work out." ~teresajs
"NTA, but I think you'd be better served asking yourself whether you've finally hit that breaking point you warned him about than having yet another discussion about it." ~mm172
Many people recommended that OP get out of the relationship before she wastes any more of her time with him.
"Commenting here for visibility. OP, I think you know why you really posted this. You're looking for permission to leave him and for confirmation that he will never marry you. Here it is. He will never marry you. He will never want to marry you. He's taken every opportunity to dodge marrying you. You can leave him. Stop wasting your time and energy on this. NTA" ~basilobs
"NTA. He's done nothing to earn the right to call you that."
"Tell him. And next time he introduces you like that, say 'Hi. I'm Alicia. His girlfriend. We're not married.' Correct this every time. He's embarrassed? It's awkward? Well. How embarrassing and awkward was it for you to call off your ceremony and explain it to people?" ~B4pangea
"I'd skip that's embarrassing awkward stuff by pulling the plug in this dead end relationship with the guy who is keeping his options open. He's not there for her. Her feelings aren't a priority. It's time to acknowledge that and leave." ~IPetdogs4u
"NTA. You're not his wife. That's incredibly insulting, because you want to be, and he won't ask. And if he calls you his wife in public, he recognizes that people assume that you'd be married by now, and he's embarrassed."
"You've been together for a long time, and have gone through a lot together, but there are an awful lot of red flags here... Are you suuuuuuure that you want to be with him? It sounds like he's never going to propose. I'm sorry 😞" ~ISeeMusicInColor
"NTA- I am so sorry this person is putting you through this. 5 years is not rushed. If he wants to be married or not he is very disrespectful to you and your feelings. Please know your worth, and don't stay with someone that doesn't value you. Him waiting 2 days before your wedding to say something is unbelievably selfish. Again I am so sorry, this guy sounds like a real jerk." ~Callypigyanbunny
"NTA. Here are some things you are now free to do that would still not make you the a**hole."
"Get your own apartment"
"Get child support"
"Start dating other people who mean what they say."
"You do not need to discuss any of the above with him, because nothing this man has to say means anything. The man is a joke." ~PersonalJudge
While strangers on the internet are often quick to say "leave him," they are rarely this unanimous in that judgement.
Woman Breaks Up With 'Clingy' Boyfriend For Making Joke About 'Getting With' Her Sister
As much as we might want to date someone, there's no point in trying to gain the attention and affection of someone who does not want to reciprocate.
Dating someone "similar" to fill that void isn't a good look, either, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Flashy-External1666 had been long-distance dating a guy from her friend group for about a month, even though he'd expressed his attraction to her older sister repeatedly before they started dating.
When her sister entered a new relationship, the Original Poster (OP) was hurt and disgusted that her boyfriend insinuated that he could have been trying to "get with" her sister while he was instead busy dating her.
She asked the sub:
The OP was aware that her boyfriend had his eye on someone close to her before dating her.
"I (19 Female) am with M (21 Male), and we've been together for a month. We were friends before this, for a while."
"For some background, when we were in a friend group, he'd always talk about how my sister (23 Female) was super hot and how he wanted her, but she was in a relationship at the time."
When he found out that her sister had been in-between relationships, he had an unsavory reaction.
"Earlier today, I mentioned to him how my sister started seeing this new guy, and I was super proud of her, because she went through a lot with her last relationship."
"His immediate reply was, 'Dang,' one month too late' with a sad emoji, insinuating that he was one month too late to get with her, because we've been together for a month."
You can see the text message exchange here:
The OP was immediately turned off by the idea of dating him.
"After I got upset and he apologized, he immediately sent me a reel that said, 'When she's already upset about me, but I have a second joke in mind.'"
"I feel like he genuinely doesn't care about me."
"He has also gotten weirdly clingy within the month, like red-flag clingy."
"He keeps trying to say how he loves me, wants to marry me, and wants me to go live with him. But he also always brings up my exes and gets super jealous when HE mentions them."
"I don't know what to do. Should I block him??"
"He's mentioned before that I would need to block him on everything if we ever broke up because he'd never leave me alone (we are currently long-distance)."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some were grossed out by the boyfriend's text message and understood why the OP was upset.
"The fact that he wrote all that out and even added a little emoji at the end and still decided to send it, knowing it would be hurtful for you."
"Seems like he’s texted that to see if he could get away with it. Either way, you don’t say something like that to someone you care about…" - Oven_Traditional
"NOR. Ew! That’s so disrespectful coming from someone who should be thrilled to have you."
"I’m team 'dump him.' If he has a brother, maybe ask for his brother’s number as you end it just to see how he likes it." - Entire-Tonight-1463
"NOR. He's not joking about your sister. Based on what he's said about her in the past, it would have been a wise move to NOT date him at all. PERIOD."
