Freelance writing, artistry, and other jobs that allow a person to work from home, on their own schedule, has become more popular, especially since the pandemic.
But there are still people who believe that a job is only a job if it’s acquired through college or trade school, offered by an overhead employer, and is worked during standard business hours, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Honest_Cantaloupe159 decided to pursue a career as an artist and was slowly but surely finding success. Her family, however, was less than supportive of her career choice, and her sister often complained about her commitment to “work” over social invitations.
But when her sister snubbed her art and called her work a “hobby” during her wedding, the Original Poster (OP) couldn’t stick around and be supportive anymore.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for leaving my sister’s wedding early after she called my career a ‘hobby’?”
The OP and her sister didn’t have the best relationship.
“So I (26 Female) just got back from my sister’s (28 Female) wedding last weekend, and I’m still pretty upset about what happened.”
“I’m hoping y’all can give me some perspective because right now, I feel like crap.”
“Here is some background: My sister Anna and I have always had a complicated relationship.”
“She’s the type-A, always-on-top-of-everything, super successful one, while I’ve always been more laid-back and creative.”
“I’m an artist, and I recently started my own small business selling my paintings and doing commissions. It’s been slow, but it’s starting to pick up, and I’m really proud of it.”
“But my family, especially Anna, has always been a bit dismissive of my career choice. They don’t get why I didn’t go the ‘traditional’ route like she did.”
At her sister’s wedding, the OP was eager to support her.
“Anyway, fast forward to the wedding. The ceremony was beautiful, and I was honestly so happy for her.”
“I even helped out a lot with the planning, even though I wasn’t the Maid of Honor (that was her best friend). I was doing my best to be there for her because, despite everything, she’s my sister and I love her.”
“At the reception, I finally got a moment alone with Anna to congratulate her. I told her how amazing everything was, how happy I was for her, all that stuff.”
“She just smiled and said, ‘Thanks! I’m surprised you actually made it. I figured you’d be too busy with your little hobby business.'”
“I was stunned. Like, did she really just call my career a ‘hobby’?”
“I kinda laughed it off and said, ‘It’s not a hobby; it’s my job.'”
“She just shrugged and said, ‘Well, it’s not a real job, but I’m glad you’re having fun with it.'”
The OP couldn’t stick around and pretend to have fun after that.
“I didn’t know what to say, so I just walked away. I tried to enjoy the rest of the night, but honestly, I couldn’t shake what she said. It felt like she was belittling everything I’ve been working so hard for.”
“To be fair, leading up to the wedding day, I did miss a couple of things. I couldn’t make it to one of the dress fittings because I had a client meeting, and I skipped a family dinner they had with the in-laws because I was finishing up a big commission.”
“But I was at the bridal shower, bachelorette party, and I helped with a bunch of the DIY stuff for the wedding. I tried to be there for the important stuff, you know?”
“So her comment really threw me off. I get that she might’ve been a little annoyed I missed some things, but I didn’t expect her to make a dig at me like that, especially on her wedding day. It just felt like a cheap shot.”
“This also isn’t the first time she’s made a comment like that. She’s always been a bit snarky about my art career. Like, she’s said before that she doesn’t think I can make a ‘real living’ off it, but I thought we were past all that. Guess not.”
“So after dinner, I just decided to leave. I didn’t say goodbye to her or anyone, I just grabbed my stuff and left.”
“Now, my mom is furious with me for “ruining” the night by leaving early, and Anna hasn’t spoken to me since. My dad is trying to stay neutral, but he did say I might’ve overreacted.”
“I don’t know, maybe I did. But it really hurt hearing her say that, especially on her wedding day when I was just trying to support her.”
The OP felt conflicted.
“Maybe I could’ve previously managed my time better, but it wasn’t like I was blowing her off just to hang out or anything. I couldn’t move that one client meeting around, and that commission was a huge deal for me, and if I didn’t finish it on time, I would’ve lost the client. I figured missing one dinner wouldn’t be a big deal, especially since I was at most of the other stuff.”
“I guess I didn’t realize how much it bothered her. But I still don’t think that justifies her comment. Like, I get that she was stressed, but why take a shot at me when I was just trying to be supportive? It feels like she’s holding that stuff over my head instead of just talking to me about it.”
“I’m not trying to bury anything here, just explaining the situation as it happened. I get that maybe I didn’t handle everything perfectly, but does that really make me the bad guy?”
“AITAH for leaving the wedding early?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some empathized with the OP not having family support for her work.
“So she completely dismisses the talent and skill of being an artist, but wants to tap into that when it benefits her wedding aesthetic and budget to pay for it? What an absolute AH.”
“I’m an artist too and it’s a hard life trying to make it a career, keep it up. You may benefit from the book ‘The Artist’s Way,’ I read it this spring and it was soooo helpful.” – elramirezeatstherich
“It sounds to me like she’s jealous. Maybe her career choice was all about ‘stability’ and looking good to your parents, and she’s p**sed off because yours looks like a lot more fun (even though I’m sure it’s just as much work, and YOU have to deal with the general public and commissions, which are always subject to people trying to get something for nothing, NOT easy, in my not so humble opinion.)”
