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Woman Claps Back At ‘Obnoxious’ Cousin For Questioning Her ‘Androgynous’ Boyfriend’s Sexuality

A woman putting her palm out
LaylaBird/GettyImages

When you’re happy and in love in a relatively new relationship, you want family and friends to get to know the person who may end up being a part of your life.

While everyone may not approve of your significant other for a variety of reasons, those who genuinely respect you will withhold judgment.

One woman who’s been with her “model” boyfriend for about a year experienced an unpleasant situation when she brought him to a birthday party.

Her reaction led her to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, where she sought judgment from strangers online.

There, Redditor Icy-Till8951 asked:

“AITA telling my cousin he’s ugly because he keeps questioning my boyfriend’s sexuality?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I am 22 F[female], I have been dating my boyfriend for around a year. My boyfriend is a model, he looks extremely androgynous and has longer hair, I don’t mind this at all despite people seeing him as feminine.”

“I see him as beautiful, and him being comfortable with his sexuality and letting me do makeup on him/paint his nails is a bonus.”

“My dad and his girlfriend has met him, they are completely fine and never disrespected him because of the way he looks.”

The OP continued:

“I figured it was time for my boyfriend to meet the family at a birthday party last week because all my cousins already have partners they have introduced. We went and had fun.”

“My boyfriend is social and was able to get along with most of my family just fine, so i thought everything was ok.”

…Until it wasn’t.

“I have an oldest cousin who is extremely traditional and obnoxious. We went eating yesterday with my dad and a few other cousins, and he started interrogating me on my boyfriend’s sexuality.”

“It was extremely disrespectful; he was making fun of my boyfriend’s hair, his build, his painted nails, his clothes, and even going to the point where he was questioning me on if my boyfriend was even into women.”

“I am not confrontational, especially with family, but this a**hole is f’king annoying.”

“He was negging me and trying to make my relationship into a joke because my boyfriend isn’t traditionally masculine. I told him at least my boyfriend wasn’t a fat ugly f’k like him, he isn’t a prize so he should stop speaking.”

“I could’ve gone further below the belt, but my cousin shut up, and I didn’t want to cause further issues, the fact that he thinks it’s ok to shame me when his girlfriend isn’t the most attractive person, yet I still treated her with nothing but kindness and grace is ridiculous, it’s like he feels entitled to disrespect me because I am the youngest and a woman.”

“When we got home my dad told me not to say anything next time because i already know my cousin is a dumba** and it isn’t worth it, he said he gets that i am mad but to next time let him handle it because i escalated the situation.”

“AITA?”

Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.

“NTA. Too bad you didn’t try to push the envelope regarding him being non-traditional, that would have REALLY pushed your cousin’s buttons. Not your fault your cousin is morally uptight.”

“But please don’t go after his gf, she’s innocent and doesn’t deserve to be caught in the crossfire. Just stick to the person that is doing the insulting themselves.” – Jaded_Kate

“No kidding… he wasn’t exactly handling anything this time. Dunno why Dad is all in a twist about this.”

“Seems a classic ‘can dish it but can’t take it’ sort of situation. I’d love to understand what this escalation rulebook your dad is following is where it is ok to trash on someone who isn’t there to defend themselves (i.e., your BF), but it’s NOT ok to defend this person who isn’t there and also not ok to trash someone to their face.”

“Seems like the arbitrary rules of an a**hole.”

“I’d tell Dad, ‘Oh.. hey, I appreciate the offer, but no thanks. I’m fine with how I “escalated” the situation and will continue to defend myself and my BF as I see fit.’ “

“NTA.” – SoImaRedditUserNow

“NTA. If dad wanted to handle it, he should have handled it before you got pissed enough to say something. He had his chance and did nothing. You stepped up when he wouldn’t.” – Remote-Passenger7880

“NTA. If your cousin can dish it out he should be able to take it. My only advice is to leave his girlfriend out of it as she is an innocent bystander. Your cousin has no right to criticize your boyfriend and his comments are just not cool. He actually sounds like an AH so I get that your dad is making the point that he isn’t worth it.” – Afraid-Leg3311

“NTA.”