'There's a possibility that he's clingy/close to you for the purpose of indirectly keeping an eye on your sister. Release him and let him go, thereby setting yourself free from foolishness." - AtlJazzy2024
"He’s not for you… Break up with him and block him. You deserve a guy who treasures YOU!" - Muted-Lynx-8745
"He might be your boyfriend, but you're not his girlfriend. In his mind, your sister is." - Save-your-spoons
Others urged the OP to block her boyfriend and move on.
"Girl, it's been a month. Let that loser go." - sleepymelfho
"He kept OP as a backup, while circling her sister's orbit. What has happened to transparency and honesty in relationships? All I read now is obnoxious men doing obnoxious things to their partners."
"OP, he's keeping you around to stay close to your sister. You deserve better... NOR." - ColdHandGee
"NOR. You know that he's not joking about wanting your sister. He told on himself before you even got together, talking about how hot she was. Believe him."
"Break up with him and cut him off immediately. I can't believe you ever agreed to date him in the first place. I'd never want to date someone who had the hots for someone else in my immediate circle, whether that was a sibling or a friend." - Lanky_Mud_8148
"You’ve been dating one month, and that’s one month too long."
"He’s not joking about your sister. He fancies her more than you, and you’re the consolation prize. He will pursue her given the chance."
"Time to dump him." - Special_Wind_6708
"NOR. He can't have your sister, so you're just the next best thing. Him being a clingy weirdo that 'will never leave you alone' is the cherry on top."
"You know what to do. Dump him and block him on everything. If anyone from the friend group asks, just tell them what you told us. And you REALLY should warn your sister; you have receipts." - sdoM-bmuD
"Ditch him. Honestly. What are you waiting for?" - forget_me_not_uwu
"NOR at all. Cut this loser out of all channels of your life."
"I wouldn’t block, though. Just ghost so that he can watch you become happier without him as the ultimate revenge because I’m petty like that, and he clearly deserves it."
"ALSO, if he's as creepy and clingy as he sounds, you can have him muted, so he can see your activity, but you won't have to see his... But you'd have all of his messages as receipts if he ever became threatening or stalkerish for police purposes."
"For more context: My mum started dating my dad (when she was 19, too), who initially tried to go for her older sister (two years older) and got rejected."
"After three years of dating, seven years of engagement, and 20 years of marriage where she put up with an incompetent man-child that wouldn’t do anything for himself and expected her to completely cater to him while he berated her and treated her like s**t..."
"...it ended in him cheating on her with a waitress for over a year and denying it until my mum had literal photographic evidence, to which he had the audacity to respond with the reasoning that she was the reason he was 'driven to cheat' (as if that was even remotely close to the truth and the only option to solve his ‘problems’)."
"Save yourself, girl. This man-child can learn to pine over you and your sister from afar as you both skip into the sunset together, moving on with your lives and into better relationships that fulfill you the way you deserve!" - peachycritter
Some cautioned the OP to also cover her tracks after the breakup, as he sounded worse than "clingy" to them.
"The actual scary part isn't even the sister joke; it's, 'he said he'd never leave me alone if we broke up,' only one month in."
"That line gave me chills, and that alone would have me Googling how to block someone on every platform that exists." - babydoodle91
"Ew. These super clingy guys right out the gate are scary. Please watch your step, and erase your tracks." - Immabirb
"He sounds like a stalker... Drop him now, fast. And block him everywhere." - Admirable_Program720
"NOR, yes, you block him, and you keep him out of your life, and you tell mutual friends that if they try to facilitate contact between you two, you will block them as well. He isn't joking." - JustAsICanBeSoCruel
"I watch way too much crime for this!"
"Girl, block him. Also tell your sister to block him, too; he’s obsessed with her." - MrsRoronoaZoro
"NOR. You're underreacting, honestly."
"He wants your sister, but you're close enough. He's obsessed with her and won't give it up even though he has someone he 'wants to marry.'"
"Also, he's not lying. He probably will stalk you online afterwards; please be careful." - Phoenix-Phire-38
"NOR at all. Your post kept adding on more red flags with each additional sentence. I know you’re young, but he’s toxic, and yes, you will need to block him."
"Breaking up with someone you have strong feelings for is really difficult, so when you leave, you should make sure to lean on friends and family and keep yourself distracted with things you like and find engaging." - query_tech_sec
"The s**t with your sister is nothing compared to the love-bombing and jealousy. This guy is trouble, and scary, and you will have done the right thing when you leave him and maintain the distance between the two of you. NOR." - potatomeeple
After receiving feedback, the OP posted an update, but it seemed to be only the beginning.
"Thank you for making me feel less crazy."
"I blocked him on everything and deactivated my Instagram."
"He DM'ed a girl that I had posted ONCE on my Instagram Stories, asking about me."
"I'm not sure if he's going to keep trying to talk to me, but I hope not."
The subReddit's internal alarm bells were ringing while reading the OP's post, and they hoped that she'd leave her boyfriend in every sense of the word. They already lived long-distance, but she needed to cut him off in every other sense.
Not only was it obvious that he wanted someone else and was with the OP to "make up for it," but his "promises" of not leaving her alone if she ever broke up with him were love-bombing and stalker-like, at best.