Content Warning: Cheating, Affair Baby
People generally have really strong opinions when it comes to monogamy and cheating, especially when the relationship involves breaking up a marriage.
But if being cheated on is hard for a person to get past, imagine being born the product of an affair and having to live with that, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor SignalHope1009 was blamed her whole life for breaking up a family because her father had cheated on her half-siblings’ mother with her mom. Everyone shared this sentiment, including extended family like her paternal grandmother.
So when she accidentally was given the jewelry her paternal grandmother left for her oldest half-sister, the Original Poster (OP) was reluctant to give up this one indication of her being family.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for refusing to give my half-sister any of our grandmother’s jewelry after they excluded me for years?”
The OP had a very complicated childhood.
“I (24 Female) am the product of an affair. My father was married when I was born, and his marriage fell apart because of it.”
“My mother did not know my father was married originally. They married after my father’s divorce because at the time my mother could not support the two of us by herself and being an unmarried pregnant woman was a major cultural taboo for her.”
“My dad eventually divorced his now ex-wife, and his three kids, my half-siblings (32 Female, 30 Male, and 28 Male), have always resented me for it.”
“I understand, what happened between our parents was messy and destroyed their happy family, but I was just a baby, and they’ve punished me for it my whole life.”
“My father spent the majority of his time home (when he actually bothered to come at all) trying to make it up to his children/my half-siblings when it was his time with custody.”
“As far as I am aware, my mother never treated them poorly. They tended to ignore her and she did the same when they were around our house.”
The OP’s half-siblings made it clear that they would not accept her.
“Growing up, they excluded me from everything. They didn’t want me around, made cruel comments when I was, and acted like I didn’t exist unless they were making me feel unwelcome.”
“The worst part was when my mom passed away when I was 19. While I was mourning my mother’s death, they openly celebrated.”
“I found out they made jokes about how ‘the trash took itself out’ and threw a party less than a month after the funeral to celebrate it. That broke me, and I’ve been no contact with them for years over it.”
The OP’s paternal grandmother also did not accept her.
“Our shared grandmother wasn’t much better. She wasn’t outright cruel to me, but she clearly favored my half-siblings. They spent vacations and summers with her, while she barely acknowledged me.”
“She also made it known on more than one occasion that she wanted her jewelry to go to my oldest half-sister (32 Female) when she passed away as the oldest female grandchild in the family since she never had any daughters of her own.”
“It was well established to everyone that knew her that this was her intention.”
“However, she didn’t leave a notarized will, so legally, her estate went to my dad as her only child.”
The OP’s father went against his mother’s wishes for the jewelry.
“To my shock, my dad gave the entire jewelry collection to me. He said he regretted how I’d been treated by the family and wanted me to have something meaningful.”
“It was the first time he had ever done something to truly acknowledge me, and I was floored.”
“Now, my half-siblings are furious, especially my oldest half-sister. She’s demanding I give her some of the jewelry, claiming that since she was closer to our grandmother and she had always intended for her (Sister) to have it, it’s unfair that I kept it all.”
“She even said I ‘wasn’t really part of the family’ and has been calling me selfish and accusing me of ‘stealing’ what was rightfully hers.”
The OP stood up for herself.
“I refused. I told her that after years of being treated like garbage, I’m not giving up the one thing my dad has ever done to acknowledge me.”
“She accused me of being bitter and petty, saying I’m using this to punish them for things that happened years ago.”
“I’ll admit, part of me feels like I’m finally getting some compensation for their horrible treatment of me. But the other part of me wonders if I’m being petty or cruel by keeping it all when the others were so much closer to her.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some called the OP NTA and said that they would lean hard into the “bitter and petty” accusations.
“If Grandma couldn’t be bothered to make a will she knew it would all go to her son. She obviously didn’t care that much.”
“Who cares if OP is being petty, she’s earned the right to be as petty and vengeful as she likes. They’re reaping what they sowed. If they’d been at least civil instead of dancing on her mum’s grave, maybe OP would be open to sharing. But they weren’t.” – Beth21286
“I’d tell her right to her face that she’s right, that I am bitter, petty, and punishing them. Then I’d tell her it’s what they deserve after the way they treated you. Keep the jewelry.” – Peggy-Wwater
“NTA. Does anyone else find it highly ironic that the half-sister accused OP of being bitter and petty? I mean, they threw a party when OP’s mom passed and said that the trash took itself out for Pete’s sake!”
“The half-siblings f**ked around, found out, and now they are reaping the consequences of their horrible actions.” – bookishmama_76
“NTA, next time they ask, tell them, ‘Maybe you weren’t actually close to grandma enough for her to make a will. Maybe grandma secretly loved me and told dad to give me all the jewelry. Now stop bothering me,’ and then block them.” – Electronic_Ladder398
“H**l, no, f**k that. The only person not an AH in the story is the OP, assuming it’s genuine.”
