Surprises are always something of a gamble.
For the most part, surprising friends and family with a special treat or celebration is always planned with the intent of pleasing them.
Yet one can never be too sure how they’ll react.
While most people are touched and overwhelmed by the gesture, others might be somewhat less pleased.
Such was the case of the boyfriend of Redditor SomeoneSomewhere07, who wanted to surprise her boyfriend on their anniversary.
Unfortunately, the original poster (OP)’s plans didn’t go quite as expected, bringing her to tears.
Having second thoughts about her gesture, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole”, where she asked fellow Redditors.
“AITA for waking up my boyfriend to surprise him?”
The OP explained that while she and her boyfriend had made plans regarding their anniversary, she decided to add a special surprise, which her boyfriend didn’t seem to appreciate one bit.
“My boyfriend (30 M[ale]) and I (33 F[emale]) celebrate our 4-year anniversary this month.”
“As the official day falls on a weekday, we decided that we would do something on the weekend.”
“As we both work from home and we don’t live together, I wanted to surprise him on the morning of the official date and bring him a little breakfast, a plant (he loves plants) and a box of chocolate.”
“I arrived at his place at around 9, knocked on the door and he took a little while to open so I assumed he was still asleep.”
“He opened the door with a frown on his face, so I immediately apologized for waking him up and told him I just brought a few gifts for him for our 4-year anniversary.”
“He just said ‘okay’, visibly very upset and walked away to his bedroom, letting me stand here with my gifts in hand.”
“I was kind of shocked that he reacted this way, so I put the things I bought him on the kitchen table and was about to leave, but then I heard some noise in his bedroom and he got back with pants on.”
“I thought he was going to hug me or something but he proceeded to feed his cat and go to the bathroom, while I was waiting by the door.”
“I was sad of his reaction and started to cry because I was only expecting a little joy from him.”
“He exhaled and told me ‘what?'”
“I responded that I was sad that he seemed annoyed by my presence and that I hoped that it would at least make him a little happy that I brought him something for our anniversary.”
“He told me sarcastically that he was sorry that he didn’t meet my expectations and that I can’t expect him to be happy to see me because I woke him up and he didn’t sleep well.”
“To be honest, I was not expecting a big celebration from him or even a gift from his part.”
“All I wanted a hug, a kiss, a thank you, the bare minimum, which didn’t happen.”
“We didn’t even get to have a nice breakfast together, because I was in such a bad mood after that, so I left his place.”
“So, AITA for waking him up to surprise him?”
“He wakes up when he wants as he’s a freelancer.”
“He has in fact a history of insomnia which he’s currently working on.”
“The days prior to my visit, he told me that he had a regular sleep cycle again and would wake up around 8 or 9.”
“Which is why I didn’t consider 9 to be too early at the time.”
“But I didn’t mention that my first intention was to put the presents in his mailbox and text him.”
“I got super excited to see his reaction given the context and everything.”
“But I admit that I should have thought about that harder. I don’t usually show up to his place like that, I guess I thought it would be sweet.
Does he usually like suprises: yes 🙂
“I used to have keys to his place, but he asked them back after having his cat that he got after his grand mother went to a retirement home.”
“His mom comes and takes care of the cat when he’s not home, so that’s why I don’t have them anymore.”
“People seem concerned and think it’s weird he didn’t make another copy, but I don’t see it that way.”
“We didn’t think about it and I don’t see it as a red flag.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
While the Reddit community was somewhat divided, they generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for surprising her boyfriend.
There were some who felt that while the OP didn’t do anything wrong by surprising her boyfriend, they found her boyfriend’s reaction understandable.
“NAH.”
“What you did was sweet.”
“But sometimes people don’t take surprises the way we would want them to.”
“And while that may hurt us, we need to also understand that it’s not a reflection on their love.”
“I can totally relate to your bf’s side of the story.”
“I hate mornings, I don’t like doing stuff in the mornings, can’t even listen to music or watch tv.”
“I just need silence and to be left alone until I feel ready to enter the world and sometimes that can take over an hour.”
“And then he says, he didn’t sleep well.”
“That just adds to the displeasures of mornings.”
“Also, I know lots of people who aren’t into anniversaries.”
“My husband for instance, couldn’t care less about it.”
“Now, I understand why you’re hurt but I think when you both cool down and some time has passed you’ll probably kiss and make up.”
“And then you can celebrate your anniversary on terms that work for both of you.”
“But in this story NAH.”- criticalgraffiti
“I think it was really just him suddenly waking up.”
“It has happened to me, I woke up incredibly pissed off, because someone woke me up in an unpleasant manner in the wrong sleep phase.”
“I didn’t even know why I was pissed, other than being woken up, and it took me maybe up to 2 hours to get back to my normal self.”
“Sure, he wasn’t exactly pleasant, but also, it maybe wasn’t completely in his control or something he would do normally.”
“I’d let him cool off and not worry about it too much.”
“Skeptical NAH.”- random_gen645
Others, however, felt the behavior of the OP’s boyfriend was unacceptable, as her intentions were purely out of love, and should have at least made an effort to show his appreciation, and should have noticed that he hurt her feelings, and some even encouraged the OP to end this relationship.
“NTA.”
“Even if he was not happy about being woken up, he is a total jerk for treating your poorly.”
“You deserve better.”
“If you plan to stay together as a couple, maybe discuss boundaries and expectations for your relationship.”- NoDaisy
“NTA.”
“Come one people.”
“I get some people just aren’t morning people but on their anniversary he could have at least tried to be nice.”
“Instead he was a a**hole.”
“Also she didn’t know he was sleeping when she got there.”
“Also the sarcasm while your partner is crying, yikes.”- Venecianita
“I feel so sad that people considered you an ah for trying to surprise him with gifts and care like a normal loving person should?”
“NTA.”
“And in your shoes I’d feel like sh*t.”
“Especially after your update saying that you considered his sleep schedule, was polite, and thoughtful.”
“And I hate people saying that it’s pathetic or bad to celebrate small moments.”
“You do you, you did nothing wrong.”
“Gosh, so sorry.”- marunkaya
“A sad and bleak relationship.”
“OP, please realize that there are people out there who will meet you at your level of energy and enthusiasm.”
“Someone who stomps on your generous gesture is an a**hole.”- mind_the_umlaut
“Strong NTA.”
“If they’ve been together 4 years, she’ll know whether or not he’s a morning person.”
“If he’s awake enough to be sarcastic, he’s awake enough to simply say Good Morning.”
“9am isn’t so early you’d struggle to not be an a**hole.”
“She literally woke him up and came in, wasn’t like she’d dragged him to some huge surprise day out or anything, he could’ve invited her in, told her to get comfortable because he was still waking up.”- ainsley751
The OP later returned with an update, sharing that her boyfriend acknowledged he didn’t behave as well as he could have.Â
“We talked about it and both agreed that we were a little bit AH.”
“I apologized for waking him up after a bad night and getting upset at his reaction.”
“He apologized for making me feel rejected, said that it would have been different if he had slept well and that he was touched by the gesture.”
Some people just aren’t morning people, and value as much sleep as they can possibly get.
That being said, there. are much worse things to be woken up to than your girlfriend surprising you on your anniversary.
Something the OP’s boyfriend seems to have realized, and hopefully won’t take for granted ever again.