“Also, I doubt anyone besides your family noticed you left? So now sis and the ‘rents are getting all butt-hurt for no reason.”
“Not much you can do. You can’t make her respect you, but if she’s going to be disrespectful, you don’t have to put up with that. A little distance from her and the ‘rents might send the message across.” – Cthulhu_Knits
“I wish I was rich. I would commission a painting from you and pay you an impressive amount of money just so you could brag to your family about it. That would certainly shut them up.”
“NTA. Ignore your family as much as possible. Put them on an information diet and change the subject if they bring up your work or anything personal to your life. If they ask why, tell them that if they can’t respect you, then they do not get to hear about your life. If they keep bringing it up, the conversation will be over and you will either leave or hang up.”
“Then follow through.” – Purple-Rose69
“As a person who teaches at an art college, I can guarantee that many, many people make a great living via art and design. It’s actually really sad that your sister has this perspective about you. Everything in her house and the house itself and on her walls and on her body were designed by someone. I guess they are all hobbyists.”
“Seriously, I think she said that at the wedding because she knew you could not talk back to a bride.”
“She was rude. And mean. I strongly suspect she’s jealous that you are doing something satisfying and she is not. The only other reason for her to say that is that she’s a straight-up b***h. I would have left, too.” – Blixburks
“I’ve been through a similar thing where I went later to a casual wedding run-up ‘thing’ as I was working on a Sunday. It wasn’t an important thing, it was to help out and I wasn’t important at all, just one of many hands that would be there.”
“But I was made to feel like absolute crap for coming later and when I said (again) that I was working, I got a snap back without eye contact, ‘Work is Monday to Friday,’ which is laughable because two people in their own family do work that also involves weekends.”
“When you do a creative job and work for yourself, it just gives people a license to mock you, and no matter what you do or achieve, you basically don’t have a job. Even if you work longer hours and make more money than others, you don’t actually work in those people’s eyes.”
“I’ve had multiple experiences like this with some people who are determined to put you down. I really think some of them are just bothered by the fact that you followed a passion and do something that brings you joy as well and they don’t have that.”
“I’ve had a close friend actually gaslight me about a hugely successful business I ran for years. She refused to acknowledge it in any form, even going as far as talking to my face about how she’s going to research for a family member about their new hobby which was my whole business, but wouldn’t acknowledge that or ask me anything.”
“Some people are just that bothered by it.” – GreenCandle10
Others reassured the OP that she did not need to be at every event since she wasn’t the bride.
“Honestly, even if you were the perfect sister AND MAID OF HONOR; your sister would STILL s**t on your career. It DOES NOT matter if you made every event or not; YOU ARE NOT GETTING MARRIED. Your presence is not required at every event; especially a dinner with your SISTER’s in-laws.”
“Seriously, you’ll see these people four times a decade. Do what you love with a smile and stop making excuses for bad behavior. Your sister was beyond rude; leaving was the polite thing to do.”
“Don’t let them guilt you into feeling bad because your sister acted like a jerk. Her words have consequences; remind your family that your feelings matter as well.” – Nogravyplease
“Unless your sister specifically asked your availability ahead of the dinner and planned the timing around you, only for you to not show at the last minute, you don’t need to apologize for not ‘managing your time better.’ Having to miss someone else’s dinner because of your work schedule is a normal thing.”
“It would have been the same situation if you were a shift worker, if you were on call, or if you had an important project deadline for a corporate job. The only difference here is that there’s no one to fire you for missing the work; not completing the project would have endangered your business and not just your job.”
“It sucks but we don’t get to bail on our work responsibilities without consequences whenever someone asks us to.” – belladonna_echo
“Sounds like she was mad about the things you missed. But Bridezilla needs to get over it. You did plenty.”
“I am glad you are doing what you need to do (meeting clients, meeting deadlines). It’s weird she is simultaneously dismissive but also can’t respect you conducting your business like a business. (Making commitments and fulfilling them.) Were it a hobby, there would be no deadline on a commission.”
“It sounds like you are going to do fine professionally and it might take a few decades for your family to understand.” – Clarknt67
“It’s because the sister doesn’t respect OP’s career that she is upset that OP missed a few events. I bet if OP was a lawyer or had some other career, OP’s sister considered a ‘real’ job, she would have been understanding about the missed events.” – always_reading
“I’m an artist, as well. A client meeting is a client meeting; it does not matter if you are in a large corporate space or in your own small business.”
“Her being mad about you missing things because of work should have nothing to do with what field you are working in.”
“I’m sorry your family does not take your career seriously… I’m proud of you!” – maanegryn
Not only did the subReddit empathize with the OP for how she was being treated by her family for her valid career choice, but they encouraged her to take as much time as she needed before reconnecting with her family, if she ever bothered to.
When a person chooses to go down a different path for their career, like as an artist or freelance writer, there are always going to be some people who are critical of that choice, and sometimes, it’s better to see those people as little as possible while you pursue your version of success.