“A bunch of grown-a** adults ganging up on a literal child over something they have literally zero control over, and that doesn’t make them as**holes? F**k that noise, champ.” – LeButtfart
Some reassured the OP that the real AH was her father, not her.Â
“Your dad is the a**hole in every sense. He had the affair; they are right in being angry about that even if isn’t fair to blame you. They should be doing more to blame him.”
“Second, your dad has clearly done nothing to protect you from the consequences of his actions. If his family didn’t want you around then he should never have put you into a position to be abused by them.”
“Again, they are rightfully angry. You should have gone your life with minimum interaction with them but he forced you to be around them until you were an adult who could legally cut contact without his say.”
“Third: He should not have given you that jewelry. If his mother hated you then it was a grave insult to her memory to gift you that stuff. They are, again, right to be angry. Not angry with you, but to be angry. He created this drama and now you’re suffering the consequences.”
“I should point out that gifting you jewelry is s**tty to you, not just his family. Your life has been s**t because of his mistakes. Does a bribe really fix that? Can he buy your love and forgiveness? That isn’t compensation.”
“He tossed you a hot-potato drama bomb and he should have f**king known it. It’s f**king obvious.” – TheSupremeAdmiral
“OP, your dad s**t the bed and then made you lay in it. Now he is s**tting the bed again. Your dad is a drama and irresponsibility.”
“I know this isn’t your fault at all, but by your dad’s actions, he has made you the catalyst for your stepfamily’s woe.”
“You are NTA, your dad knows the other hand is.” – good_enuffs
“Dad is a scumbag. He gave OP cursed jewelery. There’s no way his mother would have given OP those jewels on purpose so her shade is roughing them up from beyond the grave.”
“He could have given OP money from the estate or literally anything else, but he chose the jewelery his eldest child had been promised her whole life. His mother trusted him to divide her estate as she had openly wished.”
“I hope OP doesn’t fall into the trap of trusting her dad after this. He’ll sell her out for anything too.” – IllustratorSlow1614
“What is holding on to it going to do for you?”
“In my personal belief, your dad is throwing you under the bus because you’re an easy Target versus him who actually inherited your Grandma’s stuff. He’s using you to take the attention off himself and he sounds selfish.”
“An adult at his age is someone who should know better. He’s ultimately the AH for playing these games.”
“I am not like your step-siblings but I understand the hurt. My family situation blew up quite a bit differently. My dad cheated and the affair child is three months older. He does favor his other children and I barely met him.”
“I have no connection to that side of the family and my oldest sibling has a different relationship with that side than me. That whole situation really hurt my brother who saw my dad as his father.”
“Which is why that’s my opinion. I still don’t agree with how they treated you. Me and my half-siblings actually get along really well but that’s thanks to other reasons.”
“For your dad’s own Mom to not take his side to such an extent makes me question the details of the situation. Usually MIL takes their child’s side and not the other parents.”
“I don’t believe people should cause harm even in situations like this. That inheritance isn’t just about the Jewelry there’s probably sentimental value. If hurting them like that brings you that much closure then I’m not one to judge.”
“That’s just me.” – dontsayalexie
While others understood how the OP felt, they felt it was wrong to disrespect someone’s final wishes.
“The jewelry is yet again the dad being s**tty to his other kids, yet making OP the target of their ire.”
“The jewelry won’t ever make up for what happened, to OP or to the other siblings.”
“OP can decide if she cares about the relationship at all. If not, she can keep the jewelry. If she does care, she can choose what to share with her half-sister, as a good faith effort to repair that.”
“None of the kids were at fault, but they’re all getting the s**tty repercussions. Of the dad failing everyone, and of grandma making promises without making a will.” – notthedefaultname
“I mean, you have to acknowledge that going against a person’s last wishes is disrespectful and petty. But ultimately, this is all on your dad. He did this. He cheated and he didn’t help any of his children (from either mother) healthily process and move on from it.” – 123_LGB
“I might be in the minority, but your father was wrong for giving you the jewelry. If everyone knew it was to go to the eldest granddaughter, he should have given it to her.” – Impressive-Sky3250
“YTA. (But obviously, your dad is the biggest one.)”
“Disregarding someone’s wishes after they die is so disrespectful and gross. That jewelry is sentimental and was promised in a relationship that was separate from your own.”
“Just because you were treated poorly doesn’t give you the excuse to act poorly. It isn’t karma or reparations for your childhood; you want to hurt them.”
“How you act now says a lot about your character… would your mom be proud? How would you feel if someone disregarded her last wishes?”
“Remember, Michelle Obama said, ‘When they go low, we go high.’ You need to do that now.”
“Rise above them. Be better than them.” – LinDiesel23
At the end of the day, everyone could empathize with the OP that she had been blamed for something that was not her choice and not her fault and that she deserved to have a better life than the one that she’d had.
However, keeping the jewelry would not heal all of those old wounds and would not make her situation any better. Plus, keeping the jewelry meant knowingly going against someone’s final wishes, whether they had a good relationship or not.