“What is dad thinking? Why does he want a fully-grown woman to “let him handle” this? You’ve got a mouth and a brain, so you’re perfectly capable of advocating for yourself.” – CandylandCanada

“Obviously NTA. I’ve always dated androgynous/pretty boys, and you should never give an inch to these idiots. Family isn’t a ‘get out of-FUFA’ card, and you should always protect your partner rather than try to keep the peace.”

“That being said — answering every one of his jabs with ‘I know, right?? My boyfriend is so hot’, ‘I’m glad you also see how pretty he is’ etc will rile up your cousin and his kin a lot more, and save you the trouble of family drama.” – victorianfollies

“NTA. Looks like someone had to dish out a reality check, and who better than you? Your cousin needed a taste of his own medicine after crossing lines and disrespecting your relationship. It’s not about escalating; it’s about standing up for your partner when they’re being mocked for no reason.”

“Next time, though, maybe let dad step in to handle the family dinosaurs. Keep slaying with kindness and let your boyfriend’s confidence shine—it’s obviously intimidating the heck out of your cousin.” – MaricarMuse

“NTA -you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to understand that openly- and repeatedly- criticizing someone for whomever they want to date is rude and likely to hurt or infuriate.”

“Seems like you made your point (good), and if your Dad was going to ‘handle it,’ he would have. People keep saying and doing hurtful things when no one ever confronts them. Your cousin might or might not understand they were out of line but hopefully, they’ll think twice next time.” – Specific_Alarm_5913

“NTA. There is somebody out there for everyone! You are into him, and he is into you. Just because there is a different view of beauty doesn’t give him carte blanch to insult you or your bf.”

“Your dad doesn’t want any (more) family friction, but you and bf shouldn’t have been subjected to insults regardless.” – Different_Victory_89

“NTA, but honestly I would harbor a guess that your cousin thought your boyfriend was a woman/hot before he found out your boyfriend was in fact a guy and started to play up the whole thing so much for his own sake since he thought a guy was attractive.” – Fntsyking655

“Oh my God. You are NOT THE A**HOLE AT ALL. I am a pretty traditional guy as well, but just because you don’t agree with someone you don’t EVER disrespect them.”

“You have no right to judge, ESPECIALLY when you’re fat and ugly, and the guy you are talking about is a f’king MODEL. He just seems unintelligent and like a snob. I am so sorry about your situation, and tell him a random guy from Reddit says he is awesome!” – PayConfident1531

“NTA. Your dad is the type of person who doesn’t like to rock the boat, and that’s how people like your cousin get away with sh*tty behavior for so long. He shut up real quick when he knocked down a peg, and it should have happened a long time ago. Dumba**es need to be held accountable.”

“Also, it sounds like your cousin is attracted to your bf and doesn’t know how to handle it. Hit dogs holler.” – Smart_Negotiation_31

“NTA. If your father were going to handle it, he would have. It does no good for your BF if your father waits, because it tells him that no one in your family cares. On the other hand, you standing up for him tells him that you do, and it tells your cousin that you will punch back the next time he starts something.”

“Your father told you to let him handle it because he thinks that you being pissed is easier to handle than your cousin being pissed.” – bamf1701

Overall, Redditors thought the cousin should’ve kept his judgy comments to himself, especially if he isn’t capable of handling criticism in response.

Unfortunately, it seems you can’t rationalize with someone who is as problematic as the OP says he is.

Written by Koh Mochizuki

Koh Mochizuki is a Los Angeles based actor whose work has been spotted anywhere from Broadway stages to Saturday Night Live.
He received his B.A. in English literature and is fluent in Japanese.
In addition to being a neophyte photographer, he is a huge Disney aficionado and is determined to conquer all Disney parks in the world to publish a photographic chronicle one day. Mickey goals.
Instagram: kohster Twitter: @kohster1 Flickr: nyckmo